It's Always Sunny in Brockton Bay Chapter 7 (Patreon)

Thanks to my patreons for voting for this. It’s still technically September where I live? But anyway…

The Gang Comes Over to Play

Laying on my back with my eyes closed, I tried to pretend that I was drifting off on a cloud, with no worries or problems. That would have been easier if stupid Charlotte wasn’t sitting in a rocking chair in the corner of my vision and knitting something with a pair of half-moon spectacles on. Stupid powers.

I sensed more than felt someone entered the room, though I wasn’t spying through any bugs at the moment. Glory Girl seems to have that effect wherever she goes. Then again, unlike me, she’s the kind of girl that everyone always notices when she enters a room, even if she didn’t have the Come Hither aura going.

A chair scraped against the floor next to the table I was lying on and I did my best to ignore it. I didn’t normally feel like talking to people at the best of times, and this was far from it.

“I hear somebody got in trouuuuuubblllleee,” Victoria said in teasing tones, and I opened up one eye to glare at her.

“Why do you care?” I demanded, putting my arm over my forehead and keeping my eyes squeezed shut. “Why are you even here? You’re not even in the Wards.”

“About that. So, it turns out, my mom is basically suuuuuper pissed at me because Tina decided to join the Wards. Apparently, I’m an enabler. So I’m hiding out here on the pretense that I’m visiting my sister. It’s not like I’ve never been here before.”

That got my attention, and I put my glasses back on and sat up. Glory Girl was floating in the air with her legs crossed on a level with me, which was interesting and slightly off putting. I wasn’t quite used to being around people with the ability to screw with the laws of physics yet I supposed.

“Why didn’t Tina join New Wave instead of joining the Wards?” I asked. I hadn’t really considered it before, but it was an odd move. New Wave wasn’t on bad terms with the Protectorate, at least not publicly, but they were a sort of rival team to the regular government-sponsored heroes.

Victoria was quiet for a moment, studying my face. Finally, she shrugged. “Teenage rebellion, I guess. And I sort of encouraged it. I mean, how would it look to have two Alexandria types on the same team? Twins even? Plus, she’s taller than me.”

“You can both fly. How does that matter?” I blurted before I could stop myself. My self-control really had started slipping once I spent too much time around Kazuma.

“Eh, you’ll have to take my word for it that it does.” Glory Girl winked at me. “However, it sounds like someone decided to go the New Wave route, even after joining the Wards!”

I groaned and put my head back in my hands. “Do not remind me. This was supposed to be a fun escape from the hell that is my existence. Instead…”

“Instead you should totally just hang out with my sister and me and have fun, so why worry about it?” Victoria laughed.

I gave her a sour look. “I’m still wearing a mask and trying to salvage the situation.” Not in the least because not all of us look anywhere NEAR as good as Glory Girl. Was perfect skin and hair a part of her powers? My skin was always greasy and I always had zits and pimples somewhere, while my hair was usually a tangled mess until I tamed it each morning.

“Well, if you change your mind, there’s always your press conference in half an hour!” With that, Victoria lowered her legs and touched down on the floor. “But seriously, we should hang out sometime. You’re not the only one who finds Kyouya to be an unbearable asshole.”

I blinked in surprise. This coming from Miss Homecoming Queen? That was literal too: it had made the papers when Victoria Dallon had been made Arcadia’s Homecoming Queen as a freshman. “Seriously? But, I thought you were friends. You’re all chummy in the photoshoots…”

“That’s because I am a consummate professional,” Victoria said airily, then put her knuckles to the side of her head and twisted them, her expression going cross eyed as she stuck out her tongue. She laughed, then with a final wave turned and walked out.

That left me to consider my options. To be blunt, I wanted nothing to do with a cape team that had Sofia Hess and Kyouya Mitsurugi on it. Not even the Wards. Sophia had been one of the driving forces in making my life a living hell for months now, and Kyouya had been right there tut-tutting at me the entire time, making it worse if anything. I mean, Kazuma was scum, but you knew what you were getting with him, and while I couldn’t say he’d been good to me, he’d never tried to torment me. Not like that.

