Work Smarter, Not Harder Arue Route P2 (Patreon)

Arue Part 2: Sent Back for Revision

That night, Kazuma found himself disinvited from Megumin’s house, while she ended up spending the night with Yunyun along with Darkness. He hadn’t seen Arue since, well, they’d had sex, and to the best of his knowledge she was still in the Red Prison writing, while he was at the bar feeling like a lost puppy.

“I just don’t get it, you know?” Kazuma said, staring into the bottom of his mug. “I feel like I’ve done it. I’m a real man now! But…I don’t know…I was expecting more, I guess?

“Hey, don’t worry about tomorrow!” Aqua told him, smiling and pouring some of her ale into Kazuma’s own mug. He blinked in shock, but she just rubbed his back. Aqua, giving up booze? What was the world coming to?! “You had fun, right?”

“I mean, I guess…” Kazuma admitted, blushing and thinking back. It had been way better than anything he’d done solo, that was for sure.

“Then it’s all good! All love is good in the sight of Aqua! If it felt good, then it was good! That’s the motto of the Axis Cult!” Aqua said cheerfully. “Besides, sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, anyway.”

Kazuma supposed Aqua would know, she was a goddess after all. “Yeah, I mean, I guess so…” He drained his mug again, then slammed it down on the countertop. “Screw it! I made it with a super hot chick! My days of being a virgin NEET are over! I’m a real chad now! I can do whatever I want, with whoever I want! All love is good!”

“Even one night stands!” Aqua cheered. “Bartender, more ale! My friend is a real man today, so drinks are on him!”

They were currently in the Succubus Lingerie Bar, which didn’t have succubi, no one was wearing lingerie that Kazuma could see, and was more of a family-friendly pub with a warm and cozy decor, and had a nice menu of bar food and rather tasty ale, beer, and wine.

There was a lusty cheer from the other occupants of the bar, all Crimson Demons and their families. Kazuma flushed and slammed down the money he had, which was hastily scooped away by the bartender. He spent the next few hours drinking happily with Aqua, and after a while, he did feel significantly better.

After imbibing quite a bit of alcohol, Kazuma wandered out of the bar to relieve himself and ended up a bit turned around. He stumbled through the town in a bit of a daze, chuckling to himself and enjoying the warm fuzzy feeling the alcohol had given him. “Who needs one woman? I can have any woman I want! I’m Kazuma Sato, Hero of Belzerg, and my popular phase has just begun!”

“Mmm, you are quite the cutie, handsome! And I think you could be quite popular…”

Kazuma turned about to see dark hair and big boobs, and his heart pitter-pattered as the blood rushed to his lower brain. “Arue?! I was, uh, I was just looking for you! I was thinking-”

“Oh, I’m not some little girl, sweetling. I’m a real woman,” the husky voice purred, and the woman stepped closer. She wasn’t Arue, Kazuma realized, being quite a bit taller and without the signature glowing red eyes of a Crimson Demon. She was a handsome woman though, and Kazuma leered, though something niggled at the back of his inebriated mind.

“Well, if you’re looking for a real man, look no further!” Kazuma bragged, puffing out his chest and immediately regretting it when he felt incredibly dizzy. Still, he tried to swagger towards the woman, and found himself quickly drawn towards her.

It was when Kazuma was about to face plant into her boobs that he realized why she looked so familiar.

“AHHHH! I CHANGED MY MIND, HELP!” Kazuma screamed, struggling even harder when he felt something poking him in his thigh. “IT’S GENERAL SYLIVA!”

“Oh ho ho, I’m not letting a tasty snack go so easily,” Syliva chuckled, and Kazuma realized a snakelike tail had wrapped itself around his legs, pinning him in place.

“No, please, it’s a mistake, I just fell in love with a girl, and I never even got a chance to tell her!” Kazuma babbled. “I thought you were her! I was drunk, it wasn’t my fault, I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!”

“Don’t worry, I don’t break my toys…too much,” Sylvia said with a throaty chuckle, running a finger along Kazuma’s cheek. “Now I just need to find a way into that damnable vault, and then I’ll just have to change your mind.” Her hand trailed down to Kazuma’s groin, and his member retreated so fast it made his balls ache. “And maybe a few other things about you…”

Kazuma tried to scream, but the tip of Sylvia’s tail forced its way into his mouth, gagging him. He started to black out, until he saw a pair of glowing red eyes over Sylvia’s shoulder. Megumin?

