Dark Legend of Potter Chapter 51 (Patreon)

After the initial ass chewing, Megumin and her companions returned to the Gryffindor students staying in a (very expanded) room at the Three Broomsticks. They were initially unsure if they were going to get a heroes’ welcome or be pummeled verbally and possibly physically for supreme idiocy.

However, these were Gryffindors. They needn’t have worried.

As soon as they entered the makeshift door, wild applause broke out, with hoots and hollers from all around. Fred and George even bounded over and raised Ron’s arms like he was some sort of quidditch champion and started singing “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow (But Mum Is Going To Kill Him When She Finds Out)”.

“Quiet! Quiet,” Percy shouted, raising his hands and looking around, and frowning at Fred and George until they put Ron down. “Well, first things first.” He went over and hugged Ron tightly. “Thanks. You saved Ginny.”

“Sure, just don’t tell her that,” Ron grunted, blushing at the sudden show of affection.

Percy let Ron go, then pulled over a stool and set it before Megumin. “Right. Now, why don’t you tell us all how you killed the Serpent of Slytherin. That’s what you did, right?”

Megumin swelled up with pride, jumping up on the stool and opening her mouth, only to have her moment ruined when Percy nodded to Darkness and Hermione. “And you two keep her from embellishing the facts too much.”

“What!? You would dare question my storytelling ability?!” Megumin demanded.

“Oh no, you’re quite entertaining, that’s why we stayed up,” Percy told her. “But I’d like what you say to have some basis in reality.”

“Well keep her head on straight,” Hermoine promised. “Now, it all started when-”

“-our beloved Ginny got kidnapped by the basilisk,” Kazuma said to the eager audience of Slytherins. While they were irritated that someone (probably Megumin) had slain the Serpent of Slytherin, four of their own ACTUALLY getting to set foot in the legendary Chamber of Secrets was too juicy a tale to miss.

“How’d that happen?” Flint demanded, scowling at the attention the younger students were getting. He was used to being the big man in the dorms, and Kazuma was gleeful at the prospect of knocking him off his perch.

“I’m not really sure. All I know is at the climax of the play, the basilisk came out of the pipes and grabbed me, Lavender, Yunyun, and Luna,” Ginny said with a shrug.

“How come you four girls and not someone else?” Daphne Greengrass asked, sounding more curious than suspicious.

“Maybe Sylvia just likes how girls taste,” Dust said, then immediately grunted as Draco, Kazuma, and Ginny beat him into silence.

“Sylvia? What, did the basilisk give you its bloody name?” Flint snorted.

“Dust has a very active imagination,” Kazuma clarified, and Dust nodded, holding back tears from the pain.

Ginny continued before Dust could screw up the story any further. “Well, anyway, I was taken down into a dark and smelly sewer pipe, where I-”

“-k-knew that m-my friends would c-come rescue me,” Yunyun explained to her room full of Hufflepuffs. Most of them looked down, highly embarrassed that the house known for steadfastness and loyalty had not, in fact, rallied and gone looking for their missing house member.

“Um, w-well, I saw t-two statues,” Yunyun continued. “O-one was a boy, and the other a woman. A-and, well, um, we were trapped there so-”

“So I immediately began searching for wrackspurts. You never know what you’ll find in a place like that,” Luna said, smiling vaguely at all the Ravenclaw students. Since they’d only had one of their number down in the chamber, they were all desperately pumping her for information.

“No, but what was the Chamber LIKE!?” one of the prefects demanded. “Do you not understand the historical significance of these events?! What information we could glean from the founders by exploring the Chamber of Secrets!?”

“Well, not very much now that Megumin’s destroyed it I imagine,” Luna mused thoughtfully. “Though there are a lot of wrackspurts down there. It’s the only reasonable explanation for what happened.”

“Well, what did happen?!”

“After I was in the Chamber I-”

“-BEHELD MY NEMESIS, LORD VOLDEMORT!” Megumin declared, posing dramatically.

