Legend of Galactic Zeroes, Chapter 16 (Patreon)

“So when’s the parade?”

Darkness paused in getting down from her mecha, and turned to look at Kazuma. He was standing just below her, having already clambered out of the Laggan. She still looked a bit rumpled, and her mecha had plenty of scouring and blast marks on it. Though it didn’t actually seem to have been damaged at all.

“Parade?” Darkness asked, frowning.

“Yeah. We won an awesome victory over the forces of evil and liberated the city. So, I expect a full ticker tape parade. Maybe a statue in my honor. Though instead of a statue, you could just give me the cash value instead,” Kazuma suggested.

“Your statue!? It was my Wave Motion Explosion Cannon that saved the day, and you didn’t even fuse with me!” Megumin huffed, sliding down the ladder of her own mecha and stomping over, her newly acquired “cat” clutched in her arms.

“Megumin, where did you get the cat?” Darkness asked, hurrying down to peer at the thing in Megumin’s arms.

“I won her as a prize for my mastery of firepower,” Megumin said smugly, holding up the cat for Darkness to see. “She is Chomusuke.”

“Meow,” Chomusuke said.

“That’s uh…I’ve never actually heard a cat say ‘meow’ before,” Darkness said, hesitantly reaching out a hand to stroke the cat’s head.

Chomusuke accepted the gesture, though she looked ready to bite Darkness and anyone else who touched her, hissing softly.

“Well? What about the statue?” Megumin demanded.

Darkness sighed and shook her head. “Perhaps someday, but there is still much rebuilding to do. There are, ah…other rewards…”

Kazuma was instantly there, taking Darkness’ hand and pressing his lips to the back of it while she blushed, and Megumin scowled. “Do tell. I’m all ears.”

“W-well, um, I did say, that, ah, I would be granting you…” Darkness was blushing deep red and shifting nervously, but Kazuma was already thinking of how he could abuse this.

“I’d rather have a statue,” Megumin grumbled. Then she looked behind Darkness and made a face. “Oh no.”

Kazuma turned in time to see Mitsurugi stumble forward, grabbing onto Darkness’ arm and causing her to spin around. Her face immediately went from flushed due to arousal, to flushed due to anger.

“Lady Lalatina, I…I have something to say,” Mitsurugi said, stammering and looking away from her.

She jerked her arm away, glaring at the knight. “I was having a private conversation, Sir Mitsurugi. While I am grateful for your, ah, aid to Kazuma, I am not-”

“I am afraid,” Mitsurugi interrupted, looking at Kazuma and blushing. “I must…I no longer seek your hand, Lady Lalatina.”

That brought Darkness up short, and she blinked in surprise. “Oh. Uh…I am glad you have, ah…come to your senses?”

“I know this must be hard for you, but I can no longer in good faith pursue you,” Mitsurugi continued, his eyes boring into Kazuma and making him feel slightly uncomfortable now.

“Good, then go away,” Megumin said bluntly.

But Misturugi ignored her, and suddenly surged forward, grabbing Kazuma by the shoulders.

“Hey, what gives?!” Kazuma sputtered, looking up at the much taller man. He felt himself blushing, noticing how strong Mitsurugi’s hands were, his broad shoulders and…goddammit why did the guy have to be so damn handsome!? Kazuma should have been the good looking hero, not this prick!”

“What happened between us…I know our love is forbidden, but,” Misturugi licked his lips. Then kissed Kazuma.

“Mmmmmmph!” Kazuma gasped, trying to push the other man away. It was over in an instant, with Mitsurgui turning away, tears in his eyes.

“One day, we shall live in a world where the love of two men can bloom on the battlefield!” then he swept away, with the two gum flavors crying out “SIR MITSURUGI!” and racing after him.

“But…but it’s totally fine for two men to be lovers,” Darkness said, sounding completely baffled. Then she eyed Kazuma. “If you really must have a man, please have better taste than him.”

