This Goddess Must Be Crazy, Chapter 50 (Patreon)

Despite being the site of an undeniably great, and at this point somewhat ancient, evil, Nazarick itself was surrounded by a rather beautiful countryside. The Great Forest of Tob had been cut back and thinned as the wood was used for various purposes, but someone had clearly been stewarding the wood and other natural resources rather carefully to prevent deforestation. It was still full of most of the original wildlife and would have been a rather scenic place to go for a hike or camping trip. 

Lake Noral was several kilometers south of Nazarick, and was a medium-sized freshwater lake, formed at the base of the valley that Nazerick was in. It too was carefully managed, with several streams flowing into it, and the river Carne flowing out of it that watered the nearby village. It played host to a variety of fish and waterfowl and was a favorite vacation spot of the villagers and denizens of the Tomb. 

While there was strong security around the Tomb’s perimeter, Lake Noral was, generally speaking, ignored, since Nazarick had its own fresh water supply thanks to the underground lake on the 4th floor. 

So it was a complete surprise to the various defenders and denizens of the tomb when the entire lake flooded up the slope of the valley, inundating the tomb in a deluge of truly diluvian proportions. 

The first to notice were the villagers from Carne, bringing in supplies and raw materials from their fields. These were all members of the goblinoid races, save for a few human slaves. They cried out in shock when they saw the grasslands suddenly change to a brown shimmer, then gasped in horror as a wave of ankle-deep water hit them. Though it was shallow at first, the water was moving with enough force and pressure that several of them were swept off their feet, and carried away in the torrent. 

Several Nazarick guards, these demons and undead, were caught in the wave of water as well. As one, they screamed in pain and collapsed, smoke and steam rising from them. They quickly dissolved in the water, which turned out to all be fairly high-grade holy water, despite the sheer quantity of it all. 

The villagers attempted to flee, and a few of them even managed to escape before a massive wall of water three meters high rolled up the hill and slammed into Nazarick, wiping out the small market and wooden structures that had been built around it. The stones of the tomb itself resisted the force of the water, but a good amount of water flooded inside before the tomb could be sealed against the strange flood. 

All told, several hundred goblinoids and a thousand undead and demons were wiped out by the flood, which rapidly drained away from the now sealed entrance, Nazarick having been constructed in such a way to prevent flooding.

However, by the time the hatches were all sealed, it was far too late. 

With a loud cry and a mighty splash, a dozen shapes splashed into the tomb along with an equal number of surfboards. Kazuma managed to ride his board all the way to the end of the wave of water, even as a dozen death knights and a lich screamed in pain and dissolved into ash, landing with a confident slide down the hallway.

Aqua managed to fall off her surfboard and slide face first down the hallway before coming to a squelching stop. She let out a loud groan, before flopping over as the water splashed around her. “Owwww…maybe the surfboards weren’t such a good idea…”

“I thought it was great!” Mina said excitedly, hopping off of hers and splashing onto the stone floor. She looked around at the dark stony hallway curiously. “Shouldn’t there, like, be guards or something?”

“There are,” Tanya said grimly, her weapon already drawn as she scanned the area around them. “There should be hordes of Old Guarders appearing as we speak. They are armed with magical weapons, and can be quite deadly, even for low level undead.”

“We won’t have to worry about that for a bit,” Eris said with a shake of her head. “Sense Foe isn’t even picking anything up anymore. Aqua made that flood, so it was pure holy water. Not many undead could survive that.”

“Then our first task is completed,” Iris said, unsheathing her sword and looking around herself. “Where do we go from here?”

“This place is a maze. Stick close together,” Tanya told them. “Do you all have the maps I gave you?” 

“Got it right here, short stuff. Now where’s the big ugly skeleton?” Bakugo demanded, snapping his fingers and setting off a loud bang. 

“We went over this, bro,” Kirashia said with a shake of his head. “Ten floors full of baddies. We’re just on the easiest one. Even if we do get to sort of skip it thanks to Aqua.”

“Hmph. Let us hurry forward until we get to one of the proper floors. This one is too small,” Megumin huffed, striding off down the corridor, her boots making a wet squelching sound as she went. 

“Don’t worry, there are floors where even your particular brand of insanity will work,” Visha told her. “Never thought I’d be taking an artillery battery on a bunker raid…”

They made their way along the corridor, Tanya, Chris, and Kazuma leading the way. They found a number of cleverly concealed traps, from poison gas dispensers to collapsing floors to even an instant death spell field. It took precious time to disarm them, but they did manage to get to the second level without seeing so much as a single skeleton. 

