Dark Legend of Potter, Chapter 65 (Patreon)

To say that Severus Snape was not a morning person would have been a gross understatement. Thanks to his pallid complexion, Severus would have been happier if the sun just didn't exist, but would have settled for becoming completely nocturnal instead. Unfortunately, he’d obtained a job (mostly against his will) that required one to keep regular hours, and also wake up what he considered to be dreadfully early. 

The remedy that Snape had discovered for this was what he considered a potion, but was in fact extra strong tea. He would on occasion drink coffee, but unlike his heart, his coffee was full of cream and sugar. This morning he was taking his tea at breakfast as usual, trying to force his mind awake and read a bit of the monthly potions periodical. Not because he wanted to learn anything new, but because he enjoyed sneering at what other idiots considered good potionwork. 

He was just enjoying a good chuckle at what he considered a particularly poorly written expose’ on invisibility potions when a stir went through the Great Hall. Snape looked up, then grimaced, his good mood evaporating as a pair of glowing-eyed ragamuffins approached. The rest of the teachers looked uneasy as well, as they had all learned that Crimson Demons with eyes aglow meant they were excited about something, and it was seldom good for one's sanity when that happened. 

“Miss Dursley, what exactly are you-” Flitwick began, but it was too late. 

“BEHOLD!” Megumin declared, spinning around and striking a pose. Most of the students turned to look at her out of annoyance, a few out of interest. The smart ones sprinted for the doors or took cover under the tables. “THE CRIMSON DEMON CLAN HAS ARRIVED WITH A SPECIAL PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!” 

“Miss Potter, what do you think you are doing!” McGonagall demanded, rising up out of her seat. 

“W-we have permission,” Yunyun said, and held up a parchment form. “Um, Percy helped us out with the paperwork.”

“Indeed, Miss Potter and Miss Dursley have permission for their little demonstration. I approved it myself,” Dumbledore agreed, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

The other teachers looked at the headmaster aghast but then had to turn their attention back to Megumin as she continued her little display. 

Opening up a bag, Megumin pulled out a pair of furry brown ears, a fuzzy tail, and some novelty fangs. Everyone watched with interest as Megumin quickly put the props on, then turned to her audience and bared her plastic teeth. “BEHOLD! I am a werewolf!” 

There were scattered titters of laughter until Ron and Hermione walked up. “Ugh, a werewolf! They are disgusting, vile, and dangerous creatures. I would not want to be around one,” Ron said, squinting at a piece of parchment in his hand as he did so. 

“That is right. As a pureblooded witch, I fear and hate that which I do not understand, and so I will shun and hate werewolves. I believe that if you touch a werewolf, you will get infected, and werewolves go around at night eating children and muggles.”

Megumin looked very sad at these words. “But that is not true! I am afflicted with a DARK AND TERRIBLE CURSE! One that I may have contracted through my parents before I was born, or from an accidental bite or blood transfusion, or from a FORBIDDEN RITUAL that I-”

“Megumin! Stick to the script!” Yunyun hissed, yanking on her cousin’s robes. 

“Hmph. It COULD have been a Dark and Terrible ritual, but it is instead something boring. Either my parents were werewolves, or I got bitten on accident when I was walking in the woods.”

“I do not care,” Ron said, flipping his parchment over. “I am ignorant and pre-juiced-” 

“Prejudiced,” Hermione corrected. 

“That,” Ron agreed with a shrug, no longer looking at his script. “I believe stuff that I’ve just heard down at the pub and don’t bother to see if it’s true because I’m a gobshite.” 

Dumbledore cleared his throat and gave Ron a disappointed look, while McGonagall looked ready to chew nails. 

“Uh, I mean, a prejudiced person,” Ron corrected. 

“I am merely scared because I am worried that I too could become a werewolf,” Hermione added. 

