The Second Archon War, Carmen Dei 12 (Patreon)

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Beta’d and edited by Dr Feelgood, Philosophysics, and The Grand Cogitator.

It had been a slow day at the bar, largely because of the ongoing cape fight. People were staying at home, which meant business was poor. That wasn’t something Franz could really afford. His beer garden, the Dandelion's Breeze, wasn’t doing so well anyway. He’d sent the rest of the staff home, but he didn’t feel like heading back himself. His daughter and wife, Natasha and Ada, were back inside, doing inventory and cleaning in the kitchen. None of them wanted to go home and simply sit around. He half hoped he’d get a few customers, but he wasn’t hopeful.

Sighing, Franz swept the path between the kitchen and the outdoor seating under the trees. This beer garden had been in operation since the first part of the 19th century. It was far from the oldest in Berlin, but it had almost 200 years of history. He didn’t want to be the one to lose the family business, but it wasn’t looking good. Times were tough in Germany, and it was hard to make ends meet.

He looked up into the sky and blinked. It had been dark, despite being midafternoon, but the clouds were breaking up. He hadn’t heard thunder in the last minute or so either. Was it over, then?

As he was pondering that, he caught sight of two figures descending towards him, and his broom clattered from his numb hands as he looked up, horrified.

The Raiden Shogun herself was walking down a path she was making from purple sparks in midair, while a green-cloaked girl- wait, no, boy? He wasn’t sure…anyway, another individual hovered beside her. The green one was dressed in odd-looking clothes, like something from Oktoberfest, while the Shogun wore her purple Kimono with scandalously short skirts. He hastily cast his eyes down and said a brief prayer. He wasn’t a religious man, but when the most powerful parahuman on the planet and the person she’d been chasing for the past couple of hours headed for you, prayer was about the only option a mere mortal had left.

“Don’t worry, we’re not here to wreck your beer garden!” a cheery voice called.

Franz looked up in astonishment as the two capes touched down, then strolled up to Franz, who was cringing still. He was taller than both of them if he stood up straight, but his heart was hammering in his ears, and he felt like his knees were about to give out.

“Table for two?” the green one asked. Raiden nodded silently.

Franz blinked, then slowly stood up, his brow furrowing. “Uh, we are open…you can have a seat anywhere…”

“Excellent! You do have dandelion wine, don’t you? A bottle and two glasses for my friend and I, and something tasty as a side dish!” the green one said, leading Raiden over to a table in the shade of the oak that had been planted when the Dandelion's Breeze had first opened, a mighty tree indeed by this point.

“I…yes! It’s not very popular, but my wife and I brew it ourselves,” Franz said, nodding as his head spun so hard he felt dizzy.

“Perfect! I knew I liked you, Franz!” the boy said, they definitely seemed like a boy.

“Er, yes, it’ll be right out, Mister…?”

“Venti! And you can call my friend…what do the mortals call you now?”

“Raiden,” the Endslayer said, pausing to lift her finger and pluck a bright red oak left from a low-hanging branch.

“Bit on the nose, but eh, I can’t talk. I go by Venti Luft myself.”

“It will be right out,” Franz said, and rushed back inside. Natasha looked up from where she’d been counting the bottles of beer and wine they had behind the counter, while Ada peeked her head in from the kitchen, kerchiefs on both their heads.

“Customers!” Franz sputtered. “Dandelion wine! Food! Quickly!”

“Oh, who are they?” Natasha said, standing up and peering through the window. She let out a squeak and stumbled back, bumping against the back shelf and slumping to the floor, hands over her mouth.

“What is it?” Ada said, wiping her hands on a rag and starting to leave. “Who is it?”

“Raiden!” Franz said, waving his hands. “And the one she was chasing! They…they want drink! Food! Hurry!”

Ada gave her husband a look like he’d goosed her, then raced back into the kitchen. Natasha got to shaky feet, taking out a pad of paper. “What…what do they want?”

