The Melancholy of Kazuma Sato, The Final Chapter (Patreon)

The lights suddenly dimmed, and curtains appeared, obscuring Komekko and Megumin. A moment later, a spot light shone, and the curtains withdrew, revealing Komekko now dressed as a voodoo priestess, sitting at a table with tarot cards and a crystal ball, Megumin beside her.

Then, to the loud groans of several members of the audience (and Aqua and Haruhi’s enthusiastic cheers), they began to sing.

Don't you disrespect my Crimson Pride!

Don't you denigrate or deride!

You're in my world now

Not your world

And I got friends on the other side!

That’s a metaphor,

Just a little Devil Queen Humor

I’ll explain things, don’t worry.

Sit down at my table

Put your minds at ease

If you relax it will all be just a show to please

I can explain your journey

I did change it 'round some, too

I’ve looked deep into your heart and soul

(Will you get to the point Komekko?)

Of course! I’ll go ahead and explain!

I got a motive, I got a causal train!

So let’s go on this crazy ride!

And I got friends on the other side

The gods, the gods, the gods!

They control the past, present, and future as well!

The gods, the gods, take these three!

Now I’ll share a little insight, see?

Now you, Haruhi, come from a long history!

You’re a reincarnation, a second time around!

A goddess through and through, on your mother's side

Your power’s high

But your knowledge is low

But Japan has changed, it’s not the same!

No worship, no glory, Amaterasu, she told her story!

So she found a goddess, bored of her job

She just wanted to be free!

Laze about all her days!

But to do that she’d need a mortal!

It’s the mortal who can change, keep up with the times!

And when Amaterasu saw her future

It was the mortals she sees!

So she built a little school, to teach a lesson

She pushed you all into place

And you all ran around and around

The goddess, the NEET, and the Devil Queen!

Which is little ole me

So you’re the boss who retired

But in your future, the you I see

Is exactly the goddess Japan needs her to be!

And me? I’m the new wave!

Come on girls

Won't you shake the poor sinner's hand?

Yes

Are you ready?

(Are you ready?)

Are you ready?

Reincarnation central!

(Reincarnation  central!)

Reformation central!

(Reformation central!)

Transmogrification central!

Can you feel it?

You're changin', You're changin', You're changin', all right!

I hope you're satisfied

But if you ain't

Don't blame me!

You can blame my friends on the other side!

(You got what you wanted)

(But you lost what you had)

Komekko stood with Megumin and Vanir, both of the girls sweating, and Vanir grinning mightily. They bowed, with Haruhi and Aqua clapping wildly, Mikuru clapping hesitantly, and everyone else just glad it was over.

Kyon raised a hand, and Komekko pointed. “Yes! You in the back!’’

“That doesn’t explain anything.”

“That’s not a question, so I’m afraid you lose! Thank you, you’ve been a wonderful audience,” Komekko said, bowing to everyone. Mikuru clapped politely, while the two Tanyas and Visha struggled against their bonds, Kazuma having tied them up once Komekko had paralyzed Young Tanya long enough for Yuki to get her mojo back.

“Yeah, I’d still like to know what was going on,” Kazuma said, frowning and shaking his head. “What the hell even happened just now? Was that really Amaterasu?”

“I’m afraid if you can’t appreciate art, you don’t get any answers!” Komekko said, sticking her nose in the air.

“Wait, am I really the reincarnation of Amaterasu? Did she really set this all up?” Haruhi demanded.

“She did,” Chris said slowly, glaring at the Devil Queen, who was standing behind Komekko and glaring at everyone. “But I think maybe the answers are inside you, Haruhi.”

“If this is some bullshit about us having the answer all along and it being friendship, I’m out,” Kazuma declared.

Ristarte stepped forward, frowning first at Haruhi, then Sasaki. “I think…I think Aqua and I really did pass on our mantles…but it’s not just Haruhi who could become the Chief Goddess, is it?”

“I knew it!” Kyoko whooped, pumping her fist. “Sasaki is the winner after all!”

