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Attachment Deep Dive - Chapter 6 - Other Stuff (2019 Rerun) (Patreon)

Published:
2021-02-13 15:01:00
Imported:
2024-02

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[Rerun] Chapter 6 in Dr. Kirk’s deep dive on attachment theory.

Attachment Deep Dive - Chapter 6 - Other Stuff

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Anonymous

I have a theory about the borderline woman in couples therapy who continued to believe that Dr. Kirk called her a stupid baby, although both her husband and Dr. Kirk denied this accusation. Dr. Kirk stated that he remembers advising her and her husband, that the husband should be more attentive and supportive to his wife, and she should be less reactive which would improve their marriage. Usually Dr. Kirk supports the preoccupied patient who continues to "over react" to experiences (especially in relationships) that trigger their fears of abandonment, rejection, etc. But in this case he didn't make a supportive statement that her reactivity was expected and not shameful and it is understandable given her extreme hunger for relationships. I wonder if this woman was already carrying an extreme burden of past shameful experiences where she attempted to get closer by hyper reacting and displaying attachment distress--only to be dismissed as overly reactive and immature (i.e., a baby). Given her preoccupied attachment style, she would be unable to express her hurt immediately to Dr. Kirk. She couldn't say, "When you ask me to be less reactive, it feels as though you are attacking me and thinking of me as a baby for reacting this way. I feel hurt. My parents always used to push me away and so does my husband. Now it seems that you are not giving me any support. Am I just supposed to suck it up and give up any attempts at validation?" Meanwhile, she felt as though Dr. Kirk was calling her a baby, and that is how she stored the memory. I hope that Dr. Kirk was eventually able to restore the therapeutic relationship, or get enough improvement in the couple's relationship that she wouldn't keep automatically overreacting and keep feeling retraumatized. May I say I have learned so much from Dr. Kirk, that I can only post this interpretation because of the many case examples he has presented of attachment therapy. I have benefitted enormously from these presentations.

Anonymous

It was stated the research shows that openness (creativity, originality, imagination) is not correlated with secure attachment. I wonder if it’s correlated with insecure attachment? If not does that mean it’s just kind of level among all kinds of attachment styles?