Party Swapping with Rin, Part 1 (Patreon)

Sitting at the bar in the Adventurer's guild, Kazuma raised his glass high. “Cheers, to another successful quest!”

“CHEERS!”

Three tankards clattered against Kazuma’s and he smiled, taking a sip of beer as his party members all laughed. “Another successful quest!”

“Those ogres never knew what hit them!” Aqua agreed happily, downing half her ale in a gulp.

“Yes, and you were most effective against their shaman who was summoning evil spirits,” Darkness agreed. “Without that, we might have been in some peril.”

“Don’t forget my glorious Explosion, which took out their main nest!” Megumin cackled, grinning at the memory. “Then Kazuma gave me enough mana that I even got off a couple of fireballs! I got even MORE skill points, which I have used to further improve my Explosion’s potency!”

“And you should be thanking Darkness for keeping the survivors off you while I did the transfer from Aqua,” Kazuma pointed out. “But, still, good job all around! People might start thinking we’re a real party now!”

The girls all laughed and cheered, and they ordered a platter of fried frog legs to eat. It was a satisfying night, with Megumin going off to bully Yunyun about out-leveling her, and Darkness retiring early as usual because she had “early morning training.” Aqua went off to go stand on a table to perform tricks, while Kazuma nursed an ale and enjoyed the warm fuzzy sensation in his gut.

“Hey, Kazuma! Seems like your party has been doing pretty well for itself.”

A pretty girl in a green jacket, long brown hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, slid onto the bench beside Kazuma. Her most distinguishing feature though was the tanuki tail that was swishing happily behind her as she sipped at her own ale.

“Oh, hey Rin. Yeah, things are pretty good right now I guess,” Kazuma agreed, giving her a smile. “How’s life in your party? Dust still being a dumbass?”

“As ever,” Rin said with a heavy sigh, shaking her head in exasperation. “He just got out of jail for not paying his gambling debts…again. I swear, we complete enough quests, but that bum is always broke and begging me for money. He’s actually over there right now, I just needed to escape him for a bit.”

Kazuma caught sight of the hooligan in question, who appeared to be trying to bum a drink off of the other members of his and Rin’s party, Keith the Archer and Taylor the Crusader. Keith was an alright guy, who was ignoring Dust and trying (and failing) to chat up one of the guild girls as usual. Taylor was a bit of a wet blanket, and he seemed to be lecturing Dust, probably about not gambling.

“Sheesh. Is Dust still telling everyone I’m his best friend?” Kazuma said with a grimace.

Rin laughed and nodded. “After that stunt with the nobleman you two pulled, half the town thinks you're lovers still! It explains why you’re not dating any of your own party members.”

“Yeah, well, that’s just, uh, I like to keep things professional,” Kazuma muttered, peering into his own mug. “I mean, they’re my best friends, but…I dunno. What if I ruined things?”

“I can…understand that,” Rin sighed, twirling a finger through her hair, and giving Dust an exasperated look.

Seeing that, Kazuma nearly choked on his ale, and he coughed a few times, wiping his sleeve across his mouth as Rin shrank in on herself and blushed. “Seriously?! You’re holding a torch for Dust!? I mean, have you met the guy?! He’s a total sleaze, and as broke as a smashed clock!”

“He’s not a bad guy, OK!? He’s just…I don’t know…” Rin sighed and buried her face in her ale mug. “I just…he’s a friend, but… maybe I’m delusional. There aren’t exactly that many reputable guys worth dating around here, you know?”

“I dunno, the market for the girls ain’t great either. The guild girls would rather slap you than date you, and all the Adventurers are stronger than I am! Plus, they always look like they’d rather knife me than kiss me,” Kazuma sighed, slumping in his own seat.

“I have heard the boys talk about how hard it is to find a worthwhile dating partner,” Rin agreed sympathetically. “Taylor was seeing Ezmerelda for a bit, but, well…”

“Shit, really? That thief in Michell’s party?” Kazuma asked, his eyebrows raising. “Didn’t they just move to…oh.”

“Yeah, they’re all level 20 now, so they agreed to move up to a higher level town where the pay’s better. Taylor’s only level 12, so…”

“Really? That low?” Kazuma asked, his brow furrowing. “Huh. I guess you guys do mostly take on the low level quests that don’t offer much experience, but I didn’t think it was that bad.”

“Well, what level are you?” Rin asked defensively.

“Twenty seven,” Kazuma said with a shrug. “But I’m an Adventurer, and the lowest level one in my party.”

“Twenty- are you serious!? And everyone else is higher level!? Why haven’t you moved on!?” Rin hissed, her tail standing up straight behind her as she leaned towards Kazuma.