“Dandelion wine! Quick, the batch from ‘99! That was my best year!” Franz urged, and Natasha quickly handed him a bottle and two glasses, which Franz hurried back out to the two capes. One of which was the leader of Japan. A queen in her own right! A goddess!

With shaking hands, Franz set the bottle and glasses on the table. “My wife, she is making schnitzel now, but we have some potato chips if you would like those…?”

“Of course! Make enough for…” Venti cocked his head to one side, holding up fingers as he appeared to count to himself. “At least a dozen!”

“Oh? Who is coming?” Raiden asked, though she seemed completely calm.

“Your pet dragon and his mate, your ward and her friend, a ninja, my two bandmates, a himbo, the Cookie Monster, and the leader of the Meisters,” Venti said with a shrug. “They’ll be here in a few minutes, you’ll have to introduce me to your new companions. I didn’t think you were one to adopt!”

“Eternity is…lonesome, at times. Mediation was not enough to stave off Erosion. There must be an anchor. Family, friends, they are needed,” Raiden said with a slight shrug.

“Couldn’t agree more!” Venti said with a nod. “Oh, will your other daughter be coming?”

“Perhaps. I have been reading on how to bring up a child. It is…different from my previous experiences.”

“Well, don’t put her in time out on my account!” Venti laughed, and Franz turned to go. A dozen people? Well, that wasn’t a proper crowd, but it was a good start!

When he came back out with the chips, there was a second woman, this one also Japanese, sitting beside Raiden. She was dressed in a dark purple kimono, with black hair, and looked to be a teenage version of Raiden. By her expression, she was sulking, and Franz felt a strange pang of sympathy for the Raiden Shogun. Natasha was 22 now, but he could well remember the moodiness of his own daughter at that age.

“What will you have, miss?” Franz asked.

“Tsu,” Venti said, pointing. “This is Franz! And I must say, this dandelion wine? Excellent!”

“I do not drink alcohol, nor sugary drinks,” Tsu said, her tone frosty. “They are the enemies of Eternity.”

“She will have tea,” Raiden said, a familiar look of exasperation on her face.

“Of course, of course,” Franz agreed, setting down the chips. He noted that the bottle of dandelion wine was practically gone, and from how Venti was draining his current glass, Franz had a pretty good idea of why. “Another bottle?”

“Of course! Though, do you have sake?” Venti asked.

“Sorry, no. Beer and wine only, no hard spirits,” Franz said apologetically.

“Japanese beers?” Venti asked, and Franz nodded at that.

“Several, sir. Sapporo, Yebishu, Kirin-”

“Ah, Kirin sounds perfect! A bottle of that for my friend and tea for her daughter. Uh, if anyone asks, she’s eighteen,” Venti said, leaning towards Franz and dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.

“Of course, a Kirin and tea, and another bottle of dandelion wine,” Franz agreed, and bustled out and back, then returned a few minutes later with the platter of schnitzel, just as a giant dragon touched down and nearly made him faint.

The dragon growled something in Japanese, which Raiden replied to, while Franz tried not to have another heart attack. Then the dragon shrank down to the size of a man, a rather famous one at that. Franz realized he should have known who it was: Lord Mushu, the only other living Endslayer. Though most of the credit did still go to Raiden, everyone knew that Mushu was perhaps the second strongest cape in the world, except for those fools who thought Eidolon or Alexandria was stronger. Franz hadn’t ever heard of the Americans killing an Endbringer.

“What will you have, sir?” Franz asked, smiling at the man as Raiden handed him a robe she pulled out of thin air and tried to ignore the fact that he was naked.

“Beer,” Mushu grunted, and Franz decided to make it a Kirin. When he came back, Mushu and the teenager were sitting at a table some distance from the other two, who were still talking, and simply staring at one another. Franz wondered if this was Mushu’s and Raiden’s daughter. No, impossible. Mushu was about Natasha’s age, while Raiden was…how old was she? Franz wasn’t stupid enough to ask, not by a long shot. You were dumb enough to ask a normal woman her age. Forget asking one that could carve mountains in half.