Clearing her throat, Yunyun stepped forward. “W-werewolves face d-discrimination, um, i-in their daily lives. M-many of them cannot find employment, a-and face discrimination from their fellow w-wizards.”

“How dare those fools threaten me!? I shall plot a dark and terrible-” SMACK! “OW! Yunyun!” 

“Stick to the script!” 

With a heavy sigh, Megumin slumped her shoulders and threw her head back, putting an elbow to her forehead as though she would swoon. “AWOOOOOOO! WOE IS ME! How cruel is fate!? Though my circumstance as a werewolf is no fault of my own, my fellows fear and deride me! Do they not know I cannot control the beast inside me!?” 

Snape sneered at the melodrama playing out before them, and glanced over at Lupin. He had to be behind this. To his surprise, Lupin looked completely gobsmacked, and his eyes had gotten a little damp. Well well, the fool was a better actor than Snape gave him credit for. 

“Fear not, Miss Werewolf, for I, a potion master, am here to save you!” Luna, dressed in a pair of plastic goggles and a muggle lab coat with too long sleeves she’d decorated with glitter ran out onto the impromptu stage. She held up a beaker of blue fluid and declared, “This is the Wolfsbane potion! If a werewolf takes one of these, they just turn into an adorable puppy! Most werewolves aren’t even in league with dentists to try to promote bad hygiene!”

“I’m sorry, what?” Lupin blurted, apparently shocked out of a clear attempt at play-acting after he’d put these idiots up to this. 

“The Rotfang conspiracy! Where werewolves and dentists-”

“Luna…stick to the s-script,” Yunyun hissed.

“Oh, yes,” Luna said, nodding. She turned back to the audience. “Through the miracles of modern science-”

“WHAT?!” Snape snarled, leaning forward and gripping the table in outrage. They DARED besmirch the good name of potion making with that muggle rubbish!?

“Modern potion making,” Luna corrected after Megumin glared at her. “Scientists have discovered the wolfsbane potion.” Snape was ready to strangle Lovegood, and he hadn’t even had her in class today yet. “This wondrous potion allows a werewolf to retain her faculties even when transformed, meaning they are of no danger to anyone.”

Luna handed the potion to Megumin, who drank it away. “Wow, thank you, potions! Truly, you are the second most wondrous of the magical arts, surpassed only by Explosion Magic!” 

“You are welcome! Now, back to my secret lair, where I will ignore good hygiene and frighten young children!” Luna declared, spreading her lab coat like a cape and flapping her arms as she departed. 

Snape turned to glare at his colleagues, as Aqua was outright laughing, while Flitwick had let out a guffaw before quieting himself, and several others had developed coughing fits. 

“See, with the wolfsbane potion, you do not need to fear! I am now a normal member of society, but still with a cool and mysterious curse that ordinary people envy!” Megumin said, drawing herself up as tall as she could, which came about to Ron’s chin. 

“I have been persuaded, and will now be friends with a werewolf,” Hermione said. Then she looked up. “Really? That’s it? Couldn’t I at least demand to see the potion at work or something?”

“Stick. To. The. Script!” Yunyun hissed, red eyes flashing in rage now.

 “My prejudice is too deeply… ingratiated? No, ingrained. Sorry, this bit’s smudged. Uh, anyway, I still don’t like werewolves even though the potion is perfectly safe,” Ron said. 

“Oh no!” Megumin gasped, looking up at the ceiling and cringing in mock horror. “My time is upon me! O, Fortune! You are ever changing, like the moon, waxing and waning! Hateful life, first you oppress then soothe, and-OW!” 

“STICK TO THE SCRIPT!” Yunyun raged, withdrawing her fist from bonking the top of Megumin’s head. 

“Hmph. I now transform. Behold!” Megumin raised her wand, and there was a bright flash as to Snape’s horror, she managed a perfect wordless Lumos spell. In her place sat a great shaggy black dog with a red neckerchief. 

“BARK!” Blackie said happily, pounding his tail on the floor. 

