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Attachment Deep Dive - Chapter 5 - Sex (2019 rerun) (Patreon)

Published:
2021-02-06 15:01:01
Imported:
2024-02

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[Rerun] Chapter 5 in Dr. Kirk’s deep dive on attachment theory. 

Attachment Deep Dive - Chapter 5 - Sex

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Anonymous

RE the study you mention around the 41 min point (Moss et al 2018): it makes sense to me that a preoccupied man might benefit from porn, whereas this might not be true for a preoccupied woman. A preoccupied person of any gender might want extra validation and seek that from sources other than their partner, so as not to annoy their partner with too much neediness. One of those sources could be entering a fantasy world, whether reading a novel or watching a TV show or using porn. And it makes sense to me that certain options (like porn) would satisfy that validation need differently for men versus women, on average, due to biological differences. I'm not a psychologist, this is pure speculation. :-)

Anonymous

I agree that a preoccupied person (like me) will tend to fantasize with having an affair when feeling threatened in a relationship, which may happen often. It is very important for us to be aware of that tendency, because we can catch ourselves when we start to long for someone else or to pine about being single again. Talking about my feelings to my partner and ask for reassurance has helped me tremendously to overcome the fear of losing him, although it may become burdensome for him; thus, I have to find ways to self-sooth, like reading about psychology or listening to these podcasts. I have also began to attend therapy.