Just as he was serving Mushu his beer, there was a crackle of thunder, and he had to wonder what madness was coming this time. It turned out to be a unicorn made of lightning with shimmering scales thundering down out of the sky with three more customers: two young girls, and a young woman.

The young girls ran over to Raiden, while the woman sat down next to Mushu. One was the Japanese Imperial princess Ami, the other was Clara Mueller, a girl with a German father who had become something of a companion for the princess. More renowned celebrities. Perhaps Franz could use this in advertising later?

“Ah, what will you have, then?” Franz asked, trying to pretend that they’d arrived like normal people as the unicorn shrank down and became a little dragon.

“Beer,” Mushu grunted, pointing to the young woman, which appeared to be about the only German word he knew.

However, his companion shook her head and said something else. Whatever it was, it so astonished Mushu that he grew three feet and sprouted horns, and broke the bench and table he was sitting at.

That caused a bit of an uproar, with the various Japanese dignitaries all coming over and exclaiming along with Venti. Mushu was crying now, and then he kissed his companion and they were both crying, with the two children jumping about and shouting excitedly.

“Ah, it’s no bother, the bench, it is fine,” Franz said hastily. “Please, you do not need to go.”

“No, no, that’s not it, Keiga just told Mushu she’s pregnant,” Venti explained with a laugh. “She says no alcohol for her.”

Franz beamed at this, and pounded Mushu on the back, grinning as he pumped the young man’s hand. “Congratulations! It is a wonderful thing to be a father! Your next drink is on me!”

Then he turned around in time to see Raiden make a gesture, and the bench and table flew back together, though now veins of purple ran through where it had broken. He had himself a long overdue drink before carrying the next round back out, where he found the party had doubled in size.

“Hey gramps!” a tall young man said, waving happily to him. He was bare-chested, which looked cold to Franz in this frosty weather, but then again, if he had been young and there had been so many lovely young women around, he might have gone bare-chested in the middle of winter too if he’d ever had such fine muscles as this boy. “Can we get some drinks over here?”

He was sitting with three young women, all of them in odd costumes that would have pegged them as capes even before Franz spotted the Visions on their persons. One with red hair, one with black hair, and the other with green hair. Yes. Definitely capes.

“Of course, of course, what will you be having? Are you with the other party?” Franz asked.

“Eh, just some beers for me. Whatever Mushu is having, I can handle! How about you, ladies?”

“The house beer,” the green-haired one said.

“Red wine for us,” the redhead said, indicating her dark-haired companion, who was glowering over at Venti and Raiden for some reason. They’d gone back to a private table away from both this and the Japanese table, where Franz realized another woman had sat, and hurried over to take her order.

“Miss Tengan will have a Kirin beer,” the little dragon said, which Franz struggled to take with equanimity. “My Mistress and Miss Clara will have colas.”

“At once. And food?” Franz asked.

“Pretzels!” Clara said excitedly, apparently following the conversation. “Big soft ones!”

“Yes, of course,” Franz agreed and dashed back even as Natasha hustled out with more drinks. “Take the food order of the table over there, I forgot.”

“Yes, papa,” Natasha agreed, grinning at the bare-chested young man and hurrying over to him.

Well. The half-naked boy might have nice muscles, but he wasn’t poaching Natasha. She needed a good boy who could help her run this place one day, not one of those reckless capes.

Not long after, Vornheim appeared, from where Franz had no idea, and politely ordered the house beer and some fish while sitting with the other Germans, though one of the Japanese women, Sara, Franz thought? Was now sitting with the young man, which earned her a glare from Natasha when she overheard a snippet of conversation.

“We’re really dating! No, seriously, ask her! <Come on, Sara, tell them! We’re dating!>”

“<H-how did you know I was telling people we were dating, Itul!? Who told you?!>” Sara demanded, looking flustered.