He shrugged. “My friends are all here. Not just you, but Wiz, Yunyun, Luna, even Dust and the other guys. Besides, we make enough money, and someone has to take on the harder quests the rest of you won’t touch. Money’s not really an issue anyway.”

“Really? I know you live in that big mansion, but…I thought that was just because Aqua was the only one who could make that mega haunted place livable, and Darkness, well…”

“You know something about Darkness?” Kazuma asked suspiciously.

“Kazuma.” Rin gave him a flat look. “She’s a giant blonde pervert who isn’t in the Axis Cult, and her gear costs more than what the rest of the entire guild’s does, combined. She’s a noble, and probably a pretty important one too.”

“Well, Dust is blond,” Kazuma pointed out, wincing slightly. Maybe Darkness’ disguise wasn’t as good as she thought it was.

“Yeah, but he’s seriously broke, completely hopeless with that sword, and a total idiot. If he’s one of the nobles playing Adventurer in their youth then I’m a Crimson Demon,” Rin said, rolling her eyes.

“Hey, you’re not such a bad mage. Practice your gothic poetry and weird poses and you’d fit right in,” Kazuma teased.

“Oh, stop it,” Rin snorted, shoving him hard enough Kazuma nearly fell off the bench. “I’m just a basic Wizard who only knows Intermediate Magic. Megumin and Yunyun both have more talent in their pinkies than I do in my entire body. Life just isn’t fair…”

“Well, to compensate, you’re a lot saner than they are, trust me,” Kazuma assured her.

“Gee, thanks. I guess the price of power is madness,” Rin sighed. She frowned around the guild. “Right now though, I’d settle for a decent date for myself. And some girls to keep the boys from getting too jealous. It’s too bad your party members aren’t interested in dating someone, we’re evenly matched on the gender balance.”

“Ha ha, yeah, I…wait.” Kazuma frowned at Rin, who looked back at him innocently as she sipped at her ale. “Are you saying…you’d go out with me?!”

“Well, all of the other girls have been giving me weird looks for even sitting with Scumzuma, and I’ve been asked like half a dozen times if you sexually harassed me that one time we did swap parties, and since the only other guy I’m really into is Dust, I have objectively terrible taste in men. So…maybe. If you can talk your own party members into going on a…quadruple date, I guess?”

“Who’d we even set up with who though?” Kazuma said, shaking his head.

“I guess that kinda is a problem. Who would even go out with Dust?” Rin sighed, putting her hand over her face to hide the growing blush.

“Well, he’s a drunken idiot with no sense for money,” Kazuma said. He blinked, and turned towards Rin at the same time she popped up.

“”Aqua!””

They both grinned at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing at the very thought.

“Can you even imagine!? They’d be horrible together!” Rin giggled, covering her mouth as she tried and failed not to snort.

“Ok, we have to make that happen. There’s no way it would last beyond one date, but it would be amazing just to watch the fireworks that would go off with those two having to spend time together,” Kazuma chortled. “What about Megumin? She’s a real firecracker. Who could handle her?”

“Taylor’s pretty level headed. I want to say he’d pair with Darkness because they’re the party tanks, but, well…uh, she’s not into the, er…”

“Reasonable and responsible type?” Kazuma prompted with a grin.

“...if there is one woman in this town with objectively worse taste in men than me, it’s her,” Rin tittered. “That just leaves Keith with Darkness. I mean, she’s basically the only girl he hasn’t hit on.”

“Why, she not his type?” Kazuma asked curiously.

“Because for all he acts like a horny idiot, Keith figured out she was a rich girl from a big name family the moment he saw her, and he does not want an angry head of house coming after him with the family legendary weapon because he harassed their precious baby girl,” Rin said with a shrug. “That’s why even the guys who are into women who, uh, well, come on as strong as she does, stay the hell away from her.”

“Actually, her dad asked me when I was going to knock her up. He’s got grandkid fever,” Kazuma said with a grimace. “Talk about an awkward conversation…”

“Wait, seriously? Then why haven’t you, you know,” Rin flushed and coughed. “Um, done the deed. She’s at least a little into you. Uh, speaking as a fellow connoisseur of garbage…”

“I’m kind of a trashy guy?” Kazuma said, giving Rin a flat look.

“Yeah…sorry. I wouldn’t even be hinting that I was OK with going out with you if you weren’t at least a bit of a dirtbag. Nice guys are just…well, they’re kinda boring, you know?” Rin said, blushing slightly. “Sorry if I sound like a slut or something…”

“Well, to answer your question, it’s because both of us are virgin idiots, and, well, uh…I’m not…into what she is,” Kazuma said, rubbing the back of his head. “Or that whole noble responsibility thing.”

“Huh. I’d have figured she’d have managed to trip at least one guy into a haybale,” Rin said, looking like she didn’t believe Kazuma. “And as for you…yeah, that tracks.”

