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We discuss a listener's complaints about their therapist.


The Psychology In Seattle Podcast. 


April 22, 2019.


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Music by Bread Knife Incident.  


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Anonymous

If there were any doubt, this settles it: Bob rocks. I agree with what Bob said about the therapist's statements being hostile or aggressive. Nothing gets past Bob. This is what I love about Bob. (I love Kirk and Humberto, too! Not playing the favorite game that Carrie's therapist was into. That's not how I roll!) I hope I'm spelling Carrie's name right. I'm really sorry for Carrie that she was put through all that by a therapist. It seems to me that the therapist is playing games. It's belittling when your therapist won't talk to you, but will talk to your husband. Her therapist lied to her, then ignored her emails, then refused to talk directly to her. I don't know if I'm using the terminology correctly, but it feels like the therapist is triangulating. If you refuse to talk directly to your client, and prefer to talk *around* that person instead? Isn't that triangulation? Whatever it is, it's belittling and feels icky. We know the therapist saw the emails, because of the fast response to the last one, which the therapist claimed to view as suicidal. It feels like a child trying hard to get their parent's validation and the parent steadfastly refusing to give it. It's as if the therapist was stonewalling her; wanted her to get to that point by refusing to answer her. It just feels like an absolute willingness to allow Carrie to squirm. Another good point by Bob about how you're reinforcing the notion in the client that no one cares enough to reply unless they are reduced to flat out begging or threatening. (Although I'm not convinced that was what the client was doing. I can't really know.) It wouldn't bother me if a therapist said they couldn't wait for the weekend, but that's just because I tend not to take things personally. To the point where sometimes I'll miss it when it *is* meant to be personal. But I can understand Carrie's feelings on that. Also, if you catch me on a vulnerable day, things might get to me more than normal. I wouldn't miss the relationship, because as soon as I figured out that my therapist is behaving in a way that I perceived to be passive-aggressive and manipulative, it would make me feel like I'm the adult and the therapist is the child. I can understand wanting closure, though. Unfortunately you can't force anyone to give you closure. I think this therapist owes her an apology. I believe it was a lie to the client... to claim that the client's "okay" was required and received (via hearsay, which any educated person would know not to deal in hearsay, I mean I presume the therapist isn't twelve) because when asked if she was seeing her sister, client had to pull teeth to get her to admit it. Then was given a "story" about how the sister said the client was okay with it. If someone's truly that susceptible to hearsay, I can't put any trust or faith in that person. But I'm not convinced that actually happened. I think the therapist had to say something because she needed an immediate excuse when asked about it. And there is no excuse for not giving someone their file. Again, I think this is just another example of the therapist playing games. It's too late to get back with this therapist; the therapist has already broken trust. The High Crime of Sneakery. This is just my opinion based on the story. I could be wrong. And I mean... "You're one of my favorites"? Stop playing games. I really wouldn't want to hear that from a therapist. I don't like to engage in those kinds of games. That's what I perceive them to be... games. I hate playing silly games like that and I've never seen the value of them. And... "beyond my skill set"? You mean you don't know enough by now to not lie to your clients, to answer their emails and not appear to be disrespectful and duplicitous? I wouldn't trust a therapist if I saw a hint of this type of behavior. Hope I haven't offended anyone! I know that therapists are people, too. I just don't think this particular therapist is anyone I'd want to see. I prefer Bob. Loving all the great episodes. Gems.

Anonymous

Hey, Kerrie- if you are reading this, I just wanted to say that before I got the help I needed I would probably have reacted about the same way. Actually, I’d still have the same feelings now, but I can deal with them better. I have quit my therapist a number of times over four years & the first time had to do with what appeared to me to be a duel relationship. It is so very hard to have feelings for your therapist. I felt very vulnerable & almost ashamed that I had to pay someone to care about me. And those underlying feelings made me angry. But, now I am thankful to be getting the help I need. I understand that my therapist cares about me because she is a caring person & I deserve to be cared for. I would seriously consider not pursuing any legal action against your former therapist. In the long run, it will probably end up hurting you. I think what you have done in reporting her agency know was courageous. Because you care for your therapist, I imagine you do not want to hurt her. That’s how I would feel. I really hope you get the help you need. I can tell you have a big heart & you really want to get better. And Kirk & Bob- if you are reading this, you were both wonderful. I love how Kirk read the letter slowly & stopped to get Bob’s reaction. It made it very interesting to hear this complicated story unfold. You were very kind to spend so much time on this one letter. I hope it helped a lot of other people. I know it helped me to know I’m the only one who quit her therapist a number of times. Thanks for doing what you do!