🇺🇸 May The Fourth Be With You (and also with you) 🇺🇸 (Patreon)

(Robot Voice) Greeting ,

(Alien Voice) Hello. Greeting.

Oh ho ho ho, I bet you saw this in your little electronic mail box and you were like “wow! Brace is sending us another one of his crazy ass Patreon messages, cool!!” WRONG B*TCH (no offense). It’s Liz this time.

I am writing you to tell you a couple things: first, we love you. Second, don’t forget to pay rent! Third, “May The Fourth Be With You” which is what I assume American Revolutionary types who also were into action/fantasy story-telling would say to one another back in (Alex Jones voice) 1776. Or I guess they would say “July The Fourth Be With You”, which doesn’t work at all, now that I think about it!!

(Brace voice) Just playin. I am writing to tell you that we here at TrueAnon HQ are taking a little bit of a vacay — Yung Chomsky will be sunning his buns up at his summer home in the North Pole, I am taking a little bit of a road trip to Lubbock, Texas (which is the first city that came up when I googled, “ugliest city in America,” tagline: Less Charm, More Ugly), and Brace is finally taking his dream vacation in his homemade submersible down 13,000 feet to see the wreckage of Titanic (fingers crossed!!!).

BUT!!!! Guess WHAT!!! In our infinite wisdom we planned ahead because we didn’t want to leave you guys all alone without us, so we have some pretty pretty pretty good episodes coming while we are away. Due to popular demand we are unlocking the rest of our Falun Gong series, which you can now share far and wide (fourth ep will be available next week) and then more episodes are coming later this week and next for you little patreon pretties out there in the comments section (lvoeyou!). So we are here, even though we are not here. We are gone. But not far away! (We are in your house)

The last time Brace wrote you he included a list of things that he was consooming (minus what he calls his “Daily Duck”, which he, of course, consumes daily). I am feeling very rate-limit-not-exceeded, even though my ride to Lubbock is a-calling, so here’s three things I’ve read am reading will read soon:

I am finally going to read Janet Malcom’s The Journalist and The Murderer, which I can only hope gives me a plethora of new reasons to hate journalists. It begins with a quote from the Judge in the trial the book centers around: So a novelist is the same as a journalist, then. Is that what you’re saying? Which feels like if it was written today would be punctuated by a smiling devil emoji. 😈

I read this New Yorker profile of the Barbie Movie and wanted to KMS. I guess Mattel is going all-in on plastic IP content production, which makes sense, when theres a decline in your plastic IP physical production. Get ready for more commodity movies like Barney The Dinosaur, a Lena Dunham Polly Pocket (I’m not making this up) and a Magic-8 Ball movie script that “walks the line a little bit” (???). It is no secret that I do not love Gorta Grundels ~whole vibe~ but apparently when they made this movie she insisted on using pink paint in lieu of anything digital because “toys are, above all, things you touch,” (🙄) — they used so much pink paint that they literally caused a supply crash, or as the set designer put it: “the world ran out of pink.” UGHHHHH. There is something so disgustingly American about making the world literally stop so you can paint your Hollywood doll-house pink and then insisting no, it’s because it’s art actually, because you using up the worlds supply OF A COLOR is what distinguishes you and your work from that other kind of toxic-male CGI-generated Marvel pap. It makes me so mad!!!!!!!!!!! WHO CARES!!!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!!!! IT’S ALL THE SAME!!! SHUT UP!!!

Anyway, there is more where that came from because the executives say in that thing basically that the great thing about IP is that theres always more, more and more, it’s infinite, it’s endless, which is perfect if you ask me!!! Just what the world needs! More shit more content more crap more more more more more (are we having fun yet!!!) The barbie PR onslaught has been so violent I feel like my tears now run pink. It's TIK TOKs WORLD babyyy and we're just livin in da feed. PLEASE GRUNTA MAKE IT STOP.

I also want to read this book about Biodynamic farming by an incredible female winemaker from Vermont, which is something I am getting into. I’m sure this will make some of your eyes roll or whatever but I don’t care, its a real if you know, you know, kinda thing and imo everyone should know!!!! It is a full moon tonight so I am gearing up to fertilize during the coming waning cycle, naturally.

OK THATS IT and I just realized wow what a lovely series of recommendations for WOMEN about WOMEN by a WOMAN. GOD BLESS AMERICA !!!!! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

Love you dummies talk soon, call your mom!!!

xx

L

(And Brace and YC)