The Melancholy of Kazuma Sato, Epilogue 1 (Patreon)

Epilogue 1: Meet the Suzimiyas

The light faded, and once more, Kazuma and Aqua found themselves in a dingy alley. In fact, unless Kazuma very much missed his guess, it was the exact same alley as before.

“Well this is just freaking fantastic,” Kazuma muttered, helping Aqua up out of the trash pile. “So we got sent back, again!?”

“I…I guess so,” Aqua said, hugging herself and looking around. She seemed somewhat dazed, and this time, she wasn’t in her goddess outfit. Instead, she was dressed in a tracksuit, one nearly identical to Kazuma’s save for the fact that it was blue and white instead of green and black.

“Well…it can’t be that bad,” Kazuma said, going over and pulling Aqua into a hug. “After all…I still have you. Right, bestest buddy?”

Aqua giggled, sniffing and returning Kazuma’s hug. “Yeah. As long as we’re together, we’ll be OK.”

She tilted her head up towards Kazuma, and their lips pressed together as they clung to one another. Everything else might be gone, but at least they had one another.

After a few moments, they paused for breath, both grinning like the idiots they were.

“You look hot in a tracksuit,” Kazuma said, running his hand over Aqua’s curves. “You should wear one more often.”

“It’s comfortable, maybe I will. But I think I like yours better,” Aqua teased.

They stood there for a few seconds until Kazuma remembered something, and a look of horror passed over his face. “Oh SHIT!”

“Huh? What?!” Aqua said, looking around wildly. “Is Vanir still here?!”

“No! You’re pregnant, and we’re both virgins!” Kazuma gasped, feeling utterly horrified.

Aqua looked at him a moment, then rolled her eyes. “That’s your problem? We can fix that.”

The horror faded, and an even dumber grin spread over Kazuma’s face. “Really? You mean it?”

“Well, duh. I’m not even a goddess anymore! Besides, um, I sorta do want to, you know…with you,” Aqua said, blushing mightily. She put a hand over her belly, frowning. “I don’t feel pregnant though…”

“How would you even know what that feels like?!” Kazuma demanded.

“Well, I don’t know! Icky and bloated, I guess! But I feel…I don’t know…tired? Weak? I…I’m not sure…” Aqua toyed with a lock of blonde hair, examining it and sniffing.

“Well, uh…blondes are hot too,” Kazuma said. Then winced. Would she think he was comparing her to Darkness?

Instead, Aqua perked out. “Well, let’s at least get out of the alleyway.”

They headed out to the street, which was once more different than what Kazuma remembered. Now though, he could tell this was the past. All the cars looked woefully out of date, and the clothes were also a far cry from what he could remember. What was the year, anyway? The 80s, or 90s? If it was, Kazuma probably wasn’t even born yet.

“Fuck me if I even know what to do,” Kazuma said, feeling tired and defeated already. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to think. “I guess we try to find day jobs or something…back to temp work just to survive. It’s not like a weird agency is going to scoop us up and give us an apartment again.”

“We’ll be OK,” Aqua said quietly, taking Kazuma’s hand and squeezing it as they watched the street, old cars and out-of-date fashion trends streaming by them.

They stood there for a moment until Kazuma heard the pounding of feet. “K-Kazuma! Aqua! There you are!”

They both turned, and both were astonished to see not one, but two Mikurus running towards them. One was older with glasses, the other the more familiar younger version. Both had absolutely hideous Totally Radical 90s clothing and hair, which actually made them stick out a bit from the rather more somber and practical clothing the rest of the people on the street wore.

“Mikuru? And, uh, also Mikuru?” Kazuma said, but Aqua ran past him and pulled both into a hug.

“I’m so glad to see you! Did you get sent back to the past by that stupid demon too?”

“U-um, no, I came back to find you,” Mini Mikuru explained.

“I remembered meeting myself in the past, so I did too,” Big Mikuru agreed. She beamed at them. “Don’t worry, we’re here to help!”

They led Kazuma and Aqua to a boring looking boxy old Nissan sedan in regular light blue paint parked on the side of the road and motioned them in.

“Don’t worry, I’ve taken care of everything,” Big Mikuru said as Kazuma and Aqua sat in the back seat. “I already took myself around, and we have everything.”

“Um, it’s right here,” Mikuru said, passing them back two large envelopes. Kazuma and Aqua opened theirs, finding several documents within. “Passports, birth certificates, driver's licenses, medical records, college degrees…”

“Kazuma Suzumiya. Well, I guess that makes sense,” Kazuma sighed. He glanced at his college transcript. “What?! Straight Bs?! I could do better than that!”