After half an hour, they came to the first set of stairs down, a set of stone slabs that descended into pure darkness. 

“I’m sensing some really bad stuff down there,” Kazuma said ominously, making a face and crouching by the stairs. “Like, not boss monsters, but definitely some elite mooks.”

“A lot of undead, with some pretty nasty ones in the mix,” Chris agreed. She turned to Aqua and nodded. “Looks like you’re up again, boss.” 

“Ha! This is no problem at all for a goddess like me!” Aqua bragged, rolling up her sleeves and stepping forward. She extended a hand towards the shadows below them and cried, “Sacred Create Water!” 

Another surge of glowing water washed out from Aqua, flowing down the steps and illuminating the passage below them, where dozens of glowing red eyes appeared. Aqua grinned smugly as the water shot towards the haze, only for Kazuma to suddenly tackle her with a cry of, “GET DOWN!” 

A moment later, there was a loud pop, then a gout of flame that washed back up the stairs and knocked everyone back save for Izuku and Kirishima. The air started to smell foul, and everyone scrambled back even as Tanya and Visha produced gas masks and put them on. 

“What…what was that?” Izuku asked, crouching by the stairs and covering his face with a mask he took from his belt pouch, though it was only the sort you’d wear if you had a cold. 

“Some sort of gas that ignites on contact with water,” Kazuma said, standing up and helping a crying Aqua to her feet. “They were expecting what we just tried, apparently. So they flooded the floor below us with that stuff.”

“I can’t think of any pyrophoric gasses that you could survive breathing,” Mei commented. “But I guess if you’re a skeleton, you probably don’t need to.”

“Right, probably not,” Izuku agreed, rubbing his chin. “So…how do we solve this? We can’t go down there if the air’s no good.” 

“Well, they basically solved the problem of how to clear out that place for us,” Kazuma said with a shrug. “We just have to put enough water down there to react with all the gas, right? They were just hoping they’d catch us in the blast.” 

“Yeah, but how do we get the water down there without it just, you know, blowing up in our face?” Sero asked, frowning at his slightly burned costume. 

Everyone was silent for a moment as they thought that over, until Yunyun slowly raised a hand. “Um, w-well…what if we used ice?” 

Most of the group looked at her blankly, but Mei chuckled and nodded. “Of course! Ice is far less reactive than liquid water! You could shoot a bunch of ice spikes down there, then melt them! That would cause a reaction, but allow you to get to a safe distance!” 

“Damn, too bad we don’t have Icy-Hot with us then. He’d be good for something for once,” Bakugo grumbled. 

“I-I know several ice spells, that won't-b-be a problem,”  Yunyun assured everyone. “Um, the question is…how to melt them a-and not end up getting blown up ourselves?”

“I can make a device that would rapidly raise the ambient heat! Or we could just wait until the ice melts naturally. Once a bit of it reacts, more and more of the ice will melt, as the reactions are exothermic, leading to a cascade. We just have to make sure to be gone when that happens.”

That seemed a workable plan, so they had Yunyun toss down several large ice spears. The undead just stood there at first as Yunyun launched her attacks, before shuffling out of the way. After a minute or so though, there were some sparks and snaps around the ice as condensation began to form on them. Seeing that, Mei tossed down her rapidly made space heater, and the group booked it.

They had only gotten a few dozen steps before the floor bucked and they all went sprawling as a deafening roar echoed down the passage followed by a wash of heat, then a wave of steam. Fortunately, it wasn’t so scalding hot as to cause injury, and it mostly felt like they were in a sauna. 

“Well, that wasn’t so bad,” Kazuma said, picking himself up and dusting off his clothes. “Wanna go see if it worked?” 

They made their way back to the stairs, and Kazuma launched an experimental stream of water. 

“Why’d you do that? There’s enough moisture in the air that if there was more of that gas, it would have reacted with it,” Uraraka pointed out. 

Kazuma glared at her through the mist. “Maybe because I don’t feel like dying again today! Besides, what if there were more undead down there?”

“Then you’d sense them. Quit stalling for time,” Uraraka told him, and nudged Darkness forward. “You take point, Ms. Meatshield.”

“Y-you would force your allies into dangerous situations, using them as a shield for your own body?!” Darkness gasped happily as she eagerly rushed down the stairs. 

“I’d feel a lot worse if I hadn’t seen you shrug off hits from Izuku in training like he was a kindergartener,” Uraraka told her, following down the stairs. 

They didn’t find any signs of the undead, though considering the size of the explosion, that wasn’t terribly surprising. They did find several very amusing looking silhouettes near the initial blast zone, but that was to be expected. 

