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Abusive Relationships #2 (Patreon)

Published:
2021-03-15 14:01:21
Imported:
2024-02

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Dr. Kirk answers patron questions about abuse.


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The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®


Disclaimer: The content provided is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only. Nothing here constitutes personal or professional consultation, therapy, diagnosis, or creates a counselor-client relationship. Topics discussed may generate differing points of view. If you participate (by being a guest, submitting a question, or commenting) you must do so with the knowledge that we cannot control reactions or responses from others, which may not agree with you or feel unfair. Your participation on this site is at your own risk, accepting full responsibility for any liability or harm that may result. Anything you write here may be used for discussion or endorsement of the podcast. Opinions and views expressed by the host and guest hosts are personal views. Although, we take precautions and fact check, they should not be considered facts and the opinions may change. Opinions posted by participants (such as comments) are not those of the hosts. Readers should not rely on any information found here and should perform due diligence before taking any action. For a more extensive description of factors for you to consider, please see www.psychologyinseattle.com

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Comments

Anonymous

THANK YOU for addressing “Why Does He Do That?”! This was the book that broke my denial about being abused, but I absolutely hated how “evil” abusers are conceptualized in it. Some of the science cited doesn’t seem to be quite right (e.g., Bancroft flat-out contradicts attachment theory, which almost made me stop reading it...) If I had to do it over, I would have read Steven Stosny’s “Living and Loving After Betrayal” instead—Stosny is exceptional in that he provides a framework that is equally true for healing either the abuser or their victim (!!). As in, you could give this book to *an abuser who was convinced they were the actual victim*—and if they followed the exercises in the book, they would still learn to become less abusive. Yet the same advice works just as well at helping rebuild yourself after having your psyche torn apart by an abuser. It’s exceptional to discover a framework for conceptualizing abuse that *cannot be leveraged by an abuser to justify double standards*—but I think Stosny has done it. HIGHLY recommended, & I wish Stosny’s books were as well-known as other “abuse ed” books—it would have saved me a lot of time if I had found it years before I did. Maybe somebody here will also find it helpful. The underlying idea is: feelings are important, but aren’t a guide for actions: principles are. If you act in accordance with your principles, your feelings||dysphoria will improve over time. Everything else comes from that—it’s a self-building exercise, to build more adaptive self-soothing strategies.

Anonymous

what happened to the attachment class?