“CURSED LIGHTNING!”

A bolt of jagged black magic darker even than the night around them skewered Sylvia, causing her to cry out in pain. Kazuma fell to the ground with a thump as her tail went limp, and Sylvia coughed up blood.

“Uncouth villain! Unhand my writing partner! He has not yet read my latest chapter!”

Blinking, Kazuma saw Arue striding forward, her eyes burning so red they looked like they were on fire, and her hands trailing dark smoke. Never had he been so glad to see a crazy person before.

“You think that can stop me?!” Sylvia snarled, and her tail lashed out at Arue, who calmly side stepped, and raised her quill.

“DARK DETONATION!”

This time Sylvia managed to defend herself, taking the blast of magic on her arms. She surged forward, grabbing Arue around her neck. “Unfortunately for you, I’m not currently interested in little girls, even overdeveloped ones like you. You do have beautiful eyes though…I think I’ll take them!”

Arue flailed, gasping and choking, but apparently unable to cast any spells with her air supply cut off. Before he knew what he was doing, Kazuma drew chunchunmaru. He was on his feet somehow, gripping the sword in a reverse grip with it held up like a dagger, snarling in rage.

He should have remembered he was just a low level Adventurer and tried something sneaky, because Slyvia’s tail wrapped around him, pinning his arms to his sides as Chunchumaru fell uselessly to the ground.

“And as for you…well. If you want to put a hole in me, I’ll put a hole in you. I’ve always been into femboys,” Sylvia hissed, her bloody teeth bared in a snarl

Kazuma ducked his head and bit Sylvia’s tail, causing her to cry out, more in shock than pain, and drop Arue, who fell onto her rear and gasped for breath.

“R-run,” Kazuma managed, spitting out a tooth. Sylvia’s scales were harder than he thought! “Y-you have to-”

“Let. Him. Go.”

There was a distinctive sound, a steady pulsing hum that was just like someone from Dragon Ball going Super Saiyan. Kazuma blinked as blue light flooded the area, and Slyvia whirled around.

Aqua stood there, cracking her knuckles, a look of pure rage on her face. “Drop my best friend. Right now.”

“Pfff. And what is a pathetic priest going to do?” Sylvia snorted, sneering at Aqua and lifting Kazuma up with her tail. “I’ve heard about you. You call yourself a goddess, but you can’t even fight a giant toad! What are you going to do, spray water at me?”

“HYDRO PUMP!” Aqua roared, and extended both hands towards Syvlia. A jet of water slammed into Slyvia so hard that she left both her shoes behind as she was knocked through the square and into the statue of the griffin. The stone itself was cracked by the force, and when the water cut off, the general looked like she’d been scoured with acid.

“W-woah,” Kazuma rasped, getting shakily back to his feet and fumbling with Chunchumaru. “Why can’t you do that more often?!”

“Huh? Oh, well, I mean, I was just sorta mad she was being so mean to you. Only I’m allowed to do that!” Aqua huffed, blowing a lock of her hair back onto the top of her head. She grinned at Kazuma. “Plus, you left without covering our tab! And I’m not washing dishes all night.”

“What!? How much did you drink!? I gave them 10,000 eris!? You useless goddess, how could you-”

Aqua suddenly shoved Kazuma, and he went flying back, just as Sylvia’s tail slammed into the ground where he’d been standing. “ENOUGH! I’m taking my new pet, and leaving this forsaken backwater! There’s nothing but maniacs and-”

“LIGHT! OF! SABER!”

Slyvia looked down at the giant spear of plasma that was embedded in her sternum. She blinked comically, then looked up to see Arue standing there, panting, her hair askew and robe disheveled. “I…Hate…Crimson…Demons…”

“I am…Arue! Foremost…Author…of the Crimson…Demons…” Arue coughed, struggling to stay upright. “And you will die!”

“RAAAAGH!” Sylvia opened her mouth, and instead of blood, flame spewed out. Arue yipped in panic and had to dive behind a low stone wall as Sylvia staggered forward, the hole in her chest slowly knitting shut. “I…cannot be killed…so…EASILY!”

“Blessing,” Aqua whispered, tagging Kazuma. Strength and power surged through him, and she gave him a thumbs up. “Go save your girlfriend!”