“You could,” Big Mikuru agreed.

“But would you?” Mini Mikuru asked, sighing.

Kazuma had to admit they had a point.

“I got As! Oh, and some Cs,” Aqua said, frowning. “Math is stupid anyway.”

“Mine’s in freaking Business. What’s yours?” Kazuma asked curiously.

“Graphic Design!” Aqua said happily, showing her transcript. “I won a bunch of awards!”

“Um, I took some of her drawings and doodles back in time and entered them into contests,” Mini Mikuru explained. “Or…I will. I think?”

“We’ll do it later,” Big Mikuru agreed.

“You’ll have to schedule yourselves some interviews, but your references are solid, don’t worry,” Big Mikuru said, looking into the rearview mirror as she drove through town.

“Hey, my passport is American! I’m not American!” Aqua protested.

“Well, you’re not Japanese, not with hair like THAT,” Kazuma said, tugging Aqua’s and making her gasp in outrage. “But don’t worry, you can be my exotic beauty.”

“Plus, you speak English, right?” Big Mikuru said.

“Well, I dunno. I used to speak all the languages since I was a goddess, but now I’m not sure,” Aqua said, looking embarrassed. She glanced at her passport. “Well, Thalia’s not so bad. My first job was being a Muse of the Arts anyway.”

“Hey, what year is it, anyway?” Kazuma asked, looking outside at the passing traffic. “It’s like the 80s or something, right?”

“January 8th, 1987,” Mikuru confirmed. “Um, your due date is October 20th, but, ah Haruhi will be born on October 8th.”

“Well shit, I won’t be born until 1996!” Kazuma said. Then he checked his passport. “Huh. I’m also 22 now. Guess I missed the last four years of my life.”

“We had to make some adjustments, but it should be fine,” Big Mikuru assured him.

Kazuma rifled through his folder a bit more, then hooted in delight. “Cash! Hmm, this is 10,000 yen! In 1987 money, that’s uh…”

“It’s a little more than 10,000 yen from 2003, or even 2012, but not that much more,” Big Mikuru told him.

“A debit card too, sweet! What’s on it?” Kazuma asked excitedly.

“We gave you 100,000 in the bank,” Mini Mikuru told him. “I-I hope that’s enough.”

“You could make it a million,” Kazuma said, batting his eyelashes.

“I found my cash!” Aqua said excitedly, dumping her envelope out. She rifled through it, then frowned. “Where’s my debit card?”

The Mikurus exchanged pained looks, but Kazuma put a hand on her shoulder. “Aqua, no offense…but I’m putting you on an allowance. Cash only.”

“What!? But that’s not fair! Why do you…” Aqua trailed off, then winced. “Emperor Zel?”

“Emperor Zel,” Kazuma agreed.

Aqua sighed, but put a hand to her belly. “Yeah…I guess…”

“And no bubbly,” Big Mikuru said.

“What?!” Aqua wailed. “NOOOOOOO!”

“You’re pregnant. No booze,” Kazuma said sternly. “I’m not making Haruhi any more brain-damaged than she already was.”

Aqua sniffled and cried, but ultimately agreed that was probably a good idea.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Kazuma asked as he stroked Aqua’s hair. She was leaning on his chest and pouting still.

“Your new home! And an old friend is waiting there!” Mini Mikuru said brightly.

“Oh? Did you bring someone?” Big Mikuru asked curiously.

“Uh-huh. Don’t you remember? It’s-”

“Hey, this is a nice neighborhood,” Kazuma said, sitting up. Aqua looked up as well, following his gaze.

“I like the houses!” she agreed. “Which one is ours?”

“This one,” Big Mikuru said, pulling into the driveway of a modest-looking house. It wasn’t huge, but it had a nice front garden and an expansive backyard. A perfect place to raise a family, and for a young goddess to get plenty of exercise.

As they got out of the car, a familiar face came out, waving at them. “Hey everyone! Guess who! It’s me, your Best Priestess-”

“CECILY!?” Big Mikuru gasped, her jaw dropping open. She turned to Mini Mikuru grabbing her and dragging her away despite her younger self’s protests.

“You’re GAY?!” Big Mikuru hissed, looking absolutely flabbergasted. She was trying to whisper, but failing spectacularly. Even from the end of the driveway, she was easy to hear.