“<Wait, hold on,>” the green-haired one everyone called “Cookie” for some reason demanded, putting her bottle of beer down. “<Were you two ACTUALLY dating? Because this idiot has been telling anyone who would listen that you were for years now!>”

Sara and Itul exchanged embarrassed looks, and at the same time said, “<Yes!>”

“<I don’t believe it,>” the dark-haired one, Capri, Franz thought? Yes, Capri, said with a snort of disgust.

“<Hey, I’m Itul ‘Never Tells a Lie Not Even a White One’ Armburst! Why wouldn’t you believe I could land a babe like her?>” the young man protested, though he was blushing and rubbing the back of his head.

“<Um, yes, we were absolutely dating, and I didn’t just tell my parents and other con goers that I had a boyfriend in Germany just to get them to stop bothering me,>” Sara muttered.

“<We’ve even had sex! So I’m not a virgin, Cookie!>”

“<Yes, definitely, we are very experienced!>” Sara agreed, both of their faces so red they looked like they’d had six times the number of beers they really had.

The Cookie in question did not look like she believed them, but neither did she look to care enough to voice her disbelief.

Vornheim let out a pained sigh, and stood up to go sit down at the Japanese table. “I might not understand what you all are saying, but surely your conversation is more refined than that mess.”

“Oh my gosh! You’re Vornheim!” Clara gasped. “I have all your toys!”

Ami let out a similar high-pitched squeal. “I love your show! Have you seen mine?! We should do a crossover episode!”

Vornheim looked like he’d bitten a lemon and motioned for another beer, which Franz hastily supplied, even as Ada hustled out with a tray of pretzels fresh out of the oven. It wasn’t the largest group they’d had, but they were certainly one of the more spirited ones.

Ei regarded the group of her family and familiars, and a feeling of warmth filled her. She had long striven to be cold, dispassionate, and distant, to not allow herself to feel or become involved in mortal affairs. Ever since…

“Barbatos. You knew of my sister, Baal?” Raiden said, the words popping out of her mouth before she could call them back.

Draining yet another glass of that vile wine, Ei could not comprehend how Barbatos could stand the stuff, the God of Freedom nodded. “Yes. She was one of the original Seven. There was a time when I would have called us friends, said we were close. Back when…”

“Back when I was but a shadow,” Ei said with a sigh. She looked down at her glass of soda. She had given up on beer. It was not bad, but she far preferred this sweet fizzy drink to the bitter beers. A tear rolled down her cheek. The first she had allowed herself in…well. Centuries.

“She was a good woman. And a wise and compassionate god. I miss her too,” Barbatos said quietly, reaching out to rest his hands on Ei’s.

“Yes. It has been five hundred years, and yet…the pain…” Ei squeezed her eyes shut. “Does it ever stop?”

Barbatos was quiet for a long time, and when Ei looked up, his cheeks were wet as well. Was it Makoto he mourned? Surely not. He had lost as well.

“No, it doesn’t. That’s our curse. What truly causes Erosion, I think. The weight of it all. The pain. The memories. We live so long. I’m relatively young compared to you or Morax, and yet…I think of Vanessa, of your sister, of so many others I have lost…and it still hurts. The pain never really goes away.”

They shared the silence for a while until there was a burst of laughter from the mortals. Ei looked up to see Mushu excitedly telling the German mortals of his coming child, and that Keiga had agreed to wed him. They were all congratulating her familiar through Clara and Murasaki, and they were all smiles. Mushu turned to grin at Ei, then saw her tears, and started, looking concerned.

She wiped them away and raised her glass in a silent toast. She smiled, and even though the pain was still there, her smile was genuine, and warm. Mushu relaxed and returned the grin. “BANZAI! TEN THOUSAND YEARS OF HAPPINESS!”

“BANZAI!” everyone roared, even Ei.

The mortals continued to celebrate, while Ei turned back to Barbatos. “I think I understand now. There is pain and sorrow, but also joy.”