There were startled gasps, but Percy shook his head. “That’s impossible. You already killed him last year… again.”

“A-ha! But that only shows how little you know! For you see, Voldemort left a shade of himself in the catacombs of the castle, to command the serpent to rise up and slay me!” Megumin cackled.

Everyone looked to her friends, but it was Lavender who spoke up. “Yeah, that’s what happened. It turned out Voldemort was possessing the basilisk, forcing her to kidnap us for some dark ritual to bring him back to life.”

There were more gasps, but Percy put in, “Well, did you tell the Headmaster?”

“Yes,” Megumin said, nodding seriously. “But fear not, for I-”

“-was going to get the heck out of there. I mean, the Dark Lord AND a big snake? No thanks!” Kazuma said, shaking his head.

“Shouldn’t you have been trying to help him, considering your family background?” Flint asked, glaring at Kazuma.

“Yeah, well, he wasn’t too keen on what we did to him the last time we met,” Dust said with a shrug.

“Yeah, and Ginny’s a Slytherin. We couldn’t let Voldemort kill her, she’s one of us!” Draco added.

That got muttered agreement from most of the Slytherins, though some of the die-hards looked ready for murder.

Kazuma glared at them, but continued. “Anyway, I was about to get the hell out of there when-”

“-Voldemort somehow put us all to sleep. I think he was using some sort of blibbering humdinger, or perhaps he was in on the Rotfang Conspiracy and got some knockout gas from the dentists,” Luna said, tapping her lip with her finger.

“Dentists!? You were in the most incredible discovery of the century, and you were worried about DENTISTS?!” an upperclassman demanded.

“You never know when one will sneak up on you, knock you out, and take your teeth. I suppose it mustn’t have been a dentist, as I have my teeth. They’re all still there, right?”

Luna pulled back her lips, showing off all her teeth to the disgust of most of her housemates, but the interest of some of the madder ones.

“No, still all there,” a cross eyed boy confirmed.

“Oh good. Well, anyway, I was asleep so-”

“-s-so, um, e-everyone fell asleep but Megumin, s-so you’ll have to ask her what happened,” Yunyun sighed.

“We can guess,” Cederic sighed, shaking his head. “Sorry, Dursley. We never should have left you down there alone.”

Yunyun smiled at the handsome older boy shyly and blushed. “Um, w-well, it’s OK. We all survived thanks-”

“-to my incredible brilliance, I fired my glorious Explosion so that it collapsed the roof on top of Voldemort and the Serpent, both incinerating them and burying them under tons of rubble so that there would be no chance of escape!” Megumin cackled, holding Chunchumaru aloft.

Ron nodded. “That’s our story.”

“It’s a bit embellished, I really don’t remember the rap battle,” Hermione said dubiously.

“You were asleep for that part,” Megumin sniffed.

“And, um, Professor Mizu and I woke up just in time to shield everyone so we weren’t caught in the rubble,” Darkness added.

“I thought Mizu was awake the whole time,” Angelina said, sounding confused.

“Yeah, something about that story doesn’t add up,” Katy agreed, frowning. “How’d you unpetrify Sylvia and this Tom kid?”

“That was through the divine grace and beauty of our blessed Lady Aqua,” Lavender sighed, clasping her hands together as though she were praying and looking up to the heavens.

“It’s true, the professor had some mandrake potions on her. Apparently, she’s some sort of genius detective and knew about the basilisk the whole time,” Hermione said in a rather sarcastic tone, complete with eye roll.

“Our beloved and benevolent Lady Aqua is a genius! She’s so kind and wonderful, I think everyone should join the Axis Cult!” Lavender said brightly, prompting various groans.

“Right, story time’s over,” Percy declared. “Go to bed. Girls on the right, boys to the left.”

It was floor to ceiling bunk beds in the combined girl’s dorm, as even with the expansion charms you could only do so much. Still, the beds were comfortable enough, and everyone was tired. Before she fell asleep though, Megumin hung her head down to where Hermione was.