I was still thinking about that when the door opened. I looked up, expecting Armsmaster or Director Piggot to yell at me again, but then my heart slammed down into my stomach, and I was five years old getting caught with my mom’s makeup slathered all over my face again.

“Uh, hi, dad. I-”

Before I got any further, my dad stepped forward and wrapped me in a bear hug, so hard it drove the breath out of me. I stood there, frozen, not sure of what I should do, how to respond. Charlotte looked up from her knitting at last, and gave me a smile. What?

“It was them, wasn’t it?” my dad asked, his voice rough. “The entire time. It was them.”

Tears filled my eyes, and I slowly put my arms around my dad, squeezing my eyes shut. I couldn’t speak, my throat was so tight, and I hiccuped as I jerked a nod.

“Taylor, I’m so, so sorry. If I had known…I knew you and Emma had a falling out, but this? And the others…”

“They’re the fucking Wards, dad,” I hiccuped, unable to control my language as my entire body shook with sobs. “Sophia’s a ward, and so is Kyouya! They’re the same ones…the same ones who…how can they be heroes?!”

My dad pulled back to look me in the eyes, and reached into his pocket, producing a handkerchief and handing it to me. I blew my nose and dabbed at my eyes, then wiped my glasses with my shirt to try and defog them. “Emma. Is she…?”

“Not as far as I know, but…yeah. It was her, and Sophia,” I said. I left out Madison. I had dreamed at night of clobbering Emma as hard as she had done today. For that, she was granted clemency. “Kyouya didn’t participate directly, but…”

“And so when they tried to bully you today…” my dad closed his eyes and exhaled. “I can understand.”

“Wait, you can?” I asked, shocked.

He gave me a sheepish grin. “I wasn’t exactly the most popular kid in high school. I was never bullied like you’ve been, Taylor, so I didn’t want to bring it up. But even when it was just name calling and knocking my books out of my hands in the hall…I dreamed of fighting back. Even got suspended once.”

“You did!? Seriously!? Why did you never tell me about that?!” I asked, stunned.

He shrugged. “It’s not something I’m proud of. I used to have quite the temper. Sophomore year, I got sick of it, and broke someone’s nose. Nick Johnson. He laid off me after that, and for a while things were better, but…well. If I’d had super powers, I’d probably have done a lot more than break someone’s nose.”

“That’s…that’s kind of awesome,” I said, still feeling stunned. I knew my dad could get angry sometimes, he tended towards rather extreme emotional outbursts after bottling things up, like he did when mom died. “Thanks for telling me. I…I sort of wish you had earlier…maybe punching Emma would have solved things sooner…”

“Maybe. So. What do we do?” my dad asked, smiling down at me.

For most little girls, their dad is their superhero. He’s as strong as Alexandria, as big as Narwhal, and as awesome as Eidolon. He’s smart, and cool, and he’s always there to save the day. For a lot of us, maybe most of us, we sort of…grow out of that. We realize that our dads are human. That they’re not invincible, or super strong, and that they’re just an ordinary mortal. For me, that moment came when my mom died, and my dad just broke. I didn’t hate him, but, well…he wasn’t my hero anymore.

In that moment though…he was just as much a hero as when I had been little and he’d picked me up and let me ride on his shoulders. I gave him the biggest hug I could. I knew then that no matter what happened, no matter how I screwed up, even if I became a supervillain…he’d still be in my corner. Still be my dad. Still love me. And right then…that was what I needed more than anything.

“I…I think I have a plan. But I wanna talk about it with you first,” I admitted. “It won’t be easy, but…”

I laid out my thoughts, and my dad listened, nodding as I spoke. I had my dad in my corner. Now, I just had to worry about the real problem.

“Are those really your choices for costumes? They’re not appropriate for being a hero.”

I glared back at Piggot, who for some reason I couldn’t fathom looked a lot healthier than when I’d seen her for my chewing-out session earlier. She looked a lot less yellow for one thing, though her eyes were red. Had she been smoking? Surely she hadn’t been crying. I glanced over at Kazuma and Aqua, who were doing their best to look innocent. Which made Aqua look like an airhead and Kazuma like he was plotting something. So, you know, standard for them I suppose.

