The Second Archon War, Carmen Dei 10 (Patreon)

Adjusting her wig, Capri frowned at herself in the mirror. Her normally short hair had been deemed insufficient for this job, and she’d been forced to don a wig that had two massive ponytails with hair ornaments that could have doubled as dog collars of all things, with massive spikes sticking out that could have put out an eye if they hadn’t been sculpted out of foam. She also had a bongo drum strapped to her back, along with two braided red and black cords hanging down.

The rest of her ensemble was odd looking as well, with a black tunic done up diagonally across her breast with silver buckles over a pair of shorts that truly lived up to the name, enough that she was dead certain she’d be doing a plumber impression if she so much as bent even slightly. Yep. Definitely revealing. Oh well, she’d worn worse for shows before. The fishnet sock on her left leg was pretty odd though, along with the open-toed boot-like shoes that came up past her ankles.

“Is this seriously what I’m supposed to wear?” she sighed, turning around and frowning again. She glanced at the last piece of her outfit, a very odd-looking guitar with a diamond-shaped body and more spikes jutting out of it.

“It’s what we’re being paid for,” Naomi said from next to her, adjusting the large headdress that went with her outfit. It was a more elaborate form of the same horns she wore with her hero getup, with her long red hair falling down past her shoulders in two loose braids. Normally she kept her hair done up in a way that disguised how long it was, but Capri liked to see just how beautiful her partner’s hair was.

The rest of Naomi’s outfit could best be described as that of a belly dancer’s: blue top made of gauzy blue fabric that left her midriff exposed, but came down in long billowing sleeves that ended in tight golden cuffs around her wrists. Her blue skirt swirled around her as she walked, and would truly be a sight to behold of Naomi were to dance, with half a dozen long tassets that hung down to her knees and left her legs mostly exposed. On her feet were sandals with two inch heels and golden mesh that went up to her calves.

Both of them were supposed to be characters from a popular new anime called Genshin, though what that meant neither of them had much of a clue. Cookie had told them that they were both ‘perfect’ for their roles, and Venti had enthusiastically agreed.

“How do you even pronounce our names?” Capri said, still feeling slightly disgruntled about the whole thing. She was basically going to be a model for the day. “Ksinjan and Nillow?”

“Xinyan and Nilou,” Naomi corrected smoothly, giving Capri a wide smile. “It will be fun! We’ve dressed up for stage performances before, right?”

“Yeah, but we’re supposed to get nerds to buy betamax tapes and comic books instead of making music,” Capri said, giving her outrageous guitar a grimace. She picked it up and experimentally plucked the cords and tried to strum. It became painfully obvious it was just a prop, and not a real instrument at all when a dull, lifeless sound was emitted.

“Well, it seems there’s something wrong with your axe, as the kids say! Let me take a look at it!”

Venti strode in, wearing the same green tunic and white hose that he’d worn when Capri had first met him, and carrying the same harp. Cookie had tried to persuade Venti that he was supposed to dress up as an actual character, Venti the Bard not being one well known anywhere, but he’d insisted and won her over by claiming Venti was a character from Genius Invocation TCG, nevermind that no one on Earth Bet had heard of it before.

Capri would later find out that one very important person HAD heard of Genius Invocation TCG, and realize that this was the point where the timeline had clearly gone horribly wrong.

“Take it, it’s an over-designed hunk of junk,” Capri said, tossing Venti the alleged guitar.

Vent caught it, and after futzing about by pretending to tune the guitar with the spikes, strummed it. This time, instead of some pathetic noise, a bright cord rang out. Venti strummed a little, and the guitar sounded just like an electric instrument that had been unplugged.

“Wait, really?” Capri reached out and took the guitar back, then funneled a little Electro into it. When she played this time, the notes of Master of Puppets sang out, note perfect and full of energy. “Well, I’ll be damned. You wanna tell me how you did it?”

Venti spread his hands wide and wiggled his fingers, grinning mischievously. “Magic!”

“Right. That’s…that’s actually real now, right?” Capri asked uncertainly, holding her instrument up and inspecting it. It looked…more real. Less like a manufactured prop, and more like a practical tool for making music.

“Magic has always been real, if only we have the hearts and eyes to see it,” Venti declared, plucking a jaunty tune on his harp.

“HEY! TEN MINUTES TO SHOWTIME!” Cookie roared, causing Naomi to jump and Capri to frown at the volume. “LET’S GET A MOVE ON, PEOPLE! WE’VE GOT WEEBS TO FLEECE!”