“Um, hi, Cecily,” Aqua said, giving her ex-worshipper an awkward smile. “How’d you…?”

“Get here? Eris! Just a day trip though,” Cecily said brightly as the very awkward conversation between Mikurus continued.

“A-aren’t you?”

“That! That’s, uh, classified, I guess.”

“B-but I love Cecily! Don’t you?”

“Her?! She’s INSANE! What are you even DOING with her?! I took one look at her and ran the other way!”

“WHAT!? How can you even say that about Cecily!? She’s the best thing to ever happen to me, to us!”

“Look, I’m the older version, and trust me: that woman is bad news. If I have to be gay, fine. But at least have good taste! Move in with Yuki or something!”

“But Yuki’s with Kyon…”

“Wait, she is?! Oh…”

“Hold on, did you…?”

“That’s classified.”

“Hmph. Well, I’m staying with Cecily. I don’t think I want to be you after all if you can’t see how pure our love is.”

“Listen, me, you’re going to get your heart broken. Cecily is trouble.”

Kazuma turned to Cecily. “If you break her heart, I break your legs.”

“Mikuru is a nice girl!” Aqua agreed. “Don’t you dare pull your usual on her, Cecily!”

“What?! Me?! Pfff, I would never,” Cecily said, looking nervous and starting to sweat. “I, uh, I just-”

“Legs. Crowbar.” Kazuma repeated.

The two Mikurus returned, with the younger version looking rather angrier than she usually did, and the older one looking pale and slightly ill. Mini Mikuru marched right up to Cecily, and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Cecily’s eyes went wide, and she glanced first at Older Mikuru, then Kazuma and Aqua.

Kazuma mimed smacking something with a crowbar, Aqua smiled. “You look sweet together!”

Cecily shrugged, and closed her eyes and returned the kiss. Behind them, Big Mikuru let out a groan of pain. “I can’t believe I did this…”

When they parted,  Mini Mikuru was beaming with pride and joy, while Cecily smiled awkwardly. “See? It's true love!” Mini Mikuru proclaimed.

“Well…different timeplanes…I hope I’ll be happy,” Big Mikuru sighed. She held out the car keys to Kazuma. “These are yours…I have to go…”

She walked into the house, and when the others peered in moments later, Big Mikuru was gone.

“That was…weird. Wonder if we’ll see her again?” Kazuma mused.

“Well, she’s not your Mikuru, I am. So you’ll probably see me,” Mini Mikuru explained, holding on to Cecily’s hand tightly. “Now, we’re going back to our timeline. The house is furnished, and there’s food in the refrigerator and pantry for a week or two. Good luck!”

“Bye! Good luck!” Aqua said, waving as Mikuru and Cecily went into the closet together. Cecily turned her head, shrugged, and then made a very lewd gesture and winked.

“At least I know you’ll always have nice tits!” she laughed as she went into the closet and slid the door shut.

“C-Cecily!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t love you just for your body.”

“A-aa! Ohhh….um, let’s wait until we get back to our time…”

After that, there was silence, and when Kazuma opened the closet, both women were gone.

“So, uh, it’s just us,” Kazuma said, looking around the house. Aqua came and stood next to him, taking his hand as they looked at their home. It was rather nice, if blandly decorated. There was furniture and appliances, even some pictures hung on the walls of Kazuma and Aqua as children, or together at a wedding that had never happened.

“It is,” Aqua agreed, squeezing Kazuma’s hand. “So, want to make sure I’m pregnant?”

“I…yeah. You know what? Yeah! Let’s do this!” Kazuma agreed, and pulled Aqua into another kiss. As it turned out, Aqua wasn’t wearing any underwear under the tracksuit, and neither was Kazuma. Neither of them minded, though purchasing underwear ended up being the first thing they did when they realized they didn’t have any clothes that evening.

They spent the next week lazing around the house, not doing much. They had enough savings in the bank to last them a little while at least, and they owned the house straight up, so their expenses weren’t that much.

Indeed, they were both lazing around in their tracksuits, watching TV and eating convenience store food, when a knock came at the door.

“Did you order delivery or something?” Kazuma asked, frowning down at Aqua, who had her head in his lap.

“No. It’s probably just a salesman or something,” Aqua said, stuffing another handful of chips into her mouth.

“Huh.” They sat there for a few more seconds until another knock came.

“Persistent, ain’t they?” Kazuma mused.

“If we ignore it, maybe they’ll go away,” Aqua said with a shrug.