“No. Absolutely not,” Kazuma crossed his arms in an X, then spat to the side a few times. “I need some mouthwash. Trust me, I am not on his route, at all, and I consider that to be the bad ending.”

“That’s good, because I was considering just how much murder I would need to commit tonight,” Chris said, coming over and giving Kazuma a wink. She put her arms around both his and Megumin’s shoulders and grinned up at Darkness. “So, when do we get our reward?”

Blushing and smiling, Darkness looked away. “Well, I, um, I think, perhaps, tonight, we might…”

Before Kazuma could finally be secure in the knowledge that he wasn’t doomed to being a virgin NEET forever, there was a commotion near the entrance to the hanger, and a moment later Duke Ignis hobbled in, a wide grin on his face.

“MY DARLING TINA,  YOU DID IT”! The Duke cried, then hurried forward as quickly as he could and nearly tackled Darkness in a hug.

Darkness returned the hug, so hard that Kazuma thought she was going to break her father’s ribs. But she looked happy, smiling broadly and resting her head on his shoulder. “Yes, father. We did it.” She turned to face her three friends, and gestured to them, one arm still around her father. “And it was thanks to Kazuma, Megumin, and Chris.”

“And Sir Mitsurugi,” Duke Ignis said, stroking his beard with one hand. “I heard some interesting things. Kazuma, I was rather hoping for grandchildren, but if you’re playing for the other team so to speak-”

“NO! I like boobs!” Kazuma said, then went beet red. He also immediately felt two fists in his side, from a glaring Megumin and Chris both.

“...small boobs too,” Kazuma wheezed, which earned him a double sniff and Megumin and Chris lowering their hands from a second strike.

Duke Ignis, however, was oblivious, and was smiling and nodding. “Excellent, excellent! Well, we can announce all that at the party tonight!”

“Um, father, I don’t know that we need a big party, perhaps just a small family dinner?” Darkness asked, looking rather pensive.

“Nonsense! You have saved the city! It will be feasting and drinking all night long, and I shall share with the world that soon I shall have plenty of adorable grandkids! Should I send for the doctors to ensure you can get started with your two brides as well?” Ignis asked.

“Wait, I never said-!” Megumin began, but Chris poked her in the ribs.

“Unlimited weapons funding,” Chris murmured, and Megumin let out a happy gasp, and shut her mouth for once.

“Disgusting,” Chomusuke muttered.

Ignis blinked, then frowned. “Did that cat just talk?”

“Meow?” Chomusuke offered.

“She’s a Crimson Pirate Cat. You’re hearing things,” Megumin huffed. Then she grabbed Darkness by the ear and yanked her down to Megumin’s level. “What is this about doctors and marriage?!”

“Um, well, er, you see…Oh would you look at the time!” Darkness said, wincing and trying to pull away from Megumin, who hung gamely on. “If there is to be a party, we must get ready! And dresses! You do not have proper dresses for such an event! W-we have so little time, we shall have to call the tailors at once!”

“Hmph. You will not get away with this so easily,” Megumin muttered, but let go of the ear. “I would like an appropriate dress to celebrate my victory. One befitting the foremost genius of the Crimson Pirate Clan, and vanquisher of Wolbach the Dreaded!”

“I thought you wanted a statue,” Kazuma said, rolling his eyes. A party? That sounded awful. He hated having to socialize.

“Obviously, I need the dress for the statue, so that the artist can capture me in my full glory!”

“And something dashing for Kazuma, I think,” Chris mused. She snapped her fingers towards Ignis’ lackeys. “Servants! Take him, bath him, and dress him! Then bring him to Lady Lalatina’s chambers!”

“What?!” Kazuma squawked, even as several snooty looking servants in uniform stepped forward. “I didn’t agree to this!”

“K-Kazuma! Do not embarrass me in this! That is not the sort of shame I enjoy!” Darkness said, scowling at him and looking flustered.