“Hey! Just because I haven’t ever  had a girlfriend…how many boyfriends have you even had?!” Kazuma demanded hotly.

“Three. Though I only went all the way with one. He was back at school though, and he just wanted to become a Demolition mage after he graduated. Like, the pay is good, but man, just using your magic to build roads and buildings all day for the rest of your life…that sounds super boring.”

“O-oh,” Kazuma said, wincing slightly. “But, uh, you don’t mind that I-”

“I only have one question,” Rin turned to Kazuma, and her green eyes bored into his. “Are you going to ever mock me because I’m petite? Because I’ve seen the curves in your party, and, well, if you’re going to compare me to that, I’m not even going to bother.”

Kazuma put one hand over his heart, and groped Rin with the other, causing her to let out a squawk. “Flat is justice.”

“W-well, I, uh, I,” Rin stammered, her face going so red Kazuma was half surprised she didn’t spontaneously combust.

“Hey. Is he harassing you, Rin? Because if he is, we’ll teach this creep a lesson!”

Rin jumped in her seat, and Kazuma hastily dropped his hand, giving the two girls who’d come up to them an innocent look. He recognized them as regulars, Matilda and Gerty, another mage and a warrior woman who had an axe on her back that could have split Kazuma down the middle.

“We, uh, we’re actually…dating!” Rin said, scooting close to Kazuma, and causing both of the girls to give her a shocked look. “Yep! Um, I might have to talk to him about taking liberties in public, but no harassment here! Or, well, except for the kind that he’s allowed to do!”

Kazuma blinked in surprise, but when Matilda and Gerty’s looks sharpened he hastily nodded. “Uh, yep! We were just talking about setting up our other party members on dates! Sounds like fun, huh?”

“Rin, honey, no offense, but you have the worst taste in men I have ever heard of. And who the hell is dumb enough to date his party members? Not even Dust is stupid enough to date a lunatic red eye, an Axis Cultist, or a noble brat,” Gerty said, shaking her head in exasperation as Matilda nodded firmly.

“Hey! You can diss me all you want, but you knock it off with my friends!” Kazuma snarled, getting to his feet.

“Or what?” Gerty said with a smirk, fingering her axe handle.

Kazuma waggled his fingers suggestively. “I feel a steal coming on…”

“Seriously? You’re going to let your ‘boyfriend’ do that, Rin?” Matilda demanded, raising her staff protectively.

Rin shrugged. “If he needs to teach a couple of uptight bitches a lesson, he needs to teach a lesson. Wash your hands afterwards, Kazuma. They might have something.”

“You got it, honey. Sttteeeee-”

“EEEEK!” both the women shrieked, and ran off, their hands clutching their clothes protectively. The rest of the women in the bar (sans Aqua, who didn’t notice, and Megumin, who shouted a few derisive jeers after the two then gave Kazuma a thumbs up) all glared at Kazuma, and mutters of “Kazutrash” and “Scumzuma” abounded.

“Assholes,” Kazuma muttered, sitting back down. Rin nodded, and Kazuma experimentally trailed his arm over her shoulders. “So, uh about that whole thing…”

“If you are going to steal another girl's underwear, you’d better have a damn good reason. That was one, I think. But seriously, don’t. And burn it if you do. Unless it’s Chris’. I want a pair of hers.”

Kazuma paused, then leaned around to peer at Rin. “Are you serious?”

She snorted and shook her head. “No, but can you imagine? She’s got such a reputation for always coming out on top in every situation, and outsmarting everyone, then you, a no-namer from Eris only knows where shows up and humiliates her, twice!? Hmm, maybe you do have a thing for petite ladies.”

“Uh, yeah,” Kazuma agreed. “I, er don’t usually do that on purpose…” The look Rin gave him could have peeled paint, and Kazuma flinched. “Ok, ok! I only stole her panties twice! The first time was really an accident, and, uh, aside from that, it was just Megumin and Darkness…”

“Do you steal the panties of all the girls you want to hit on?” Rin snorted.

Kazuma considered that, then pointed his hand at Rin. “Steal.” She froze, and Kazuma felt lacy fabric fall into his hands. “Maybe.”

“...you had better not show those off to anyone,” Rin growled, turning her head to glare at Kazuma, though she was flushing rather deeply.

“I’ll keep them private, for later,” Kazuma promised, and tucked them into his belt pouch.

“What!? No! Give them back, I only have three pairs!” Rin hissed, pawing at the pouch.

“Seriously?” Kazuma asked, pausing.

Rin nodded, glaring at him, her nostil’s flaring. “Yes! I can’t exactly afford to buy a bunch of clothes!”

“How about this: your rich new boyfriend will buy you as many pairs as you want, provided you model them for him first,” Kazuma teased.