Following the bellow of the beast, Capri stepped out onto the main floor of MEX, which was being held in a massive conference center in downtown Berlin. There were a number of booths set up, ranging from the giant centerpieces from official companies to smaller tables at the periphery for individual fan artists or local publications.

The booth that Capri and Naomi were working at was one of the larger ones, as the Genshin anime was produced by a government sponsored Japanese studio called Mihoyo, which had a number of other smaller productions such as the Science Fiction epic Star Rail, or the mecha show Honkai. Genshin was their fantasy offering, and seemed to be fairly popular. There were various other so-called booth bunnies dressed up as characters working as well. The job was simple: Hawk the various overpriced junk that ranged from pins to full figurines, and take pictures with fans to promote the various shows.

“Hey guys!” Itul said, waving excitedly at them as he walked by. When she saw him, Capri let out a groan.

“Itul, you’re not just supposed to wear your cape costume!” Capri said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “What about your secret identity?”

“Eh, those are for chumps anyway! Besides, I’m supposed to, like, officially escort her highness around! So, you know, I gotta look tough and provide security!” Itul said, puffing out his bare chest. He took out what looked like a switchblade and flicked it open, only to reveal a comb that he ran through his hair, touching the red horns that were stuck there. “The Red Oni will surely become one of Princess Ami’s steadfast allies!”

“It would be good to have the Knights of Favonius officially greet the delegation from the Shogunate,” Venti agreed. “Come on, Itul, let’s go pick up our VIPs!”

Capri didn’t have long to think about if that was a good idea or begin to form an objection, as the floodgates soon opened and hundreds, then thousands of excited attendees streamed in and soon overwhelmed the Mihoyo display.

It was a mild surprise to Capri to meet several excited con-goers who were actually dressed the same as she was, though typically with costumes that were not nearly as well made as hers. She was soon swamped with taking pictures, pushing the merch, and generally trying to maintain order.

After about an hour however, a panicked looking Cookie shoved her way through the crowd, Venti and Itul in tow. “She’s not here!”

“Who’s not here?” Capri asked as Cookie frantically signaled Naomi over.

Grabbing both other women, Cookie pulled them close and dropped her voice. “Princess Ami! Sara Tengan isn’t here either! This is a DISASTER!”

“Hey, I told you, she sent me a text message, something came up with-”

“NOT NOW, ITUL! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR CANADIAN GIRLFRIEND!” Cookie snarled, her eyes flashing purple. Something glowed on her chest, and Capri sensed the other woman was wearing her Vision.

“But she’s Japanese?” Itul said, clearly baffled as Capri fought to keep a straight face.

“So? How is this our problem?” Capri asked.

“I need someone to keep the crowd from going NUTS! Inazuma Hime Ami is THE hit anime of the decade, and me promising that I had her present is what drew the crowd! She’s supposed to show up on stage in fifteen minutes, and she’s NOT here!”

“Right…so…you need a band?” Capri asked, a slow grin spreading over her face. “It will cost you.”

“I don’t care WHAT your rates are! I’ll pay you an extra thousand! Just…do something! Itul says you’re amazing. If you can keep this crowd from going nuts, DO IT! I don’t care if you have to start flying around with your cape powers, just keep me from being crucified!” Cookie ordered, sticking her finger in Capri’s face.

Capri glanced at Venti, who gave her a thumbs up. “Yeah, we got this.”

“Great. Get up on the stage in Ballroom C, now! Move, move!” Cookie urged, shoving them away from the Mihoyo booth towards the largest ballroom to the side.

Taking the fake drum off her back, Capri handed it to Venti. “You can make this work, right?”

In response, he banged on it, and it emitted a perfect sound. The drum was passed to Naomi, who nodded and clutched it to her chest. “So, uh, what songs are we going to play? I’m not sure what songs this crowd would even like…”

“I have some ideas,” Venti said airly. “Just follow me along and let the winds flow through you.”

“Right,” Capri agreed, thinking of how perfectly they’d played at the Feisty Ferret. Normally she’d think going up on stage with a strange audience, instruments that were props, and with no rehearsal was basically suicide, but with Venti on their side…well, the odds didn’t seem so bad.

If the main hall had been crowded, the Ballroom was absolutely packed. Cookie had to lead them around to a rear entrance, because it was standing room only, and would have given any fire marshal that happened to peek inside a conniption because the ballroom was well beyond capacity.

Eager audience members, many of them dressed up as Ami, Raiden, Mushu, or other capes from the show, were chanting aloud. “PRIN-CESS A-MI! PRIN-CESS A-MI!”