“Oh shut up, yes you do,” Kazuma grumbled.

“Kazuma…while, um, I do enjoy certain kinds of shame…when it comes to my official duties…I do need a presentable partner. You…you can be that, can’t you?” Darkness asked quietly.

Kazuma looked up at Darkness, and her big, puppy dog eyes. Then he looked down at her two puppies. Eyes on the prize. He nodded. “Yeah, sure, fine. Come, Sebastian, I guess you can dress me or whatever.”

“Actually, my name is-”

“Don’t care,” Kazuma grumbled.

The servant's mouth thinned into a line, and Kazuma's fate was decided. He spent the next few hours far less comfortable than he should have been, because it never hurts to be nice to people, but it often hurts to be rude. Not that he’d ever learn that particular lesson.

They didn’t have time to make him a full new suit, but they did have enough time for a quick machine adjustment to an existing one.

“A young boy’s suit, sir. Should fit you well enough,” Not-Sebastian told Kazuma, handing him the garments.

“I am a full grown man, thank you very much!” Kazuma snapped, snatching the clothes.

“Yes sir, fully grown at 163 centimeters,” Not-Sebastian said dryly.

Kazuma glared up at the man. He was at least 170cm, and was far from the tallest servant around. Damn giants. Well, he was shorter than Darkness.

“Will sir need some help with his bowtie?” Not-Sebastian said silkily.

“No!” Kazuma grumped, and went into the changing room.

After 10 minutes of not being able to tie the bowtie, Kazuma snuck out of the room and sprinted away, refusing to admit that he hadn’t the slightest idea on how to tie a bowtie. Why couldn’t he just have one of those clip on things?!

While looking behind him to make sure Sebastian wasn’t in hot pursuit, Kazuma slammed into a brick wall that, for some reason, was equipped with air bags.

“Oh! Kazuma, there you are! Are you alright?”

He blinked to see a worried looking Darkness hovering over him. She had her hair done up in a rather fancy braid atop her head, actual lipstick on, a pair of heels that showed off her legs, and a dazzling yellow evening gown with a wonderfully low neckline and an open back. He took her proffered hand, and she easily pulled him up to his feet. To his surprise, she’d had time to have her nails done, though they were still rather short even with the nail polish on.

“Oh, don’t you know how to tie this? Never mind, here, let me do it,” Darkness said, and took the loose bowtie from around Kazuma’s neck and quickly and smoothly tied it.

“Huh, didn’t think you’d know how to do that,” Kazuma muttered, blushing and feeling slightly embarrassed.

“It’s a part of etiquette training. Not my favorite, but well, if one can field strip, clean, and reassemble a rifle, a bow tie is simple enough,” she told him. She brushed some lint Kazuma couldn’t see off his suit, then straightened it and smiled at him. “You look very nice.”

“Thanks you look like sex on legs,” Kazuma said, then clacked his mouth shut. That probably wasn’t the sort of thing you were supposed to say to a fancy lady. Well, she could just get over it.

Darkness blushed, then laughed and extended her arm to Kazuma. “Come, the party’s already getting underway. People are ecstatic to finally have a real victory to celebrate.”

“And we’re the heroes of the hour,” Kazuma said, trying to puff out his chest and ignore the fact that Darkness was a good 25 centimeters taller than he was. It was the heels, he told himself.

Despite the fact that a major battle had been fought mere hours ago, the grounds of the castle had been largely transformed from refugee camp and hospital to gigantic party bash for the common folk, complete with large tables of food, live music from several bands, and even lights strung up. There was of course, freely flowing alcohol, and people were pouring in from the city and out into the streets to celebrate the end of the siege.

There was plenty of dancing, from what looked like traditional folk dances with simple instruments, to mad mosh pits and raves with glowsticks, to more modern looking and far louder affairs.  But no one seemed to care about the competition, and plenty of people went from one kind of raucous celebration to another freely. There were even a couple of dancing mecha, with people cheering as the giant robots stomped along to the music, causing minor earthquakes.