“Pssst. Do you think they bought it?” Megumin whispered.

“If you keep acting suspiciously and asking questions like that, they won’t,” Hermione said. “Just stick to the story. Or, well, in your case, just invent new and interesting details to keep them off the scent.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea?” Darkness asked, poking her head up from below. “Letting Tom…you know…”

“Yunyun insisted on it, so it will be fine. But if he dares hurt her again,” Megumin said darkly, her eyes glowing ominously in the dim light.

“That’s a problem for Future Hermione. Present Hermione is going to sock both of you with a pillow if you don’t let her go to sleep.”

Megumin’s head disappeared, but Darkness blushed. “I-I would not mind if you hit me with a pillow…”

But Hermione had closed her eyes, and Darkness sighed and lay down. She thought about being slammed into the wall by that snake, and shivered. To face such a fearsome foe…yes. Yes, that was EXACTLY what she wanted. Especially if Kazuma was there. To show him she was better than him, of course.

In the end, the Winter Holidays were extended by three days. It could have been only one, as Aqua was finished with all the repairs by noon, but absolutely no one wanted to go inside the castle until it had been thoroughly confirmed as “basilisk free.” That, and several people had a hard time believing that even with magic that it was possible to repair a mostly destroyed castle in one day.

They were sort of right, you’d need to have the power of a (rather dumb) goddess to do it, but that’s beside the point.

To Dumbledore’s mild surprise, Aqua had rebuilt the Chamber of Secrets. To the horror of all the Slytherins, she’d felt compelled to make some “artistic changes.”

Instead of being damp and dank, the Chamber of Secrets was now well lit, and had a viewing portal to the depths of the lake, along with a tasteful lounge and bar decorated with authentic naval paraphernalia, with the benches and tables being carved exquisitely from driftwood, and with various bits and bobs such as ships helms, compasses, and the real turret of the USS Monitor, fully restored from it’s fate at the bottom of Atlantic.

Apparently, Aqua hadn’t quite gotten the memo that she was in Britain yet.

However, as far as the various snake stations and such went, they’d been replaced by statues to Thalia, Muse of Comedy and Poetry that looked suspiciously like a certain someone. Along with far less subtle inscriptions of “scripture” with charming sayings like, “When people tell you you're wrong, you should just ignore them. After all, it would be a lot of work to change your ways, and it’s easier to just keep doing what you were before. Don’t give up! Lady Aqua is with you!”

Large snake bones were “mysteriously” absent, though no one with any experience with the sort of firepower Megumin could command had really expected to find them. In the end, the aurors and professors ended up combing the school for three days with their cocks out, pausing for frequent crowing sessions to make sure any lingering snakes were dealt with.

During this time, Slyiva insisted on wearing earmuffs and having a nervous breakdown in the basement of the Three Broomsticks, despite frequent assurances from Yunyun that humans did not, in fact, die when they heard a rooster crow.

For his part, Tom was put in with the Slytherins, who were at first bemused, then exasperated, with his constant antics and bragging. This was doubly exacerbated by the fact that if there was one person in poorer regard in Slytherin House at the moment (and, well, all the time really) it was Megumin Potter, who had not only once more vanquished Voldemort (and could not shut up about this) but had also vandalized and desecrated the most sacred place in Slytherin Mythos by not only destroying it, but bringing a bunch of mudbloods there first. And Tom was actually EXACTLY like Megumin and her mudblood cousin.

The only person stupid enough to point this out aloud was one Pansy Parkinson, telling Tom that he was “apeing that filthy mudblood Dursley.”

Tom blushed, laughed, and patted Pansy on the back. Three hours later, they found her hung by her knickers from the tallest tree in Hogsmeade with a sign that said, “Enemies of the USSR beware.”

This incited a very brief Red Scare amongst those among the students aware of muggle politics, until Pansy was revived and said Tom had been the one to knock her out after telling her that “no one mocks the Soviet Yunyun.”

