Dark Legend of Potter, Chapter 57 (Patreon)

Once, the Chamber of Secrets had been a dismal sewer long forgotten and abandoned by everyone, save for one very lonely (but quite lovely) giant snake. Now, however, it was a bar, where Professors and Seventh Year students could enjoy the tasteful decor, as well as world-class drinks served by the new bartender.

Well, except for one Professor, but that was her own fault, really.

Sitting at the bar, Severus Snape stared morosely into his glass of dry white wine. He used to favor red wine until someone had commented once too often that it made him look like a vampire. Severus, having had his sense of fun surgically removed, had stuck mostly to white wines after that.

“It just isn’t right,” Snape muttered to himself. “How could she possibly know anything about history? She’s never shown any aptitude for anything like it before.”

“O Man who forsakes the company of others for vials and cauldrons, what doth trouble you this day?”

Snape looked up at the masked man in a gold buttoned red vest over a white shirt, a black tie tucked in neatly.  “If I wanted my fortune read, I would have bothered Sybill. From you I just want drinks.”

“Hmm, well, moi has served thee the one complimentary drink this evening. Yet thou continues to darken my bar. Prithee, spill thy soul to this humble demon, that moi’s All Seeing Eye can pierce the darkness of what troubles thee?” Vanir offered, shaking his drink mixer so that it made a loud clacking sound, then expertly pouring a dry martini, which he slid across the bar to Flitwick, who nodded his thanks and continued grading papers.

“Do you have to speak like you’re in a bad production of Shakespeare in the park, or is that just one of your many charming personality quirks?” Snape sneered, taking another sip of wine.

“MWAHAHAHAHA! O Mortal Man, doest thou not know that moi is here to assist thee?” Vanir leaned on the bar, the eyes of his black and white mask glowing red as he grinned at Snape. “Moi knows what troubles thee. Speak her name only, and thou shall secure an ally.”

“It’s that damned Mizu!” Snape snarled, slamming his glass down much harder than he had meant to. “She was completely useless as a Defense Professor, yet now she’s somehow absurdly knowledgeable in her new subject area!”

“Moi would think that thou would be grateful to have more competent colleagues  since thou claims to be an instructor thyself,” Vanir mused.

Shaking his head, Snape drained the rest of his wine. “She’s made us all into fools. And made a mockery of this institution of education.”

“But what if moi offered thee a way to put the useless goddess properly into her place?” Vanir purred, setting down another glass of wine before Snape.

Frowning, Snape looked up at Vanir. “Goddess? Don’t tell me you buy that stuff and nonsense!”

“MWAHAHAHAHAH! Oh, but to be a mortal fool!” Vanir chortled, putting his right forearm to his mask and spinning about. “Thou hast seen a psychopomp in action, seen beyond the veil itself, and still thou insists to be an atheist!”

“If she’s the best argument theists can put forth, I find their suppositions sorely lacking,” Snape snorted, sniffing his glass. He frowned, then picked up the bottle, raising an eyebrow as he regarded it. Alcanrettia White from 1233? Where in the world…?

Vanir snatched the bottle out of Snape’s hands, frowning at him. “Moi tends to agree with thee, mortal. The Seven Bimbos are, perhaps, better than the average run of the divine pests, but moi has a special distaste for the useless blue thing. Petty though our rivalry may be now, moi feels a compulsion to assist a fool who would teach that reckless hedonist a lesson.”

“You’re full of nothing but nonsense,” Snape snarled, getting up from the bar. He paused to empty the glass, toss a galleon on the table, and then stride away, his robe billowing behind him.

Vanir glared after him, passing the glass to one of his little dolls, who was dressed in a mini version of his bartender’s getup. The little golem happily began polishing it, as Vanir grinned and rubbed his hands together. “Mwahahahaha! The ennui and frustration from that man alone! Truly, it is a dish well worth supping from!”

As Vanir cackled to himself, Flitwick turned to Professor Sprout, who was drinking a cosmopolitan. “Why exactly do we have him as a bartender, anyway?”