As for the castle itself, the more refined members of the upper class were out in all their finery. Kazuma mentally pondered why men were wearing the same black, dark blue, and gray suits that he would have seen back on Earth, but he wasn’t going to argue with the sexy evening gowns the ladies wore. There were a few differences in cut, material, and ornamentation, but the basics looked like western style formal wear that Japan had mostly adopted outside of traditional festivals.

The decorations also didn’t look like a rush job, though he assumed they probably were, with banners, bright lighting, and a far more formal full orchestra providing the music, and dancers going through the sort of fancy steps you’d expect from the nobility. The food was fancier and the serving trays much more expensive, with servants hurrying through the crowd to provide hors d'oeuvres and drinks to the guests.

Kazuma and Darkness were met just before the entrance to the main chamber by Megumin and Chris, both of whom had also changed for the party. Megumin was wearing a red dress with a great many pleats that had a rose motif, along with a red rose nestled in her hair, and long black gloves that came up past her elbows. Her eyelashes had been done to make them longer and more curved, while some tasteful lipstick, eyeshadow and blush made her look like an adult instead of her usual gremlin self.

For her part, Chris was wearing a shimmering silver gown, with the right side trailing down to the floor and the left pinned up at her hip. She had a pale pink nightflower corsage on her wrist, and sparkling silver earrings set with emeralds. Her bust seemed to have been somewhat enhanced, though it could have just been the dress accentuating her curves instead of the normally bulky clothes she wore. Her hair was done up in a net of pearls, and looked slightly longer than it usually did.

Both of the girls smiled nervously, which surprised Kazuma. Chris was actually blushing shyly, while Megumin’s huff and sudden indifference as she turned away was so studied that she was practically screaming “NOTICE ME SENPAI.”

Kazuma cleared his throat, and adjusted his bowtie that was already perfectly straight. “Damn, did both your boobs get bigger?”

Chris went pale, then blushed and started giggling uncontrollably, while Megumin looked mortified, her hands flying to her own bust, before she glared over at Darkness, who had both hands over her mouth.

“I don’t know, did you become a bigger dick!?” Megumin snarled, trying to cover her own embarrassment.

“Yes, actually. You wanna see it again?” Kazuma said, smirking right back. Then, he actually managed to avoid sticking both feet in his mouth for once by adding, “You do look incredible though, Megumin. Like a real lady.”

Megumin dissolved into sputtering, apparently not sure how to take a compliment. Chris shoved Kazuma forward, and he stepped into Megumin’s arms. She looked up at him, wild eyed for a moment, and he realized she was the only one of the girls who was actually shorter than he was.

Then, to his surprise, she grabbed him by the collar, lifted herself up, and kissed him. She was both timid and passionate, with the kiss starting off rather mild before Kazuma pulled her a little closer and pressed his lips against hers a little harder, but she melted into him, and seemed to rather enjoy it. Out of the corner of his eye, Kazuma saw Chris kissing Darkness rather passionately, which was both a bit surprising and rather arousing. Then he closed his eyes and just focused on Megumin for a moment.

After they broke apart, Megumin’s lipstick was a bit smudged, and Kazuma had to wipe some of it off his own mouth. It tasted faintly of strawberries, which was a bit weird, but nice.

“There, so now you know I’m a real woman, just as much as anyone else,” Megumin huffed, folding her arms.

“Never doubted it. Even if you are a gun obsessed maniac,” Kazuma told her.

Megumin smiled faintly, before sticking her nose in the air. “I like only one weapon, and it is a cannon, not a mere gun. I have no interest in small, pathetic firepower.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I got that upgrade then, huh?”

“You! Hmph. Well, see to it that you perform adequately when we fuse next! And remember, even if I am not equipped with overly large fat bags, I still possess the most firepower!” Megumin sniffed, though she looked rather frazzled and excited.