Apparently, Tom hadn’t been keeping up with the times, which was understandable for someone who’s earliest memories were of a bunch of tween girls writing in him, and latest memories were of an epic duel of legends that he wasn’t allowed to talk about.

After hearing about this, Snape took Tom aside, taking him for a walk by the infamous Screaming Shack. “Your behavior towards Miss Parkinson is unacceptable, Mr. Riddle.”

“What are you blaming me for? I justly and valiantly defended my good friend Yunyun from a grievous insult! People should be praising me, not acting like I’m a villain,” Tom huffed, folding his arms over his chest and kicking a rock along as they walked.

“That is not how we behave in Slytherin,” Snape said silkily, frowning down at the young man.

“I seem to remember Parkinson and some others going on about how Voldemort was so great because he scared everyone and killed some perfectly innocent muggleborn. Making a public example of your foes seems Slytherin to me,” Tom shot back.

Snape’s lips compressed into a thin line, and he made a mental note to keep a closer eye on Parkinson and the group she spent her time with. “A true Slytherin is subtle in their revenge. Waiting for the perfect moment to strike, ensuring that their foe's humiliation cannot be used against them, biding their time in the shadows. That is what it is to be cunning, and not a brutish thug.”

“Well what’s the point of revenge if everyone doesn’t know that it was you who did it?” Tom demanded.

“In this case, you have become distinctly unpopular in your own house, and left yourself open to reprisals, Mr. Riddle,” Snape said.

“Yeah, so? Who cares,” Tom huffed, looking away.

Snape lowered his head until he was even with Tom, dropping his voice to a low hiss. “I would think very carefully about earning the ire of this house, Mr. Riddle, and especially of gaining my enmity. For someone who has such great secrets to hide, you are behaving the fool. See to it that you do not turn yourself into a thorn in my side I will be forced to remove.”

“Yeah? And what do you know about me? I don’t even know anything about me!” Tom said, puffing out his chest and glaring at Snape.

“For one thing, Mr. Riddle, I think you should reflect on what name I have been calling you by, and get a bit better at your cover story.”

Tom went very pale, his mouth hanging open as Snape walked away, not even turning around as he called, “You will be joining Miss Weasley and her lackeys in detention, until such a time as I find it more irksome to have you there than not.”

As it turned out, the only ones to escape detention were Luna and Yunyun, who were also apparently the only ones to have the good sense not to mouth off to their Heads of House when getting a lecture, though since most people thought they’d been kidnapped, there was no reason to punish them.

At one such detention where Megumin and the rest of her compatriots in Gryffindor were cleaning out the Thestral stables, with shovels and rakes, no wands allowed, she remarked, “It’s just not fair! I defeated Voldemort again, but it’s only halfway through term! By rights, this year's story should be over so we can go on to the next, more interesting adventure!”

“I’d be happy for this to all be over just so we can stop having to clean this place,” Ron grumbled through the kerchief covering his nose and mouth.

“I’m afraid the real world doesn’t adhere to your sense of dramatic timing,” Hermione told Megumin, making a face as she shoved out another very smelly bit of Thestral manure. Unlike horses that eat mostly grass, Thestrals were omnivorous, and thus their droppings were far more pungent and messy.

Despite her best efforts, Megumin only managed to have a few minor adventures (but lots of detentions) for the second half of her second year at Hogwarts. She did manage to feud and row with Ginny and her minions, but the shared secrets they now had meant that most of them had accepted Ginny could be everyone’s little sister.

A position she proved to have absolutely no trouble mercilessly abusing at every opportunity.

Much to everyone’s relief, Megumin did not, in fact, manage to blow up Hogwarts again that year, though she did destroy a significant section of the Forbidden Forest (again) when out on a “monkey hunt,” an activity that was increasingly mandatory as despite recorded kills of several hundred flying monkeys and the vaporization of at least as many, the damn things just kept popping up again and again.

And so, for perhaps the first and only time in Megumin’s Hogwarts career, the end of the year came and went without a major crisis. Not that this helped the teacher’s blood pressure any, as they were still recovering from the whole crisis six months before.

