Traveling Magic Shop Part 35 (Patreon)

Amy glanced away from the adventure book that was sitting on the table, wondering if she was crazy for jumping into a dangerous situation just to put off spending the holidays with her family and focused on Rose who was sitting on the table. "Do you have any advice?"

"Have fun and cut loose, just don't die or sign your soul away," Rose warned her.

Amy rolled her eyes. "I wasn't planning on it and Myst gave me a couple of defensive items that should make things easier."

"Take lots of pictures," Myst suggested, curious where the book would send her.

"That's the plan." Amy glanced down at the camera bag that Rose had let her borrow then opened the book and looked at her available options. 'Master of the Sticky Side, magical space adventure, Doggie style, naughty werewolf adventures, Mad Scientist instructor at Miskatonic University, murder mystery, Madam of the Palace of Magical Pleasure, slice of life, Evil Overlord, tower defense and hero killing?'

Rose laughed when she read the choices. "You should probably avoid the Lovecraft school but the rest of the options look fun, if a bit questionable."

"I wasn't planning on picking that one," Amy replied as she mentally discarded the werewolf adventure as she didn't want to end up a werewolf since most of them had issues that she didn't want to deal with. 'I'm not running a magical whorehouse, not without more details which leaves a naughty space adventure or being an evil overlord and dealing with heroes trying to defeat or kill me sounds annoying, I want a vacation. Then again, I'd probably get better powers out of being an evil overlord.'

"Have you narrowed it down yet?" Rose asked.

"I think I'm going to go with the space adventure," Amy said, a bit surprised when the book didn't immediately toss her into the world since she'd mentioned part of the description. "It seems less problematic than fighting heroes."

"Probably," Myst agreed. "If you get a chance, bring back some tech schematics, I'll pay you."

"I'll try," Amy replied and touched the option for the Master of the Sticky Side before she could change her mind. She blinked a couple of times when she found herself floating in a black void. "Hello?"

"Welcome to character selection, all characters are randomly generated, select a character to proceed to the next stage," an ethereal voice announced as several character sheets appeared hovering in the air in front of Amy.

Amy stared at the animated picture on the first character sheet of a naked red skinned twi'lek that was doing a rather provocative dance. 'Nor'a Nibbles, she was sold as a slave when she was young and rescued by Master Harris, who brought her to the new Sticky Side temple to learn to use the Force in new and interesting ways. Notably skills, telekinesis, massage and exotic dancing. Disadvantages: Low power, her skills and abilities aren't particularly impressive. Advantages: Low danger, you work in a well defended temple, you're reasonably safe. Alternate form: When your year and a day at the academy is up, you'll get to keep her form as an alternate form.'

Amy glanced at the next picture and stared when she realized the picture looked like her sister, if you'd stuck her in a really short black and white cheerleading outfit. 'Gloria Fistbang, she's a Sticky Side Knight that loves seducing girls and has the ability to walk into a crowd and make them fall to their knees because of her lust aura? When she's not running missions, she's running a sex club? Yeah, no.'

Amy glanced over the girl's skills, noting that they were a bit better than Ms. Nibbles' skills and abilities. She looked at the next option. 'Wookie smash? Hung like a horse? Nope!' She ignored the rest of the wookie's information and looked at the next option. 'Padme, you're not actually a force user but you've got political skills and you get to bang Anakin Skywalker on a regular basis so there's that? Yeah, sorry, I came here for a vacation, not a lesson in stellar politics.'

Amy stared at the creepy looking teenage girl with slicked back blue hair and glowing red eyes that was wearing a sheer robe and holding a red lightsaber in an artificial hand. 'Amelia Deathtouch, a Sticky Side Jedi that has little issues having sex with anything and everything that comes her way or fucking her enemies to death. Disadvantages: Increased sex drive, artificial hand and sociopathic tendencies? Lovely. Advantages: Power and excellent force skills.'

Amy looked at the last option, which showed a blonde child that was wearing a pair of tan shorts, a white shirt and a tool belt. 'Amelia Skywalker: You're the twin of Anakin Skywalker, the chosen one, the Man without Fear and the guy that gets to fuck Padme all the damn time. Maybe you can do something about his eventual fall or maybe you'll give him a push and claim Padme for yourself. Disadvantages: You start as a nine year old slave girl that isn't trained in the force, you're also a weirdness magnet and you have an almost homicidal hatred of sand, leashes and assholes that think you're a pet. Weirdness magnet? Probably just means that I'll end up on some weird missions. Advantages: Force yes? Lust Empowerment? Flexibility and a mechanical aptitude that rivals Anakin's. Skills: droid repair?'