“Technically, Haruhi and Sasaki aren’t really goddesses, not yet. They’re like, proto-goddesses, if you will,” Komekko said with a shrug. “But they’re on the cusp. They got divine parentage, and inherited their powers at great sacrifice. They just need a tiny little push to get there!”

“So, we still have to make our choice?” Sasaki asked.

“Uh, well, one of you has to become the new goddess of Belzerg,” Chris said, taking out a letter. “I didn’t understand why the chief gave this to me, but I think it’s for both of you. She said it was for when Aqua got fired to give to her replacement. I was going to make sure that didn’t happen…but, well, mazel tov, I guess? Maybe this has some answers.”

She handed the letter to Haruhi and Sasaki. It was in a legal sized envelope, and was addressed to “The Goddess of Belzerg.”

“I’m opening it!” Haruhi said eagerly and ripped the letter open. She held it out so Sasaki could read it, but as they did so, the words suddenly glowed, and the school around them vanished.

An instant later, Sasaki and Haruhi both shivered. They looked around themselves, seeing they were atop a mountain peak at sunset. The rocks around them were rust red and volcanic, the soil barren and windswept. Off to one side was a sea of clouds, a lake visible beneath them, the countryside stretching to the ocean in the distance. To the other was a shrine with walls of volcanic rock, and plenty of tourist kitsch.

“Wait, we’re on top of Mount Fuji?” Haruhi said, looking around in confusion.

“Where are all the tourists?” Sasaki asked, frowning slightly. “There’s always tons of them, especially at sunset.”

“I reserved it privately, just for us.”

Both girls turned to see the Chief Goddess, Amaterasu, sitting on a stone bench and watching as the sun sank into the sea.

“You’re alive!?” Haruhi demanded, scrambling over. She frowned. “Wait, I thought, uh…”

“You seriously thought you were Amaterasu?” Sasaki asked, rolling her eyes. “You are full of yourself.”

“She is,” the older goddess said, not looking away from the sunset. She patted the seat next to her. “Sit. Enjoy it for a moment. This is my last sunset, after all.”

“Not before I get some answers!” Haruhi declared, but Sasaki grabbed her hand and dragged her onto the bench.

Sasaki sat quietly, watching the sunset, while Haruhi glowered and swung her legs. Eventually, she sighed and turned to watch the beauty of nature on display. Amaterasu pulled out a thermos and some cups, pouring them each some tea as the temperature rapidly dropped. Neither of the girls were dressed warmly, so they gratefully accepted the warm drinks.

When only a sliver of the red sun remained, Amaterasu spoke. “I actually am dead. This is an echo, a memory. If you’re both here, that means my plan worked, and Tanya finally got her revenge.”

“Ok, first of all, why do you even care? She seems like a bitch,” Haruhi huffed.

Amaterasu shrugged. “I needed someone to kill me, and I figured it should at least be a deserving soul.”

“You planned to die?” Sasaki asked, baffled. “Why? Did you just get tired of living? This seems like a really complicated way to commit suicide.”

“Mmm, it’s not really suicide,” Amaterasu mused. She shrugged, taking a sip of her tea and sighing. “Japan has changed, and I have not. It’s time for me to be reborn again. Of course, I could have just selected a suitable woman and willed myself dead to be reborn, but-”

“That sounds super boring. This was way better,” Haruhi said with a nod. “I get it.”

Sasaki gave her an exasperated look, then turned to Amaterasu. “OK, that explains Haruhi, but what about me?”

“My power is…well, it’s a bit much for one young girl. And, well, I sort of owed Ristarte and Seiya after…well. I suppose now that you’re on speaking terms with your parents, you can just ask them.”

“That doesn’t explain why we were raised like mushrooms,” Haruhi said, frowning. “Why couldn’t our parents just tell us?”

“If you’d grown up knowing you were possessed of godlike powers, that would have made your life even more boring. And, well, predisposed you to be an even greater brat than you became,” Amaterasu said, a faint smile on your lips. “Besides, you agreed to that, not me.”

“Bullshit,” both girls said at the same time.