Then the door swung open.

“See?” a voice Kazuma didn’t recognize said. “I told you it wouldn’t be locked! Put away those lockpicks before someone sees!”

“I was perfectly prepared,” another voice said.

“Rista!” Aqua cried, jumping up in excitement, and running for the door.

Kazuma frowned and stood to see a foreign-looking woman with brown hair in a cute and fashionable (for the 80s) outfit in the entryway, along with a stone-faced Japanese man who was the tallest native son that Kazuma had ever seen.

He didn’t like the bastard already.

The two women hugged happily, both of them crying for reasons that escaped the men.

“I’m so glad to see you, Rista! I thought we were alone,” Aqua sniffled, squeezing the other ex-goddess tightly.

“It’s Tiana now, actually. In some ways, it always was,” the other woman said, sniffing and holding onto Aqua like she was her life line.

Kazuma and the man exchanged looks. Neither of them seemed to like what they saw.

“Kazuma. But I guess you knew that, seeing as you were breaking into my house.”

“Seiya. I was merely prepared for every contingency,” Seiya stated firmly. The bastard looked like it too. He had a fanny pack that was stuffed with all sorts of things, as well as holding a water bottle and a shape under the jacket that Kazuma knew was a gun.

“Come in, come in, both of you!” Aqua said happily, pointing to the dining room table. The room was actually fairly clean, mostly because as a Goddess of Water purity and cleanliness were something Aqua enjoyed. Though she did bully Kazuma into doing more chores than he liked.

They sat down, and Kazuma retrieved a few sodas from the fridge. He glared at Seiya, but placed one in front of him. He was, unfortunately, also a teetotaler, as Kazuma was worried if he bought a beer or something Aqua would drink it and he didn’t know enough about pregnancy to know if that could screw up the timeline or something.

“Our place is just across town. I started at the hospital last week! How about you, how are your new jobs?” Tiana asked Aqua brightly.

“Uh, what jobs?” Aqua asked, blinking. “We still have the money Mikuru gave us.”

“What!? How could you…” Tianta trailed off, looking mortified, but Seiya nailed Kazuma to the floor with his death glare.

“How could you not provide for your wife and child?” Seiya growled.

“Hey! I have interviews lined up, I got gigs!” Kazuma snarled. “We’re fine, thank you very much!”

Kazuma, in fact, did not have any interviews lined up, or anything else. The only money he’d made was the 100 yen coin he’d found in the vending machine the other day.

“Well, I have some connections at the hospital. People who, um, know about us, about our history,” Tiana said, gesturing to herself and Seiya. “They’re looking for troubleshooters. Maybe you could try that?”

“He’s no hero. He’s not even prepared to fight off any intruders,” Seiya said derisively. “This house is hardly secured.”

Tiana sighed. “You don’t need to set traps everywhere to have a safe home. I told you: the security system you installed is plenty.”

“I have detect enemy active,” Kazuma said, tapping his head. “If you were an enemy…” He shot an arm toward Seiya. “Bind!”

Ropes flew from Kazuma’s sleeve, darting towards Seiya and attempting to wrap him up. However, several of Seiya’s own ropes flew out and caught Kazuma’s in mid-air, twirling around them and then continuing towards Kazuma. His chair clattered back, and Kazuma found himself lying on the ground, bound hand and foot.

“...perfectly prepared,” Seiya said smugly.

That sealed it. Kazuma definitely hated the bastard. Unfortunately, Aqua and Tiana were bound at the hip now, and absolutely were best friends. They came over once a week. Kazuma tried to get one over on Seiya, and failed. Every. Single. Time.

Still, he did get off his ass and find a job, along with Aqua. It was, infuriatingly enough, a desk job for a party supply company. He sold everything from greeting cards to party favors and hated it. Still, the pay wasn’t bad, and the job wasn’t super hard, mostly because of his other job.

There were plenty of assholes around, and some of them had powers. Espers, aliens, and time travelers weren't even half of it. There were weird monsters and mad scientists, and all of them wanted to take over the world or destroy it or some nonsense. He got an in from someone Aqua called an “old friend,” one Subaru Natsuki who had his own blue-haired wife he’d met in another world. He was a rich asshole though, and he and Kazuma never got along.

Still, Kazuma got sent on missions to deal with the monster of the week, and all of them thought some desk jockey was no match for their power. None of them, however, had ever had to defeat a Devil King. Twice, even. Except Seiya. That bastard. Even if he was Haruhi’s godfather.