“Ok, ok, we’re having some instruments brought over, shouldn’t be more than five minutes,” Cookie said, peaking nervously out. “We haven’t had time to do a sound check, but we’ll figure it out on the fly.”

“No need, turn the sound system off,” Venti said. “Capri has it.”

“She does?” Cookie spun, a question in her eyes. “You do?”

Casually, Capri took out her Vision and hung it from her waist. “I got this.”

“And the instruments? Those are just props, they don’t work,” Cookie said, sounding uncertain this time.

“We fixed them,” Venti said confidently. “Just announce us. We’ll be playing God Knows for our opening song.”

At that, Cookie looked immensely relieved. “The Season 1 OP! Perfect! They’ll eat that up!”

With that, Cookie slipped onto the stage, and the crowd roared in excitement.

“HELLO PEOPLE!” Cookie said, her voice amplified and booming, crackling with power. Capri felt the Electro, and wondered if anyone else realized Cookie was a cape just from that. “ARE YOU READY TO FEEL THE LIGHTNING?”

Wild cheers in response, and Capri felt slightly nervous. This was probably the biggest crowd she’d ever played too. How many people were in there? Five hundred? At least.

“Princess Ami is on her way, and to introduce her, I have the Tone Deaf Bards, playing God Knows from Season 1!”

Fewer cheers, and some boos, with cries of “WE WANT AMI!”

That wasn’t good.

“Without further ado, I give you, the TONE DEAF BARDS!”

Taking a deep breath, Capri stepped out onto the stage, looking out at the crowd. There were some sullen gazes looking back at her, but most of them looked hopeful. She hefted her guitar, and tapped into her Vision, then looked to Venti.

He smiled, and closed his eyes. A moment later, Naomi began a drum solo, a full set suddenly appearing in the air before her, drawing an excited cry from the crowd as the translucent green drums began to thunder. Soon after, Capri joined in, shredding away on her guitar. Words filled her mind, words she didn’t understand or know the meaning of, but words she knew how to sing perfectly.

“Kawaita kokoro de kakenukeru!”

As soon as the band started playing, the atmosphere shifted. The tense and anxious crowd began to whistle and cheer, jumping up and down in time to the music to the point that the stage was trembling slightly.

Sweat poured off of Capri as she played, both from the strain of the performance, the intense emotions of the crowd, and her own powers flaring as she powered the guitar. Venti’s harp had become a bass guitar at some point that she hadn’t noticed, and he kept the pace, a faint wind swirling around the ballroom.

Out of the corner of her eye, Capri caught a glance of Cookie, who was staring, slack jawed, apparently unable to believe what she was seeing and hearing. It wasn’t long however before she was jumping and cheering along with the crowd, Itul pumping his fist behind her.

The song came to a finish, and Capri held the final note, raising her pick high into the air as the crowd went wild. She grinned broadly, feeling the energy, the enthusiasm, the joy. This is what she’d wanted to create with her music oh so desperately for so many years, and had managed so infrequently playing at bars and other small venues.

Glancing behind her at Cookie, Capri saw the other woman make a “go on” gesture, and she turned back to the crowd.

“I hope you enjoyed that one, but we’re still waiting on the Princess. To make up for it, here’s a little number we wrote ourselves. We call it, ‘Knights of Favonius.’”

The crowd stirred, growing slightly restless. They clearly still wanted Princess Ami, and if Capri hesitated even a moment, they’d probably start that damn chant again. So, she didn’t give them that moment.

Striking a new cord, she began to play, with Naomi and Benti joining in. The crowd stilled, listening, uncertain. This wasn’t their beloved theme song, but the music was intriguing.

This time, it was Venti who started singing, moving forward to the center of the stage as Capri stepped into the background.

Can you feel the wind that’s blowing, far across the plains?

The name of the wind is freedom, the wind of Favonian Fame

Apparently, this song was a modified version of one that had been famous in Mondstadt, and Venti had adapted it for a German audience with modern instruments. It was a pretty rockin’ tune, and Capri and Naomi joined in during the chorus. By then, the crowd was amped up again, excitedly waving to the beat as the Tone Deaf Bards played.

After that, the audience was eating out of the Tone Deaf Bard’s hands, and they were able to play two more songs, Rock You Like a Hurricane, and another song Venti had composed. By the end of the set, the doors had been thrown open, and people were clustering around the ballroom doors to listen.

At the end of Land of Wine and Song, Capri saw Cookie motioning at her frantically, mouthing, “She’s here!”