“Uh, right,” Kazuma said, gripping his sword. He put lurk on himself, then hurried forward as Slyvia’s flames inched towards Arue. He lined up his shot, then stabbed Sylvia in the hole in her chest.

“Oh, for the love of…” Slyvia groaned.

Kazuma put a hand on her shoulder. “Drrrrain touch.”

Slyvia slumped into his arms, the energy draining out of her. Kazuma caught her, slowly lowering her to the ground.

“B-but…I loved you,” Sylvia whispered, even as the point of Chunchumaru stuck out of her chest.

“Really?” Kazuma asked, feeling guilty.

“You would…have made…a great…femboy…bottom…”

“Yeah, I don’t think this relationship would work out. Say hello to Beldia and Hans in hell for me,” Kazuma said, and sucked the last of the life out of Sylvia. Then he turned over and vomited profusely.

When he looked up, Arue was looking at him, her eyes slightly wide and wild. “That…that was…”

“Uh…”Kazuma wiped at his mouth. “I um, I just…”

“Incredible! Amazing! The powerful sorceress saves her beloved from the vile chimera, only for her to turn the tables on her! At the last moment, her love breaks the enchantment upon him, slaying the beast, and carrying the sorceress off in his arms!” Arue gasped, clutching her pen to her chest, her eyes distant and dreamy.

“Wait, are you…?”

That was as far as Kazuma got though, because then the entire rest of the village showed up. By the time he was done being interrogated, or well, Aqua was, as she nominated herself to tell their heroic (and highly embellished, not that Kazuma minded) tale, Arue was nowhere to be seen.

“Out for a late night stalking, Kazutrash?” Megumin growled, glaring at Kazuma as she stalked forward, wearing her cape and hat along with her pajamas.

“Um, M-Megumin, I-I don’t think he was harassing Arue… it sounds like they met by accident, and, um-” Yunyun blushed and looked down as she trailed after Megumin. “I-I don’t think from what we saw that, she, uh…”

“I didn’t ask you! Hmph. Well, I, at least, will go do something productive! Come on, Yunyun!” Megumin grabbed Yunyun’s arm and hauled her off, which made Kazuma wonder what they had planned.

“I will see to it they do not get in too much trouble,” Darkness said with a sigh. She looked at Kazuma, blushing and wagging her finger at him. “The next time a powerful monster throws you about, you should let me know, that I might protect you!”

“Yeah, trust me, I definitely will,” Kazuma said with a roll of his eyes.

It was sometime later that he finally collapsed into bed, but before he drifted off to sleep, he wondered just what Arue was up to.

Then he woke up when the earth shook and the entire sky lit up like dawn despite it being 3:00 in the morning as Megumin blew up the rest of the Devil King’s forces. Damn lunatic Explosion mage.

In the morning, Megumin got a scolding for “destroying the new tourist attraction,” while Kazuma got a medal. It was unfortunately just gilded brass, but it looked cool so he accepted it. However, Arue wasn’t there at the ceremony, and when Kazuma asked, he was told she’d disappeared to her “secret lair.”

“Why, so you can perv on her again, Kazutrash?” Megumin demanded.

“So they can have victory sex, duh,” Aqua told Megumin, which made her and Yunyun go flaming red, while Darkness started moaning and panting.

“She, well, she fought Sylvia too! I, er, wanted to share the medal with her!” Kazuma protested.

“Bring flowers, and chocolate!” Aqua advised. “And don’t use protection! I want to make sure my best buddy has a kid for me to look out for!”

“I, uh…” Shit, what if Arue was pregnant?! “...I’ll get some flowers…” And some condoms.

When Kazuma arrived back at the “secret lair” that literally everyone knew about and knocked, he was met with only silence. He adjusted the bouquet of flowers he’d gotten from Arue’s parent’s shop, which had been extremely embarrassing when he’d realized who they were. “Arue? It’s me? I, um, brought flowers…” And condoms, though he’d had to make them himself. Good thing he had the crafting skill…

There was a rustling sound, and a moment later, Arue threw the door open, blinking at him with bleary eyes. She was wearing a black chemise with purple lace and a red bow on the front, which drove absolutely everything out of Kazuma’s head.

“Oh, there you are. I’m not finished yet. Who are the flowers for? They’re very nice, I grew them myself,” Arue said sleepily, yawning and smacking her lips.