“Oh no, a werewolf!” Ron said. “Please, do not attack me!” 

Blackie gave Ron a wounded look, then lay down, whining softly. 

“See, she’s not dangerous at all, she’s a perfectly ordinary werewolf,” Hermione said, petting Blackie on the head. 

“I see. I am convinced. Werewolves really are people too,” Ron said seriously. 

Yunyun beamed, then said, “You see, werewolves are just like us, and you don’t need to be afraid of them!” 

Darkness suddenly strode out in front of the actors, turning to face the students with a serious expression on her face as she held up a roll of parchment. “Thank you for attending our special public service announcement, The Truth About Werewolves, written by myself, with help from Yunyun and Megumin. We hope you learned something. Also, we would ask you all to sign our petition to the School Board, requesting that our curriculum regarding werewolves be changed. Mr. Newt Scamander has written a most excellent textbook regarding magical creatures and advocates that werewolves be declassified from XXXXX magical creatures, because they are simply wizards who suffer from a disease. Thank you.”

She bowed, and Megumin sprinted back on stage, performing her own bow. The other actors bowed as well, to some scattered and confused applause from the students. 

“BRILLIANT! ENCORE! SPEAK THE TRUTH!” Tonks thundered, pounding the table enthusiastically as her hair went bright pink in excitement. 

“Good stuff, good stuff that was,” Hagrid agreed, his large hands making a deafening echo all on their own. 

“WOOHOO! YOU GO DARKNESS! PREACH!” Aqua cheered, jumping up and performing a paper fan trick to show her approval. 

Most of the other staff members were applauding politely, while Sylvia was sniffling and crying. Lupin suddenly excused himself, and Snape sneered after him. So, the puppet master revealed himself. 

Dumbledore stood and slowly walked around the tables to stand before Darkness. With a flourish, he produced a large ostrich quill. “Miss Longbottom, I would be honored to be the first to sign your petition.”

“Thank you, sir!” Darkness gasped and hastily held out the parchment for Dumbledore, who wrote his name in bright emerald ink with a flourish. Then, he turned and smiled at the students. “And who else will be affixing their names?”

The students looked uncomfortable, but from the Slytherin table, five students sprang up. Led by Ginny, her Three Stooges and Tom came up and signed Darkness’ petition as well. 

“I will speak to my father about this,” Draco promised loudly. “He’s on the board of governors.” 

“I…I thank you, Mr. Malfoy,” Darkness said, her own eyes going a little misty. 

Upon seeing both the headmaster and the Syltherins, including the Quidditch Captain, sign the petition, a great many students stood and hurried forward to sign themselves, forming a long queue. 

“Well, I suppose we should support our students in this. I, for one, find their civic activism most invigorating,” Flitwick declared and hopped off his chair to hurry around to get in line. 

To Snape’s disgust, the rest of the staff stood to do the same. 

“Aren’t yeh gonna sign it too, Severus?” Hagrid asked as he passed. 

Snape could only grind his teeth in response. 

Tonks hurried into the Teachers Lounge, a concerned expression on her face. She’d have thought Lupin would be the first one to want to sign Darkness’ petition, but instead, he’d left before she could even bring it out. She looked around the room wildly and found Remus staring out the window at the grounds. 

“Remus? Are you alright? I thought you’d like that little skit,” Tonks said, hurrying over to his side. 

He turned to face her, and Tonks saw his cheeks were wet with tears, his eyes red. “I…I loved it. I just…they don’t even know. They don’t even know, and I don’t think anyone has ever done anything kinder for me in all my life.”

Putting her arms around Lupin, Tonks gave him a big squeeze. “They’re a pain in the arse most of the time, but it’s sweetness like this that makes up for it.”

“They’re good kids,” Lupin agreed, resting his forehead against Tonk’s and hugging her as well. 