Amaterasu chuckled, then looked back to the sun. It vanished below the horizon, and though the sky was still glowing, the shadows around them were growing. She held up a hand, which had gone transparent. “Ah. Not much time left then. So, we come to the crossroads. You two girls have the potential to replace me. To become the new goddesses of Japan, do you-”

“I ACCEPT!” Haruhi said immediately, jumping up. “Just you wait! I’m going to be AWESOME as Chief Goddess! The SOS Brigade will have an outpost in every school, and life will be full of strange and weird things.”

Sasaki didn’t respond immediately, looking into her empty cup. At last, she said, “Can I help make sure that no little girl has to suffer what I did, or parents have to go through what mine have?”

“Not quite. But you can try. There will always be evil in the world, Sasaki. A goddess’ job is to find those who can fight against it,” Amaterasu said gently. Then she looked at Haruhi. “And is that really what you’ll do?”

“I mean…I don’t know. I have no idea how to be a goddess,” Haruhi admitted. “I’ll try and take it seriously, it sounds like the job I always wanted! Something unique, special, and interesting and- wait. I have to share this with my stupid cousin!?”

“Humble pie, Haruhi. How does it taste?” Sasaki asked innocently. Haruhi stuck her tongue out in response.

“Your road isn’t over, far from it. But I release any bindings that were on your powers. You two are now goddesses in truth.”

Haruhi grinned and looked down at her chest, while Sasaki closed her eyes and held out her hands, palms up. When nothing happened after several seconds, both turned to Amaterasu.

“It won’t be quite that easy, I’m afraid. There is still that onboarding process. Don’t worry, you’ll have someone to help. For once, perhaps talk to your mothers,” Amaterasu said, now nearly completely translucent. She stood and bowed to the girls. “Farewell.”

The goddess turned to starlight and flowed into both girls. They gasped, feeling power surge within themselves, and closed their eyes. When they opened them again, they were back in the strange school.

“So, what?” Aqua said, coming over. “What did the letter say?”

Haruhi looked, but it was just a blank piece of paper now. She crumpled it up and dropped it. “Right! Well, I really am Amaterasu reborn! I knew it!”

“...but I got part of her power too, so we have to work together,” Sasaki said, elbowing Haruhi.

“Fiiiiiineeee. Yes.” Haruhi looked around at the expectant faces. “What?”

“Well, what do we do NOW?” Kyon demanded, gesturing to the mostly destroyed hall.

“Uh….I guess? We send people home?” Haruhi said. She spread her arms, sticking her tongue out between her lips as she squinted. After a moment she sighed and shook her head. “Yeah, I still don’t know how to do that.”

“I…actually don’t either,” Sasaki admitted. “Er, mom…do you know?”

Ristarte blinked. “You mean me? Ah, well, I do know how to use the powers of a goddess, but I can’t exactly explain how…”

“Let me guess, you’re useless too, huh mom?” Haruhi said, glaring at Aqua.

“Hey! I am not useless! I am a god-” Aqua blinked, then started crying. Kazuma rubbed her shoulders while glaring at Haruhi, who sighed and came over and hugged them both.

“Thanks. This was fun. It was sort of weird going to school with my own parents, but…I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“I’ll be a good mom, I promise!” Aqua wailed, hugging Haruhi tightly and drawing Kazuma in.

He reluctantly hugged Haruhi at first, then grunted when she squeezed. “I guess I’m proud of you and stuff.”

After a moment they separated, and Haruhi and Aqua both had to scrub their eyes, while Kazuma blinked. After a moment, Aqua turned to Eris. “Um, Eris…do you…?”

“Do I know how to send everyone home? Heck no! You’re all from different times and dimensions! I barely know how to get back to Heaven!” Chris said, shaking her head.

“Hey Yuki, do you…?” Haruhi said, turning to the quiet alien.

“While I possess advanced data manipulation techniques, fully rectifying this situation is beyond my current abilities.”

Everyone stood there for a moment, until Komekko stepped forward. “I think I might have a solution!”