“Hey, what’s wrong with my costume?” Kazuma demanded, looking down at his tracksuit. He was wearing a green balaclava and track suit, which was standard for him, while I had on my carefully made costume of spider silk. I had offered to make something for him, but he’d said it sounded “uncomfortable.” I think he was just being lazy, but it suited me fine because getting enough black widows to weave my costume had been a pain, and I wasn’t wasting the effort on someone who wouldn’t appreciate it.

As for Aqua, she had on a blue tunic and miniskirt that was dangerously short. Of course, she could pull it off, with long, toned legs and flawless skin. Her “mask” was some sort of mardi gras mask made of plastic with a lot of feathers and glitter on it. It looked frankly ridiculous, but despite having known Aqua for less than a day I think it was rather suitable for her.

“You especially, Ms. Hebert. Skitter is an acceptable name, but your costume is too dark. It screams ‘Super Villain,’ not ‘respectable member of the Wards,’” Piggot said dismissively as she looked over at me.

That was when my dad stepped forward, holding out his hand. “Hi, I’m Daniel Hebert, Taylor’s father. We spoke over the phone last night.”

“Yes, nice to meet you, Mr. Hebert. Now, you three are already on probation and-”

“You know, I was just thinking, my daughter has been under a targeted harassment campaign at school since September. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?” my dad said, his tone jovial and conversational.

Kazuma perked up, seeming to see where this was going. Look, for all his flaws, he was still my best friend, and he does have some redeeming qualities. He’s a dog, but he’s a loyal one. “Actually, both Taylor and I have been targeted by bullies, Mr. Hebert.”

Piggot, however, seemed to write my dad off as a blue collar yokel and ignored him and Kazuma. “That’s unfortunate. We’ll talk to the school and-”

Unfortunately for her, my dad is the Union Rep for the Longshoreman’s Union and has been negotiating with powerful companies for more than decade. “In fact, I just learned that two of your Wards were the ones leading the charge in that harassment campaign, to the point that Taylor came home with serious bruises, and has suffered severe psychological distress. Kazuma as well. I’m wondering what safeguards you’ll have in place to ensure the physical and mental well-being of my daughter and her friend.”

Whatever Piggot had been expecting, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t it. She blinked a few times, then said, “I assure you, we will take whatever steps are necessary for the protection of the Wards under my command. Including ensuring that your daughter doesn’t expose other capes or attempt to kill them again.”

“The way I heard it was that Kazuma and Taylor saved Kyouya’s life after he attempted to attack them with his powers, along with Sophia Hess,” my dad countered. “In fact, more than heard it. I have video evidence here if you’d like to see it.”

“That data should be erased, as it contains compromising information. And, might I add, you should not have been informed of the civilian identities of other Wards,” Piggot said, glaring at me.

“So you would just sweep this under the rug, and blame Taylor, who has been the victim in all of this? Might I remind you that my daughter simply defended herself from an attack by a parahuman, after months of harassment, physical and otherwise, including times when she was unpowered, and your Wards very much were? If this is the sort of behavior typical of your program, I’m not certain I want my daughter involved,” my dad said, folding his arms over his chest.

“Your involvement is voluntary, but the PRT and the Wards are what will protect you and your daughter, Mr. Hebert. It’s a scary world out there, and your daughter has already made enemies. Lung might be imprisoned, but Bakuda, Oni Lee, and the ABB are still out there. Do you want to be thrown to the wolves with a potentially compromised identity?” Piggot demanded testily. “What other options do you have?”

“I’ll have to consult my lawyer,” my dad said with a perfectly straight face. Kazuma, however, began to grin like the Cheshire cat. Piggot should have paid better attention, but she was doing what most people did and ignoring Kazuma.  Her mistake.

“And who might that be?” Piggot growled, clearly losing patience.

“Me, Director Piggot. So good to see you again.”

Piggot froze solid as a tall blonde woman in her mid-thirties in a formal business blouse and skirt strode into the hallway.  A smile was on her lips, as her heels clicked on the floor, her hair in a professional-looking short side cut. She was Carol Dallon, one of the more well known lawyers in the city, though not just because she did legal work for several capes. No, it was because she was better known as Brandish, one of the major players in New Wave, and, well, Darkness and Glory Girl’s mother.