They stood like that for a few moments, before Lupin let out a strangled cry. “Good God, what if someone saw us like this!?” 

“Then I’d tell them to mind their own bloody business,” Tonks muttered, but stepped aside from Lupin, glancing nervously at the door herself. Fortunately, no one seemed to have caught them in a compromising position. 

On impulse, Tonks gave Lupin a quick kiss on the lips, and to her delight, he wrapped his arms about her and gave her some tongue in return. When they parted this time, they were both breathing hard. 

“We’d better stop before someone finds us,” Tonks said, resting her hand on Lupin’s heaving chest. 

“Yes, probably,” he agreed, giving her a dopey grin that made her heart go all aflutter. He kissed her one more time, then really did take a step back. 

“How long is it to the next full moon?” Tonks groaned. “I don’t know if I can wait that long…”

“Hmm. Well, the students are going to Hogsmeade today, and Megumin and Yunyun have their detention in the Forbidden Forest. Which means you’re probably free, right?” 

“Well, yeah, I suppose. The Centaurs can scare off Sirius Black, and I’ll send Blackie with the girls,” Tonks agreed. Lupin developed a coughing fit, and she frowned at him.

“Ah, something in my throat,” he clarified, shaking his head. “Well, that gives you the afternoon free. And I’m free as well…”

“Well then…what say we make the Shrieking Shack live up to its name?” Tonks asked, a stupid grin appearing on her own face. 

This was a perfect plan. What could possibly go wrong? 

“Ah, I will see the two of you later, I have an errand to run,” Darkness told Ron and Hermione as they approached Hogsmeade. 

“Oh? Where are you off too then? I thought we were going to go to Honeydukes for some treats. Got a bit of pocket money from turning in Giant Toad bounties I wanted to spend,” Ron said, and Hermione nodded in agreement. 

“I, ah, shall be taking this opportunity for training,” Darkness said. It wasn’t quite a lie, and she knew perfectly well that neither of her friends had much interest in weight lifting or endurance training. 

“What, even now? Can’t you take a day off?” Ron asked. 

“Sweets are the enemy of physical fitness. I am surprised you would go to Honeydukes, Hermione,” Darkness added. 

“Honestly I see this as an opportunity to try out some of those sweets my parents always forbid me from,” Hermione admitted. “Besides, I brought us toothbrushes and toothpaste, so it will be fine.”

“Are you joking? I thought you were just having a laugh when you told me to bring mine,” Ron said, looking baffled. 

“Well, I brought extra. Would you like yours, Darkness?” Hermione said, opening up her pouch and revealing a full set of toothbrushes and some travel sized toothpaste tubes. 

“I’ll brush my teeth when I get back to the castle,” Darkness promised. “You’d be wise to do the same, Ron.” 

“I do brush my teeth, even if it’s bloody stupid. You can just take teeth strengthening potions,” Ron complained. “But Megumin won’t shut up about my breath if I don’t, and it’s just a minute to do it. Anyway, don’t forget to have some fun too, Darkness. We already did our good deed for the day, so try to relax.” 

“I find exercise to be quite enjoyable,” she assured him, then jogged away with a wave, leaving Ron and Hermione to discuss what sorts of sweets they’d be indulging in.

Still, Darkness was quite embarrassed that she would not be engaging in physical exercise, which she did enjoy, but would rather be undertaking a very different sort of training. Still, she was too embarrassed to admit just who her training partner was. 

She arrived at the Three Broomsticks, but ducked through the back door and up the stairs to the room. Carefully, she knocked in the pattern Kazuma had shown her, saying aloud, “Shave and a haircut.” 

“Two bits,” came Kazuma’s voice through the door. A moment later, it swung open, and he looked both ways. “Get in, quick. Did anyone see you?” 

“No, I told everyone I was, ah, training,” Darkness admitted as she hastily stepped inside. She blushed, thinking that she was alone with a boy in a private room. 