“Oh, uh…they were for you, actually,” Kazuma stammered. “B-but I got you some chocolate too…”

“I prefer coffee,” Arue sighed, taking the chocolate and flowers. She sniffed them, then handed the flowers back to Kazuma and took a big bite of chocolate. “Mmm. You should keep the flowers.”

Then she shut the door in Kazuma’s face, leaving him with the flowers and feeling rather baffled. He shuffled off, not certain what to do. In the end, he just took the Teleport back to Axel with the girls, though Megumin protested.

“I don’t know what I want to hold his NEET hand. Since Arue has realized her mistake and shot him down, he is certain to have been misusing it.”

“Well, K-Kazuma is my friend, and I’m not casting Teleport until everyone is h-holding hands,” Yunyun stated, blushing and glancing at Kazuma sideways.

“Fine. But I’m holding yours. He can hold Aqua’s and Darkness’. I wouldn’t want my best friend to have her honor stained by him,” Megumin snapped.

They ended up back in Axel a short time later, and Kazuma went to turn in the bounty for Sylvia. There was another big party, but it felt extremely hollow. He drank and sang along with the Adventurers, who were very excited that Kazuma was buying, none more so than Aqua. But he ended up moping at the bar, staring into his drink.

“What’s wrong, Kazuma? We got lots of money now! You should be happy!” Aqua laughed, shoving another ale towards him.

“Yeah, I guess,” Kazuma muttered. “I’m rich now. I should just hole up in the mansion.”

“Huh? No going back to being a hikkiNEET, Kazuma!” Aqua huffed. Then a look of compassion came over her face. “Sorry it didn’t work out with Arue. Try hitting on Darkness or Megumin! Maybe even Yunyun? You’ll find a girl, don’t worry!”

“I guess,” Kazumam mumbled, sitting up enough to stick his face in the ale and sip at it.

“Hey, when trouble comes, you should just drink until you feel better! It’s probably society’s fault you’re miserable anyway!” Aqua told him, rubbing Kazuma’s back. “Sorry the flowers didn’t work. I didn’t realize Arue’s family were florists. Next time, I’ll make a special greeting card, just for you?”

“How would that have helped?” Kazuma snapped. “She didn’t want anything to do with me!”

“You’ve never seen my greeting cards! Now cheer up! Hey Darkness, Kazuma needs a rebound chick, help me find him one!”

Once Kazuma finished dying of embarrassment and crawled out from under the table, he did have something of a good time. He did tell Darkness he wasn’t up for a rebound just yet, and even Megumin seemed to realize how bad he felt.

“I suppose you have been punished enough,” Megumin told Kazuma. “We will find a quest of sufficient difficulty tomorrow. It must be extra challenging, for it must both have targets for my Explosion Magic, and for Yunyun to get enough skill points that she can learn Explosion Magic.”

“Wait, what?” Kazuma said, frowning and looking to Yunyun, who tried to hide behind her own glass of grape juice.

“I-I, um, I-”

“I have decided that I refuse to be as sexually inexperienced as you, and as such, my new girlfriend is joining the party,” Megumin sniffed. Then she grabbed Yunyun, who squealed and struggled, at least until her lips locked onto Megumin’s. Then she moaned and melted into Megumin’s arms, which seemed to surprise Megumin, at least at first.

“Huh.” Kazuma said, blinking. He glanced at Darkness. “So, uh, about that rebound thing…”

“No, Kazuma,” Darkness said, shaking her head and sighing. “Perhaps, in a fortnight, or even a week, if you s-still wish, to, um…b-bed me…but not right now. While I do desire a perverse man with no scruples who would force me to use my body to pleasure him…I am the one who enjoys pain. I do not enjoy seeing you in pain, and I would not see you hurt yourself only for my pleasure.”

Tears filled Kazuma’s eyes, and he hung his head. “You…”

“I know I am a worthless crusader, b-but I am firm on this, Kazuma, and even if you were to sneak into my room and tie me up, I-I would resist you and-”

“Don’t ruin it, Darkness. You’re…a good friend,” Kazuma sniffled. Then he looked up, raising his mug. “LET’S GET WASTED TONIGHT! I KICKED ASS, AND I GOT LAID! WHO CARES IF I EVER SEE THAT FLOOZY AGAIN!”