“Yes.” Barbatos was smiling at Mushu and the others, though he seemed wistful. “They live such a short time, but they experience so much more… There have been times I wish I had taken a lover, sired or mothered a child. Is that why you adopted Ami, and made Tsukuyomi?”

“No,” Ei said quietly. “I wish it had been. My reasons were more…pragmatic.”

Barbatos turned to her, a look of puzzlement on his face.

What came next, Ei would not speak. Not in words. She took Barbato’s hand again, not even trusting to send the words through the air.

The Sustainer of this world. Have you met them?

That got Barbatos’s attention, and he turned back to her fully.

Yes. Once. Briefly. What are the Dictates?

I do not know. And I fear to ask. From what I have seen…

This one is just as merciful as Celestia ever was, Barbatos sent, and the look of his disgust gave his mental projection the lie. Wise of you. But what does that have to do with…?

Ei turned back to her retainers and felt a pang. We were not always alone, you and I. Andrius. Myself to my sister.

That took Barbatos a few moments to digest. So. You would take Dantilion’s route? She has been ever bitter about the death of her predecessor. If the rumors were true…

That path is not open to us. We have not the poisoned gift of Celestia, so I will not pursue that folly, as Dantilion did. Nor will I destroy this world to get my revenge. But…

But they gave us the names of the demons who cast down God for a reason.

What do you mean? I do not understand.

Ars Goetia. It’s a book from this world. Look it up some time. There are copies in the libraries here in Berlin, and I’ve studied them. Very interesting. It seems they too had the idea that it was Heaven who cast down the true gods in their cruel tyranny.

Perhaps. I will seek out this manuscript. What are your plans, Barbatos?

I am not certain…Have you found the remnants of the Dead God from this world?

Dead gods? I have searched for them, yes, but I have found none save the Sustainer.

Yes, but he is not…well. It is a matter of semantics. He is not of Celestia, nor one of our kin. He is something else.

,

Perhaps. What of this dead god? What happened to them? Where are all the gods of this world?

I don’t know. But I’m going to find out. Perhaps the Sustainer slew them.

That would have sent a shiver down Ei’s very soul if she’d allowed it. She kept her expression neutral. I would be interested to learn of this. My plans…

It might work. It might not. You thought yourself truly alone, didn’t you?

Yes. For a time. With you here, perhaps I should change my course.

Maybe. Keep at it. It would be good to have another generation to follow after us, should something happen. I will let you know what I learn.

Very well. Will you at last take up your proper mantle and lead these lost mortals?

Me? Oh, I don’t think so. They were doing well enough for themselves before I showed up. Just a few cockroaches that need exterminating.

Interesting, though Ei didn’t inquire what these roaches were. It would have been the height of rudeness to intrude upon another’s domain, and odd as Barbatos was, Mondstadt had been a prosperous land.

I propose an alliance then. Should a Cataclysm happen upon this world…

I won’t sit this one out. Not again. I’ll be there, on that dread day. And pray that it never comes.

Who would answer the prayer of a god?

A good question! I’ll let you know if I ever figure out an answer.

Ei moved away from Barbatos again, taking a sip of her drink. She pondered joining the mortals but…no. For now, she would sit with the last reminder of Teyvat, with the being who was her only remaining peer. Who understood what it was to witness true Eternity, and to face the Erosion of the ages.

“Say, there’s been something I’ve been meaning to ask you, something I’ve wanted to do for a long time,” Barbatos said, batting his eyes at Ei.

She froze. How to respond? On reflex, she began, “Barbatos. I am a god. Gods do not take lovers. Nor do we procreate as-”

The hysterical laughter from Barbatos brought Ei up short, as he pounded the table, tears streaming down his face as he laughed uproariously.