Amy glanced at Nor'a's sheet, trying to figure out if the promise of safety was worth having less impressive skills. 'Screw it, go big or go home,' she told herself then selected Amelia Skywalker's sheet.

"Excellent," the voice announced as the character sheets vanished and were replaced by several floating cards that said "Complication!" at the top. "In exchange for complications, you can pick up additional abilities or skills. Once you leave the adventure the negative aspects of the complications will vanish or acquire a toggle. Unfortunately, you won't remember this part of the character creation process until after you've finished the adventure."

'Busty, this complication gives you a fantastic set of breasts, unfortunately, this increases the chances of getting unwanted attention from unsavory people. That's annoying but it's probably worth the perks.' She glanced at the next card. 'Spankable ass? While this means that you'll always have a spectacular well toned ass, it also means that people will find your ass much more spankable. If you're having a birthday party your friends are going to want to spank you, if you're being a waitress, expect more random idiots spanking your ass as you walk by. If you get in trouble as a kid expect to get hit with a paddle.'

'Screw it, nothing says I can't kill the idiots,' Amy thought as she collected both cards, willing to trade some annoyance for extra powers. 'Major Complication, your presence causes dark side or corrupted magic users to break out into song and monologue about their evil plots before being driven into a homicidal rage. That's one way to make it harder for them to hide with the down side of driving people into a rage and having to deal with it. I'll just have to make sure I have backup and don't lose my protective gear.'

Amy grabbed the card before she could change her mind then checked the next card. 'Lightsabers break, like all the damn time. You might be able to go a mission to two without losing your lightsaber if things stay peaceful or at least reasonably calm but once shit hits the fan, you're going to need a new lightsaber. On the upside, you've grown used to replacing your lightsaber so often that you don't suffer any emotional or magical negatives from losing them.'

Amy considered the sheer annoyance and risk the complication would probably cause then grabbed it because it would give her more abilities. She glanced at the next complication card. 'Darkwing Duck: You're afraid that a duck is always watching you, this fear might not be completely unfounded. Yeah, no, that would drive me nuts and not in a good way,' she mused as she looked at the next card. 'Revenge of the Freckles? Doing some activity will cause a freckle to appear. Fucking a hot redhead will cause the freckles to vanish.'

She glanced at the next card. 'Complete inability to find someone with a random hair color attractive. Random? Yeah, that's going to end up being redheads. Screw it, I can put up with a couple of freckles for the duration.'

She grabbed the card then looked at the last card. 'Jedi are yummy. Alien girls will be attracted to you, either because they want to mate with you or because they want to eat you? Yeah, we're not doing that.' She glanced around to make sure there weren't any more cards hiding behind or above her. "I picked the complications I wanted."

All of the complication cards vanished and Amy found herself wondering what the next step was, having just selected which person she wanted to be for the adventure. "What's the next step?"

"Please hold while I finish generating your completely random powers," the ethereal voice said cheerfully.

'Completely random, yeah right,' Amy thought as she glanced around, wanting to make sure she wasn't missing something.

"The power generation phase is complete. I have added a psionic package of random minor psionic abilities that will be folded into your force powers which will be changed into a general psionic package when you finish the adventure. I have also added the power of Indestructible Breasts to your collection of powers. Not only will your breasts work as floatation devices in an emergency, they can't be damaged while you're alive nor will they ever sag."

"Thank you," Amy replied, trying to be polite despite the fact that the power was a bit weird. 'Maybe Myst can upgrade it to a general invulnerability package when I get back.'

"You're welcome, please enjoy your stay, you can leave once the Sith lord is dead or you've had sex with twenty seven force users," the voice replied.

"Twenty…" Amy trailed off when she found herself in a completely familiar and yet unfamiliar shop with three aliens leering at her as she tried to organize one of the shelves. She looked over her shoulder to confirm that she was only wearing an apron like her memories implied and that her ass was on display for everyone in the shop to look at which just happened to include two men in robes and an attractive teenage girl that was probably a couple of years younger than her actual age. "Be with you in a minute."