Not that she would do anything, especially not with Kazuma Crabbe, but the mere impropriety of the situation would have given her grandmother conniptions. That would result in some extremely unpleasant days for Darkness, where she’d be forced to wear pink, lacy gowns, and have high tea with all her elderly relatives and tittering female cousins. Sheer torture. 

“Good, good. I got off with an excuse too,” Kazuma said, and hurried over to the small table, where the black box with the glass windowpane on it sat. Darkness was fairly certain that it was a ‘telly’ as she’d seen a couple of movies with Megumin and Hermione during sleepovers at summertime. She paused by the bed, and picked up a small container. “What is this?”

“Dr. Pepper. You can have one if you want,” Kazuma told her, fiddling with some small black rectangles. “I had Dobby bring me that and some snacks.”

“Dobby? Isn’t he your house elf?” Darkness asked. 

“Yes, Dobby is being Master Kazuma’s elf, even though Dobby is living and working at Master Malfoy’s manor now.”

Darkness turned, her heart fluttering slightly at the nasal voice at first, then calming when she saw the tea-cozy-wearing form of the elf in the corner by the door, working on mending some of Kazuma’s socks by the look of it. 

“Thank you, Dobby. Though I don’t know how I feel about taking advantage of the labor of house elves. Grandmother Augusta and I are both Erisites, and staunch abolitionists.”

“Relax, he got paid,” Kazuma said, straightening up and nodding as the telly came to life. “You did record this properly, right, Dobby?” 

“Oh yes, Master Kazuma. Dobby is very good with the VCR now! Dobby has been recording all the episodes of Time After Time so Dobby can watch them when Dobby’s work is done!”

Darkness blinked, looking at Kazuma in astonishment, then back at Dobby. “Does…does he really pay you?”

“Oh yes! Master Kazuma is even giving Dobby a raise!” the little elf said happily. He held up a silver sickle, looking pleased as punch. “Dobby is a very rich elf!” 

Seeing the paltry sum, Darkness turned a glare back to Kazuma. “You pay him only a single silver sickle?”

“Hey, I offered him more but he said not until his next triannual review,” Kazuma said hotly. “Besides, you know anyone else who pays their house elves?” 

“Do not be displeased, Mistress! Dobby is a very rich elf. Dobby has three galleons, eight sickles, and seven knuts in his savings account!” Dobby said eagerly. 

“Hmm,” Darkness frowned, then sighed. “Well, I suppose it is better than nothing. I apologize, Kazuma. I should not have assumed the worst about you.”

“Why not? Everyone else does,” Kazuma grumbled, flopping back on the bed and grabbing a back of flavored crisps. 

Darkness would have argued further, but the commercial that had been playing had ended, and a militant tune began to play. Darkness slowly sat on the bed, enraptured by the images of muggle weapons, along with the text, which talked of a great war. She recognized a few of the names and dates, having a vague idea of who Napoleon and the Duke of Wellington were, and that England and France had been at war in 1812, though she hadn’t realized it had involved Spain and Portugal as well. 

The scene opened, and a wave of nostalgia hit Darkness so hard it nearly took her breath away. Men marching in orderly rows. Horses and smoky campfires, with tents in neat rows. Half-dressed men gambling or eating in small groups. She could smell this place. Smell the scent of unwashed bodies, manure, and latrine pits. The gunpowder, oil, and fires cooking salted pork, boiled cabbage, beans, or whatever the soldiers could scavenge. 

She instantly recognized several inaccuracies, mostly that everyone looked too clean and their gear was in far too good order. But she knew this camp. She knew those men. Knew those children and camp followers who worked with them. 

But she had never seen such a place in all her life. What was happening? She saw herself as the Duke, riding through the camp, with soldiers saluting and saying ‘your Grace’ to her. She could feel the horse under her, remember checking over tents and soldiers to see that they were in good order and morale was high. She knew just what to say, just how to sit in the saddle. 