“I’m telling you, something’s going to happen,” Megumin said, gazing longingly at the green banners filling the Great Hall. Despite Tom’s best efforts to keep up with Megumin in the points losing game initially, his house and beaten some sense into him, and Slytherin was well into the lead after a rousing round of “kiss up to Aqua” that had resulted in a completely ludicrous amount of points being awarded.

In contrast, thanks to Megumin blowing up the Forbidden Forest the week before, Gryffindor were currently at a grand total of -153 points, something rarely achieved in Hogwarts history. However, as she had received 5 points from Snape on the same day for her paper on modifying an Animagus potion (and providing a completed sample with Yunyun’s help) the entire house considered this to be an absolute win on her part and took their standing as a badge of pride.

“Congratulations once more to Slytherin House for winning the cup,” Dumbledore said at the conclusion of his speech. “And now, may the feast begin.”

“Wait, that’s it?” Kazuma said, causing Dumbledore to pause in the act of sitting down.

“I’m not quite sure I take your meaning,” Dumbledore said, giving Kazuma a grandfatherly smile.

“Isn’t there, you know, some prize for winning the cup?” Kazuma asked, looking rather put out.

“Why yes. The Hall has been decorated in your house colors. Do you not remember this from last year?” Dumbledore asked, sounding rather amused.

“Well, I mean, Miss Chuuni Boom-Booms had blown up the castle, so I figured, you know, funds were tight or something. But surely there’s more to it than that!” Kazuma said, pointing to the banners.

“Ah yes. The cakes on the high table have been decorated with green frosting. Now, let’s eat,” Dumbledore said, and sat down as Kazuma gapped in horror.

“Did you seriously think there was something more to the House Cup?” Ginny teased as they started eating.

“I mean, we put in all that work!” Kazuma complained. “And all we get is some stupid banners!? We can’t even keep them! I was expecting at least a small cash prize.”

“I think the banners are nice, I like green,” Dust said happily.

“I mean, I think Kazuma has a point,” Draco mused. “For all the effort we put into beating Potter and the rest, this is sort of anticlimactic.”

“What effort?” Ginny said with a snort. “You just gave Aqua some cheap butterbeer and complimented her hair for a couple of hours.”

“And that means I’m out the cost of an entire CASE of butterbeers! I was expecting some sort of return on my investment!” Kazuma huffed.

“Didn’t you get Mr. Malfoy to send you those for free?” Dust asked, frowning in confusion.

“Yeah, I could have drunk them myself! Instead, she did! This is outrageous, it’s unfair! I demand a refund!” Kazuma huffed.

Ginny rolled her eyes. “Fat chance of that. Look, it’s just a scheme to get people to behave. Works wonders on ponces like my brother Percy. I’m shocked you even cared this much, Kazuma.”

“Hey, I thought I’d get something out of this. Well screw this, next year, no more Mr. Nice Guy! If points aren’t worth anything but some stupid banners, see if I care about points,” Kazuma scoffed.

“It’s too bad there’s no way to get points for screwing up. If there were, it’d be a lot easier to get them,” Dust sighed.

“Yeah, you just lose points for that, but who cares?! Only rubes!” Kazuma ranted.

“And all the bootlickers who try and earn points,” Draco sneered. “Talk about a lack of ambition.”

“Well, I guess Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw will be pretty happy then,” Dust said with a shrug.

“Why them?” Draco asked, frowning.

“Well, Gryffindor will never win as long as Megumin’s there because she’ll always blow something up and lose loads of points,” Dust pointed out. “And if we’re not trying, Slytherin probably won’t win, right? So it’ll be the Badgers or the Eagles.”

“They’re a bunch of tossers who are teachers' pets, of course they care about points,” Ginny said, rolling her eyes.

“Ha ha, yeah, I bet they’d do anything for points,” Draco agreed.

A lightbulb, or at least, a lumos spell, went off in Kazuma’s head. “Say that again?”