“Who is the floozy? This looks like a place with many loose women, but I confess that may be my inherent bias against outsiders.”

“No, actually, most of the girls here know that the Adventurers are a bunch of useless bums, and even if the guild girls dress look cute they’ll slap you sooner than they’ll- ARUE?!”

Kazuma nearly fell off his bench, and did spill a good bit of his ale as he spun about to see who was sitting next to him.

She was dressed in yet another new outfit, this one a high peaked witches hat, a very low cut dress with a dangerously short skirt that Aqua would have approved of, and a choker with a red gem on the throat. She was looking down suspiciously at a glass of wine, as well as a plate of lizard burgers. Beside her plate was a notebook, with the words “Beauty, the Beast, and the Outsider” on the cover in bright red ink.

“Yes?” she turned to him, blinking. “That is disappointing though. A tavern full of loose women is exactly the sort of place where my research could be most productive. Still, I suppose I could fabricate a scintillating tale of a barmaid attempting to resist the seductive wiles of an Adventurer, only to allow herself to be wooed into his bed by his honeyed words and handsome features.”

“I, uh…I was just… look, I didn’t mean to call you a floozy, and, uh, I was kidding about sleeping with Darkness. We’re, um, just good friends,” Kazuma stammered.

“Oh? Hmm, I suppose…yes.” Arue got up, turning her back to Kazuma. “Do continue flirting with your crusader friend.” Then she walked off, leaving her food and her notebook.

Heart still pounding in his chest, Kazuma laid his head on the table. She’d come back, and he’d just ruined it?! “I’m such an idiot…”

“Don’t be dumb, Kazutrash.”

He looked up to glare at Megumin, who was now sitting on a very embarrassed Yunyun’s lap, with Yunyun’s lipstick smeared on her cheek. “You simply do not understand Arue.”

“I guess not! I thought she was done with me, but then she shows up and hears me insult her and try to get into Darkness’ pants!” Kazuma whimpered, banging his forehead on the table.

“I-I do not wear pants, b-but if you find those comely…w-wearing men’s clothes?! How scandalous!” Darkness muttered, biting her lip and blushing again.

“No, stop being stupid and listen,” Megumin huffed, turning around to face Kazuma. “Arue is weird.”

“All women are weird, and Crimson Demons are weirder,” Kazuma grumbled, but he paused in banging his head on the table and looking up. Dare he hope…?

“If there was ever one individual to match you in your perverse and unnatural ways, it would be Arue,” Megumin sighed.

“Says the girl sitting on Yunyun’s lap,” Kazuma huffed.

Megumin blushed, but didn’t adjust her position. “That is different. We are dating.”

“Um, w-what Megumin means is, uh…Arue…she’s always, ah, writing her… stories,” Yunyun said, peeking over Megumin’s shoulder. “A-and, well… she has very strange… ideas.”

“What Yunyun means is that Arue has a filthy mind. She has written stories about all of us from the Red Prison class engaging in perverse acts with each other, or with boys from the village, or fictional ones,” Megumin sighed, shaking her head. “Even the other Crimson Demons find her predilections to be too much. And I think I know what she wants to do.”

“And, um…she probably does want you to flirt with Darkness,” Yunyun added. “Though, uh… I’m not sure about that…”

“I-I would not mind some flirting!” Darkness said eagerly.

“Yeah, hold on. Are you saying she didn’t just go home?” Kazuma demanded, finally sitting up and rubbing his bruised forehead.

“Just read the book. You would enjoy that sort of trash,” Megumin said, curling her lip. Then she turned back to Yunyun. “Now hold still. I’m going to give you a hickey.”

“Waaa! Megumin! I-I don’t even know if I’m gay, d-don’t just…just…oooooh….mmmm~”

Darkness started to pant excitedly again, while Aqua beamed. “Seems like you might get a happy ending after all! This calls for the good bubbly! Oh, Luna! Kazuma said he’s buying me the really good stuff tonight!”

“No I didn’t you, you useless lush of a goddess,” Kazuma muttered, but he knew Aqua hadn’t heard him and didn’t push it. Instead, he picked up the notebook, turned it to a random page, and started to read.

As Arue stealthily crept along the dank corridor, her heart pounding in her chest, she heard a cry ahead. Pausing with her back pressed against the cold dankness of the wall, she held her breath to listen.

