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Narcissistic Personality Disorder - part 2 (2018 rerun) (Patreon)

Published:
2020-09-13 14:01:30
Imported:
2024-02

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Part 2 of Dr. Kirk’s deep dive on NPD. 


Become a patron of our podcast by going to https://www.patreon.com/PsychologyInSeattle


Email: www.psychologyinseattle.com/contact


The Psychology In Seattle Podcast. 


This content is for educational and informational purposes only. Although Kirk Honda is a licensed marriage and family therapist, this content is not a replacement for proper mental health treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your mental health needs.

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Comments

Anonymous

Enjoyed these episodes on this topic. Very interesting. But got me laughing in the street with the Donald Trump getting a spray tan in the office and the tree with npd, love the humour.😄

Anonymous

Thank you for these episodes! I found your take extremely entertaining. I am the youngest of five in a Cluster B family. I do find it bothersome that you claim CPTSD and Narcissisms are "basically the same thing", but I take this as someone who has not gotten to know multiple kids in a Narcissistsic family well. When you observe how the different kids cope to the same types of emotional trauma, that's when you can really see the massive differences in these personality styles. Also, unless you have been badly abused by someone with Cluster B traits, you also probably have a lot more sympathy for these people than they deserve. For example, I believe their emotional over-reaction to criticism isn't legitimate, they are acting because pretending to be a victim gives a person a great deal of power. They aren't actually as hurt by it as they act, your insult doesn't keep them up at night, and their ego isn't as fragile as it seems. Although their acting can be so convincing it seems very genuine, as they can even temporarily fool themselves... but they are so empty inside, as soon as they find something to distract them, they quickly forget. Unless you damaged their reputation in someway, in which case they will reign all hell down upon you. As you described, they will work for months to destroy you, this seems to be what fundamentally motivates many of them to live actually (the desire to get revenge). I have a very unique perspective on this because I was raised in a Cluster B family, but I don't have any of the traits personally. I have less than average, but I do have Cluster C traits. The defining characteristic between Cluster B and Cluster C I think is how sadistic a person is. And a lot of the over lap is Cluster B pretending to be their victims, by observing their victims behavior, and seeing how it can be used to gain even more power in a situation. I developed the opposite reaction, where I will do anything and everything I can to pretend like someone's bullying of me doesn't bother me at all. As I learned when bullies don't get reactions from a victim they move on to someone more entertaining. I personally can't stand to see anyone suffering. Even if they were my worst enemy, like they killed my kid or I knew they killed an innocent kid. I would want them to go to prison, but I would want them to live the best quality of life there possible. I can't stand to see anyone suffer. My older sister, however, would certainly enjoy watching a girl who mildly insulted her be raped. My Mom is a social worker, but she also grew up in foster care and admitted to me that she used to be diagnosed Narcissistsic. However, after years of therapy she has mostly recovered. She also told me that she diagnosed my oldest brother (ten years older than me) with anti-social personality disorder. He and my other two older siblings had a different alcoholic father than mine but my Mom told me he was just extremely boring and neglectful, not abusive. The only brother I like at all is 8 years older than me and also way more Cluster C than B. Then there is my sister who is 7 years older than me is the most cruel and manipulative (towards me) of all. I don't know if my oldest brother was ever worse, but he was kicked out at 16 (when I was 6) so I have the least amount of experience with him, and my other brother also left two years later. However, I do know that my oldest brother was extremely cruel to my other two siblings, and I witnessed a great deal of violence between them. My Mom is extremely protective of my older sister and won't let me tell her any of the stories of the way she abused me or moreso manipulated my only full brother into abusing me. She won't discuss whether or not she is Narcassistic, but I think she is also afraid that if my sister found out she "talked shit about her" with me, my sister would never forgive her, while I am much more forgiving and willing to put up with abuse. My older brother and I have a different father but he happened to die when I was 3. From a young age, my Mom tried to excuse my sisters behavior by telling me she was extremely jealous of me, because I have a core personality and she doesn't. The most shocking conversation I had with my Mom when I was 17, she admitted that she was also very jealous of me, and so would sabotage me a great deal, especially when I was younger. For example, they encouraged me to gain a great deal of weight, so I was obese from 9-15. I didn't understand that over eating actually led to weight gain. Also thanks to Disney's "fat acceptance propaganda" I also didn't realize being overweight was bad until after I was already massively over weight. I put on the weight extremely fast and then they wouldn't help me lose it at all. My only full brother, that is only 2 years older than me, is a very complicated case. I haven't ever discussed whether or not he would meet the clinical definition of anti-social with my Mom. He certainly did as a teenager - but this is common, as the last part of your brain to develop is impulse control, etc (the frontal lobe is like the anti-anti-social lobe). When my brother physically abused me almost daily as a kid, I took steps to cover up the abuse for a multitude of reasons, the main one being that I didn't want my Mom to feel bad for leaving me so vulnerable to his abuse. That issue got worse over the years, because the more I allowed the abuse, the worse my Mom would feel if she found out the extent of it. But when it got really bad and I finally started speaking out, she no longer believed me... it's much easier to think that I am delusional and wasn't abused, than to admit that I suffered a lot and her son is cruel. It's an easier reality to accept and she won't discuss it with me (if I try she will hang up the phone or leave, and then refuse to talk to me for weeks). Despite all of this I never developed Cluster B traits at all. The more I witnessed and understood their behavior, the more I was driven to be nothing like them. Although I certainly have CPTSD. I found a lot of healthy ways to cope as a kid and teenager. I did a lot of art and writing, then I started volunteering at the zoo, joined the FFA, and other clubs and extra curricular activities. I was always isolated and bullied, but I figured out how to make this entertaining to myself and closest friends, by baiting bullies into insulting me over stupid things and stuff like that.