“You? Seriously? You know how to restore all these timelines and fix everything?” Kazuma demanded.

Komekko blinked innocently. “Me? Oh no. But allow me to introduce you to my friend on the other side…”

She bowed and Vanir stepped forward, a wide grin on his face. He rubbed his hands together eagerly. “Oh yes. This is the flavor of shame and disappointment. Goddesses ashamed of themselves, and the disappointment that it is moi who saves the day!” He performed a loud chef’s kiss, and grinned around at them, his left eye glowing with a sinister life. “But moi must tell you…there is always a price…”

“Let me guess. It’s some sort of weird geass on us where we’ll be constantly disappointed and ashamed we can’t just talk straight about this?” Kazuma asked, sighing heavily.

Vanir grinned and rubbed his hands together. “For starters. The other is…thou shall all be separated, and scattered through time.”

“What?! You can’t do that to us!” Megumin protested. “I just met Kazuma and Aqua again!”

“Sorry sis. We have to restore the timeline,” Komekko said, sounding genuinely remorseful as she patted Megumin on the shoulder. “Everyone’s got to go back where they belong.”

“Anyone else have any ideas?” Haruhi asked.

“You let me go and I kill the demon first, then the gods,” both Tanyas said at the same time.

“You don’t get a vote,” Kyon said, and kicked them in the ribs, making both glare at him.

“I’m fresh out of ideas,” Kazuma admitted.

“Very well,” Vanir laughed. He drew out a quill and inkwell with a flourish, while Komekko produced a contract on a long scroll of vellum. “Sign here, please.”

Reluctantly, everyone took the quill and signed their name. It took quite a while, as Seiya insisted on reading the entire contract, and attempting to argue over a few points.

“No, sorry! It’s either you spend the rest of your life at this school with your pregnant girlfriend, or we send you back to Japan!” Komekko told him after Seiya tried to rules lawyer his way out of one line or another. “Are you going to sign, or do I put your daughter’s soul back where I found it?”

Seiya grimaced, but he signed.

With that done, Vanir began to walk around, a gleeful grin on his face. “Hmm, moi must consider,” Vanir tapped his lips with his index finger, studying Seiya and Ristarte. “Yes, yes…the fallen goddesses together…along with the foolish hero who is either overly cautious or blindly bold, and the NEET who shall be forced to a life of corporate slavery. To the past with all of thee.”

“Wait, what?!” Kazuma cried. “How could you-”

“And, well, for the others, back to their own places. But first…” Vanir stepped forward, grinning down at Tanya. “How doest thou feel, godslayer?”

“Like I haven’t finished the job,” she growled.

“Gooooood. Good. Well then. You shall accompany them!”

“Wait, no! Don’t-” Haruhi began, but it was too late. Vanir snapped his fingers, and Kazuma and Aqua, Seiya and Ristarte, and the past Tanya all vanished.

“What did you do to them!?” Haruhi snarled, stepping forward and grabbing Vanir by the lapels.

“What moi promised. They are in the past, to replay this tired dance again, the foolish dancers moving to the beat of fate in a mad attempt to defy it, only to replay this farce once more,” Vanir laughed. He raised his hands and applauded. “Encore! What a splendid performance!”

“What about us?” Haruhi demanded, jerking her head at the SOS Brigade, along with Sasaki and Kyoko.

“Why, back to where you belong!” Vanir laughed. “Do enjoy the apocalypse you prepared for yourselves!” He snapped his fingers again, and they were all gone.

Chris was left alone with the demons, Old Tanya grinning at her viciously. She raised her daggers. “You wanna go a round?”

“Do not dare hurt Chris! She is my friend!” Megumin snapped, stepping from her sister to Chris.

“We’ve got a truce, so no, we won’t be fighting,” Komekko said with a sigh. She gave Megumin a lopsided grin. “Back home for us too. We’ll mop up all the people left at this school and do the standard memory wipes. But you’re on your own, Eris.”

“Moi hopes you enjoy being the only one who truly remembers all of this,” Vanir cackled. “And that thou cannot speak to anyone about this for years!”