“He makes very good drinks,” Sprout pointed out. “Plus, he’s giving all the staff a free one every day. I’ll put up with a bit of maniacal laughter for that. Potter usually does it in my class and I don’t even get a drink out of it.”

“True enough. And it’s far more convenient than the Three Broomsticks,” Flitwick agreed, taking a sip from his martini and smacking his lips. The drinks really were quite good.

-==-

One week into the new school year, Megumin was  unpacking her bag to do her daily homework (for despite the fact that she was an unholy terror, Megumin was still incredibly academically competitive) when an envelope sealed with wax fell out of her copy of The Essential Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook. The book was mostly notable for the fact that Megumin had defaced her book by writing “IS EXPLOSION” on the cover, a fact that had sent most of her classmates into paroxysms of panic, and had sent a cold chill down her professor’s spine.

Picking up the envelope, Megumin let out a squeal of delight. It was addressed to “The Crimson Terror” and was from Messrs, Moony, Padfoot, Wormtail & Prongs, & Mlle Crimson. Recognizing the source, she instantly shredded the envelope, sending scraps of parchment everywhere and causing her companions in the library to hiss at her to be quiet.

“You’re going to get us kicked out again!” Hermione whispered, then noticed the letter that Megumin was ravenously poring over. “Wait, where’d you get that?”

“It’s from my parents!” Megumin said at what for her was a whisper, but for most people was slightly above normal volume.

Madam Pince turned a death glare Megumin’s way, her head swiveling about like an owl’s. Then she saw who it was, and her expression went from murderous to sympathetic. She hastened over, and put a hand on Megumin’s shoulder somewhat gently. “Dear, I know you have to be excited to find something from your parents, but if you climb on my tables and start shouting again, I will personally issue you a month-long ban and ensure you’re mucking out the Thestral stables for a week.”

“It is alright, this is something that must be discussed in utmost secrecy!” Megumin said gleefully, leaning in conspiratorially close to her friends. She pointed to the letter, with Darkness, Ron, and Hermione eagerly leaning in.

Madam Pince let out a heavy sigh, and stepped back, readying a silencing charm and a stinging hex for good measure. To her surprise, however, Megumin kept her voice to only a very audible whisper.

Greetings, Daughter of the Crimson Clan

By fate, you have returned to these Halls

Be wary, for a traitor now stalks this land

No sanctuary to be had within these walls

Once, our boon companion this man was

But no longer a man, a beast he became

And our blood now stains his evil paws

And his deadly peril we now declame

So we beg out you, our daughter dear

This mystery you must unravel now

And our fates you must make clear

So use this map to show you how

Eagerly, Megumin flipped the bit of parchment over, and revealed a rather detailed, but very small, map. Spreading it out on the table, Megumin crowded around it with others as they all frowned down at it.

“What does it show?” Megumin muttered, turning the map this way and that on the table.

“Spot it, I need to get a proper look at it!” Hermione hissed, grabbing Megumin’s hands and yanking them away, which prompted a small scuffle.

“Dunno, looks like it’s a room or something,” Ron said, scratching his head. “Can you make any sense of it?”

Silently, Darkness picked up the map, holding it up, while Megumin and Hermione stopped their shoving match and jumped up, trying to reach futilely  for the map. However, as Darkness was head and shoulders taller than either of them, she didn’t have much of an issue keeping it out of their hands.

“It appears to show a cross-section of a building,” Darkness mused, turning the map so it faced upwards. “Not the entire building, mind, just this one room, and bits of the two adjacent to it. What it shows is the number of windows, doors, and the interior layout.”

“Really? Where, what room?!” Megumin demanded eagerly, jumping up onto a chair so she could peer over Darkness’ shoulder.

With a harrumph, Hermione did the same, though she did a better job of it, being slightly taller than Megumin. “Oh, I see. You can even see it’s got a fireplace in this corner, twenty small desks, three bookshelves, and a larger desk here.”

“And this desk seems to be marked,” Darkness agreed, pointing to one in particular. “Perhaps what we seek is there?”