They did send a few ice spears down the corridors and waited to see if they reacted as well, but the poison gas did seem to be cleared out by this point, so in the end it just ended up wasting a bit of precious time. Still, Tanya had them to the next floor in less than twenty minutes.

“Damn, at this rate, we’ll have this whole place cleared out in no time! We’re 20% of the way done and it’s not even been an hour!” Kirishima laughed as they approached the third staircase. 

“Do not underestimate the forces of Nazerick. We have seen but the least of its denizens,” Tanya scolded him. “Stay vigilant. Danger is around every corner.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just sayin’. I think we can do this!” Kirishima said, flexing his stony arm and grinning. 

“You son of a bitch, you’re tripping these flags on purpose!” Kazuma accused. “Now there’s gonna be some absolutely nasty bullshit on this next floor!” 

“I dunno, it looks like the last two,” Kirishima pointed out. “Plush carpets, stone walls, bunch of torches, and uh, huh. No zombie welcoming crew. How about that?” 

Indeed, the next set of stairs down looked to simply be more of the same, though there were no visible enemies. Still, Kazuma shook his head, and Eris grimaced and nodded. “Lot of bad guys down there. And I sense something powerful this time.”

“Thanks, Rocky. Really appreciate it,” Kazuma sneered, his tone dripping with sarcasm. 

“Eh, we got Aqua. We can take ‘em, easy,” Kirishima said with a shrug. 

“Let me at ‘em!” Aqua said eagerly, stepping forward and winding up her arm as if she were simply going to punch her way to victory. Which considering her skill set, wasn’t actually all that unlikely. 

“Aqua, let me go first,” Darkness urged. “If there is danger, I can easily absorb any punishment our foes might dish out!” 

“Yeah, I’ll take point with ya,” Kirashima agreed. “Come on, Tokoyami. You can back us up.”

“Yeah, I’m bored, let’s kick some ass!” Dark Shadow squawked, and Tokoyami took up a position behind the two stone walls.

“You would be fools to venture forth with no guide,” Tanya told them, keeping her gun pointed at the floor as she fell in with Aqua. “It’s simple enough to get lost.”

“Don’t forget me!” Mina said happily, falling in with Aqua as they advanced down the stairs. 

They had just taken a few steps when a glowing circle appeared around them. 

“Wait, what’s happening!” Aqua squealed, while at the same time Kirishima shouted “Trap!” 

Then, an instant later, the circle flashed, and they all vanished. 

“Shit!” Kazuma gasped, having already been jumping forward. He landed on the now fading teleportation circle that had been inscribed on the stairs, scrambling around to try to find a way to reignite it. Unfortunately, he came up empty, with nothing to show for his efforts as the magical runes slowly vanished into the stone. “Chris, help me out!” 

“On it,” Eris agreed, bending down and feeling around herself. Megumin and Yunyun scurried over as well, carefully examining the magical runes on the stairs, while Uraraka knelt down and put her hands on the runes as if to use her quirk on them. 

Sero stepped forward, peering down into the shadows. “Um, guys, should we really be standing where-”

The circle flashed to bright life once more, and the five of them vanished as well.

Leting out out a cry, Izuku took a step forward, but Mei put a hand on his shoulder. “Izuku. If you are dumb enough to step on the trap that’s already caught all our friends, I’m going to have to smack you.”

“Yes, but…but…” Izuku looked at the teleport circle helplessly, then turned to Iris, Bakugo, and Visha, who were the only ones left. “What do we do?”

“That is quite simple, young human. Now, you die.” 

“Fucking finally,” Bakugo snarled as the tap tap of heeled boots echoed in the hall behind them. “I was getting sick to death of this waiting bullshit.”

Out of the shadows, a group of eerily beautiful young women emerged. At the center was a short woman with a parasol, dressed in a gothic lolita dress of dark purple, with a bonnet on her head. The women flanking her were much taller, with dark eyes with blood red irises and white bridesmaid dresses. 

“I confess, I didn’t expect that little trick to work nearly as well as it did. Nor that it would work twice,” the woman with the parasol giggled, smiling at the party and revealing long sharp fangs. 

“Shaltear,” Visha said stiffly, her gun pointed straight at the other woman’s heart. “Where did you send Tanya?”

“Oh, I’m sure that nasty little traitor is having a wonderful time. I sent her and the others as entertainment for those of us who aren’t so vulnerable to Aqua’s nature,” Shaltear said, lowering her parasol and folding it shut. “And I managed to get that other goddess as well. You really are all fools. I don’t know how we had such a hard time dealing with you wretches the first time around.”