“They’re teachers' pets?” Dust offered, frowning slightly.

“They really would do anything for points, I’ve seen some students carry a professor's stuff all through the halls to try and get points, it’s pathetic. Or the old trick of tossing some rubbish on the floors and cleaning it up when a professor walks by,” Draco said with a shrug.

“Yeah…yeah,” Kazuma mused. “I bet…I’d bet some of them would pay for points to win the cup…”

“Pff, they should pay Megumin then, she loses points and that’s almost the same thing,” Dust laughed.

“Dust, you’re a genius!” Kazuma cried, grinning madly.

That caused his companion to blink. “I am?”

“No, you’re a moron, but I’ve had a brilliant idea. Next year, we’re going to be rich. And here’s how…”

The next day, after the students had gone home, Dumbledore called Aqua to his study. There, she found the four heads of house waiting for her, all of them looking very serious. “Professor Mizu, I’m afraid I have unfortunate news for you,” Dumbledore said.

“Ah man, did Kazuma die again? Where is he? I’ll fix it, he hasn’t used any revives so far,” Aqua sighed.

That earned looks of horror and outrage from the professors, but Dumbledore shook his head. “Young Master Crabbe was well when he left, and I assume he will remain so until under the care of his guardians. No, I am afraid that your contract has come to an end, and the Board has elected not to renew it.”

“Huh?” Aqua blinked, looking uncertain.

“He means you’re sacked,” McGonagall said flatly.

“You’ve been let go, dear,” Sprout said more gently.

“You’re an incompetent fool. We’ve never had such low NEWT and OWL scores. Get out,” Snape sneered.

“Severus,” Dumbledore chided, even as Aqua began to sniffle. He sighed, and took off his glasses. “While our Defense scores have been lacking, you did manage to help defeat a great evil, and are surely a powerful witch.”

“I am not a bitch,” Aqua grumbled, which made Dumbledore’s smile grow slightly more pained.

“However, several members of our Board and staff feel that you have recklessly endangered students, participated in the destruction of the campus and disruption of the school year, and, well, my dear…I am afraid you simply do not seem to have much in the way of ability as far as Defense Against the Dark Arts go.”

“But I’m super amazing and banishing the undead and demons! And I fixed Hogwarts! Twice! W-why are you being so mean!” Aqua blubbered, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“We’re not being mean, I’m afraid you simply aren’t suited for the position of defense teacher my dear,” Flitwick said, getting up to go over to hand Aqua a hankie.

She blew her nose rather loudly into it, then turned the hankie into a cascade of rose petals, which was admittedly rather impressive as she hadn’t used a wand, gesture, or any words to do it. The petals fluttered down around her, and Aqua begged, “Please! I had a lot of fun being a professor! I can do it again, I promise! I think I even broke the Curse!”

“If you had, you wouldn’t be getting fired now, would you?” Snape said dryly.

“B-but I did!” Aqua rummaged around in her purse, and pulled out the two cracked halves of a diadem. “See? Luna and I finally found it, because she really needed to use the bathroom a few weeks ago! So I took out the horcrux and destroyed it! So, the curse totally is broken!”

“That’s…THAT’S THE DIADEM OF ROWENA RAVENCLAW!” Flitwick thundered, his face growing beet red. “GET OUT! GET OUT, YOU INCOMPETENT NINNY!”

Wailing, Aqua fled the room, dropping the two halves of the former relic as she fled.

Hands shaking, Flitwick picked them out, then frowned. “That’s odd…”

“Hmm? What seems to be the matter, Filius?” Dumbledore asked, leaning over and peering over his spectacles.

“It’s just…It feels…odd.” Flitwick set the destroyed relic on Dumbledore’s desk, then wiped his hands off on his robe. “Greasy. She must have damaged it somehow.”

“She called it a Horcrux,” Sprout said, frowning slightly. “What is that?”

“It’s impossible. We know that one was destroyed already. There could only have been the one,” Snape muttered, shaking his head in consternation.