“Then we have to find the room!” Megumin cried, successfully jumping onto Darkness’ shoulders and grabbing the map despite her squeal of protest. “Onward, my faithful steed!”

“T-this is not the sort of humiliation I enjoy,” Darkness muttered, prying Megumin off and setting her down.

“Right, we’d best leave before Madam Pince has enough and puts us back in those bloody stables,” Ron decided, grabbing their bags. They all scrambled out of the door, following after Megumin who was puzzling over the map.

“Where is this, anyway?” she demanded, holding the map up.

Hermione snatched it and immediately turned it around. “You had it upside down! No wonder you can’t find it! Look, clearly we should start on the first floor and start a methodical search.”

“What?! No way! A true heroine simply follows her gut, and lets fate guide her!”

“Don’t be silly! We’ll be at this forever and lose track of which rooms we searched! There’s a proper way to do this!”

“Well it’s properly my map, so I get to decide!” Megumin snarled.

Ron pursed his lips, watching the two girls squabble, then glanced up at Darkness, who had her head in her hands and was sighing heavily. “You wanna tell them the map is still upside down, or me?”

“We don’t need to search the entire school,” Darkness said with a groan, holding her hand out. “Please, let me see the map again.”

“What, how would you know!?” Megumin and Hermione demanded, whirling on Darkness.

“Because there’s a directional key on the map, or didn’t you notice?” Darkness asked, exasperated. She took the map from Megumin and pointed to the key. “So, this is a south facing room with five windows, and we can tell the dimensions of it from looking at it. Now, which of our classrooms face south, are fifty six feet long, and twenty-four feet wide, and have five windows, with the desks in this configuration?

Hermione and Megumin peered at the map, then up at Darkness. They both started muttering to themselves and trying to do calculations, which made Darkness give them a look of utter incredulity. “I know you’re both geniuses, you can’t tell me you don’t know this already.”

“How am I supposed to know how big our classrooms are?!” Megumin demanded. “It’s not like I used a ruler!”

“Why would you need a ruler to know how big a room is?” Darkness asked, clearly baffled by that.

“I’ve got it!” Hermione suddenly cried. “It’s Charms!”

“Charms faces East, Herms,” Ron said, a look of befuddlement on his face. “I didn’t notice the dimensions, but that’s a fairly big room, and with that number of windows and knowing it’s facing south, I already figured it out.”

“How could you possibly know what direction a room faces!?” Megumin demanded. “You’re inside!”

“Uh, the directions don’t change because you’re inside,” Ron pointed out, and Darkness nodded.

“Indeed, don’t you always know which direction is North? I always get terribly lost if I lose track of that,” Darkness agreed.

“Well then, if you’re so clever, which way is North right now?” Hermione demanded in exasperation.

Ron and Darkness immediately raised their arms and pointed down the hall, Ron slightly more to the right.

“The hall moved this morning, didn’t you notice? True north is that way,” Darkness said, adjusting his arm slightly.

Ron blinked, then looked up at the ceiling, and brightened. “Oh, too right.”

“You’re both just guessing,” Megumin sniffed, and pulled out her wand. “A proper witch does it like this. Point me!”

Megumin held Chunchumaru in her palm, which slowly rotated until it was pointing in exactly the same direction as Darkness’ finger.

“I told you,” Darkness said with a shrug. “I can’t use the Point Me charm very well, so I always make sure to keep track.”

Looking irritated, Hermione folded her arms. “Very well, you have the best sense of direction. Then which classroom is it?”

Surprised, Darkness blinked, then looked from Megumin’s eager face to Hermione’s slightly irritated but still excited one, then down at Ron.

“You figured it out first, you say it,” Ron urged her.

“I don’t think Ron knows,” Megumin said smugly.

Ron rolled his eyes, then leaned in and whispered something in her ear, making her frown. “Fine. Alright, where is it, Darkness?”

“Um, it’s in the Defense Room,” she said. “Under your desk.”

Megumin stared up at the map, which Darkness handed back to her. She tilted the map this way and that, then held it up to Hermione while Ron looked incredibly smug. “I think… is she right?”