"I hope so," one of the aliens said cheerfully.

"Piss off and no touching," Amy said as she turned and headed over to talk with the guys in robes she was hoping were Jedi so she could get the hell off Tatooine before she killed some people. She scowled when one of the aliens slapped her ass as she walked by. "What part of no touching don't you get?!" she snapped as she turned to glare at him as a dark haired man in his early twenties walked into the shop.

"Sorry, not sorry, your ass is spankable," the near human alien said smugly.

"Asshole," Padme complained.

"I think you owe the girl an apology," the dark haired man that had just walked into the shop said coldly as he pulled a lightsaber out of his trenchcoat.

"Ooh, we've got someone that thinks he's a jedi," one of the other aliens said as he pulled a blaster and pointed it at the man. "Don't get your panties in a bunch, the girl's a slave and we paid the shopkeeper to have some fun."

"Or you know, fuck around and find out," the third alien said as he pointed his blaster at the man.

"If everyone calms down," Qui-Gon suggested.

"Kneecaps are a privilege," the man wearing jeans, a black t-shirt that said Han shot first and a duster told the man as he ignited his lightsaber.

"What?" the alien that had slapped Amy's behind sputtered.

"I was just telling you what a friend of mine used to say," he replied with a roguish smile as his backup walked into the shop.

Dawn glanced at the eight or nine year old kid that was just wearing an apron and glaring at a couple of aliens then looked over at Xander. "Knee caps are a privilege? What did he do?" she asked thoughtfully.

"He spanked the girl's ass without permission," Xander replied.

"She's a slave, I paid for-" the alien screamed as Dawn grabbed her gun and fired before he realized she'd been reaching for it, destroying his left kneecap.

Amy reached out and touched one of the aliens and dropped him unconscious with her power then shoved him into his friend to use as a shield.

Dawn used the force to yank Xander's lightsaber out of his hand and swing it around, cutting the first alien's arm off when he raised his gun to point at the girl. "Snicker-snack."

Xander sighed as he used telekinesis to reclaim his saber. "Lightsabers aren't vorpal swords."

"Close enough," Dawn replied smugly.

"You're not supposed to cut people's arms off," Obi-wan complained.

"You're not supposed to spank girls unless they ask nicely," Dawn argued. "If he didn't want to lose his limbs, he shouldn't have touched her."

"Are you done harassing my customers?" Watto asked with annoyance as he flew out of the back room.

"They weren't customers, they weren't buying anything," Amy argued, wishing people would stop spanking her ass.

"Are you buying something?" Watto demanded, glaring at the people in his shop as the aliens limped out of the shop, leaving their unconscious and possibly dead friend behind.

"A T-14 hyperdrive generator," Qui-Gon said as he stepped forward.

"Do you have something to trade?" Watto asked hopefully.

"Twenty thousand republic credits," Qui-Gon offered.

Watto laughed. "Republic credits are no good here. Come back when you have something to trade." He turned to look at Xander and Dawn. "Are you buying anything or just causing trouble?"

Dawn floated the blaster that the aliens had dropped. "That depends, do you take blasters?"

"I don't take stolen goods," Watto lied, wanting the Jedi gone.

"It's not stolen, he dropped it and didn't recover it, it's called salvage," Dawn replied smugly, studying the strange flying alien with duck-like feet.

"He's lying, he buys stolen goods all the time," Amy pointed out.

Watto glared at Amelia. "Don't start unless you want your head blown up," he snapped, pissed that he'd have the bounty hunters coming after him because they'd gotten jumped in his shop.

"How much for the girl? She'd fit right in at my school," Dawn decided.

"I doubt you can afford her," Watto replied, wanting at least ten times what he made every month because people wanted to spank her ass for reasons he didn't understand.

"I'd trade you a Zandari personal cloaking device," Dawn offered as she pulled an old and rather bulky watch out of her pocket.

"How does it work?" Watto asked, unwilling to admit that he'd never heard of the Zandari or a portable cloaking device that small.

"I'll show you," Dawn replied as she put the plastic watch on. "You just push the button and vanish," she pushed the button that activated the watch's nightlight and used one of her force tricks to bend light around her, vanishing from everyone's sight. "It's got about twenty nine minutes of power per charge but that's more than enough for a properly motivated bounty hunter to wreck shit."