Dumbledore drew out his wand, waving it over the Horcrux and muttering something. A flickering green image appeared for a moment, then faded. He muttered an oath and sat back, feeling sick to his stomach.

“Albus?” McGonagall asked. “What, exactly, is a Horcrux?”

“A very dark and foul artefact. And…and I hazard that this was one, until a short time ago,” Dumbledore said, his voice rather more reedy than usual.

“Then, you mean…she really DID break the Curse, and…oh Merlin,” Flitwick moaned, getting unsteadily to his feet. “I think…I think I owe her an apology.”

“Yes. I think it’s best if we go have a talk with her,” Dumbledore said, rising.

“Albus, you don’t mean to give her the position back, do you?” Sprout asked, standing along with the others. “The Board aside…she is completely awful at teaching Defense.”

“I’d say she’s the worst teacher here, but that damned Binns just won’t pass on,” Flitwick sighed, shaking his head. “Well. I suppose I can at last be a bit more gentle and take back my harsh words.”

“I regret that Miss Mizu is eminently unsuitable for the position of Defense Professor,” Dumbledore sighed, and they all headed out after Mizu. Her path was rather easy to find, thanks to the large puddles of water she had left in her wake.

“Just how much does that woman cry?” McGonagal said, frowning as she cleaned up the latest puddle they’d found.

“More than is reasonable or healthy, much like her drinking,” Snape sniffed.

“Where is she going?” Sprout asked, looking around. “Isn’t this near old Binn’s classroom?”

Dumbledore paused, then his eyes went wide. “She wouldn’t.”

“She would,” Snape growled, and he broke into a run, followed sharply by the rest of the supposedly dignified senior staff.

They burst into Binn’s room just in time to see Aqua hovering in midair, a portal open behind her to an unearthly paradise. Aqua herself was glowing slightly, and was holding a staff tipped with a blooming flower, a pink mantle wrapped around her and dressed in a blue miniskirt. Angelic music drifted out of the portal, and endless pools of clean water amidst bright skies and colorful meadows could be seen, along with laughing people with shining faces.

“And now, Cuthbert Binns, be at peace. At long last, your task is done. Pass on, my son.”

“I…I see it, I hear it, the light,” Binns gasped, his translucent form slowly becoming solid as he drifted up towards the portal. “I see…my old friends!”

“Bertie!” a young woman with tanned skin and freckles, dressed only in a flower necklace and grass skirt that barely covered her modesty appeared close to the portal, waving excitedly to Binns. “Come on, the water’s fine! I’ve been waiting for ages for you to finally show up, you stuffy old git!”

“Eupie?!” Binns gasped, and suddenly, he wasn’t a stuffy old man anymore, but a red haired youth of about twenty. “Is that really you!?”

“Of course it is! Come on, there’s no Saint Peter, but we do have beach volleyball thanks to Lady Aqua!” Eupie said, extending a hand through the portal to Binns.

Binns took her hand, and was pulled into the portal. As he passed by Aqua, he looked at her and whispered, “Thank you, goddess.”

And then he was gone. The portal snapped shut, and Aqua sank back to the ground, her regalia vanishing, and replaced with her Hogwarts robes. “Hmph. See if they fire me now!”

Then she turned around and saw the astonished senior staff, and blushed. “Uh, I was just coming to check in on old Bertie, and-”

“Was that…was that Eupraxia Mole?” Flitwick asked, sounding faint. “She looked a lot younger than in her portrait, but-”

“Uh, I don’t know what you’re talking about! Um, nothing to see here!” Aqua said, blushing. She began to make a great show of looking around, putting a hand to her eyes and searching under the dusty desks. “Um, Mr. Binns, where are you? I, uh, wanted to say goodbye!”

“You…you exorcized Binns?” McGonagall asked, her voice cracking slightly. She licked her lips, looking rather faint.

“Welllllll…” Aqua tapped her pointer fingers together, looking abashed. “Technically, it wasn’t an exorcism…I just, sort of, you know…helped him pass on…”

“That, fool girl, is what an exorcism is!” Snape snapped, though he was looking much paler than normal himself. Quite a feat for someone who acted like he was allergic to sunlight.