“Bloody hell,” Hermione swore, then turned around and took off at a dead run.

“NOT SO FAST, THE TREASURE IS MINE!” Megumin roared, and raced after her. Ron quickly caught up to them, only for Darkness to let out a giggle, then burst into a full on sprint, dashing past her companions like they were standing still.

Meanwhile, Kazuma paused from talking to Dust by the library entrance, his ears perking up. “Treasure?”

“Treasure?!” Dust gasped, his eyes sparkling as he turned towards the sound as well.

Both boys let out a gasp of pain as a firm hand grabbed both their ears and yanked them down to Ginny’s level.

“Tell me, what happened the last time you idiots followed my brother and Potter on a Treasure Hunt?” Ginny hissed, her eyebrow twitching in irritation.

“Um, we saved all of Britain?” Kazuma guessed.

“We had an epic duel?” Dust added.

“I ruined my second-best robe,” Draco muttered in irritated remembrance, plucking at his own fine satin garment.

“You lot nearly got killed and the school was blown up! We have a surefire way to get rich this year! We are NOT wasting our time on another of Potter’s mad schemes and letting this chance go to waste!” Ginny snarled, and let loose their ears. She harrumphed, then dug out a roll of parchment. “Now, how many points did you agree to lose so far?”

“Fifty,” Kazuma supplied, pointing to the total.

“Great. That’s five overdue books. Dust, go check out five books you won’t need. Kazuma, you talk too loudly so Anthony Goldstein in Ravenclaw can remind you to be quiet. Madam Pince usually gives points for that. Draco, you forget your homework on the table. Romilda Vane will find it and give it to Professor Sprout for you, that’ll be an easy 10 points for her.”

“And what will you be doing?” Draco demanded, folding his arms over his chest.

“Keeping you lot in line, and finding some more customers. Now get moving!” Ginny ordered, pointing towards the library. “We have a House Cup to lose.”

Several minutes later, a panting Megumin and Hermione staggered into the Defense classroom, both of them gasping for breath and red in the face.

“Goodness, were you two in a hurry?” Ron said, a huge grin on his face as he leaned on Megumin’s desk and a worried Darkness hurried over.

“I-I apologize, I didn’t mean for you to overexert yourselves! You really should train with me, such a light run shouldn’t have winded you so badly…”

“Damn…stairs…my true…nemesis,” Megumin groaned from the floor as she labored to breathe .

“Long legs…are…cheating,” Hermione panted from where she was spread eagled beside Megumin. “Never…thought…I’d miss…Gym class…”

“This is what you get for avoiding exercise like it’s deadly,” Ron said, reaching under Megumin’s desk. “Well, if you’re down for the count, I suppose I can just read it myself.”

“MINE! I WILL KILL YOU!” Megumin snarled, scrambling to her feet and charging over as Ron chortled and held his hands up in surrender.

For her part, Hermione accepted Darkness’ hand up and then stumbled over as Megumin rummaged around on the bottom of her desk. After a moment, she found a small cylinder, around which was wrapped another note. She hastily took off the note, reading it aloud.

The nose always knows

For your guide to the truth

Blow hard three times

They all glanced at the cylinder, which turned out to be a small silver whistle. Without further hesitation, Megumin put it to her lips, and blew as hard as she could. Everyone held their breath, but no sound came out.

“What?! Is it broken!?” Megumin demanded. She sucked in a mighty breath, then put it to her lips and puffed her cheeks as hard as she could as she blew with all her might. Again, no sound could be heard.

“You’re doing it wrong, give it here,” Hermione ordered, and snatched the whistle from the now woozy Megumin. She wiped the whistle off with her sleeve, then put it to her lips, sticking her pinky in the air as she blew. After a moment, she frowned, then held the whistle up, peering into it. “It doesn’t seem to be broken…”

“Let me try!” Ron said eagerly, and took the whistle, blowing into it loudly and messily so that a wet sound was made and spittle flew forth. “Huh. Guess it is broken. Do you want to try Darkness?”