“Do you not find my form pleasing? I can take any shape, fulfill any desire,” a rich, husky voice like smooth velvet purred. “Whatever your wildest dream, I can fulfill it… for I am the Shaper of Flesh, the Chimera of Pleasures!”

“No!” Hearing only the word made Arue’s heart flutter in her chest, and she gasped softly, pressing her hand to her lips. “Though you take on the form of sensuality itself, my heart yearns for another! Though we have been parted long years, I can think only of the Crimson beauty of her eyes, and the rich tracts of land she bears, or of the sweet perfumed scent of her rosy lips.”

“Rich tracts of land?” Kazuma muttered, his eyebrow raising at the turn of phrase. There was no way. That weird metaphor was too specific.

“Oh, brave adventurer, please, tell me, a humble barmaid, of your heroic feats and exploits!”

Looking up, Kazuma’s jaw dropped, and he actually panted a bit. Arue was standing there, but she was dressed up as a guild girl, her long curly hair pulled back into a loose braid by her purple bow, and she was smiling at him and holding out two mugs of ale.

“I, uh…” Kazuma blinked, glancing around. What was he supposed to do?!

Something poked him in the side, and he turned to see a serious-looking Aqua. “Play along! You’ve played plenty of VNs and eroges! This is one of those events!” Then she gave him a thumbs up.

Nodding, Kazuma returned the thumbs up, then leered at Arue. “Well, maybe I can tell you a story or two, missy, but I don’t know that a simple barmaid can handle the heroic exploits of Sato Kazuma himself!”

“Oh, I have heard of your legendary exploits, Sir Kazuma!” Arue set down the ales and fluttered her eyelashes at Kazuma. “But how could you be interested in a humble barmaid like me?”

“Well, actually,” Kazuma swallowed, and looked down at the notebook in his hands. “There is…someone else…”

“Oh?”

Hot breath tingled Kazuma’s skin, and he looked up to see Arue had her face right in his, her head tilted slightly to the side, a neutral expression on her face.

“I, uh…” Looking down again, Kazuma swallowed. “You see…I met this girl… at first, I didn’t know what to make of her. I mean, she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen! Dark, curly hair, beautiful red eyes, g-giant tracts of land-”

“Vast tracts of land,” Arue corrected.

“R-right. Um, anyway…we went way to fast, a-and it was all sort of a misunderstanding and an accident…but even though I’ve only know her for a day…I think I’m falling in love with her…she’s got a great body, and, well, she’s a freak like me, and I actually kinda like her writing-”

“You do!?” Kazuma let out a gasp as he was tackled to the ground, and he groaned, looking up into the grinning face of Arue. “What do you like best?!”

“Well, I mean, it's pretty sexy, and with a little editing, I think she really could be a best-selling author. I, uh, I know some of the women in this town, and they, uh, they’re into that sort of literature…especially if she could bring herself to write yaoi…”

By the time Kazuma trailed off, Arue’s nose was touching his, eye eyes gleaming with delight. “Truly? You would be my editor!? And help me find a publisher!?”

“Yeah, I know a guy,” Kazuma said, thinking of Vanir. “And trust me, that bawdy romance stuff totally has a market. And, well, it’s the best stuff I’ve read in a long time. I-”

Kazuma was cut off when Arue planted her lips on his. He closed his eyes, then reached up and hugged her too him. To his surprise, she rolled over so that he ended up on top, both of them basping.

“WOOOO HOOO! YOU GO KAZUMA”! Dust shouted, raising a mug. The other men laughed and cheered, and Kazuma felt like his cheeks were on fire.

“Uh, sorry, they’re a bit…lewd,’ Kazuma stammered, sitting up and blushing.

“It is well, I will learn the customs of outsiders,” Arue said seriously.

“Well the first one is that when I hire a girl, I expect her to work, not to canoodle.”

Kazuma and Arue looked up to see Luna glaring down at them, tapping her foot impatiently on the floor. “We’ve got people to serve, and quest paperwork to file! You can play with your boyfriend in your off time. Back to work!”

“Hey, she’s doing a very important service,” Kazuma protested. “Besides, aren’t I your best customer?”

“Aqua just blew through the last of the money you gave me,” Luna said, jerking a thumb over her shoulder to where Aqua was drinking straight out of the bottle of some very expensive wine.