“Well, anyway, it looks like you have a position open!” Aqua said in a completely artless attempt to change the subject. “And as it happens, I know a lot about history! After all, I was there for most of it!”

“Most of it?’ Flitwick squeaked, going over to sit at a desk and mop his sweating face with another hankie.

“Uh, sometimes I sort of get busy with other worlds when there’s a crisis or something, but don’t worry! Eris or one of the others watch over you until I get back! After all, I’ve been waiting for my vacation here since, uh…how long has it been since this universe was made?”

“Quite some time I imagine,” Sprout said breathlessly, looking at Aqua slightly cross eyed.

“Yeah, I’m no good with dates either. Well, anyway, I would make an amazing history professor!” Aqua declared, puffing out her chest.

“This is…quite the development. I’ll have to talk to the Board,” Dumbledore said, his expression distant. “They are used to not having to pay a salary to the History of Magic professor.”

“Eh, as long as you give me some food and bubbly, I don’t care about the money! Eris looks after mine in this world, and I’m already pretty rich so I don’t need more,” Aqua said with a shrug.

“I think ‘unremunerated’ is about the going rate for your quality of instruction,” Snape snorted.

“Thanks! I think my teaching’s pretty cool too!” Aqua said, smiling happily. “So, do I have the job?”

Dumbledore shared a look with the others. “I think…I think we had best keep you around, Miss Mizu.”

“Yay! I can’t wait! Oh man, this means that Lupin gets to be the new DADA Professor! Oh man, this is even better! I can’t wait to tell Chris!” and with that, Aqua skipped away, humming happily to herself.

The five senior staff waited quietly for a few moments, staring at the place where the portal to paradise had hung in the air for a brief moment in time.

“I still refuse to believe she’s actually anything but a dimwitted charlatan,” Snape declared, breaking the spell.

“Oh come off it, Severus,” Flitwick groaned. “Did you SEE that!? And the other things! The True Silver, her rebuilding the castle twice! She’s not what she appears to be!”

“If nothing else, I’m certain Miss Potter will find another way to cause future calamities,” McGonagall sighed in an unusual fit of prescience.

“I think I’m going to have to talk to a priest,” Sprout said faintly. “Or better yet, talk to Miss Mizu about this supposed cult of hers. Might be something to it.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Dumbledore said, sparing Sprout for a fate worse than death. “But I think we’d best be keeping an eye on her.”

Back on the train, Megumin was fuming.

“What’s wrong?” Ron asked her.

“I can’t believe we didn’t end this year properly!” Megumin ranted. She flung open the window, and looked out at the mostly empty countryside. “I’m fixing that, right now!” She stuck her wand out the window. “Heed me thou who is darker than dusk-”

She didn’t get further than that before Ron, Hermione and Darkness all tackled her and pinned her to the ground.

“LET ME GO! A CRIMSON DEMON PERISHES IF SHE’S NOT ALLOWED TO USE EXPLOSION ONCE A DAY!” Megumin wailed.

“More like we’ll perish if you set that off! My mum’s still mad about that whole castle exploding thing that happened again this year! No more Explosions!” Ron grunted, taking away Megumin’s wand.

She gave him a hurt look, until Ron added, “Not until we find somewhere you can let loose. Maybe take you to the sea or something. No one would mind if you blew up an empty bit of ocean.”

“See, this is why you’re my favorite minion, Ronald,” Megumin sighed as she was let up. “Fine. I’ll wait until later.”

Sitting next to the window, Megumin gazed out as the English countryside whizzed by. Blowing up a bit of the ocean might be fun…but what she really needed was another big, hard castle to practice her art on.

“Next year, Hogwarts, next year,” Megumin vowed quietly to herself.

End Year 2

Megumin Potter will return in:

DARK LEGEND OF POTTER: THE MAN FROM AZKABAN