Darkness took the whistle, then went over to a basin and rinsed it off.

“I’m not diseased you know,” Ron complained, which earned him piteous looks from his companions.

Then Darkness sucked in a mighty breath, and blew so hard that the whistle shot out of her mouth and flew across the classroom, smacking into the blackboard and cracking it.

“Uh, oops…” Darkness muttered, blushing slightly as Megumin ran over, picking the whistle up off the ground and pinching it as she held it up to her face.

“I wonder if it’s a magical whistle, that only the virtuous can hear?” Megumin wondered.

“That, or it’s a dog whistle,” Hermione pointed out. Ron and Darkness gave her perplexed looks, though Megumin nodded astutely.

“Ah yes, the pitch could simply be too high for our ears, we should-”

“BARK BARK!” Blackie bounded into the room, prancing about happily.

“Huh. Didn’t know dogs could whistle,” Ron said, scratching his head in confusion.

“Don’t be such an idiot, Ron!” Megumin and Hermione said in stereo, then both hurried over to Blackie, who enthusiastically began to lick Megumin’s face as she tried to get at his collar, which had some sort of messenger tube on it.

“You do that on purpose, don’t you?” Darkness asked him, leaning down slightly and dropping her voice. “I don’t think they were playing at being thick about not knowing cardinal directions, but you’re clearly at least aware of what’s going on.”

“Sure, but it’s easier if they think I’m slightly stupid. Megumin’s always telling me how to do my homework so I ‘do it right.’ And it’s hilarious when I do know something and they don’t,” Ron whispered back.

“I-I see you too enjoy that sort of humiliation…”

“Huh? No, I’m just used to everyone assuming I’m the baby and don’t know anything. Come on, let’s just see what they found,” Ron said, and hurried over.

“I see, so this was a dog whistle, to summon a faithful companion,” Megumin said, blowing on the whistle again. Blackie barked happily, and Megumin smirked. “Yes, it was clear to me from the start.”

“No it wasn’t,” Hermione sighed, taking the whistle, she blew on it again, and nodded. “Yes, obviously a dog whistle. I-”

The door was suddenly flug open, and a panting Aqua stood in the doorway.

“Megumin! Why are you blowing that stupid whistle?! I heard you the first time! I’m not a dog that will just come when you blow it! Now will you knock it off!? I’m trying to teach!”

The four teens all gaped at Aqua, with Hermione holding up the whistle. “Wait, you can hear this?”

“Duh! It’s super loud and annoying! Next time, just do what a normal person would and send me a text or something!” Aqua snapped. “If you blow that stupid whistle one more time, I swear I’m going to reincarnate you as a boy again! You just see if I don’t!”

“Uh, sorry,” Megumin said as Hermione hid the whistle behind her back. “It was for Blackie.”

“Ugh, whatever. Just, blow it once, OK!? Sheesh, that thing is so loud…” then Aqua stalked off, muttering to herself about “deaf mortals”.

“Weird,” Ron said with a shrug, then knelt and got the message tube off. He shook it once before Megumin let out an angry squawk and tried to take it from it. “Oh relax, I know you’d blow me up if I opened it, here.”

“Hmph.” Megumin eagerly took the parchment out and read it.

Some say a Black Dog is a Grimm Sign

However, if things are getting too serious

Then you’ll want a man’s best friend

Just give him a snack of he starts to whine

Signed, Moony and Crimson

“So, you’re a gift from my parents, are you?” Megumin asked, kneeling down to give Blackie a big hug. The big dog rested his head on Megumin’s shoulder, his tail thumping the floor once.

“I’m more of a cat person…but I suppose having a puppy wouldn’t be so bad,” Megumin sniffled, whipping her face with her sleeve then standing up. “Right, boy. Are you ready to help us solve a mystery?”

“BARK BARK!” Blackie agreed, jumping up and licking Megumin’s face. She laughed, pushing him back down.

“Right. Well, now we need to find our next clue. But where to start?” she mused.