Then the action began, and Darkness forgot much of that as she watched a soldier heroically save his Duke from enemy outriders. The man was given an officer's commission, and Darkness grimaced. 

“What? Too gory for you?” Kazuma asked. 

Darkness frowned at him. There had been a little blood, but it was obviously fake. “No, the Duke really did do that man a poor turn.”

“Huh? But he got a battlefield promotion, that’s brilliant,” Kazuma protested. 

Darkness slowly shook her head. “No, he’s a commoner. Officers are nobility. For him to receive a commission…well, he’ll be snubbed and outcast from his peers. He will have much to do to prove himself to the rest of the officer corps, and even then, many will not accept him simply because he is of low birth. In turn, his old friends will no longer be able to associate with him, as they are enlisted.”

That made Kazuma frown, but as the show went on, Darkness’ words were indeed born out. The man did not comport himself as an officer should at all. 

The next part made perfect sense to Darkness, even as Kazuma looked like he was falling asleep. “Geeze, why do they have to go on about bankers? I thought this was an action show.”

“Do not underestimate the importance of finance. The fact that the men are short of pay has a deleterious effect on morale; his Grace is right to be concerned. He has entrusted Lieutenant Sharpe with perhaps the most important job in the army. Securing funds to finance the campaign is of paramount importance.”

Kazuma nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Though he’s not doing what I would have done.”

“And what is that?” Darkness asked, frowning at him as the show went to commercials for various muggle products. 

“He’s campaigning on foreign soil. So there’s got to be some good booty in the countryside. He should have his men start seizing supplies and treasures and stuff, sell that to finance him. Bankers are a bunch of stuffed shirts and they always back the winning side. He wins a couple of battles and shows he can make a profit on his campaign, they’ll change their tune real quick.” 

“He’s employing irregulars and wants to be seen as a liberator, not an oppressor. If he begins to plunder the countryside, he risks turning the population against him and having the guerrilla fighters harass him instead of the French. Ravaging the local countryside would be a short-term solution with long-term consequences.”

“Ugh, you always have to do things the hard way. Fine, you’re right, but a little plunder never hurt anyone,” Kazuma sighed. “Now shut up, the show’s back on.”

Despite their disagreements about how certain things should have been handled, overall, Darkness immensely enjoyed the show. It was a bit eerie how familiar it all felt, but it was still entertaining to watch, and the actor who was playing Sharpe was very, very handsome. Just the sort of man who was both scruffy and ill-tempered, but honorable and forthright. One moment treating you with disdain and brutally enforcing his well, the next tender and sweet. The perfect mixture. 

“Well, that’s the end of that one,” Kazuma said, getting up from the bed and stretching as a haunting tune played. “We got time for another, what do you think?” 

Leaning forward, Darkness nodded eagerly. “Yes, I especially want to know what happens with Lieutenant Sharpe and Teresa. That was very romantic.”

“You would like the mushy bits,” Kazuma chuckled, but he took out the tape and put in another one. “We got one more episode. Another Dr. Pepper?”

“Yes, thank you,” Darkness said, sipping her drink, grinning. For a brief moment, she saw Kazuma in a uniform not unlike Sharpe’s, grinning at her roguishly at an opulent ball. She blinked, and the image vanished. She shot a glance over at Kazuma, who was taking a swig of his soda. He let out a sonorous belch and scratched himself, and she shook her head. He was no Richard Sharpe. One day, she’d find a man who would romance her like Teresa had. Until then, she’d put up with Kazuma, so long as he behaved himself. 

But not too much. 

She shivered. Where had that traitorous thought come from? Forcing it to the back of her mind, she let herself be swept away by the action and romance of Sharpe’s Rifles again. 

Author’s Note:

Darkness created the play and petition because it was the right thing to do. Yunyun did it because she wanted to make more friends, especially with horrifying monsters. Megumin did it because she wanted to be the star.