Capri went back into the opening notes of God Knows, but instead of singing, stepped up to the microphone. “And now, ladies and gentlemen, the one you’ve all been waiting for, Lightning Princess Ami!”

Sensing a surge of Electro, Capri stepped to the side as a purple spark shot out from behind the stage, then transformed into two young girls.

“WAGA NA WA AMI! PRINZESSEN DES BLITZEN! RAIDEN NO MUSUME, AMENO ARUKUN NO SATSUGAI-SHA!”

There was a discordant twang, and Venti dropped his base to the stage with a clatter. “Sumimasen, Ami-san, mōichido itte itadakemasu ka? Could you repeat that?”

The other girl, who had been bellowing out her own “WAGA NA WA CLARA!” stopped, and both of them turned to glare at Venti. Ami chattered away in Japanese, with a little dragon flying around in front of Ami and planting little hands on scaly hips as he floated before his mistress. “Don’t interrupt when we’re doing our introductions!”

Capri supposed she shouldn’t have been surprised that the dragon spoke German, but it was a bit weird that it did so with a faint Japanese accent.

“Yes, sorry, I just…did you say you slew the Anemo Archon?” Venti said, looking like someone had just slapped him.

“FU FU FU FU!” Ami said. Capri thought it was supposed to be laughter from the way Ami clutched her belly and was acting, but it sounded more like someone reciting a line. She said something else in Japanese, with the dragon once more translating.

“Indeed! We have just returned from the field of battle, where my Mistress and her stalwart companions, including myself, have done battle with the Anemo Archon, slaying it and its minions, and bringing peace to Germany!”

There were loud cheers from the crowd at this, though Venti looked baffled.

“I’m sorry, there’s been a terrible mistake. I’m afraid I have to go see to something. I’ll just pop over and have a chat with your mother in the Reichstag,” Venti said, then turned around and walked off backstage. He popped his head back out, saying, “Don’t worry, I’ll let her know you didn’t kill me. Though I do want to hear about this pretender later.”

Then he vanished to uneasy mutters from the crowd. Capri and Naomi hurried after Venti, who was already striding away with a frantic Cookie in tow.

“That was amazing, incredible! I would have booked you guys every day to close out the con if I knew! Can you do another show on the main stage later?”

“I’m afraid something’s come up, I need to go have a chat with Raiden and clear a few things up,” Venti said, heading for the fire exit in the back as Naomi and Capri scrambled to keep up. There was another Japanese woman, this one about Capri’s age with glasses and a somewhat rumpled ‘Ich Bin Ein Berliner’ sweater, a tourist? Bodyguard? She seemed to have been talking to Itul, but was now following after Venti.

That got Cookie to try to block Venti’s path. “Woah! You can’t just go and talk with RAIDEN! She’s a head of state! Listen, maybe we can hook you up with a meeting through Ami later, but she’s with the Bundestag today and they don’t just let in randos like us!”

“I wasn’t planning on asking permission. Besides, I suppose it's time I met the government of my lands, and they got to know their Archon a little better,” Venti said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

He reached out to push the fire exit, prompting a frantic yell from Cookie. “NO!”

It was too late though. Venti pushed open the door, and an alarm instantly began to blare. He paused. “Ehe. Oops. Um, talk with Capri! She’ll sort this out!”

“WHY YOU LITTLE-” Cookie snarled, lightning swirling about her as she reached claw-like hands for Venti’s throat. Before she could make contact, Venti had turned into a breeze and vanished into the sky.

Slowly, Cookie rounded on Capri, murder in her eyes, but there was another, more pressing concern.

“Who was that?” the Japanese woman demanded coldly. Her glasses were gone, she had a large glowing purple bow in her hands, a crackling purple arrow on the string and pointed right at Capri.

“Woah! Sara, what gives!? What are you doing?!” Itul cried, trying to step between Sara and

“Would you believe me if I said he was just a tone deaf bard?” Capri asked, reaching for her own Vision as Naomi did the same beside her.

Sara shook her head. “No. Out of the way, Itul.”

“I didn’t think so,” Capri said with a sigh. Then she drew Skyward pride and charged with a wordless battle cry as Sara fired.

“-and so, our two nations must work together once more, this time not to spread war and chaos, but peace and prosperity amongst the nations.”

There was a polite applause, and Tsukuyomi scanned the faces of the mortals, calculating their response. Some looked uncomfortable, others nervous, a few angry. Curious. These feelings did not appear to be entirely directed at her, based on how the members of the Federal Diet were glaring at one another. Her analysis had been that appealing to a sense of stability and tradition due to their alliance during the last great war would have been a successful play.