“Well, are you two ready?” Chris asked, and Darkness linked arms with Kazuma.

“Do we have to go to the swanky party?I saw the fest outside and that looks way more appealing,” Kazuma sighed, looking meaningfully to where the sounds of refined music drifted, then nodding to the window where flashing lights and muffled cheers could be detected.

“We shall of course mingle with the commoners as well, once my duties are attended to,” Darkness said. Then she winced. “This is, ah, well…it’s my life. If we are to be together…duties such as this…they are a part of that. I do not enjoy the pomp specifically, but…”

“I’m used to it myself,” Chris said with a sigh. “Was sort of hoping to avoid that in this life, but…well. I got all gussied up, be a shame to waste it, you know?”

“I guess I can eat the fancy food and drink the fancy booze. I’ll even behave,” Kazuma promised. Darkness gave him an incredulous look. “Mostly.”

“As a Crimson Pirate, it is my duty to show these nobles the real way to party! Though I would not object to the more interesting one later,” Megumin sniffed.

As they made their way out into the hall, they came to a flight of stairs with a red carpet on it down to the main hall. As they did so, a servant with an especially fancy uniform and a sash across his chest held out a long sheet of real parchment, and cried out, “Presenting Lady Lalatina Dustiness and her intended consorts! Sir Kazuma Sato, Madame Chris Fortuna, and the Midshipman Megumin of the Crimson Pirate Clan.”

“Wait, WHAT?!” Kazuma and Megumin said at the same time.

“But it’s my harem!” Kazuma protested.

“I didn’t agree to anything!” Megumin sputtered.

“It’s cute you both think that,” Chris told them, patting them on the arm. “Now smile for the audience!”

Below them, the nobles were all clapping and cheering, raising crystal glasses to them in a toast.

“Um, we do have to mingle. And er, for political reasons…you would technically be my consorts,” Darkness admitted. “My family er…has a reputation.”

“More like you do,” Kazuma said with a snort, which made Darkness moan and blush slightly. “Fine, we’ll mingle.”

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, they found Aqua waiting for them. Based on the flush on her face and the half empty bottle of champagne she had cradled in her arms, she’d been doing some serious partying. Her hair was done up in her usual style, though she had on a necklace of pearls and a blue dress rather reminiscent of a toga, with earrings shaped like  seven spoked wheels made out of what looked like sea glass. Kazuma supposed she didn’t look half bad, except for the fact she was plastered.

“Hey guys, glad you finally showed up! I finished healing everyone, so now it’s time to party! You can’t say that the Axis Cult doesn’t know how to have a good time.”

“You can, because it doesn’t EXIST anymore,” Chris hissed, coming over and yanking the bottle away from Aqua. Aqua looked miffed, until Chris took a long slug herself. “But let’s party, sister! Come on, there’s a lot of flash on display here, and this dress has pockets!”

“It does?” Kazuma asked, looking baffled.

Chris winked at him. “It’s bigger on the inside.” With that, she and Aqua moved away, and Kazuma found himself pressed by nobles trying to congratulate him on all sides. He puffed himself up, and for a few minutes, was happy to gladhand and brag about his achievements.

“Well, you see, it’s a custom made mecha just for my outfit by our engineer, Aqua. Normally I only fuse with girls, but the tactical situation called for a different approach.”

“Yes, yes, I’ve fought in many battles, I knew just what to do to out think Wolbach.”

“It was clear talent as a warrior that let me outfight the foe. Megumin? Well, yes, I did make an opening. She’s a bit hard to control, but if you point her in the right direction she’s rather handy.”

From not too far away, Kazuma could hear Megumin loudly recounting her own version of events, to an enthralled audience, which seemed to compel her to grander and more ludicrous heights. There hadn’t even BEEN an epic sword duel the entire battle, especially not between her and Wolbach.