Rin stopped fumbling for Kazuma’s bag, and slowly leaned back. “Oh, really? Just how rich are you?”

“Rich enough that I could buy you a pair of panties for every day of the year and still not have to quest a day again in my life,” Kazuma said with a nonchalant shrug.

“Hubba hubba,” Rin muttered, a grin on her face as she leaned on Kazuma’s shoulder. “I’m in.”

“Uh, wait. Really?” Kazuma asked, actually shocked that had worked.

“Uh, yeah? I don’t expect you to pamper me or anything, I prefer a life of adventure, thank you very much, but being able to live in a mansion with plenty of clothes instead of a tiny closet in a cheap boarding house? Uh, yes, please!”

Kazuma nodded slowly. “Oh. Well, uh…so…tomorrow then?”

“Mmm,” Rin agreed, stroking Kazuma’s chest. “Yes. Though we’ll just start with one pair to replace what you stole, and maybe four more so I only have to wash them once a week. You can steal my bra too if you’ll buy me a couple more of those…”

“Oh? St-”

Rin hastily shoved her hand over Kazuma’s mouth. “Not HERE you dolt! Uh, later. In private! And, uh, we’ll start with the panties. But nothing but looking! I’m not going to put out on the first date, so get that out of your head!”

Kazuma nodded, and Rin withdrew her hand. “Are we, er, still going to…?”

“Oh, absolutely. We’ll figure out how to set them up tomorrow,” Rin said. She sat up, then stood, stretching and yawning. “But I’m tired, and I am not a fan of going commando. You’re lucky I did laundry this morning.”

“Oh, uh, OK.” Kazuma stood awkwardly as well, blushing slightly. “So, uh, tomorrow…say, around lunch time?”

“If you’re buying. I intend to abuse my girlfriend privileges for at least a meal,” Rin teased. Then, to Kazuma’s befuddlement, she tilted her head back and grinned at him. “Well?”

“Well…see you tomorrow?” Kazuma offered awkwardly, waving somewhat shyly.

“Well, aren’t you going to kiss your new girlfriend goodnight?” Rin laughed, and leaned in closer. “You really haven’t had a girlfriend before, have you?”

“I, uh, n-no…” Kazuma admitted, leaning in closer to Rin.

“Hmm. Well, pucker up, then.” Rin wrapped one around Kazuma, and he hastily did the same. He pressed his lips to hers in a rather chaste kiss, and when he saw her eyes were closed, he did the same.

He also noticed she was flipping off Matilda and Gerty, who were making faces across the bar, and he grinned at that.

“You really are a fujoshi, aren’t you?” Kazuma chuckled when they broke apart, his head spinning and his heart pounding.

“A what?” Rin asked, frowning slightly.

“A, uh, dirty girl.”

“If you’re calling me a trash panda, I swear to Eris, Kazuma…”

“Hmm, I like it,” Kazuma said, rubbing his chin. “My adorable little trash panda.”

“Asshole,” Rin giggled, but peaked him on the cheek. “See you tomorrow! We’ll figure out the party swap then!”

Kazuma practically floated on air out of the guild, though he came up short when he saw a short and very irritated looking mage waiting for him.

“Having a little make-out session, are we?” Megumin demanded, coming out of the shadows, though her glowing red eyes had given her away long before that. “Someone attempting to disrupt the harmony of our party?”

“Uh, actually, would you be interested in dating Taylor?” Kazuma offered hastily.

Megumin blinked at him, clearly taken aback and going off her stride. “What?”

“See, Rin and I, we noticed that, uh, well, everyone in our parties is single, and Taylor was saying how cute you are, and how much he admired your magical talent,” Kazuma hemmed.

“Really,” Megumin said, folding her arms over her chest and glaring up at Kazuma. “What did he say, exactly?”

“Well, Rin was saying he was really jealous of your skill as an Archwizard, and how amazing it was when you took out the Destroyer, and how beautiful your Explosions were,” Kazuma managed lamely.

That, however, was the ticket to Megumin’s heart, and she beamed. “Well, I can see he has better taste than some who shall remain nameless! I will consent to him attempting to woo me, but only if he does so in the fashion of the Crimson Demon Clan.”

Then, with a smirk and a giggle, Megumin flounced off back into the guild. Thankfully, Taylor seemed to have left already, and Megumin just went over to begin to loudly brag to Yunyun that she had, “Found a man worthy of my stature.”

“Great,” Kazuma groaned. “Sorry, Rin…”

He ended the evening with a very special session with Rin’s panties, which he put in a place of honor in his sock drawer. They did smell of her very strongly, and he was giddy at the thought that even if he had stolen them, Rin had been OK with him doing so. And modeling new underwear for him tomorrow…

Around lunch time, Kazuma headed to the guild, realizing he hadn’t exactly told Rin where to meet him, and figuring that was a good starting point. He had just made it into town though when he heard a frantic voice shouting his name.

