Ereviim's colors + Life update (Patreon)

It's been a minute! I'm sorry I fell off the map there.  The rewards for August did get sent out much earlier in the month!  

The past few weeks have been a little bit of a whirlwind. First I was busy, but then I was just shy, so I figured I'd make a post like this to get familiar with you guys again :) 

This is a very long post, bear with me! There's some sketches tossed in to break it up, haha

Ereviim's Colors

In previous posts, I shared progress I was making on Ereviim's design; nailing down his shapes, body language, the feeling of his design. What has eluded me for a long time, though, was his coloring. 

In the past I had gone very naturalistic, but also really arbitrary, and it looked okay, but didn't really fit me? It was really frustrating to have a character that fit very well on one axis, and not well at all on another. On top of that, I had a lot of fear about making him too complicated, or weird? I don't know what that even meant, haha. I just had a lot of stage fright about his colors... But I really like this. 

This was actually done about three months ago. I liked it at the time, but I wanted to let it sit and see if it would stay that way. Looking at it right now, I think there are a couple really small changes I want to make... but, other than that, I still love it. So I feel okay sharing it with you guys! 

Misc sketches; figuring out his body language and stances.

He was partially inspired by this deer (source), melanistic jaguars, and sardonyx stones. The black, white, and gold shapes on his head and back are meant to look a bit like a cutaway geode.

I chose the deer because it was just pretty, the jaguar because I figure I should have my namesake somewhere in my persona, haha, and because I have always been fond of them. The sardonyx was because I've come to feel really strongly about those stones. I found them on a whim and loved their apperance, but looking into the symbolism and energies they're said to have.. Idunno, they just resonated with me. Spiritually isn't something I talk about often, but Ereviim's appearance and his character have a lot to do with mine, which is why it's been so hard to find a design for him that I was truly happy with, and why I feel so good to have finally done it. I'll probably write about that more at another point. 

Misc sketches; figuring out his body language and stances.

On a more general level, I'm also just very happy because designing Ereviim means I can start to do art trades with people, and get myself out there... visually, I guess! I was always barred from that because I didn't have any characters that were fleshed out enough. No longer \o/ 

Life update 

So in my previous update posts, I've talked about dealing with pretty severe depression caused by hormonal issues, struggling with work, and other things like that. I made a lot of progress earlier in the year, changing my dosage of Testosterone, but I slowly realized that for all the problems I had been fixing, new ones were cropping up, or old ones were resurfacing. I was no longer dealing with depression, but instead an inability to focus or complete tasks. I could work, but I couldn't sit still long enough to complete anything. I knew what to write in emails, but it took me all day to get just a few simple ones out; I couldn't communicate with anyone. 

I have wondered off and on for years if I had ADHD, or something in that ballpark. The idea kind of fell to the wayside, but my symptoms forced me to reconsider it again. I got to a point where the issue wasn't a lack of discipline, or schedule, or direction, it was just  me and my brain. I couldn't do anything, I was the problem. At one point, I found myself trying repeatedly to do one thing, but consistently doing something else. I felt possessed. 

So I made a doctor's appointment, and left with a prescription for Wellbutrin. My doctor is pretty rad, btw, I like her. 

I'm about a month on the new meds now, and wow, I feel like a totally new person. One of the common fears with medication is that they'll change who you are, but, to be honest, who I was couldn't do even the simplest things, sometimes, so I accepted that being someone different couldn't be all bad, haha. I'm glad I did this. I'm able to think clearly, and act on my thoughts, and I can communicate people with my friends and my family, and I'm just. I can function? I can function. More importantly, I now realize how much I was suffering before this.

I've talked a little more in depth about it on Twitter, over here. I'll try and post more soon!

Some concept sketches for the body build of a new character I'm working on...

So I haven't made any posts so far this months, whoops! The main reason for that is because Namiin and I's best friend and partner ShadderStag has been visiting since the 2nd. This is the first time he's out here in person, and while I didn't intend to not draw basically this whole time, I'm so thankful for this opportunity to spend time with him. 

Skott has been such an important part of our lives, I don't even know how to explain it. Him being here has cemented everything, in a good way, and just as much with goofing off and hanging out as with long, deep conversations about what we want out of our future and how we're going to get there. He's helped us learn a lot about ourselves, solidified where we want to go with our businesses and our lives, taught us things... It's opened my eyes to what my life can be like, and I like what I see. I know that all of the struggles I've had so far have lead me to where I am now, with these wonderful people, and I wouldn't change it for anything; I know that having Skott and Namiin both will help me through any I find going forward. That's just an amazing feeling, things falling into place... I'm very thankful. 

Sorry to get sappy haha. I just feel very good about everything! In a way that is not just a high, but a lasting and significant change from what I've felt before. I want to take that energy and put it into my art, making more things that will continue to change my life for the better, and impact the people around me for the better, too. I want to correct where I'm going wrong, so I can get the life I want. I want to double down on all those plans I never finished, and on my queue, and then some. 

Sorry again for disappearing! Skott leaves tomorrow, and after that I should be able to draw a lot more, and more regularly. There are some awesome suggestions this month, so I'll try to get on those :D 

Thank you everyone who's stuck around even though I was completely silent ♥ You are all amazing. If you've made it this far, I hope you're doing well! Have you had anything good happen lately?