“That!? Seriously!? That’s almost word for word the speech your sister gave me two thousand years ago at the end of the War! I wasn’t even hitting on her then! The two of you…”

Coloring faintly at that, Ei buried her face in the cup. “I am not good with such things…”

“Oh man, I needed that laugh,” Barbatos chuckled. He shook his head, wiping away the tears. “No, I mean, do you have your Casket of Tomes?”

“You mean…Genius Invocation TCG?” Ei asked, curious. “Yes, Yae gave me one for my birthday some years back, though I simply put it into storage. I should have it…yes.”

Reaching between her breasts, Ei rummaged around a bit before finding the box within the pocket dimension she kept there and drew it out.

“Talk about Victoria’s Secret Compartment,” Barbatos laughed, shaking his head in bemusement.

“Who is Victoria?” Ei asked, frowning.

“Never change, Beezlebul! Never change! Now, do you know how to play?” Barbatos asked, opening his casket up.

“I have reviewed the rules. This was one of the few things I had of home,” Ei said quietly, running her hands over the carved wood. She popped it open, carefully removing her cards, and laying them out. She felt a pang as she placed Yae’s card down, and gently caressed the laminated paper. She should have spent more time with her old familiar before…well. No use dwelling on it.

“I miss them too,” Barbatos said, looking down at his own cards. A lady knight stood with her sword held at the ready as the winds blew about her. He laid out his next card, a young man with golden hair in a long braid, grinning as he raised an old iron blade. “Aether too. I didn’t get to know the Traveler and Paimon well before, well…I came here. How’d you arrive, by the way?”

“The Traveler defeated me in battle, and the next thing I knew, I was sent here,” Ei explained, pointing to the next card she laid down, that of a young girl with flowers in her hair, and a crackling blade in hand. She’d not remembered having that card until she came here, but it was an interesting keepsake.

“Hold on, that’s Lumine! She’s not the Traveler, she’s…”  Barbatos trailed off, his brow furrowed. “You say it was her? She’s the Princess of the Abyss, so…”

“What? No, that is a male, it was his twin sister who fought me,” Ei said, her own forehead wrinkling in thought.

“Really…huh,” Venti scratched his chin. “You know, there’s another Earth, Earth Aleph, and they call this one Earth Bet…”

“You think…you are from Teyvat Bet, and I from Aleph?” Ei asked, her brows shooting up in surprise.

“Though I would have put it the other way around, I guess. Let’s get in a game, and compare notes!” Barbatos laughed, scooping up his dice. “No cheating, mind!”

That offended Ei, and she gave Barbatos a flat look. “Cheating defeats the purpose of play, and is the antithesis of Eternity.”

“Oh. Well, what I really meant was, ‘cheat all you want but don’t get caught.’”

“Barbatos…”

“Fine, fine. Takes half the fun out of cards if you can’t cheat!” Grinning, he rolled his dice, and Ei did the same, drawing her hand. It would be good to relax.

It was only for a fleeting moment, but was not Eternity composed of an infinite number of such moments?

She tried not to show it, but Cookie’s life had been hell. Not the same kind of hell as Itul, poor bastard, or the unlucky souls who’d had their lives ruined or ended when Cologne was destroyed, but her family had been overbearing and domineering. Her father and mother were both lawyers in one of the top law firms in Germany, and of course, their precious baby angel had been going to law school to get a degree. Not just any law school, but Oxford for her undergraduate before going to Ludwig-Maximilians University of Munich.

Of course, it had been in Munich that she’d met Itul, and, well…her life had gone a little off the rails after that. Then she opened the game store, got her vision, and then…she retired after the incident. She tried not to dwell on it.

Right now though, she was feeling pretty good about herself. She was sitting at a table with freaking Mushu and his bride-to-be and chatting back and forth using a magical dragon as a translator. That was pretty kick ass. Her parents would be having a conniption that Cookie was getting this kind of social networking opportunity and was doing fuck all with it. Well, screw them.

“-and if it is a daughter, she will be as beautiful as Keiga and as powerful as Lady Raiden,” Murasaki translated.