The fawning of the nobles, however, started to get old, and Kazuma was starting to get irritated with how it seemed like they were always trying to turn the conversation back to themselves when it should have been about him, or try to find ways to get him or better yet, Darkness to do favors for them.

He was just about to tell them off, when Darkness swooped in out of nowhere, taking his arm in hers.

“Sorry, Lord Snivellus, but my future consort and I must attend to our duties elsewhere. Pardon, if you would,” Darkness said, flashing a dazzling smile, then leading Kazuma away to one of the buffet tables, loaded down with roasted pork, fine cuts of steak, and large toads legs in wine sauce.

“Thanks, that was getting boring,” Kazuma told her, helping himself to what he figured was an impolite amount of food, heaping his small plate high.

“You looked like you could use it, and their conversation is not the sort of awkwardness I enjoy,” Darkness told him, taking an entire tray of sandwiches, then piling on several huge servings of meat. Kazuma blinked. Was it even possible for a person to eat that much food? Then Darkness ate an entire leg of frog in only a couple of huge bites, and he decided that she probably could pack it away.

“Are you a nervous eater or something?” Kazuma asked her. “Not that I mind. It seems like all the fat goes to your breasts.”

“K-Kazuma! Not where others can hear you!” Darkness scolded, though she did look down at her plate and blush slightly. “I, ah, I have learned that if I am eating, others do not expect you to talk. I shall simply train extra hard tomorrow, and do another 100 sit ups.”

“That’s why you could grind meat on your abs,” Kazuma mused, earning him a glare from Darkness. “What? You rock them pretty hard. They’re sexy.”

“You’re incorrigible,” Darkness said with a snort, polishing off six finger sandwiches. Then she blushed and lowered her voice. “I have…not forgotten my promise. About tonight.”

That made Kazuma perk up. “Hey, maybe we should skip the after party then. Go to bed early.”

“We can't, I'm afraid, we’ll be lucky to be in bed before dawn,” Darkness sighed. “And we really will have to make an appearance outside.”

“Doh-ho-ho! So thou shalt consent to consort with the common folk, then?”

A strangely familiar looking man with an odd mask with the roman numeral “I” on it stepped forward, in a rather more archaic suit than the rest of the nobility.

Darkness gave him a sour look, and took a meaningful bite of roast beef, shoving so much into her mouth that it couldn’t have been good manners, but did do a good job of making it hard to talk.

“Buzz off, pal. We’re eating. You can ask us for a favor and make yourself rich later,” Kazuma said in his most irritating tone.

The gentleman was undeterred though, wagging a white gloved finger at Kazuma. “Tsk tsk. That is no way to treat a guest, young man. Moi wonders if this is the sort of hospitality one can expect of young people these days.”

Kazuma gave a mocking bow, then said. “No, we can be polite. So I am politely telling you to go away so we can eat.”

Darkness swallowed, gave Kazuma a pained look, then added, “I am afraid my consort is being rude, but we would like a few private moments. If we could speak later, Mister…? I am afraid I do not recognize you.”

“Mwahahaha! Ah, to be unrecognized, what a slander, what a mishap!” the man clutched his forehead, throwing his head back as he laughed. “Do not fear, thou shalt recognize me soon. Moi shall give you time to stew in your own juices, as it were, but fear not! Though this is a banquet of hope, moi knows that despair is ever around the corner!”

And then the man strode away, vanishing into the crowd.

“What a weirdo,” Kazuma said.

“Yes,” Darkness agreed, then sighed as more sycophants circled in, emboldened by the strange gentleman’s boldness. “Well, I suppose our respite is over…”

Kazuma looked around, then had an idea. He grabbed Darkness’ arm, then dragged her towards the dance floor. “Hey, how about a dance or two? That’s the sort of thing I’m supposed to do, right?”

Darkness brightened at that, shoving her half finished tray into the hands of a servant, hastily wiping her mouth on a napkin another gave her, then followed Kazuma out to the dance floor.