“What!? You BASTARD! I, I’ll…shit,” Chris kicked her foot at the floor. She sighed. “Well…see you around, Megumin.” Then she vanished, returning to her own place. Vanir set about returning the students and staff to their own dimensions. As he did so, Komekko embraced Megumin again.

“Sorry about…everything. I…I hope you can forgive me. I guess I turned out to be a pretty rotten Crimson Demon after all.”

“What are you talking about? You have surpassed even me, becoming the Devil Queen of multiple worlds! Truly, you are the Foremost Genius of the Crimson Demon Clan,” Megumin said. She took off her great big hat, and set it on Komekko’s head.

For a moment, Komekko was silent, then she giggled, twirling in delight. “Thank you! I’ll take good care of it! And visit sometimes.”

Megumin gave her a smug look. “Oh, I’m sure it will be a while. I made sure of that.”

Komekko blinked. “What? What are you-”

But then Vanir snapped his fingers again, and Megumin vanished, back to the Belzerg she had left not so long ago. She found a very confused Mao still tied up in the bathroom, and helped her out of the dungeon. Eventually, Mao would be able to reunite with her old friends, but that’s a story for another crossover.

“Wait, Vanir, hold on, I think something’s wrong,” Komekko said, digging out the contract. She began to rapidly scan it, but Vanir shook his head.

“Too late! Moi saw the alteration. And for once…it will be amusing to see you ashamed and disappointed, mistress,” Vanir said.

Komekko found the line, and recognized her sister’s handwriting. “Wait, no, don’t-”

But Vanir snapped his fingers, and Komekko vanished.

Then he turned to Tanya and Visha, who were still sitting on the floor, tied up. He squatted down and grinned. “Well, well. The Devil of the Rhine. Together again at last.”

“I make no deals with gods or demons,” Tanya spat. “Kill us and be done with it!”

Vanir flinched back, acting wounded. “Kill you? No no. Moi has an offer! You see, Hell is a growth industry! And moi’s mistress is always on the lookout for new generals.

Visha growled, “Убирайся к черту.”

Tanya just spat at Vanir’s feet.

“Well. Do not say moi did not try. And now…as a personal favor for killing that most despicable of goddesses…moi shall give you what you have always claimed to want.”

A finger snap, and Visha and Tanya found themselves on a beach. Behind them stood a jungle island, with a freshwater spring, and just enough plants to support two people for the rest of their natural lives. They were on an empty world, with nothing but the ocean, and a few other islands, just as deserted, in a small archipelago.

“Is this…paradise?” Visha asked, looking around wistfully.

Tanya sighed. “At last…peace and quiet.”

They smiled at one another and kissed. Then set about building a shelter.

Within two days, they were bored. Within a week, they were grumpy and fighting. After a month, they were fighting constantly just to have something to do. There weren’t even any large animals or fish worth fighting. They did occasionally find the earth masks in the jungle, watching them, and felt deeply ashamed when they did so. Tanya would destroy the masks, but there was nothing but echoing laughter.

As it turned out, Peace would destroy them both. But enough about that.

Haruhi reappeared in the gym with the SOS Brigade, Sasaki beside her.

“You’re back!” Itsuki cried, and stumbled over.

“Ah-ha! I knew I was forgetting something!” Haruhi said, slapping her fist into her palm. “There you are, Vice Chief! Now, we-”

Itsuki went right past Haruhi and pulled Kyoko into a tight embrace. “I thought I’d lost you.”

“Well, I’m hard to lose sometimes,” Kyoko giggled. She closed her eyes and tilted her head up, lips slightly parted, and Itsuki kissed her passionately.

Haruhi let out an offended squawk. “The nerve! I come all the way back to-OW! KYON!”

“Let the poor guy have his moment,” Kyon said. He glanced around, spotting a shocked Kimidori on the ground in a ritual circle. “What the hell happened here?”

“Alert,” Yuki said, pointing towards the ceiling. “Data breach. The Sky Canopy Dominion is attempting a data merge with humanity.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Haruhi asked, baffled.