“I mean, obviously, Professor Lupin set this all up, right?” Hermione said with a shrug. “Come on. The Defense Textbook, his own classroom, his dog, and he knew your parents. This has to be his doing.”

“Or it’s the ghosts of Megumin’s parents,” Ron said, which earned him a wide grin from Megumin and a roll of the eyes from Hermione. “What? Ghosts could do something like this.”

“Clearly, we have to hunt for clues on our own!” Megumin cried, jumping up. She pulled out the first parchment, and gave it to Blackie to sniff. “Come on, boy! The nose knows! Where does the scent lead us?!”

Blackie gave the paper a good sniff, then turned towards the door. With a howl, he trotted forth, the eager teens hurrying after him.

This time, they were led through the castle and out to the grounds. They followed Blackie all the way to the lake, then around the shore to near the train station. It took nearly an hour, by which point Darkness was the only one not winded aside from the dog.

“Truly, you must take better care of your bodies. How can you hope to face evil with such poor stamina?” Darkness said, frowning down at the others, as even Ron was groaning and clutching at his side from having run too far and hard.

“With superior firepower,” Megumin muttered as Blackie went over to the platform. He walked to a small shed, pointing his nose at the door. “Like this! Now, witness my superior mystical might!”

“No Explosions!” Ron said desperately, jumping in front of her. “You’ll destroy the clues!”

Megumin rolled her eyes. “Ron, I know more than one spell. Alohomora.”

There was a click, and Run sighed in relief. “Right. Of course. Because what kind of witch knows only one spell?”

“A rubbish one,” Megumin sniffed.

Back in the library, Kazuma sneezed loudly.

“Shhh!” Anthony Goldstein hissed.

“Two points from Slytherin! And one to Ravenclaw. That is the fourth time you’ve been excessively loud. Do it again, Mr. Crabbe, and you’re suspended from my stacks!” Madam Pince declared.

“Thanks,” Anthony whispered, giving Kazuma a big grin. “I guess the two points from Slytherin are a bonus. Pleasure doing business with you.”

“Yeah, let me know if you want to buy some more,” Kazuma agreed, rubbing his nose as Anthony got up and left. He frowned. He really felt the need to rub someone’s face in their shortcomings. Oh well, he’d just go find Draco or something.

Back at the Mystery Inc Hogwarts branch, Darkness grunted as she pried up a floorboard on the bottom of the shack, revealing a dirt-stained and weathered wooden shoebox . She pulled it out, then handed it to Megumin.

“There’s a tumbler with six digits,” she said. “I wonder how we’re supposed to open it?”

“Six digits? Try your birthday,” Ron suggested.

“That’s a silly password,” Hermione commented as Megumin flicked the numbers to 310780. With a click, the lock flicked open.

Inside was a small photo album, which Megumin lifted out with trembling hands. On it was written, “Marauders: Album the First.”

Squatting down, Megumin began to page through it, revealing pictures of her mother and not four, but five young men. In fact, there were even pictures of her aunt as well, along with the new boy and Lily Evans. Pictures of them getting their robes, getting on the train, and their first days at Hogwarts. There were also pictures of her father, a young Lupin, and what had to be Sirius Black and a mousy young boy. Separately at first, then together. Sniffling, Megumin paged through the pictures as Blackie curled up at her feet, looking up at her with big, sad eyes.

“This…this is the greatest treasure,” Megumin hiccuped, then stood. “I…we need to go find Yunyun. She…she should see these too…”

“Right,” Ron agreed, standing up. “Let’s be off then.”

Darkness put the floorboard back and picked up the box, as the four friends walked off, Blackie padding silently at their side.

“Sorry, you probably think this treasure isn’t any good,” Megumin sniffed, scrubbing at her eyes. “I just…”

“I understand,” Darkness told her. “I have an album like that at home. When I’m feeling lonely…I look through it. My parents were a bit older than yours, but…maybe they’re in there too.”

“We can look together,” Megumin promised, then walked in silence, hugging the album to herself, and smiling slightly. Together, they headed back to the castle as the sun sank into the lake, staining its waters red and gold.