“So, this is Shaltear Bloodfallen?” Iris asked Visha. “The vampire, yes?” 

“Yes. She is the strongest of the Floor Guardians,” Visha said tightly. “We will be hard pressed to face her.”

“Hard pressed?” Shaltear tittered a laugh, spinning her parasol about on her wrist as if she were out for a stroll on the boardwalk. “My dear Visha, you and Tanya were ever such useful tools, but you were never a match for any of us in a fight. As for these puny mortals, well, they might-”

“FUCK TALKING, JUST DIE!” Bakugo screamed, and blasted himself forward, his axe raised high.

“Mass Hold Humans,” Shaltear sneered, clearly expecting her spell to stop Bakugo in his tracks. 

However, while Bakugo’s muscles did stiffen, Shaltear hadn’t taken into account the sheer momentum that Bakugo had going for him, and he slammed into one of her vampiric brides, a massive detonation taking place as Bakugo’s sweat-soaked skin combusted. 

Shaltear let out a snarl, stepping back from where her dress had ripped, then brought up her parasol in time to parry a stroke from Iris’ sword. “Hmm, and why are you moving, I wonder?”

“I am a Belzerg,” Iris snarled, struggling to push her blow home. “Such spells are but child’s play to me.”

“Hmm. This might be interesting after all,” Shaltear mused. Then snarled and dodged to the side as a beam of white hot light flashed past her, blowing the head off of her other bride and causing her body to crumble to dust.

“You might be able to stiffen my body, but that’s why I have a neural link with my suit!” Mei bragged, leveling her laser rifle again.

“Impudent girl! Tch, I might have expected-”

“ONE FOR ALL, 100% SMASH!”

The blow took Shaltear right in the cheek and sent her slamming into the stone wall so hard that she blew right through it and into the next corridor. Crackling with power, Izuku stood, panting, rubbing his shoulder and flexing his arm. “Esh. I think I almost pulled something there…”

“FUCK!” Bakugo blasted back up, his face red with rage. “Is it over already!? Don’t tell me you one hit KO’d the bitch! I barely even got started!” 

“She’s far from dead,” Visha told them, picking herself up off the ground where she’d fallen. “Prepare yourselves.”

“IMPUDENT BRATS!” Izuku barely had time to block the thrust of the lance that exploded out of the stone wall as a red armored and winged figure stabbed at him, moving so fast that he needed all of his quirk’s speed to keep himself from being run through as a hundred blows stabbed at his chest in the space of a single breath. 

“YOU TORE MY DRESS! THAT WAS A GIFT FROM MASTER AINZ!” Shaltear screamed, turning and firing off a red shockwave of power in the direction of Mei and Visha, who had to scramble out of the way to avoid being vaporized. 

“Oh good, you’re not dead yet!” Bakugo cackled, coming at Shaltear from the side. “And here I thought I was going to be- OOF!” 

Shaltear kicked Bakugo in the midsection, even as she met Iris’ Sacred Explode technique with a blast of her own. The two women exchanged a flurry of blows that only stopped when Shaltear had to dodge back from Izuku’s punch. 

“Well. It seems you humans can fight after all,” Shaltear said with a sneer. “Very well. I shall slay the males and offer their heads to Master Ainz, but you, my pretty? You, I shall turn into one of my vampire brides. You will be the pride of my collection.”

“Many have tried to slay me before,” Iris panted, her sword raised in a high guard as she formed up with Bakugo and Izuku. “And yet, I remain standing.”

“But none of them were me,” Shaltear hissed, and charged forward, her lance raised on high. 

“Gross,” Mina said, lifting up her shoe and looking at the bug smeared there. She down at Aqua, who was absolutely coated with cockroach guts, and let out a heavy sigh, then sprayed another stream of acid at the bugs that were slipping through the absolute devastation left by Dark Shadow and Kirishima. Darkness was defending Aqua, grunting as she stomped at all the bugs that came at them, but there were just so many of the stupid things. 

For her part, Tanya was busily tearing off a bit of her uniform sleeve, stuffing it into a bottle of clear liquid she’d pulled out of her pack. “Keep them back! They are weak individually, but they are deadly in swarms! We are in the realm of Kyouhukou! He was slain by you, but his children remain, and they are always hungry!”

“Uh, yeah, we got the idea, kill the gross bugs,” Mina agreed, hosing down another swarm. There was a hiss and gurgle as they died, and for a few moments the roaches that tried to cross Mina’s acid simply turned to sludge. But there were always more, and Mina had to hose them down again, barely keeping them back.

