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Do you know someone full of secrets? Dr. Kirk does a deep dive on passive-aggressive personality. 

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This content is for educational and informational purposes only. Although Kirk Honda is a licensed marriage and family therapist, this content is not a replacement for proper mental health treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your mental health needs.

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Anonymous

Your description of a previous colleague is identical to a previous colleague of mine! I used to wonder how or why she became so 'two-faced,' and now it all makes sense. I thought she was just deeply insecure. When she would talk about other people, she always said that she loves dogs more than she loves people.

Anonymous

After listening to this deep dive, I feel like the fabric of my reality has been ripped back to you reveal, I have been looking at my world upside down. The knowledge has given me both a deep sense of peace as well as a deep uprising of painful grief and loss. Today I was watching Dr. Honda’s Recap of the comments left for him this week, and for some reason I heard him mention this deep dive and was called find this episode. I am not a clinician, but I have been in therapy more of my life than not and have aspirations to further study this field outside of my just for my own understanding of my life experience. As I’m processing some childhood traumas, and how our family system works, it has been extremely restorative to seek out greater knowledge to understand the landscape in which my thought processes, working models and etc have been shaped. Due to a devastating nature weather event in my state of Texas, most of my nuclear family had to share resources and space for several days. When Dr. Honda shared the story of about a former work colleague it immediately brought back memories from my childhood and even the few days spent together with my sister and her family as well as my parents. She mentioned this ominous energy she felt while having my parents in her home. It effected her husband and visible effected my 3 year old niece. That was the first time anyone else expressed the feelings I’d had been experiencing for so long. Since COVID-19 and the subsequent quarantine, I, by myself have been living with my parents. I just feel like my financial health and physical health started to deteriorate. I constantly feel fearful around both of my parents and I’m so grateful to have an arsenal of coping mechanisms, self-regulatory techniques, support (professional and friendly) and a caring partner to help me remove myself from the situation. It feels like being in quicksand, as I make movements towards independence, I am meet with this overwhelming miasma of hostility, and aggression while simultaneously being shamed for my current living situation. It has been honestly harrowing and I know I’m going to need to take some time away from both parents to attend to my wounds and trauma. Dr. Honda’s description of covert passive aggressive personality sounds similar to characteristic both my parents exhibit. On several occasion when I was working or more occupied with business endeavors one or both parents have exploded on me with hostility and hatred under the guise of trivial things. I felt so bad, and took a extra time to assess where I was being a bad house guest, or where I could improve. But the things they accused me of had nothing to do with me, I hadn’t even done them. After the last explosion, my mom showed a side of her I had never seen before. I, as an adult person, literally grabbed my keys and ran out the door in fear because both my mother and father had been “activated.” They can’t hear me at all in those times and have made it very clear my job is to stand there and bear witness to their anger. I have tried compromising, asking for feedback, asking if their can be some resolution and I am meet by a deafening silence by both parties. As of this moment, the best way forward feels like escape, so my significant other and I are budgeting and planning so I can move out. I don’t know what else to do. Thank you Dr. Honda, for giving me the words to understand my experiences. I no longer feel so isolated and alone, I finally feel empowered about my choice to really put some space in between us for my own mental health and my future.