Speaking of Haruhi, she was, in fact, born nine months after Kazuma and Aqua’s arrival in the totally tubular 80s, on October 8th, 1987. Aqua’s pregnancy had been uncomfortable and she had cried about it “making her fat,” but Kazuma had thought she’d grown hotter every day, and they had definitely done enough to make several dozen more babies if things had worked that way.

For a while, Kazuma had been nervous. Was Haruhi really his kid? Would he even love her? Would he just see that bratty teenage girl he’d spent a few weeks with?

And then, still slightly slimy, Kazuma had held Haruhi for the first time. Aqua was exhausted and a hot mess, though the doctors claimed it had been a quick and easy delivery, especially for a first child. But she smiled at Kazuma, and he held their daughter for the first time. Haruhi wailed loudly, proving she had a set of lungs on her, even fresh out of the womb.

Kazuma didn’t see a goddess, or a teenager, or some weird miracle. He saw his daughter, and it was love at first sight. He kissed her gently on the forehead, and made himself a promise: His Haruhi wouldn’t go through the same nonsense that he’d experienced in the past.

After that, life continued as usual. Kazuma would go to the same boring desk job, kill the occasional zombie or interdimensional terror, then go home to his wife, who was also looking after Tiana and Seiya’s little girl, who had been born a few days after Haruhi had. Aqua bounced back fast, but the doctors informed them that something had happened, and she wouldn’t be able to conceive again. They were both devastated, but resolved to continue on as best they could.

Aqua got a job at the same party favor company two years after Haruhi was born, and though it pained her to have to leave Haruhi at a child care center, she really enjoyed her work, and was damn good at it. Occasionally, she and Kazuma had business trips together. Sometimes, it was to a convention center in Vegas for a yearly party favor expo. Sometimes there was a vampire there Aqua had to cleanse, or a giant frog monster that nearly ate her and Kazuma had to kill. It was like reliving old times.

Life was, actually, pretty good. Even if Kazuma did start going bald before he even hit 30. Haruhi was growing up strong and smart, a talented athlete, artist, musician, and just generally was the cutest and most wonderful daughter in the world. They went on fun trips and vacations, with or without monsters to slay, and life was generally good. Kazuma found he had to call Aqua by the name Thalia, save for some quiet nights when the two of them were alone in bed. There WAS a weird geass on them, but they resolved to fight it.

Kazuma even stooped so low as to involve Seiya and Subaru in their pact to Keep Weird Things Away from Their Daughters. They were working on the name. Haruhi should be able to make her own choices, dammit. Screw destiny! She was Kazuma’s little girl!

The only minor blemish on his life was that he did miss Megumin and Darkness, as well as Iris, Wiz, and all the other people he’d met in Belzerg. Even though he had a wonderful house and family, and a job that was… tolerable, Japan just didn’t feel like home.

And then, Haruhi hit middle school, and the weirdness started. She and Kiriko had a dust-up, and somehow, Kiriko wanted to be called Sasaki. Kazuma spotted Yuki Nagato, but he found he couldn’t speak to her even if he’d wanted to.

Things played out much the same as they had before. It was a little different than Kazuma remembered. There was the madness of the SOS Brigade, and Haruhi and her friends ran around causing problems that Kazuma (or Seiya, damn him) had to solve or cover for. In the end, they all got turned into robots for a few days until the other Aqua and Mikuru solved the problem. It was weird, being a robot, but Kazuma sort of liked that his joints didn’t ache so much. He missed the sex though.

Then, they got turned back, and more nonsense happened until Darkness showed up again. It was a tearful reunion: It had been years for both of them. Finally, things just started to feel right again. Kazuma tried to stop Haruhi from ending up in Belzerg, but, well…that didn’t work out. When his little girl came back…she was all grown up again.

He woke up, remembering the frantic fight against the Data Overmind and Sky Canopy dominion, and looked at Aqua lying in the bed next to him. They had barely sat up before Haruhi pounded into their room, eyes wild.

“Mom, dad!? Do you remember-”

“Well, I guess you did manage to save the world, Princess,” Kazuma laughed, getting up with Aqua and pulling Haruhi into a hug.

“We missed you,” Aqua said, squeezing their daughter tightly. “How was Belzerg?”

“It was fun! I had a great time! I defeated the Devil Queen, and got to level 62! But Megumin was still ahead of me! Hey, what level are you guys?”