Once they were there, however, Kazuma realized he had no idea how to dance, much less to do the complicated ones the nobles were moving through. Darkness seemed to sense his sudden confusion, and whispered, “It’s alright, just follow me. This dance is a waltz, it’s not so hard.”

Darkness was unfortunately rather clumsy, and both of them ended up treading on each other’s feet quite frequently. Though by Darkness’s flushed face, she was letting him step on her on purpose.

Still, to Kazuma’s surprise, even with both of them making a mess of it, dancing was actually pretty fun. It felt nice to have a girl in his arms and to make his way through the complicated steps he was quickly learning.

After two dances, Kazuma saw the masked gentleman step up to the stage, where he plucked a fiddle from the hands of one of the musicians as the latest song was ending. He then began to saw out a much livelier tune, which to Kazuma’s surprise, the band began to join in with.

“That’s odd, I’ve not heard this one before,” Darkness said, frowning.

“I have, but I can’t really remember where,” Kazuma said, the image of a golden fiddle flitting through his mind for a moment.

“Ehem. Do you seek to monopolize Kazuma all night?”

Kazuma turned to see Megumin glaring out at him and Darkness, her hands on her hips.

“Oh! Um, well…we should dance first,” Darkness said, letting go of Kazuma’s hands and taking Megumin’s. She only had a moment for her eyes to go wide, before Darkness whirled her out onto the dance floor.

Kazuma watched the two girls go, and was not surprised to see Megumin take the man’s role despite her much smaller stature. He hummed along with the half familiar song, tapping his foot.

“Devil’s in the house of the rising sun?” he muttered to himself. No, that wasn’t the name of the song.

It was just coming to an end, when Chris and Aqua burst out onto the dance floor. To Kazuma’s shock, Chris drew a gun from her rather modest bust. Everyone started to scream, save for the band, which played feverishly on. Right up to the point where Chris pointed the pistol right at the masked gentlemen’s head, and drilled a hole right through his forehead, fury etched one her face as the crowd screamed.

“Give me that!” Aqua snarled, reaching for the gun. “I want to shoot him too!”

Instead, Kazuma rushed over and snatched the pistol, even as the nobles wailed and guards tried to push their way forward through the fleeing throng. “What the hell are you doing!? How could you just shoot a guy like that!?”

“Pretty easily. Get out of the way, he’s not dead yet!” Chris snapped.

“What?! You hit him in the forehead, how could he-”

“Mwahahahaha! Though thy aim is true, thy efficacy is as weak as ever, O foolish goddess of ill luck!”

Shocked, Kazuma turned around to see the man grinning at them. As he watched, the hole in his mask slowly closed, leaving it completely unmarred.

BANG-BANG-BANG!

Three shots rang out in rapid succession. Another through the forehead, one through the heart, and another in a place that made ever watching man wince and cross his legs.

This time, the masked man was totally unfazed He made an exaggerated yawning motion, then flicked the torn fabric of his tuxedo where the bullet had hit where his heart should have been. “Pshaw. As if such a piddly weapon could harm moi. Try again, O luckless fool.”

“THAT’S IT!” Chris snarled, and she suddenly grew in stature, just as she had the night before with Kazuma, her hair lengthening, her bust increasing, and her skin glowing. Two knives appeared in her hands, and she leapt forward, snarling. Aqua was only half a step behind her, though despite the sudden blue glow of power around her, she didn’t look any different otherwise.

“Ho ho, and thou wouldst attack me, when moi is thy guest? For such a violation, there would be..consequences,” the man purred, pointing with the bow of his violin.

“Hehehehehehe!”

A mad giggling filled the air, and Kazuma cried out in panic as the tiles beneath his feet cracked, and dirt streamed out, grabbing Kazuma by the ankles as it took on the shape of a small masked doll. To his horror, more dolls popped out, grabbing Megumin and Darkness.

