A Big Hangover (Patreon)

This all happened a few years ago, during my college days. Correction, during my CRAZY college days. There were a couple of years where I was more focused on partying than studying and the parties just never stopped.

However, it was precisely at one of these parties where I got a reality check to make me start paying more attention to my studies. It was the last day of Spring Break and I hosted a wild party. There was a lot of sex, alcohol, and some not so legal substances. Did I mention there was a LOT of sex?

I woke up in my bed with a hell of a hangover. The clock said 1:00 pm and my stomach was growling. Next to me was a naked girl who was still fast asleep. I’d seen her around, but didn't even know her name. The whole night was a blur, but there were some vague memories of the two of us kissing and doing a lot more.

“Fuck I hope she doesn’t wind up pregnant,” I thought. My head was hurting like a truck had just rammed into it.

I pulled on my boxers and made my way to the kitchen. Only a few people were still here. Most had left overnight, probably to avoid helping with the cleanup. The people who were sleeping in the other bedroom, chairs or even on the floor were mostly strangers to me. And of course, everyone had left my fridge practically empty. Some expensive collectibles were missing, too.

"Well… shit," I mumbled. "Man this ain’t worth it…”

Annoyed, I went into the living room intent on flopping on my couch for a moment, but all around it was the disassembled body of a girl. On the couch was her torso, with her right arm disconnected. Also, what appeared to be her hips, face down, and with a cucumber stuck in her vagina. Her bare legs were sprawled on the ground. In a wastebasket next to the sofa, I could see the girl's head poking out. This must be the NBM girl that showed up last night that everyone was so excited about.

“H-hello, is there anyone there?” came a raspy voice. The words were slurred, too.

"Hi there," I said. "I guess all these parts are yours."

“I think so, I can't see much from here,” she said. “I have something in my vagina, right?”

"Yes, the cucumber that I was going to use in a salad for today." I tried not to sound too annoyed.

“Oh, sorry…” she said. “Can you get it out? It's bothering me a bit."

I carefully approached, placed a hand on the stump of her thigh, then gently tugged at the cucumber. She moaned a little when I pulled it out.

"Are you okay?" I asked, "Let me get you out of there."

"No wait. I think I threw up a little bit and I'm embarrassed,” she said.

“I just took a cucumber out of your vagina. Shame time is over,” I said as I raised her head from the trash can. Despite the hangover and a bit of dirt that I wiped up with a napkin, the girl was very pretty. She had short hair, big eyes, and a few freckles that adorned her nose.

"Thank you… please don't move me very fast, I have a horrible hangover."

"Same here. I think I'm going to have to stop this endless party shit."

"That makes two of us. I'm like this because I went crazy and invited everyone to use me as a toy. I don't even know how many guys and girls used me yesterday. Now I feel like garbage. Someone literally threw my head in the trash."

“Yeah, I did see you yesterday. It was kind of impressive,” I said.

“I imagine so,” she said. “Did you take any of my parts?”

"No, but I must tell you it was tempting. I thought you were too high at the time and I thought it would be taking advantage."

"Don't tell me you're a gentleman?" she said, amazed.

"I don’t really think so. I ended up with a girl in my bed and I don't even know her name."

“Kind of par the course for these parties though. I’ve seen you at a few, I know what you’re like,” she said with a wry tone.

"Not like turning yourself into a grou p sex toy is any better,” I said, laughing. “Do you want me to help you put yourself together?”

"Just put my head on my torso and I'll take care of the rest."

I connected her head to her neck, and she began to reconnect her parts, starting with her arm. She then took her hips and put them on the same way someone puts on shorts. I passed her legs to her, which she connected very easily. She was a petite girl, barely over 5 feet tall, albeit with a very shapely body. She found her panties on the couch and put them on.

"Well, at least I still have my panties," she said. "Can I use your bathroom? I want to…er…freshen up a bit, if you know what I mean."

"No problem, it's at the end of the hall," I said. "I'll start tidying up while I kick the others out."

She came back out of the bathroom while I was throwing empty beer cups into a garbage bag.

“Hey, that dress looks pretty good on you,” I said when I saw her in a rather plain but still very pretty, dress.

"Thank you. Although I don't know who it belongs to. Apparently, someone took my clothes and I just found my panties and sneakers by luck. Oh, and don't worry, I saw the girl in your bed. it's Molly, I know her. She missed her period yesterday, so it's unlikely you got her pregnant."

“Ugh, thank god," I said. "No more crazy parties for me."

"Same for me. I remembered something from last night that was quite degrading,” she said, lowering her head. “Besides, I’m surprised no one has stolen one of my parts as a ‘souvenir’ yet. Would rather not risk that happening anymore.”

"Well, at least no one died, no one was kidnapped, and we didn't end up with any wild animals inside the apartment."

"No, but I think it's better to stop before that happens," she said.

“So, do we take an oath here and now of no more parties?” I asked.

"Promise," she said, grabbing my little finger with hers. "Now let me help you with cleaning up a bit."

“Thanks, I could use it. I would offer you something to eat, but I only have a cucumber left… and it’s a bit…juicy.”

"Don't be an idiot," she said, laughing. "I'd accept a strong coffee later, though."

"That sounds really good. By the way, my name is Joe."

"Darla," she said. "My pleasure."

It was the beginning of my change of attitude and also a curious way to meet my future wife.