“Kazuma! Kazuma!” Rin cried, running up to him, red faced and out of breath.

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out. What’s up?” Kazuma asked, suddenly nervous. Was Rin calling off the date?

“I screwed up!” she moaned, coming up and putting her head on Kazuma’s chest while grabbing his vest to pull around her head as if to hide herself. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, I just…”

“What?! What’s wrong!?” Kazuma demanded, putting a hand on Rin’s head and back reflexively.

She didn’t look up, trembling slightly as her tail sagged. “I…maybe sorta…told the boys, and they, uh, well…they’re sort of ready for the date now…”

“What!? Now!? But the girls aren’t even-” Kazuma began.

“Kazuma, Kazuma!”

Wincing, Kazuma turned as Rin hastily stepped back from him, only to see Megumin running up, dressed not in her usual robe, but a sun dress with a floral print, and a straw hat with a wide brim and and a red ribbon around it on her head. Darkness and Aqua were right behind her, similarly decked out in finery, with Darkness showing so much cleavage Kazuma thought she’d pop right out of her top.

“We are prepared! Ah, there she is! Rin, where are our prospective dates!” Megumin demanded, grinning maniacally and planting her legs wide.

“I-I am not so certain about this…” Darkness stammered. “I-I do not know if I really wish to date Dust, he, ah, well, he has a low reputation, but, um…”

“Hey if we go on a date, Keith has to pay for my food, right?” Aqua asked. “Because otherwise, this sounds really boring.”

“Uh…” Kazuma glanced at Rin, who mostly just looked relieved. “Well, uh, I don’t know what the other guys have planned, but-”

“Let’s go find out!” Rin squeaked, grabbing Kazuma’s arm and steering him towards the guild.

“Uh, do they actually have anything planned?” Kazuma whispered.

“Those idiots!? Are you kidding?! Dust wants to stay in and drink until he pukes, Keith wants to take them to that damn bar Lolisa works at, and Taylor wants to take everyone on a ‘scenic stroll!’ No wonder they’re single!” Rin sighed, her tail drooping as her shoulders slumped.

“Right…” Kazuma said, his mind racing. What did the girls like? What did Rin like? Magic stuff? New panties? Shit, Kazuma barely knew anything about her! But he did know how to herd his party of cats in a semi-coherent direction. “Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do…”

Rin listened as they walked, making a few suggestions and pointers to modify the plan so it would click with her own party members' sensibilities. By the time they reached the Adventurer’s guild they had, well, calling it a plan would be a stretch, but a reasonably well bullshited line of improvisation.

The three members of Rin’s party were lined up outside the guild, and to Kazuma’s astonishment, looked reasonably well-groomed. Taylor was in a nice if worn tunic and trousers, with a nice tie and his hair slicked back and neatly combed. For once, Keith didn’t look totally sleazy, though he did have on his old jacket, he was wearing what looked like a new shirt and tights and had his hair pulled back in a small bun.

The real surprise was Dust, who was nearly unrecognizable. His hair had been tamed and combed, and he had a pair of cheap brass earrings in his ears, stylized like little dangling lances. He was wearing a very outdated doublet and hose with poofy sleeves that looked wildly incongruous with his current surroundings, and shoes with actual buckles on them. The clothing was a bit rumpled and slightly stained as if it had been stored poorly somewhere and hastily retrieved, but it fit Dust as though it had been expertly tailored.

“Where did Dust get THAT get up?” Kazuma demanded of Rin softly.

She shook her head. “I have no idea, but when he heard he was supposed to take Darkness on a date, he went a little pale and muttered something about ‘the last chance for her,’ which is a bit harsh, but then again I got the sense he wasn’t even talking about Darkness.”

The boys had all been talking together, but upon seeing Kazuma and the girls approach, they hastily straightened up. Taylor stepped forward, took a deep breath, and then to Kazuma’s surprise, posed with one hand lifted on high, standing on one foot with the other toe crossed behind and touching the ground, like he was a bullfighter preparing for a performance. Which, considering who his date was, probably had some merit.

“Behold! I am Taylor of Axel, a Crusader, and he who wishes to take this Beauty of the Crimson Demon Clan on a date!”

Kazuma nearly tripped over his own two feet at that, while everyone else nearby paused and looked at Taylor like he had completely lost his marbles, then looked to Megumin to see her reaction.

To Kazuma’s shock, Megumin was blushing and clutching her bag, looking down almost cutely and fidgeting. “W-well, I-I suppose since you have managed a proper introduction, I-I will consent to allow you to woo me. But you still must prove yourself! A mere introduction is not enough to win a maiden’s tender heart!”