"Deal," Watto replied without hesitation, knowing he could make enough to retire somewhere that wasn't a sand filled hellhole.

"Excellent," Dawn replied as she dropped her stealth technique and tossed the alien the watch. She gestured at Amy and used her technopathy to turn the control chips off that were in the girl then did the same for the boy that was staring at the girl with the jedi. "A deal is a deal and no more control chips."

"What?" Watto asked.

"I'm a master of the Sticky Force, we're really good at fucking people and fucking up technology," Dawn replied with a grin.

Xander laughed. "Pretty sure that's just you."

"Bullshit, you're amazing in the sack," Dawn replied smugly.

"I meant the technology thing," Xander replied.

"Cordelia's pretty good at it," Dawn pointed out.

Xander shook his head. "She was like that before she got here."

Watto put the watch on his arm and pushed the button, causing a section of glass to light up but nothing else to happen. "How does the cloak work?" he demanded, wondering if it was genetically locked or something.

"No clue, I push the button and I vanish, I'm not a tech," Dawn replied with a grin. "Do you have any keepsakes here?" she asked Amy, ignoring the alien.

"My brother and his droids," Amy replied, unwilling to leave without her brother.

"You can't just steal my droids and the cloak doesn't work! Give her back!" Watto snapped.

"A deal is a deal, you traded the cloak for the girl," Dawn replied. "It's not my fault you can't get it to work."

'Liar,' Xander thought with amusement, not seeing a reason to play nice with the slaver.

"Fine, but you can't have the boy," Watto snapped.

Amy reached up, touched the Toydarian and knocked him unconscious with her power, causing him to drop to the ground. "The chips are really gone, right?"

"I deactivated them, we can get a medical droid to remove them," Dawn assured him. "Anakin, can you grab the Jedi's hyperdrive?"

"I'm free?" Anakin asked hopefully.

"Yep," Dawn replied with a grin. "We'll swing by and free your mother after we rob the place."

Obi-Wan stared at Dawn. "What type of Jedi are you?"

"I'm not, I'm a sticky side force user, we generally have sticky fingers when it comes to slavers and pirates," Dawn explained. "But if you have moral issues robbing slavers, you're free to wait here until he wakes up, I'm sure you can figure out something that Watto or one of the other junk dealers would trade for the drive, but honestly, I doubt he'll be in a good mood when he wakes up."

"I'll leave the credits," Qui-Gon said, knowing the Toydarian would be able to use the credits, even if he didn't like them. "Are you busy, I'm curious about your order."

"I'll tell you all about it if you give us a lift off this rock," Dawn offered.

"We have space," Qui-Gon said, having a feeling they'd need the help to save Naboo.

0o0o0

Rose looked up from helping Harry count the cash that he'd stolen from Coil when Myst went from the occasional snicker to full blown laughter. "What are you laughing about?"

"I was just reading an amusing scene that involved Senator Palpatine going into an insane villainous rant in the middle of the Jedi Council before Xander shot him in the back. It was anticlimactic and unbelievably satisfying."

Greg looked up from the game he was playing against Belle while he waited for Leet to show up with his power armor so they could take another stab at the boss in his game. "Seriously? Just dead? No epic fight or anything?"

"Nope," Myst replied with amusement as he flipped the page and saw the title of the chapter. 'Birthday spankings and graduations.'

"How the fuck did he manage that?" Greg asked. "The guy is like a cockroach and he's a precog with plot armor."

"Xander's a sneaky son of a bitch," Myst replied with amusement.

"This is why you should never start monologing before your enemies have been confirmed dead and you've cut their heads off," Rose stated.

Taylor shook her head. "You're worse than Amy, you know that, right?"

"Doesn't that mean Amy should be back?" Rose asked, surprised that killing Palpatine hadn't ended the adventure.

"It's probably just trying to end things on a high note," Myst replied as he started reading about her sixteenth birthday party which was basically an excuse to sit around eating cake and give her birthday spankings.

Amy reappeared in the shop wearing what looked to be a sexy Halloween version of a Jedi robe carrying her bag over one shoulder and rubbing her behind with her free hand. "I can go through a second time, right?"

0o0o0