“Brandish,” Piggot said, a smile frozen on her face as she slowly turned. She looked the other woman up and down and grimaced. “Or I suppose you’re Mrs. Dallon right now.”

“Either capacity works,” Brandish said, coming over to stand by my dad and me. “I’m here as legal representation for Miss Taylor Hebert and her father. Though I am willing to extend my services to Miss Aqua Mizu and Mr. Kazuma Sato as well.”

“Why do we need a lawyer?” Aqua said, looking confused until Kazuma elbowed her.

“We’d be delighted to accept, right Aqua?” Kazuma said.

Behind Piggot, Darkness and Glory Girl peeked into the room. Darkness was blushing and looking flustered, but Glory Girl winked and gave me a thumbs up.

“I’d also like to talk to you about pressuring my daughter Tina into joining the Wards without her legal guardians present. Armsmaster went too far,” Brandish said seriously. “He should not have pressured minors in that fashion. I’m sure the Youth Guard would be very interested to hear their accounts of his behavior.”

The only response she got for several moments was Piggot’s left eye twitching slightly. “...your daughter seemed very interested in joining the Wards, and we’ve worked closely with Glory Girl before now…”

“A relationship I would like to continue to foster, especially with my team's newest members,” Brandish said, putting a hand on mine and Kazuma’s shoulders.

“That was not something we had discussed,” Piggot said, her expression suddenly dark. “New Wave doesn’t have the right to go poaching Parahumans.”

“Well, if you want to discuss that, I’d be happy to also bring up how Shadow Stalker and the Cursed Swordsman are currently on probation for their actions both in and out of costume, and the consequences for a young parahuman physically assaulting an unpowered civilian,” Brandish said sweetly.

Piggot’s jaw moved like she was chewing rocks, and her expression matched.

“Since Miss Hebert and Mr. Sato’s civilian identities are already compromised, I think folding them into New Wave while working in Partnership with the Wards is the best path forward,” Brandish continued. “The Wards can still benefit from their talents, while New Wave can help them and their families navigate the trials and tribulations of living life without a secret identity.”

“That’s a dangerous path. Is that really one you want to walk, especially since your own parents are most certainly not parahumans?” Piggot said, her eyes meeting mine and Kazuma’s.

“I just want to show my parents the same love and respect they’ve shown me,” Kazuma said innocently. By which I am pretty sure he meant they could go fuck themselves.

“I’ll do what’s best for my daughter. No matter what,” my dad said firmly, putting his hand on my other shoulder.

“And what about you, Miss Mizu?” Piggot said, her tone exasperated and her face looking nearly as run down as it had earlier.

Aqua’s forehead wrinkled, and I held my breath, praying she wouldn’t say anything too damaging. “Secret identities are too hard to keep track of. Plus, New Wave is super cool! We should totally join them!”

Bless you, Aqua, you big blue bimbo.

“If that’s how you want to play it…we’ll need to adjust our press release for the conference in…” Piggot checked her watch. “Ten minutes.”

“I’m sure that won’t be an issue for a professional of your caliber,” Brandish said with too honeyed words.

I hadn’t previously been much of a Brandish fan, but I think I was starting to warm up to her.

“Is this the place?”

I looked up from the phonebook and nodded. “This is the Pedo-NEETs residence.”

“Then pahk heah. It's time tah send a message,” Bakuda declared, slamming her visor down.

The minion nodded and put the car into park, while my awesome big sister put on her gas mask. The rest of us put on our eye patches and robes, and the rest of us piled out. This was a stupid, normal, boring neighborhood, where all the houses looked the same and all the lawns were cut in plain shapes. The streets were clean and the walls free of any interesting street art, and all the cars were new and left parked on driveways without even being vandalized. A painfully boring place.

In short, it was the sort of place that made me insanely jealous. Sure, the people who lived here had all the imagination of a bunch of hamsters stuck in their corporate wheels and their houses were about as interesting as elevator music, but our dingy little apartment near the Docks was smaller than most of these moron’s garages that were stuffed with useless junk.

“I'll show that bastahd tah steel my little sisteh's panties,” Bakuda growled, and me and the other Crimson Demons blushed. Well, not Komekko, but it was the principle of the thing. I wondered what sort of amazing device she’d use to blow up the hose? Would she stop it in time? Trap it in a black hole? Shrink it down and turn it into a tacky keychain? There was nothing my big sister couldn’t do with the wonder of Explosion Tinkering!