Standing, Tanya pulled out a lighter, lit the soaked rag in her bottle, then pitched it into the swarm, where it exploded in a ball of flames that wiped out a thousand roaches in an instant. To Mina’s horror, it also revealed several skeletons that had been picked clean, along with some rusted armor and weapons. 

“Ok, man eating bugs. Super bad. Got it,” Mina agreed. She glanced to where Tokoyami and Kirishima were fighting, but they seemed alright. Dark shadow had grown huge in this unlight room, the only real light coming from Tanya’s molotov cocktail and Mina’s cell phone flashlight, along with Aqua’s tears for some reason. He was taking out bugs by the truckload, while Kirishima was currently made of spiky rocks, and obviously immune to something as simple as a bug bite. 

“What happened to us, anyway?” Mina asked, using both hands how to spray another stream of acid. She winced, feeling her skin blister and chap. She was immune to her own acid of course, but it did irritate her skin and dehydrate her if she used too much of it. 

“Teleportation trap. I should have seen it coming,” Tanya growled, taking out another bottle and preparing it. “This is my last cocktail. After this, I will be all but useless. Bullets do no good against bugs.”

“Well, like, how do we get out of here?” Mina demanded. “You’re our guide, so guide us out!”

“I did not make a habit of frequenting Kyouhukou’s domain. I detest filth and disorder, which these creatures thrive in. I am uncertain as to the way out,” Tanya said grimly, ripping her other sleeve to compliment the other. 

“I can understand that,” Mina agreed, looking around as she flung out another stream of acid. Would these things ever stop coming? 

They were in a dark room that was simply covered in bugs. It was a large area, at least 30 meters across, and it didn’t look like a natural cave. It was hard to tell under the thick coating of filth from the roaches, but it looked like it was a simple rectangular room. Mina desperately looked for a way out, some way to get free of this nightmare. At last, she spotted a place in the floor where endless streams of roaches were pouring forth.

“There! They’re coming from over there! Kirishima, Tokoyami, clear us a path! Tanya, toss your cocktail there!” Mina shouted, pointing to where the roaches were coming from. 

There was another blast of heat and light, and the roaches were driven away even as the burning liquid dripped down a hole in the ground. It wasn’t large, less than a meter in diameter, and Mina couldn’t see the bottom. But it was better than being in here. Probably. 

“That’s our exit!” Kirishima shouted, and ran over, scooping up Mina in his arms. Darkness grabbed Aqua, while Tokoyami picked up Tanya, and together they all jumped into the hole. It was a lot deeper than Mina had expected, and then ended up falling through pitch blackness for what felt like forever. 

Just when Mina was certain the fall was going to kill at least her, the breath was knocked out of her as they plunged into dark, cold waters. They never hit the bottom, but there was light on the surface, probably the burning gasoline from Tanya’s molotov. She raced for the surface, breaking through and gasping for air as she coughed and sputtered. 

She could see very little, and Mina felt herself panicking. What could she do? What if there were more bugs? How was she going to get out of this?

Then Aqua got to the surface of the water, wailing and whining, but unharmed. 

“Aqua! Aqua, make the water glow!” Mina begged.

“O-OK,” Aqua sniffled, and a moment later, a steady blue glow began to spread out from her, even as the others broke the surface of the water themselves, sputtering for breath. 

The light wasn’t much, but Mina did spy a dark shape not far away, and struck out towards that. After a short swim, she dragged herself up onto a rocky shelf, panting and feeling drained. She turned to help Kirishima out of the water, grateful that he’d turned back into his normal human form.

 Soon, everyone was on the rocky shore, and they took stock of things. Tanya got out a flare, which was thankfully waterproof, and lit it. She revealed a sparkling natural cave that was actually quite beautiful, stretching up dozens of meters until it vanished into shadows, along with what seemed to be an endless expanse of cold, dark waters.

“We are on the fourth floor,” Tanya stated, slowly turning in a circle. “The Underground Lake. Though where we are on it, I cannot say.” 

“Well, it’s a start, right? We can still get back to the others,” Mina pointed out. 

“Which way do we go?” Kirishima asked, peering into the black. There wasn’t a path, but the rocky shelf they were on extended into the blackness on both sides of them. 

“One direction is as good as another. When one walks the path of shadows, one must be willing to stride out into the night,” Tokoyami said ominously.

Mina rolled her eyes. “You’ve just been spending too much time with Megumin. Let’s go left, I think that’s the way you’re supposed to go in mazes.”

No one had a better idea, so they all set off into the unseen shadows of the lake.