“What trickery is this!?” Darkness cried, ripping a doll off of Megumin and trying to fling it away. To Kazuma’s horror, it blew up in her face. Megumin was knocked down, gasping and bloodied, while Darkness appeared to merely have had her clothes torn.

The display, however, made Chris and Aqua halt their charge, only a meter away from the stage.

“You monster. I’ll DESTROY you,” Chris hissed, falling into a fighting stance with her daggers readied.

“If thou can. But this is but a projection,” the man sneered.

“Vanir!” Kazuma cried, suddenly recognizing the man. “You were playing The Devil Went Down to Georgia!”

“Mwahahahaha! Someone recognizes moi’s music!” he bowed, grinning wickedly. “Yes, indeed. It is none other than I! Vanir, head of the Devil King’s Elite Forces!”

“What do you want, fiend?” Darkness demanded, crouching to check on Megumin even as more dolls formed out of the dirt seeping out of the floor to latch onto them.

“Moi? Why, to sip the hope turned to exquisite disappointment! And shame! Ah, thou art truly shamed, to have a foe endanger her people so! Yes, the most tasteful of emotions! Moi knew that thou wouldst not give in to trite despair, but the shame! Thy clothes are torn, and nakedness on display for all to see! Ah, bliss.”

Darkness shuddered, but refused to try to cover herself, instead ripping her already torn dress to tie a bandage around Megumin’s forehead.

“Why are you even here? Your kind were wiped out long ago,” Chris snarled.

“Yeah! Quit being a jerk! This is a party for people to have fun with!” Aqua demanded.

“Moi could say the same of their own race, O lost godlings. But, moi came merely to play a jaunty tune. And to warn this company!” Vanir pulled himself up straight, his voice booming out. “Hear me, O people of Axel! Thy victory is but a hollow one! Wolbach has fallen, yes, but thou hast earned but a brief respite! Even now, thy doom is at hand, for what shall this dry and dusty world do when food and water are gone? Eat, drink, and be merry for now, but look not to peace, for war continues.”

The silence was oppressive, with the nobles looking on with a mixture of fear, anger, and in some cases, thoughtful consideration.

“And with that, I must bid you all adieu. Bonsoir!”

Vanir bowed, and his form went all to dust. His mask clattered to the ground, even as the dolls holding Kazuma fell back to clumps of inert earth. An instant later Chris struck, slamming her daggers into the mask and shattering it. It too crumbled to dust, and blew away.

There was silence for a long moment, during which Darkness helped the groggy Megumin back to her feet, a bloody bandage wrapped around her forehead. She seemed alright, but Aqua hurried over and began tending to her.

Darkness looked around, and her lips thinned. Then she got up onto the stage, picked up the fallen violin, and looked around at the guests. “Well? Will we allow that demon to tell us what to do?”

There were uncertain mutters, but Kazuma knew what to say. “No! Screw that asshole!”

Darkness put the fiddle to her shoulder, and drew the bow across its strings. “Then in defiance, we party on!”

The crowd gave a rough cheer, and servants hastened forward to clean up the mess as the band began to play again.

Kazuma looked at Darkness, but she had her eyes closed, sweat beading on her forehead as she played on. He moved up to Chris, who was back to her normal form, though she still had her daggers in her hands.

“What was that?” He asked quietly.

“Nothing good. Damn filthy demons.” Chris spat to the side, looking outraged. She spun her daggers through her hands once, and they vanished again. She turned to Kazuma and smiled. “Well, screw him. Darkness is right. Party on! Shall we dance?”

“Uh, sure?” Kazuma managed.

Chris laughed, and they made their way out onto the dance floor. Chris was far more nimble than Darkness, and a much better dancer. Kazuma sort of knew the steps by now, and they managed not to do too badly. Soon, others joined them, and the party continued on.

But Kazuma couldn’t shake the feeling that things were about to get much worse.