“She means those IDIOTS bound me, and now the Sky Canopy Dominion is going to destroy the world!” Kimidori snarled, jumping to her feet. “I was like a GOD to you pathetic insects! Well. I guess it’s not too late. Unit 0000! Initiate data sequencing and MMPH MMMPH MMMMM!”

Silver ductape appeared over Kimidori’s mouth, and she raised her hands, trying to rip it off. Yuki stood with one hand extended towards her, the barest twitch of a smile on her lips. “Request denied.”

“HARUHI!”

Kazuma and Aqua ran over, and this time, Haruhi knew who her parents really were. She hugged them tightly, squeezing her eyes shut. “Mom, dad…you were both real jerks in high school.”

“Everyone is, Princess,” Kazuma said, kissing the top of Haruhi’s head.

“Uh, mom, does this mean…are you going to start going by Aqua now?” Haruhi asked hesitantly.

“Absolutely not. To you, I’ll always be mom, young lady. Your father, however, can finally go back to calling me by that name.”

“I dunno, I kinda like Thalia,” Kazuma mused. Aqua stomped on his foot, and he laughed. “Fine, fine. You’ll always be my useless goddess, Aqua.”

“Jerk,” she muttered, but she was smiling whens he said it.

Across the room, Sasaki was having her own tearful reunion with her parents. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I never should have believed you hated me! I should have known you loved me!”

“It’s alright, sweetie,” Tiana said, squeezing her daughter. “I’m just glad you know we do love you.”

“Don’t worry,” Seiya said. “Everything’s gonna be alright. We’ve always loved you.”

Kyon glanced at Yuki, then stepped closer and put an arm around her. She leaned against him, closing her eyes. “I…I love you too.”

“Yes,” Yuki said, nodding.

Mikuru felt a little awkward, so she went over and peeled the tape off of Kimidori’s lips. “Uh, hi. Um, are you still an alien?”

“Yes! But more importantly, WHAT ABOUT THE MILLION ALIENS IN THE SKY WHO ARE ABOUT THE DESTROY THE WORLD!” Kimidori roared.

“Oh yeah,” Kazuma said, breaking his embrace of his wife and daughter. “That. So, uh, who do we fix that? You got any ideas, Mr Perfectly Prepared?”

Seiya considered that, then shrugged. “I didn’t prepare for this one.”

The gym door was kicked open, and Tsuruya stood there, bloody and grinning. “DUH DUH DA DAAAAAA! THE CAVALRY IS HERE!”

“Put me down!” a familiar voice squawked. “I said I was sorry! PUT ME DOWN!”

“I think not,” Darkness grunted, and stepped into view, a dark-haired girl kicking and struggling under one arm, her giant witch’s hat obscuring most of her features.

“Megumin!?” Kazuma gasped. “What are you-”

The girl looked up, glaring at Kazuma. “YOU! YOU PUT MY SISTER UP TO THIS, DIDN’T YOU!”

A slow grin spread over Kazuma’s face. “Why, Komekko. It’s been so long. Whatever brings you here?”

“You should have read the fine print,” Seiya said seriously. “I did.”

“Damn you,” Komekko muttered. She glared up at Darkness. “Look, I said I was sorry I killed you! If it makes you feel better, I’m not even the Devil Queen right now! I have to do some stupid task before I can go back to Belzerg.”

“What task?” Darkness asked, frowning.

Komekko looked down and muttered, hiding under her hat. Darkness shook her, and she let out a yip. “Ah! I have to graduate high school! Just put me down!”

Darkness dropped Komekko flat onto her face, where she landed with a splat. “Hmph. Very well. Ah, Kazuma, I do hope you have a plan, because…”

WANT. COMMUNICATE.

The words made the very ground shudder and everyone gasp and clutch at their heads. Except Darkness, who moaned in pleasure.

“Right, that. Uh, Haruhi?” Kazuma said.

Haruhi nodded, looking thoughtful. “I have an idea. Yuki? Sasaki? Let’s do this!”

