Creating While Disabled (Patreon)

NOTE TO PATRONS: I am publishing this here first.  I plan to circulate it more generally, so some of the paragraphs apply less to you.  For instance, you probably know who I am.

Hi there! You might be reading this for any number of different reasons. Only some of those reasons involve knowledge of or interest in my life. After all, I’m an entertainer and a kink storyteller – often along escapist lines. Any self-disclosure and pain I narrate is hopefully sexier than this bit. Skipping past your pornographer’s autobiographical essay is a valid choice; you get a guilt-free pass to the exit.

I’m a kink writer, multimedia designer, voice actor, and creator. On the internet, I generally go by the nom de pun “Neural Nets.”  (Because your mind is caught, muahaha.)  Some of my early work went viral unexpectedly and I’ve been riding that wave for a while.  I went semi-professional after a couple of years of blogging, using Patreon to get some compensation for my efforts. I’ve often created content under conditions of some disability (depression, anxiety, ADD) but I’ve found ways to channel those challenges.

I’m facing a different challenge now. Several weeks ago, I received a preliminary diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. Subsequent testing has confirmed it. Multiple sclerosis is an autoimmune disorder. The body’s immune system attacks other parts of the body, in misdirected fits of pique.  Parts of my nervous system are under attack from my own body. Consequently, I am visibly disabled now. If you saw me on the street, you would know that something’s “off” or unusual with my movement and gait. I may become significantly more disabled in the future. That depends on the progression of my disease and its response to treatment.

I don’t know exactly what my future holds, but I know two things for sure.

1. If I end up using a wheelchair, it’s going to be the most badass hentai-inspired wheelchair ever. You’re going to take one look at it and say “damn - that wheelchair fucks.”

2. I’m going to keep creating for as long as its physically possible. My production rate has slowed substantially recently. That stems from testing and the medical bureaucracy, not any diminished capacity. I have years of storylines and content plotted out. There’s absolutely no way I’m giving up now.

I will face some challenges as a creator, though. Some of those challenges intersect with my audience and collaborators. Stating them clearly and directly helps to minimize their impact on other people, so I’ll do my best.

1. Please be tolerant with my energy levels. They may fluctuate. That’s partially a symptom of a disease; it’s also partially a symptom of dealing with a broken health care system and getting shot up with weird biotech shit.

I don’t get a blank check. If you’re kind enough to support my interests, whether with currency or labor, you deserve to know what’s up. Just be warned – sometimes I may face delays that I wouldn’t have faced three years ago.

2. I may not seem very present on the internet. I’m going to take longer to respond to mail and direct messages. I may have less daily engagement with communicative forums. Don’t read silences as disinterest. Also, don’t assume I’m dead. My treatments involve some slight risk of catastrophic outcomes. If those happen, you’ll read about an incredibly illegal Viking funeral and you’ll know.

3. I literally don’t have time for annoying shit. Adult content creators get trolled and harassed and timewasted constantly. It isn’t right, but it does come with this particular patch of territory.

I can handle it.

I’m not always going to maintain a smooth customer service persona, though. After the fifth DM repeating “hi”, I might crack and tell someone to fuck off. If that response ruffles anyone’s feathers, I’m not sorry. Just do better.

Any persona I’ve cobbled together consistently gets tested by a particular kind of attack. I often write kink as dominant wish fulfillment. Sex cults and harems abound. I also create mind control and hypnotism productions. Breaking down the fourth wall always sounds clever. For small creators, though, that fourth wall provides a degree of protection.

I haven’t always had that protection. Some people think my stories are real, and other people chase clout by fostering that misperception.

If anyone is still ranting about me now, I hope both scolds and bystanders remember two things.

First, that’s ludicrous. I can’t really walk. I’m struggling with new medications and shifting energy levels. I’m not, in actuality, running the sex cult of Professor XXX. Come on.

If someone rolls out another unhinged sex conspiracy theory about me, they deserve derision.

Secondly, stop punching down. Internet outrage is a powerful tool. In some cases, it may be a very effective way to speak truth to power. Attacking independent artists doesn’t dismantle power systems though; it just makes it clear to everyone that you’re an asshole.

It’s likely that some people will offer help and support. I appreciate that when it occurs. Please remember that I may not have time or spoons for personal messaging for a while. Also, bear in mind that I really will need help – so if you’re offering anything beyond thoughts and prayers, be prepared for me to take you up on your offer.

Sincerely,

NNPP