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Borderline Personality Disorder (deep dive) (2015 rerun) (Patreon)

Published:
2020-07-05 14:01:00
Imported:
2024-02

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Dr. Kirk does a deep dive on borderline personality disorder (2015 rerun). 


Become a patron of our podcast by going to https://www.patreon.com/PsychologyInSeattle


Email: https://psychologyinseattle.squarespace.com/contact


The Psychology In Seattle Podcast. 


This content is for educational and informational purposes only. Although Kirk Honda is a licensed marriage and family therapist, this content is not a replacement for proper mental health treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health provider regarding any questions or concerns you have about your mental health needs.

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Comments

Anonymous

Not even a quarter of the way through and this is helping so much. Thank you. I joined your patreon specifically for this episode.

Anonymous

I very clearly exhibit strong traits of BPD and certainly have the exact same intense fear of abandonment and identity disturbance where you feel like you're not enough of a human to be alone and cling to others in order to feel like you're a real human. I don't do the "splitting" thing though. I've never even wanted to do that. The thought of doing that and lashing out at someone sounds terrifying. Because the rest of the symptomatology fits so well, I am forced to look for answers. My theory is that because I was raised by a narcissistic father (sub-clinical) who could not ever be talked back to in any way, and by a virtually non-existent mother, and because I fairly high in agreeableness, even though I might be subconsiously doing the splitting thing, it isn't manifesting in my behavior because I've learned from a very young age that lashing out at someone is going to get me seriously hurt. My question is this: you seem to support a wholistic theory of personality disorders in which all the respective symptoms can be explained by one thing, usually that attachment/identity issue, so is there any merit to the idea that is somehow hurting me to be so afraid of lashing out at others when I get hurt? Or is it better to just take it out on myself? The logic there is that all this hatred is being sent towards myself and not to others - "if the person in front of me hurts me, it's always my fault so I should be angry at me and cut myself and hate myself and whatnot", while perhaps it would be better to sort of externalize that anger towards someone else or even something else in order to get it out in the open. Getting it out in the open would certainly be bad for the person or thing it is directed to, but at the present I feel like every time someone presses that button on me, which is multiple times a day, I just internalize that hate and it is never properly addressed or resolved. I never have the opportunity to see how damaging it is and see that it is wrong and not just a natural thing that everyone does. I feel like the people who externalize it have the opportunity to feel bad about it because they can see very real impacts that it has. But at the same time, I still definitely don't understand this fully because I don't see how other people feel so safe lashing out at the people they depend so heavily on. For me, I never ever ever lash out because I'm so afraid of the possibility they will leave me if I do lash out even just a little bit. But that may be a problem with me... maybe I need to be shown that it's okay and normal to lash out. I mean the last time I got abandoned, she hurt me extremely badly - it wasn't her fault, she did nothing "wrong" - but because I am so careful to never blame anyone but myself and to never lash out in any circumstance, maybe lashing out at her even a little bit would have helped to sort of make sense of the pain I was feeling. If the action she just took just destroyed me emotionally for the next 6 months and got me sent to the hospital multiple times and got me more scars on my arms than I know what to do with, then the fact I never even got angry with her once seems to almost be detrimental to my recovery. Maybe I need to recognize that when other people hurt me, it's ok to be upset at them and not only at me. Is there merit to that idea or am I crazy?

Anonymous
>>68231342

I mean I guess the real questions are 1: Based on this wholistic genesis theory, what does it mean if someone is expected to be -1 but presents as +1 instead of 0 or the -1? So the expected trait here is a form of disagreeableness, but the symptom in my case is actually enhanced agreeableness when disagreeableness would even be expected of a neurotypical. and 2: Can anger in be treated as effectively as anger out?