As if not to be outdone, Dust stepped forward, clicked his heels together as if he were standing at attention, then executed what could only be called a flawless courtly bow, taking Darkness’ hands in his and brushing his lips over the back of her hand.

“My lady, may I have the honor and pleasure of escorting you this fine day?” Dust said, maintaining his bow and not even looking up once.

“I-I would be delighted by your company, fine sir,” Darkness stammered, looking as flustered as Megumin had been. “M-Might I have the honor of your style and house?”

Dust froze for a moment, then slowly went to one knee, looking up and meeting Darkness in the eye. “This humble man is deserving of no style, and his house has been taken from him. He is but a wandering knight, lost in the Dust.”

“O-oh, uh, yes, s-sorry, I just, um, well,” Darkness stammered, looking completely off balance now.

Dust suddenly grinned and got to his feet, some of his impudence coming back. “Had those damn lessons pounded into your head by stuffy old tutors too?”

“Uh, yes,” Darkness said slowly, cocking her head to one side, then looking Dust up and down as if seeing him for the first time. “Though, ah, at this time…please, refer to me only as Darkness. I am but a humble Crusader, and you should see me only as though I were clad in a helm of no honors.”

“Then we shall both be under the unclad helm,” Dust agreed easily. Then he leered at Darkness’s bust. “Which is good, because otherwise someone of my station could never get an eyeful of those hooters!”

“Dust!” Rin hissed, and actually stuck her leg out and kicked him in the shin, causing Dust to help and hop away on one foot.

“What’s that bit about being ‘under a helm’ or whatever means?” Kazuma whispered to Megumin.

“It’s a code nobles use for when they go out incognito. Most of them wear a helm to hide their features, and in full armor you can’t tell what house a knight might be from. Darkness just doesn’t like helmet hair,” Megumin informed him.

While the whole scene with Dust and Darkness had been playing out, Keith had gone over to Aqua, a frown on his face as he held out a bunch of wildflowers to her. “Look, you’re hot and all, but I don’t have some grand speech planned. I got you these though.”

“Oh thanks, I didn’t get you anything myself,” Aqua said, accepting the flowers. She pulled out a piece of paper, from where Kazuma didn’t see, and using the flowers, crushed them to make some pigment, then did a quick sketch, which she handed over to Keith. “Here! Just a quick impression.”

Keith took one look at the drawing, and his jaw dropped open. His knees wobbled slightly, and tears filled his eyes. “This…this…how did you even…?”

Leaning over, Kazuma caught a quick glance of the paper. It was a shockingly detailed impression of a man with a hole in his chest, a throbbing heart in his hands, which he offered up to faceless demons, a look of mindless ecstasy on his face. Maybe Keith had been hitting the succubus shop just a little bit too hard.

“I can just tell, and you tell Becky just because she buys me a bottle of bubbly every week doesn’t mean she and her girls can get away with being meanies forever!” Aqua huffed. Then she smiled at Keith. “So what about lunch?”

“We have a plan!” Rin said hastily, taking Kazuma’s arm and dragging him forward a bit. “Don’t we, Kazuma?”

“Uh, that’s right,” Kazuma agreed as everyone turned to look at them. “We’re going to do a bit of shopping-” Keith and Dust looked rather concerned, while the girls smiled and Taylor nodded stoically, “and get a some food and drink for a picnic!'' Now Dust looked interested, but everyone else was completely bored, “Which we will then take to Beldia’s old castle for an Explosion Demonstrated by Megumin. It should also lure out the Ghosts and Zombies that infest the place, so we’ll take care of those and earn a little money from the bounty Luna posted.”

Now Megumin and Aqua looked delighted, while Darkness seemed disappointed.

“There’s also supposed to be a powerful Beginner’s Bane that’s got a den there, and rumor has it, she has two cubs, so we’ll need someone to hold her off when she comes out after the Explosion disturbs her,” Rin added hastily, and Darkness was grinning widely as well.

“Wait a minute,” Dust said suspiciously. “This sounds like work, not a date.”

“Then we’ll stop at the lake on the way back for some swimming, so the girls need to pick out some swimsuits,” Kazuma added as a last minute improvisation.” Dust immediately perked up and grinned at Darkness, who blushed mightily.  Aqua and Keith both grinned, Aqua probably because she loved anything to do with the water, and Keith because he wanted to see her in a bathing suit.

“Hmph,” Megumin muttered, glaring at Darkness as she began to sulk. “You all just want to leer at the cow with the giant udders over there.”

“Ah, don’t be like that Megumin, us smaller girls have our charms as well!” Rin laughed, going over to here. “Come on, we’ll pick out something that will have all the guys looking at us instead of Darkness and Aqua!”