“What if I give you 100,000 eris to let her goof off?” Kazuma suggested.

“I have 14 quests that need to be done in the morning worth more than that.”

“...and we promise to clear out your backlog?”

Luna smiled and reached down, lifting out Kazuma’s purse. “I’ll just be holding on to this for you then.”

Kazuma almost protested, but then looked down at Arue. “So, I uh…are we?”

“We must conduct more research,” Arue gasped. “What you said was very flattering, but I need you to pretend to be a harded adventurer attempting to woo an innocent girl from a small village who has just come to the big city. That shall be the subject of my next novel.”

“And by woo…?” Kazuma said, getting up and helping Arue to her feet.

“You must flirt with me shamelessly, while this lusty noblewomen in disguise attempts to seduce you,” Arue said, nodding to the very flustered Darkness. “However, you are obviously to her wiles, and trick me to accompanying you home, where I eventually am forced to be your live in maid, and-”

“Say no more. I was born for this,” Kazuma vowed. He sat back down, then eyed Arue. “But, er, about Darkness… is she, uh…?”

“Obviously, you will remain faithful to your love, and your heart will belong only to the innocent girl instead of the worldly noblewoman,” Arue said, blushing heavily and breathing hard.

“W-wordly?! D-do you accuse me of being a woman of the streets?!” Darkness groaned, writhing happily.

“Hmm, perhaps later. For now…and scene! ACTION!” Arue ordered.

Kazuma did his best to play the role, but Arue really got into things, and so did he. By midnight, they were back in Kazuma’s room in the mansion, and Kazuma was desperately trying to remember how to put on a condom as Arue lay naked on his bed.

“What is that?” Arue asked curiously.

“Uh, its’...er…so you don’t get pregnant,” Kazuma explained. “I mean, I-I do love you, but-”

“Ah, yes. Do not bother. I have cast the contraceptive spell upon myself. It would be foolish to have a child when I am yet unpublished, as supporting a family is an expensive endeavor. I see I was wise to choose you as my editor,” Arue said with a nod. She spread her legs. “Now, quickly. The moment of passion is upon us!”

Dropping the condom, Kazuma hurried over, sliding into Arue as they both groaned in pleasure. This time, he lasted a bit longer, and Arue had him try a few positions for “research purposes.”

However, as soon as he finished, she got up out of bed, wiped herself off with a rag, used the chamber pot, and then pulled out a notebook. She walked over to the desk in the corner and started writing furiously.

With a grunt, Kazuma got up and went over, watching over her shoulder. A moment later, Arue pushed him away. “Do not watch as I work. You are too distracting. If you must, pull out my other notebook and begin editing it.”

“Don’t, you know, you want to cuddle? Or sleep together? Or something?” Kazuma said, feeling utterly lame as he did so.

Arue paused, tapping her quill on her lips and getting more ink there. “I…suppose. I could wait until morning. It would be…interesting research…yes. Let us cuddle.”

They got back in bed together, still naked, and Arue snuggled up to Kazuma. “Mmm. Yes. This is nice.”

Kazuma smelled her hair, then pulled Arue close. “Yeah. I guess…I guess it is. Are you…” his throat closed up, and he couldn’t keep going. He was too afraid to hear the answer.

“Pregnant? No, I told you, I used the spell,” Arue replied, looking into his eyes.

“No, I mean…will you stay? With me?” Kazuma rasped, his heart thudding in his chest.

“Oh, yes. I bid my parents farewell and informed them I would be seeking inspiration in the wide world. I found my muse was distracted in my old lair. YOu are a very good source of inspiration, and you are adroit at helping me realize scenes. Naturally, I will require that I stay with you.”

“You mean…you, um…you want to date me?”

“Hmm.” Arue furrowed her brow, and Kazuma’s heart sank. He knew it. Someone as hot as her would never-

“Ah yes, Megumin mentioned you were a few years older than her, so…19?” Arue guessed.

Kazuma’s mind went blank, then he started laughing.

“What? Am I so far off?” Arue asked, sounding rather perturbed now.

Kazuma pulled her into a kiss, wrapping his arms about her. At first, her eyes went wide with shock, but then she wrapped her arms around Kazuma, enthusiastically returning the kiss. After a couple of minutes, Kazuma broke apart, both of them gasping for air and giggling.