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” Sasaki sighed, but stepped over and took Haruhi’s hand. Yuki gave Kyon’s hand a squeeze, then let go, stepping forward and closing the circle.

There was a flash, and Haruhi found herself standing in the sky, and an endless legion of Kuyou Suou clones around them. The nearest one turned to them, eyes dead, mouth not even moving as she spoke.

WANT. COMMUNICATE.

“I think I get it,” Haruhi said, gingerly taking a step. She found she could walk on thin air, and closed the distance. She stood in front of the alien, lips pursed. “You just want to have someone to talk to, don’t you? You’re lonely. Like Yuki was.”

The alien girl tilted her head to one side, as if listening, but unsure of how to respond.

“I think this will take all three of us,” Haruhi said, taking a deep breath. She could feel the power inside her now, and she closed her eyes. “Let’s sing another song, Sasaki. You join in too, Yuki.”

And so, the three girls sang together. It was a somewhat sad song, of growing up, and changing. One of saying goodbye to old friends, and the innocence of youth. But it was a song of hope too. One of becoming who you were meant to be. Of stepping into a new world, one grander and brighter than before. Finding new friends, and a life well lived.

As they sang, the Kuyou clones gathered around them. Slowly at first, then a huge multitude beyond numbering. While the song swelled, the clones stepped into one another, halving their numbers, again and again, the horde shrinking. Until there was only one left, listening.

The song ended, and Haruhi stepped forward, extending her hand. “What do you want, Kuyou? Do you want a life of adventure? Of excitement? To become a god like we will, and guide the world?”

“Or do you want a normal life,” Sasaki said, stepping to her other side, holding out her own hand. “To become human, and live simply, giving up all your power?”

Kuyou looked back and forth between them, then to Yuki. She spoke only a single word. PLEASE.

Yuki nodded and took Kuyou’s hand. She guided it to Sasaki’s waiting touch. The wind whipped around them, and Kuyou closed her eyes. She changed, losing her ethereal beauty and doll-like grace, and becoming a normal teenaged girl. Even her hair shrunk until it was only shoulder length, and pimples sprouted on her face. Small ones, but noticeable compared to the flawless complexions of the other three.

“Well, she made her choice,” Haruhi sighed. “Even if it was the boring one.”

Sasaki shook her head. “Not everyone is as crazy as you are, with mad dreams of an impossible world.

“As we are! You took the deal too, cousin!” Haruhi teased.

The transformation finished, and Kuyou hung there before Sasaki for a moment.

Then, because she was a normal human, she fell right out of the sky.

“Uh, oops,” Haruhi said, watching as Kuyou’s unconscious form tumbled towards the ground below. “This is a bad time to ask, but how do we-”

Yuki dove after Kuyou, catching her, then floating back up.

“Nice save,” Haruhi said, giving her a thumbs up. She looked around. “So, uh, I guess the cat’s out of the bag about aliens and stuff now, huh?”

“Yes,” Yuki said, nodding, still cradling Kuyou in her arms.

“It shouldn’t be. We should reset things,” Sasaki said, folding her arms over her chest.

“What?! No! This is totally the world I wanted!” Haruhi protested. “It’s super awesome, with aliens, espers, and time travelers! Heck, my parents are even sliders!”

“Is it though? Now that you have it, is that for the best? Or was it more fun when you were looking?” Sasaki asked philosophically.

Haruhi glared at her, then sighed and looked at Yuki. “What do you think?”

“Humanity as a whole is not ready for this level of data. Stress levels are at dangerous levels globally. System reset is advised.”

“Fiiiiinnnneee. But not our friends and family! They keep their memories, alright!?” Haruhi declared.

Sasaki considered it, then nodded. “Very well. I agree.”

They both looked to Yuki. “System rebooting in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…”

And the world went back to the way it was. Not too interesting, but not boring either. Even if it did leave one Kazuma Sato feeling a bit melancholy with his lot in life.

The End.

Author’s Note:

Well, OK, not actually. There will be at least one epilogue, maybe two.