“Hmm, well, I suppose if you are my ally in this endeavor, I can consent to it. But nothing too provocative! A Crimson Demon must have her mysteries,” Megumin said, looking slightly mollified.

The shopping trip itself was a bit of a controlled disaster, though Kazuma didn’t try too hard to organize the chaos. Dust had been a bit panicky when Darkness went straight for the most expensive clothier in Axel, clutching at what had to be an empty purse. However, for once, Darkness showed a bit of self awareness, and reassured him.

“As is traditional, mine is the greater house, and though we are under the helm, I would not expect a junior house to cater to my tastes.” Then she blushed. “That aside…um, this is the only shop with garments that are, er, sturdy enough for my ah…needs.”

“Hey, you don’t have to apologize for having a killer rack,” Dust said with a chuckle. He rubbed the back of his head. “And thanks, I, uh, well, even before certain things happened, I wasn’t, well…let’s just say I’d never try and court you, high nobles usually consider people like me basically peasants.”

“Hey, the stuff here is really pricey,” Rin whispered to Kazuma. She pointed to another shop across the street, the one Megumin and Taylor were going into. “I usually shop there, way more reasonable, and the quality isn’t bad.”

Glancing at the price tags, Kazuma nearly had his eyes bug out of his head. 10,000 eris for a single regular blouse?! That was pricey. “Uh, I can afford this stuff, so if you really want to…”

“No, she might need giant spider silk and manticore leather to keep the artillery she’s packing contained, but just regular cotton works for me. Don’t go blowing that much money on the first date, or I’ll think you’re just trying really hard to get into my pants,” Rin informed him, taking his hand and pulling him across the street.

Megumin looked surprised to see Rin at the discount tailors, but she was happy enough to chat while the two of them browsed the wares, then talked with the seamstress about what they wanted.

As they chatted, Taylor leaned in close to Kazuma. “So, uh, any advice? I’ve always thought Megumin was cute, but, well, she’s a Crimson Demon!”

“Yeah?” Kazuma said, his eyes narrowing. “You gonna say something racist now?’

“What? No!” Taylor looked horrified at the prospect, and hastily clarified, “I mean, I grew up around here. Nothing but low level monsters and low experience food. She’s from, you know, an S Class Zone! And, well, she’s already an Arch Wizard! Way out of my league.”

“And she’s an Explosion maniac,” Kazuma deadpanned.

“Yes, her dedication is so admirable!” Taylor said, making a fist and nodding. “I well recall her great contributions against General Beldia and the Destroyer! To think, so early in her career, she stood alongside the Ice Witch, and was her equal!” he sighed and looked down. “How could a woman of such skill and prowess ever be interested in a man who barely qualified as a Crusader, and can’t even take on ogres without fear of death?”

“Honestly? Just tell her what you just told me. Then listen and nod when she starts going off about Explosion Magic. Oh, and a little over-the-top poetry and theatrics will go a long way with her. Just never let her even catch a hint that you’re mocking her, she’s got an ego and a temper with a fuse shorter than her cast time, which I’m pretty sure is instantaneous.”

“Wait, really?! How could that be true?!” Taylor protested, his brow knitting together. “I’m no mage, but to have instant cast on such a spell…the skill required, not to mention the investment of points, how could anyone hope to master that for a spell as mighty as Explosion!?”

“A ha! So I see Kazuma is spilling some of my deepest secrets!” As if summoned by the mention of Explosion, Megumin popped up, a broad grin on her face, one hand raised in a V sign by her eyes. “You are indeed correct! A normal mage, nay, even a normal Crimson Demon, could not hope to master instant cast of Explosion Magic! I have had to spend my sleepless nights in study, and even creating some of my own skills through dedication and research, but I have indeed mastered it! I can even cast Explosion when Silenced, or immobilized! For I am MEGUMIN, the True Mistress of Explosion Magic!”

“That’s incredible! What level even are you!? To have such skills…”

Megumin dragged Taylor over to where she was picking out a swimsuit, suddenly instructing the seamstress that “I will require a two piece garment instead of what we discussed.” Apparently, Taylor was hitting nothing but home runs, even if Kazuma was pretty sure the knucklehead had no idea he was flawlessly pressing all the right buttons.

“Psst! Kazuma! Over here!” Rin called, poking her head out from behind the curtain of one of the changing rooms.

Leaving the two apparent Explosion enthusiasts behind, Kazuma stepped into the small changing room, where a blushing Rin had on a rather modest swimsuit top, a green and yellow sarong over a bra that hung down to a few centimeters above her belly button on the front, and boyshorts in the same color scheme.

“Hey, not bad,” Kazuma said, grinning lecherously, though keeping his hands at his sides. “You look smokin’ in that.”