Analyzing. Cross referencing material…

Conclusion reached: Germany is more ashamed of its involvement in the conflict known as World War II. Reasons unknown. Further research required.

Action: Reformatting speech.

WARNING: HIGH CONCENTRATION OF ELEMENTAL ENERGY DETECTED.

Looking up, Tsukuyomi saw someone moving through the press at the back of the gallery, and her Elemental Sight indicated they were a Vision Holder. A very powerful one.

ANALYZING…ANALYZING…NO THREAT DETECTED.

“Japan too has suffered greatly from the chaos and instability of the world today. We see too the suffering of our friends in Germany, and the Shogunate extends the offer of friendship and material aid in the rebuilding of Cologne, where so many died, and are still suffering today.”

This went over much better with the audience, though a few looked like their pride was slightly wounded.

“Even today, I am delighted that my daughter was able to work alongside German capes against the threat of the Anemo Archon, and defeat it to provide peace and security in-”

“Question!”

All eyes turned away from Raiden, as a gap in the press formed to reveal the interloper, who was standing with his hand raised. Now that Tsukuyomi got a better look at him, she noticed that his garb was odd. She assumed it was one of these “Cape” uniforms. That explained the Anemo Energy around him, as Vision Holders were typically called Capes in these lands.

Not waiting to be called upon, the stranger stepped forward. “Are you really sure that was the Anemo Archon?” Then he planted hands on his hips and grinned at Tsukuyomi, even going so far as to wink at her. Beside her, Mushu growled and lifted his hands to crack his knuckles.

ANALYZING…CONCLUSION: FLIRTATION. IGNORE.

“So it has been reported to me by trusted sources,” Tsukuyomi said flatly. Ami, Clara, Keiga, and a member of the Shuumatsuban had informed her that they had defeated this “Anemo Archon.” Ei had neglected to inform Tsukuyomi what the Anemo Archon was, and her records of Teyvat on the matter were spotty. She had surmised that this was another enemy god, such as the local Sustainer, and congratulated her sister and the others on their success.

Though she had been surprised a god could die so easily. Further research was required.

The stranger’s eyebrows shot up, even as grumpy-looking guards moved towards him. “Beezlebul! I’m wounded, how could you…wait a second…” With a gasp, the stranger jumped up on the bannister in front of him and pointed, prompting cries of outrage. “The rumors are true! You’re not Beezlebul, you’re the Shogunator!”

“Shogun…ator?” Tsukuyomi attempted to analyze this, but her database came up blank.

“Ah, you know, like that American movie!” the stranger pitched his voice lower, and said in heavily accented English, “<I’ll beh bahck.>”

“You are interfering, interloper. Depart,” Tsukuyomi stated, even as the German Prime Minister attempted to apologize for the rude interruption.

As security guards attempted to grab the fool, he danced away, pulling out a harp that he began to play

“O there was once a woman from Inazuma-”

Tsukuyomi’s attention snapped away from the Prime Minister and to this stranger. Inazuma?

“-who’s mother had quite a bad humah.” The word was mispronounced to ride with ‘Inazuma,’ and Tsukuyomi began to reach towards her breasts.

“She had thunderous thighs, but she had to realize,

That reports of my death were a rumah.”

The stranger frowned, dancing around another guard who tripped over himself, and rubbed his smooth chin. “Hmm, that’s pretty awful, I admit. Spur of the moment, you know?”

“Who are you?” Raiden demanded, her combat systems ramping up to full power as a halo of Electro formed about her.

“Why, Miss Shogunator! I’m disappointed your maker didn’t tell you who I am! Venti of Mondstadt, at your service!” He bowed just in time for another guard to flip over his back and land with a loud crash as the Reichstag descended into a chaotic uproar.

So loud was it, that only Raiden heard what he said as he straightened.

“And the True Anemo Archon.”

“Enemy of Eternity detected,” Tsukuyomi declared, drawing her sword. “Eliminate.”

“Ehe! Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme?” Venti laughed.

Shooting forward with all the strength and speed of her body and mother’s power, Tsukuyomi aimed to finish the battle as she had been trained: In a single, devastating blow.

Venti danced away, laughing merrily, somehow dodging the blow. “Well, that’s a little unfriendly, don’t you think?”

Then with a laugh, he ran out of the building, Tsukuyomi right behind him with sword in hand.