Profession, Merchant Volume 9 Chapter 4 (Patreon)

Finale – The Priestess’s Execution IV

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“Just… go away… Ugh… please leave me alone… because I’m not afraid to die… Uuuu…”


As I pulled out one of the nails on the right side from my perspective, there was a scream of pain and a splash of blood, and her left arm hung limp and slack.


“You’re lying. You are afraid to die. Everyone is.”


“It’s not a lie.”


“That’s absurd.”


I reach for the remaining nail.


“It’s not a lie. When I was a child, I refused the priesthood once. Because I wanted to be myself and live for myself. But I soon realized. That being “me” was not much different from being an empty vessel.”


The other nail came loose, and the blood spurted again, so it must have hurt, but this time the girl didn’t even groan.


“The life of ‘I live for myself’ was so boring and dull. That if I do not live for the sake of someone or something, my life will just be a bland noodle, plain and stretched thin.”


“Stop this nonsense. Let’s get out of here. I’ll carry you.”


“You must have seen it too. That now that I am who I am, I am no longer needed by those I am supposed to serve. No, they need me for one last thing. And that is to ‘die’. In that case, it would only be a matter of pride to at least show them that I will die as gracefully as they wish. Because it is more frightening to cling to life in an unnecessarily ugly way.”


Why is it getting harder and harder here?


I have the feeling that the more we talk, the harder it is for me to free her.


I flinch a step at her sheer willpower, pride, and desperation in the background.


But I managed to hold myself back, knowing that if I took two steps back, my reputation here would scream.


Her will is stubborn, and I feel that a stranger like me cannot break it by talking to her.


But that didn’t stop me from running away when I’d come this far, so I just stood there.


On the one hand, I thought it was a shame to die under such unreasonable circumstances, but on the other hand, I also thought it was disrespectful to forcefully save someone who was ready to die.


“But I have two regrets. So I ask you to help me with them.”


“…I understand. I will do what I can.”


Is it the handling of her corpse or the treatment of the relatives she will leave behind? I don’t have much money, but this is destiny. I should at least let her depart without regrets.


“One is in my room in the cathedral, in the second lockable drawer from the top of my desk. I want you to get rid of it so that its contents will never be seen.”


“Very well. I’ll manage to sneak into the cathedral later. But what’s in it?”


“It’s a practice book of drawings I did when I was a little girl. It would be far more horrible if someone saw it, even after my death. No, it’s much more terrifying than death itself. Never look at them, for your own sake.”


“Okay, okay.”


Maybe these are the so-called ‘landmines’ that you don’t want to step on… But I’m not at all sure that I won’t be able to control the urge to see it. No, I can’t do that!


“And the other one?


“The other is… please remember.”


“Hmm? What?”


“I want you to remember your past… to remember me…”


“Okay… but is that really what you want?”


“No, you don’t understand. You have forgotten. You have unilaterally forgotten the events of your childhood, our childhood that I tried my best to cherish. I really didn’t want to make such a move, but I had no choice. Uh, I can’t raise my hands, so… it can’t be helped. You, pull your face a little closer to me.”


“Uh, like this?”


“I can’t reach it, so bend down a bit more.”


As I did as she said and pulled my face closer, her face became literally in front of mine, and I must admit I was a little intimidated.


In contrast to her stern tone and piercing gaze, her cheeks, which retain their innocence, are flushed like a girl’s, matching the dignified, fluttering eyelashes and fantastic silver hair that adorn them.


And her lips, though small, are shiny and pink and moist, trembling at a distance that almost touches mine…

Just as I was thinking this, a warm, soft touch ran over my lips.


I could understand what had happened, but I had no idea why it had happened.


Even though I was in a dreary place, I couldn’t help but wonder at myself as I just watched her lips modestly sucking mine, all while the scent of cherry blossoms and a soft sensation dominated my senses.


However, when she delicately pushed her lips out as if to exert some kind of will, I could no longer feel ‘wonder’.


Instead, I felt a wilful kind of ‘energy’.


It ran through my body, from my lips to my throat. Then to my head, then to my chest, then finally to the swirl of ‘memories’ boiling in disorder.


I felt the willful energy diluting ‘my’ thoughts, ‘my’ ego, ‘my’ subject.


Driving it away, pushing it away, making it almost disappear.


Yes, it felt like the perspective as ‘me’, the subject, was dissolving into a cloud.


Then, only when I reach the edge do I realize that the self that was thinking is already the other ‘I’.


I felt relief. It was as if I had finally woken up in a terrible lucid dream from which I couldn’t escape.


On the other hand, I felt sad for a moment, knowing that the memories of love, the feelings, and the warmth I had received and given were no longer rightfully ‘mine’.


It was only for a moment. Although, for some reason, I wished that this feeling of sadness would never fade.


Should I be relieved that it was over? I don’t know.


But I’m finally awake. I have crossed the border. There is no longer the ‘fear of disappearing’ former self, nor am I the ‘I have forgotten my childhood past’ self.


From this point on, I am now the complete me.


And I’m going full steam ahead.


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