“Why thank you,” Rin giggled, posing despite the cramped space and winking at Kazuma. “But, uh, that’s not what I called you in here for…”

“Oh?” Kazuma’s heart began to pound, especially when Rin pulled out several pairs of panties and a bra. “Oh ho. Those do look nice, I like the little bows on the front.”

“Well, you’d better, because you’re buying,” Rin said bluntly, poking him in the chest. “And no stealing these! At least, not in public!”

“I promise,” Kazuma agreed, and made to step outside the curtain. “I’ll just let you get changed…”

“Oh no. Have a seat. I’m keeping an eye on you while Megumin gets changed herself. I can trust Taylor not to try anything, but you…I don’t think so.”

“Wait, are you saying-” Kazuma began, but Rin pushed him onto the bench at the back of the changing room.

“Keep it down, if Madam Fustrow hears you, she’ll kick us both out, or at least charge extra,” Rin scolded, blushing and putting one arm over her chest. “Just…consider this your reward. I didn’t think this would be going nearly so well…”

“I, uh, sure,” Kazuma agreed.

Rin grinned mischievously, though her face was still red, then slowly turned around. “Undo me, please?”

With clumsy fingers and baited breath, Kazuma managed to undo the clasps at the back of Rin’s top. She turned back around, hugging herself to keep the sarong on. Then, slowly, she lifted her arms, letting the fabric flutter to the floor. She posed with her hands behind her back, wiggling slightly. “Well, um, like what you see?”

“Uh, yeah. They’re, um, pretty great,” Kazuma stammered.

“Well, that’s good. I’m not as stacked as some of the monsters in your party, but I at least don’t get mistaken for a boy,” Rin said with a smirk. She wrapped her tail around her front. “Now, no peeking…”

Kazuma very much did try to peek, though he only caught glimpses as Rin slid her bottom down, then picked up a pair of the panties she’d selected. She held them up for Kazuma’s inspection, pink fabric with a green trim and small bow on the front, briefs that showed less skin than the swimsuit had. She hiked them up, then grabbed a bra, this one closer to a sports bra. “Not so sexy, but this is practical stuff for work.”

“It uh, it still looks pretty sexy,” Kazuma managed, wiping away a drop of blood and sniffing loudly.

“Why thank you. Do me up?” Rin said, and Kazuma obligingly managed to hook it.

Rin frowned, cupping her own breasts and bouncing up and down a few times, then doing a few twists and exercises, her tail swishing back and forth. “Hmm. Yeah, this one will do. Madam Fustrow knows my size from my previous purchases.”

“They do look pretty good,” Kazuma agreed, unable to take his eyes off Rin.

“I like sexy better, we’ll need to work on your vocabulary, though. Or do I just reduce you to a drooling caveman?” Rin giggled. “Alright, next pair…”

Rin tried on a few different styles, all of which Kazuma did his best to lavish with praise. They were all fairly practical, the sort of thing Kazuma imagined she would wear on a day to day basis.

“Well, I hope you enjoyed the show,” Rin said with a giggle, dragging Kazuma up, then pushing him towards the door. “Now I need to get changed. Go make sure Aqua didn’t manage to burn down the shop or something.”

“Do I have to?” Kazuma asked with half a whine. “I could make sure your clothes fit…”

“You’ve seen enough for one day, especially the first date! Go do something useful,” Rin ordered, and shut the curtain behind Kazuma.

Aqua, it turned out, was charming all the fish in the nearby fountain, while Keith mostly just gawked at her act. Darkness and Dust were still in the expensive tailor shop, and Megumin and Taylor had moved on to purchasing the food and drink for their picnic, which Kazuma assisted with. If Megumin had been allowed to pick, they’d have had day old bread and stale cheese, with the goal of catching some crawdads to cook or something.

“We’re not catching crawdads on a date,” Kazuma flatly told her. “That’s stupid.”

“Actually, I quite like crawdads. My father taught me, and we’d often have them for meals, especially in the summer. They go great with some wild onions and a dandelion salad,” Taylor piped up, earning him a glare from Kazuma and a big grin from Megumin.

“No, and that’s final. I’m not cooking little water roaches for Rin,” Kazuma said firmly.

“He just doesn’t respect our culture,” Megumin said, and Taylor sighed and nodded.

“Rich folks. They just don’t understand the satisfaction of a good meal you harvested and cooked yourself.”

Ignoring the two idiots, Kazuma got two entire roast chickens, several loaves of fresh bread, butter, peaches, cream, a small cask of ale, and two bottles of wine. Actually, he got an extra one just for Aqua to be on the safe side.

By the time he was finished loading down Taylor, everyone else was outside the shop, and it was well into the afternoon. Kazuma half wondered if they should call the whole thing off for the next day, but everyone seemed so eager to set out, he said what the heck, and set off for the ruins of Beldia’s castle.