New Roomies (Patreon)

Story by Leena

“So, what are you, some kind of monkey?” said Nikki, slowly unpacking her belongings into her new college dorm.

“What!?” said Ina, her new roommate, dropping a box in surprise and catching it in one of her hand-feet.

“Well, your feet. They are like hands but not hands right? Like monkeys.” Nikki said, folding her underwear.Her own natural mutated biological high heels tapped on the floor as she did.

“I’m not a monkey!” Ina exclaimed. “Who the heck says that!?”

“I mean I’m just saying. You don’t really see hand-feet anywhere in the animal kingdom except for monkeys right? I suppose apes also count.”

“I’m not an ape either!” Ina shouted.

“Technically you are. I mean all humans are part of the ape family. Great apes actually. So hand-feet or not you and I are both apes,” Nikki said absent mindedly letting her thoughts wander.

“Stop calling me an ape!” Ina barked back. “It’s insultring. It’s just a mutation, OK? Tons of mutants have hand-feet. There are models with hand feet.”

“Oh yeah I know that,” Nikki said. “It’s a fairly common mutation. But that’s kind of why I wonder whether it has something to do with monkeys… or rather… apes ya know?”

“No, I don’t,” Ina said in a huff, unpacking books with her hands and dishes with her hand-feet. Meanwhile a thin tail slithered out of her jeans and began sorting through a box with pens, staplers, and other assorted junk.

“See you have a prehensile tail too! Definitely monkey coded!”

“Would you give it a rest?” Ina said. “Millions of years of evolution didn’t take place just so my college roomie could call me a monkey.”

“Well think about it! Why is it one of the more common mutations? Maybe it’s just a regression to one of our close genetic ancestors? You wouldn’t have to screw with genetics that much if you really think about it.”

Ina let loose a heavy and exasperated sign. “Are you a bio major?”

Nikki smiled, “Going for it! I’m still undeclared. But I do want to learn more about how people mutate and why.”

“Every girl that can pass AP Bio thinks she can unlock the secrets of mutation,” Ina said rolling her eyes.

“Well OK then, what about you, what major are you going for? What could be more important than unlocking secrets of mutation?”

“Unlocking the secrets of the universe, duh!” Ina said, her tail wagginng happily. “The solar system is still vastly unexplored, and we have so much to go. Other solar systems in our galaxies, other galaxies in our local cluster! Space is just so-”

“Boooooooring.” Nikki said. “Space is a bunch of nothing next to another bunch of nothing.”

“It’s the final frontier!”

“Which is what makes it so boring! We haven’t even explored all of earth yet! There are more secrets in the deepest waters of the ocean than there are out in space.”

“In the infinity of space?”

“The infinity that we will never get to? Yes! Meanwhile we have weird freaky animals here and a WHOLE RACE OF SENTIENT CREATURES THAT IS MUTATING! Like you monkey girl, you could be devolving!”

“I’m not a goddamned monkey!” Ina shouted. “What about you, you have these high heeled feet. Those don’t exist anywhere on earth.”

“Only if you think close-minded about it. These feet look remarkably similar to the feet you see on several insects or arthropods.”

“So if I’m a monkey does that make you a fly?”

Nikki laughed and took off her shirt to have a pair of large butterfly wings unfurl from her back. She brushed back her hair letting two antennae pop up. “Butterfly actually.”

Ina’s face dropped to a blank stare. “Was this all a setup so you could do this big wing reveal?”

“... maybe…”

Ina rolled her eyes again, “While I appreciate the theatrics, There are better ways to get to know your college roommate than calling her a monkey as a setup to say how much cooler your mutation is than hers.”

“Are you kidding me?” Nikki said, with the very clear sound of hyperfixation saturating her voice. “Your mutation is SO much cooler than mine!”

“Alright, I feel like I’m going to regret asking but… explain, nature girl.”

“My mutations are just aesthetic. These antennae? They do nothing. These wings? I can flap em but I can’t fly, they just get in the way. I could probe into my unique genetics for ages and even if I figured out the why the only thing it will get me is stares from horny colleghe boys. You, on the other hand, your mutations are practical. You can use your feet-hands and your tail! The fact that you mutated in such a perfect way to essentially emulate another species without losing any of the benefits of being human. THAT’S what's so wondrous.”

Ina rubbed the bridge of her nose. “So let me get this straight. You called me a monkey… as a compliment?”

“And a curiosity but… yes…”

“Has anyone ever told you that you are a weird little girl?”

“Oh often! There was this one time-”

Ina put a foot finger on Nikki’s mouth. “Bup-bup-bup no, no that was not an invitation to info dump. Let’s try this again. Hellooooooo,” she drew out slowly and purposefully. “My name is Ina and I come from California.”

“Oh uh,” Nikki stuttered blushing. “I’m Nikki, from Atlanta, Georgia.”

Ina took a foot hand and shook one of Nikki’s hands “Nice to meet you Nikki. We are going to be spending a whole year living together, so I think it’s good we got off on the right foot.”

“Foot-hand?”

Ina smirked, “Sure babe, whatever floats your boat.”