“I didn’t mean…what I meant was, are we, you know, together? Are you…are you my girlfriend?” Kazuma giggled.

“Of course not,” Arue sniffed. “Megumin, Darkness, Aqua, and Yunyun are your girlfriends.”

“...I have a feeling you don’t mean they’re my harem. You mean they’re my friends who are girls, right?”

“What else would I mean?” Arue asked, her brow furrowing again. She was very cute when she did that, Kazuma decided. “Hmm, a harem though… I shall observe Megumin and Yunyun. I will only agree to a harem if I find I am also attracted to the woman in question, and I decide I do not mind sharing my editor. I have already determined I find women attractive, though in a different way then men. I do rather enjoy writing romances between women, but also men. Hmmm. Would you consent to taking a male lover? Naturally, he would have to be as skilled as you, and also appreciate literature and be willing to assist you in your editing duties.”

“I, uh, I’m not into yaoi.” When Arue gave him a blank look, Kazuma clarified, “I am not into dudes. I, uh…yeah. No reverse harem.”

“Ah, I see. Then you must understand if I also decline to take a female lover,” Arue said, nodding seriously.

“You’re more than enough woman for me. Honest,” Kazuma swore. “If you’re the first and only woman I’m with, that’s fine by me.”

Arue beamed at him, then slid down. “Hmm. We have not tried oral sex yet. Let me see…ah, you are erect already! Tell me if this feels good as I take you in my mouth.”

As it turned out, blowjobs were even better than Kazuma had imagined, and Arue coached him through returning the favor. After that, they both drifted off to sleep, still in one another’s arms in a sweaty mess. In the future, Arue insisted that Kazuma launder their sheets nightly. He never really minded.

With a little editing (especially changing the names of the guilty and innocent alike and toning down the prose from ultraviolet to merely purple) Kazuma approached the succubi, who were absolutely delighted to help Kazum and Arue get published. Arue was also extremely interested in “shared erotic dreams,” and informed Kazuma that “dreams were no more cheating than books.”

Before long, Arue’s books had a huge following in Axel, then throughout Belzerg, and even beyond. They did a signing tour in Elroad, during which Arue informed Kazuma she was pregnant. She hadn’t bothered to tell him when she was off the contraceptive spell.

Of course, there was plenty of other work to be done. Luna made sure that she took advantage of having two proper Crimson Demons in Axel, and worked Kazuma relentlessly to keep the quest board clear. Yunyun moved into the mansion and stopped pretending she wasn’t gay, with Megumin firmly insisting that she was ‘just as experienced as Kazuma and Arue.’

To Darkness’ disappointment, Arue spent one night making out with her, but when she saw Kazuma kiss Darkness, decided she was against harems. Kazuma later realized he’d dodged a bullet, as there was no way he could keep up with two women with sex drives that would have had every other man in Belzerg jealous on their own.

Aqua was thrilled when Arue and Kazuma got married, though Megumin wasn’t. She ended up marrying Yunyun exactly one week before Kazuma and Arue got hitched and smugly informed Kazuma Yunyun and she were both having twins.

The world never recovered from the Four Terrors, but at least Megumin got all that karma that was coming to her. Yunyun probably didn’t deserve it though.Fortunately, they survived, even if the Devil King didn’t.

As for Kazuma and Arue, after one child, Arue determined she was done, citing that pregnancy and child-rearing interfered with her writing time. Kazuma was disappointed that meant they would never have a little girl, but his ‘nieces’ from Megumin and Yunyun mostly satisfied that for him.

Darkness eventually did find a husband, after Kazuma finally convinced her that no, Arue wasn’t going to let him have a mistress.

Aqua sort of forgot to return to heaven, and when pressed, told Kazuma she was using her “vacation days.”

Arue ended up becoming the Foremost Author of the Crimson Demon Clan in truth, though her books were most assuredly the sort you did NOT bring up in polite company, even if they were a huge hit amongst the nobility and commoners alike.

Kazuma’s wife never did stop being a bit of a weirdo, but that was part of why he loved her. They ended up retiring to the Crimson Demon Village, which was the land of weirdos, so they fit in anyway. And when the final chapter of their own story came to a close, Aqua sniffed, cried for hours, and closed the book. Then she took up with Kazuma’s grandchildren, and great grand children. One story had ended, but another would always begin.

Fin

Well, I guess there’s just one more to go.