“What if it’s twins?” Cookie asked, and the little guy translated that back into weeb.

Mushu roared with laughter, while Keiga looked pained at the thought. Cookie could sympathize. She did NOT want rugrats. At least, not anytime soon.

Being about four beers in, Cookie excused herself and went to the little girls' room, before grabbing another house beer from the owner. He was a nice if somewhat overwhelmed guy, and Cookie resolved to hit this place up more often. It wasn’t too far from where she lived, just a bit out of the way so she’d never found it.

As she made her way back to the tables, she saw Raiden and Venti had out a card game and were playing while chatting in a language she didn’t understand. Intrigued, she made her way over, taking a look. There were dice involved, as well as what looked like character cards, and a deck of support cards.

“That looks pretty cool, mind if I sit and watch?” Cookie asked, feeling a lot less self-conscious than she would have if she were sober.

“Ah, another aficionado?” Venti asked, looking up and smiling. “Please, join us! Sorry about the fire alarm, I sort of forgot.”

“You owe me one,” Cookie said, then sat down with a grunt. Then she realized who she was sitting next to and flushed. “I’m sorry! I, ah, I’m honored to meet you, Your Majesty!”

“This is an informal setting. You may simply refer to me as Raiden,” the coolest and most awesome person on the entire planet said. Holy shit. Cookie had met a few capes before, including Vornheim back when she’d been looking to join the Meisters, but no one as awesome as THE Raiden Shogun.

“Uh, yeah, thanks,” Cookie muttered and tried not to gawk. However, she was soon enthralled by the game, which Venti explained to her in between his conversation with Raiden, which was still in that odd language. It sounded like German, but it wasn’t. Dutch maybe? No, she’d recognize that.

“What language are you guys speaking, if you don’t mind me asking?” she finally said.

“Teyvan, the trade language of our home continent,” Venti supplied.

“I’ve…never heard of that. Is it…African?”

Raiden shook her head. “We are not from this world.”

Right…that…actually made sense? “You mean…you’re both really…” She couldn’t make herself say it. Her parents were Lutheran, or at least nominally so, but as soon as she turned 16, she’d quit going to church.

“If it makes you feel better, you can consider us angels instead of gods,” Venti said with a wink. “But yes.”

“O-oh. Should…should I worship you?” Cookie asked, sweat breaking out on her forehead, and shooting a glance at Raiden.

“Barbatos is the god of Germany. Not I,” Raiden said absently. “So, my super conduct reaction should slay both Jean and Diluc, should it not?”

“Oh, ya got me!” Venti said, putting damage markers on his two cards that indicated they were knocked out. “My turn! I roll and…ah ha! Four anemo dice! Thank you very much! I’ll just reroll these, and…perfect! I play the Skyward Harp on myself, then activate my Elemental burst! I swirl your Yae, knocking her out, and create a storm eye!”

“I see. And when your turn ends, you shall swirl my Shogun, resulting in her demise as well. The game goes once more to you,” Raiden said.

Cookie decided to distract herself from her crisis of faith by focusing on this game. “So, uh, Genius Invocation TCG…it looks pretty cool. Who has the rights?”

“No one, as far as I know. It’s too bad, I’d love to get in more games,” Venti said with a disappointed sigh.

“I have attempted to explain the game to Mushu, but he does not understand. I too wish it were more popular,” Raiden said as they both shuffled up their decks.

“Rrrrreeeeeeaaaallllyyyy,” Cookie said, and had to stop herself from rubbing her hands together like Scrooge McDuck. “Because you know…I happen to know a guy…why don’t you show me your cards? I might be able to do something about your lack of games…”

By the end of the night, Cookie hadn’t figured out if she was going to convert to…whatever you called worshiping a drunken musician. But there was one thing she did know:

She was gonna be rich.

Author’s note:

And you thought I couldn’t find a way to work in Genius Invocation TCG.

PHILO: All hail the fancy cardboard.