But then, Bakuda turned to me. “Alright Megumin. I tell yah what. Yah've been cooking up  somethin’  foah a while. Why don't yah do tha’ honors.”

I flushed and looked up at her. “M-me?”

She nodded. “It was your undehweah that masshole pilfehed. Time fowh yah tah get sweet revenge, and show tha might ah tha Crimson Demon Clan. Besides, I wanna see what one ah your bombs does, see what yah leahned from me.”

“W-well, my Explosions are not nearly as creative and glorious as yours, O Fearless Leader, a-and I am a mere novice on the path of Explosions compared to you,” I hedged.

“Don't sell yourself short,” Bakuda said with a magnanimous gesture. “Yah're my little sisteh and my apprentice. I know yah'll do me proud, and show that I am a force tah be feahed not just in Brockton Bay, but all ah New England.”

I swallowed, pulled my hat down lower, and nodded. “Of course. They will learn to fear the name of Megumin.”

I pulled out a very impressive looking device, one with lots of wires and a timer on it about the size of a stereo that I’d carefully crafted, with lots of spikes and red paint on it. I ran forward and then around the back of the house, placing it under the back porch. Then I scurried back around front. “Right! Now, you shall witness the might of Explosion Tinkering!”

Bakuda shook her head. “Not yet. Nobody's home, it's tha middle ah tha aftehnoon. Set tha timeh fowh tonight, when they're eating dinneh. I want that bastahd tah fry, and his little pooch too.”

“But I like puppies!” Komekko protested. “We can’t hurt a puppy!”

“I-I don’t know if I want to kill anyone, just scare them,” Yunyun said, looking nervous, though she always looked nervous. “I don’t like Kazu-trash, but, um…I don’t think I want to kill him. Er, anymore…”

“It is a fitting end for a vile villain,” Arue declared, though she didn’t sound as certain as she usually did.

“Exactly,” Bakuda said, turning around. “Now come ohn girls. We'll stop and get some Dunkin' ohn tha way back tah tha hideout. I needs some sugah and caffeine so i can get real creative.”

We headed back to the car as sweat began to pour down my spine and off my brow. This was a disaster. The bomb HAD to go off now. Otherwise…otherwise my sister…

I walked towards the car, then looked back one more time. Hesitating, I swallowed. Under my breath, I whispered, “Chomusuke, what’s the range on my ability?”

“You’re range is theomeowtically unlimnyaatied,” my inner demon said in my ear. “But it’s line of sight only, nyaa~”

I jerked a nod, then got back into the car. Instead of buckling up, I turned around and looked out the rear view mirror, keeping my eyes on the house. As we began to drive away, I started to mutter under my breath.

The tower of rebellion creeps upon man's world...

“Megan, you’re supposed to buckle up, remember?” Komekko urged.

The unspoken faith displayed before me…

“Komekko! Apologize!” Bakuda barked, but I ignored the use of my slave name and continued.

The time has come!

“Oh, sorry. I mean, Megumin, put your seatbelt on!”

Now, awaken from your slumber, and by my madness, be wrought!

“We are supervillains,” Arue scoffed. “Supervillains don’t have to wear seatbelts.”

Strike forth,

I closed my eyes, and betrayed my sister.

EXPLOSION!

The world disappeared in a blinding flash of light, and the car buckled. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the grass of a much more interesting lawn, mostly because this one was on fire. My head felt like I’d been slapped by Alexandria, and when I touched where it hurt most, my fingers came back sticky with blood.

Bakuda appeared in my vision, her face red with anger as she yelled at me, but I couldn’t hear anything. A moment later, Yunyun and Komekko appeared, looking distraught, and shook me. I was unable to move, completely drained of energy, and in horrible pain.

“I guess supervillains should wear seatbelts,” I muttered, and fell into blessed unconsciousness.

I just hoped that my deepest, darkest secret had not been revealed.

My last thought was of the glory of Explosion Magic, and the worry that my big sister would learn that her Tinkering was nothing before my awesome power.