“...15,” Kazuma muttered. Stupid level drain.

“I was 56, but I suppose my stats are lower now,” Aqua sighed.

Just then, there was a ring at the doorbell.

“What the hell, It’s too early for this,” Kazuma muttered, pulling on a pair of pants over his boxers. Haruhi realized she was in her PJs, and her parents were barely dressed, and went bright red, trying to cover herself before scrambling back to her room. Kazuma rolled his eyes. Once you’d changed someone’s diaper or had to take care of them when they were puking all over themselves and shower them off, seeing them in their underwear wasn’t exactly embarrassing or novel.

Well, unless they were Aqua. Kazuma swatted her rear while she was pulling on her own pants, earning a squawk from her. “Still sexy,” he teased.

At the door, they found an old friend.

“Eris!” Aqua cried, jumping out to hug their old friend, though she looked more like Chris at the moment. “It’s so good to see you again!”

“You too! We missed you both.”

“We?” Kazuma looked around, then heard a dark chuckle.

“Did you think you would be rid of me so easily, Kazuma? Behold! I have learned how to tear apart the veil of space and time, and have come here to-”

“Ugh, Megumin, it’s too early. Just give me the donuts,” Komekko whined, coming around the corner with Megumin, who was carrying a box of donuts in her hands. Darkness was with them, who waved cheerily to Kazuma.

He found tears in his eyes and ran forward to scoop both his old friends up in a hug. They returned in, and a moment later, Aqua joined them.

“I missed you,” Kazuma said, his voice raspy. “But I guess…is this one last goodbye?”

“Not so much,” Chris said. “Why don’t we have breakfast and talk about it?”

They all went to the breakfast table, Megumin passing out donuts while Darkness set cups of coffee down. Komekko ended up eating an entire dozen herself. Kazuma had sort of forgotten how she could make food disappear.

“I’ll get straight to the point. Belzerg is still a mess, and I’m going to be really busy for the next year or so,” Chris said with a sigh. “So, I figured I’d come by and try to recruit you.”

“I thought you couldn’t travel between dimensions,” Haruhi said suspiciously.

Chris beamed at her. “I couldn’t! Until I became Chief Goddess, that is!”

“What?! I thought that was me!” Haruhi protested, looking offended.

“Eh, maybe someday! But now, I’m the senior! And you’re in training. Don’t worry, I’ll be putting you to work straight away goddessing too,” Chris assured her.

“Yes,” Haruhi said, pumping her fist in delight. “Can I still fight monsters?”

“No,” Aqua said around a mouthful of donut. “It’s mostly paperwork and judging souls.”

“What!? Seriously!? But I have some super amazing powers!” Haruhi whined.

“It’s up to mortals to defend the world,” Chris said, nodding to Megumin and Darkness.

“Yes. I will be returning to Belzerg, to be the Realm’s Shield once more,” Darkness agreed.

“And I shall return, to once more strike fear into the heart of evil!” Megumin cackled. Then she sobered. “But…our party lacks a healer. And, as Queen Iris says, ‘a skill monkey.’”

“You mean it?! We can go back?” Kazuma said, turning to face Chris.

“Yep. A one time immigration offer! It’s permanent though, so think-”

“YES!” Kazuma and Aqua said in unison, wide grins on their faces. They took each other’s hands and smiled. It was almost everything they had ever wanted.

“Super! Oh, and now that the situation is resolved, you can have more kids! Also a special deal,” Chris told them. “Belzerg needs repopulating.”

“A little brother? I suppose that wouldn’t be too bad,” Haruhi mused. “So when do we go?”

“No ‘we’ missy. You’re staying here with Aunty Chris! You have to graduate high school first,” Chris told Haruhi.

“What?! But that’s super lame! And what about mom and dad?! You’ll just abandon me?” Haruhi put on her best puppy dog face, and Kazuma nearly relented until Aqua elbowed him.

“It’s not goodbye forever. Plenty of kids do their senior year of high school living on their own. We’ll send letters,” Aqua promised.

“Ugh. Fine.” Haruhi suddenly brightened. “That means I have a whole year to spread the SOS Brigade around Japan, and plan new events! I’ll text Kyon!”

Kazuma sighed, and shook his head as Haruhi ran off, Komekko following, more because she was out of donuts than anything else. He looked to Megumin and Darkness, and they smiled at him.

“Well. I guess the party’s back together.”

Aqua brought over a bottle of bubbly, and the good old days came back. They were going home.