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Dr. Kirk Honda talks with Humberto about the backlash against the Gillette toxic masculinity advertisement. As usual, they got into a heating argument about gender politics. They eventually made up with something involving a Beatles song. 


The Psychology In Seattle Podcast. 


Feb 1, 2019.


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Music by Bread Knife Incident.  


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Anonymous

that was an interesting episode! you can be all nice and unnoticed, but someone makes a move and will go out with her. We love in a competetive world, if you are always nice, people are getting promoted, dating, getting better deals, and you are nice all the time. I know what I am talking about, I am not competitive at all, and I wouldn't talk to some hot woman on the street, but it is not that I think it is wrong. I am pretty sure - people are not annoyd by being approached, they are annoyd either by how they are approached or by who approaches them. If a nice person approaches them nicely - people are not annoyd, if a hot looking guy approaches a woman and is being all nice - no way she will be annoyed. That is why I don't do it myself often, I am not that handsome and that self confident and I am pretty sure if I do so - we both are just feeling emberessed and so on. But sometimes you have no other choices! And about probabilities - we are people, it shouldn't work like that. You say "she looks good, she is probably annoyed, 80 percent" Well, it is then also probabilities, wenn someone says "he is black - he is 30 % being violent, I ll hire an asian, he is only 5 %" or "a muslim is more likely a terrorist. Just statistics". "Refugee is 50% likely not to look for any job" We are not allowed to use those terms, because we belive people are unique. And we have to be nice and hope that the others are also nice^ and if they are not .... bummer And about Tinder - I am from Russia and I live not in my country in a small town, I work more than 9 hrs a day, I go to gym and I read at home, people in our Town - who go to bars - are just not my type, and I have no desire and no power to go there. And Tinder - it is like in 20 km - there were 10 women, but no matches. So - what do you do? I did approach a couple of women - on a train and in gym, there were no succses, but I hope they didn't feel insecure because of me being a foreigner or whatever, but it was either that, or "there is no one near you" on Tinder.

PsychologyInSeattle

Thanks! Yeah, there's some truth to that. However, research shows that plenty of "nice" people are getting dates and promotions. Plus, your statement implies that being "mean" or "uncaring" leads to getting dates. This is not true. You can be nice and assertive and confident and empathic at the same time, which means not hitting on women as they're walking down the street.

Anonymous

Just to play devils A, I've heard a lot of attractive women say they are frustrated because guys won't approach them because they are too intimidated.. obviously not referring to harassment but there's a big difference between being approached in a respectful way versus the opposite. And there's quite a lot of people out there that don't want to meet people at bars or through apps like tender.