A Frog's Blessing in this Wonderful Galaxy: Prologue (Patreon)

Making a Splash!

It was a wonderful summer day. The sun was shining, the sky was almost with just a few large lazy clouds floating by and the wind was blowing ever so gently, caressing his pasty white skin. Breathing in the scent of the ocean before him and feeling the coarse white sand beneath his feet, he finally felt the tension on his shoulders melt away as he soaked in and savored the scene.

It’s been ages since he had left his office job, locked away in some cubicle, working away typing reports for something. He had long forgotten what they even made at this point as the words and numbers melted into one. It was just him, the computer and his coworkers suffering equally with him. The pay was good, yes, but it was soul draining. It was dull, painfully boring and made him wish he hadn’t landed this job in the first place. It was simply too cushy of a job to leave but he often wished that something exciting would happen in his life.

As he stood there, surrounded by all the vibrant colors and the sound of people's laughter while they enjoyed the summer days, he knew that cashing in his long overdue vacation was the right choice. He had almost forgotten the heat of the sun against his skin, the bright blue color of the sea and the wonderful salty scent of the ocean breeze but as he stood there, he felt his spirit soar

“Today is going to be a good day,” he told himself as he took a step only to pause as he felt his phone buzz. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the brick like phone inside its waterproof case and saw his email notification. It was his boss asking him if he was not busy.

He was about to open it and type out a reply only to pause as he realized what he was about to do. Taking in a deep breath before letting it out slowly, hesitation but ultimately closing his phone and turning it off for good measure.

“Harley and Quinn Incorporated can wait,” He told himself as stared at the waters ahead, the waves smaller in this spot than across the other stretch of the beach. He could feel it calling out to him, asking him to take a dip in the crystal clear waters. How could he say no to such an invitation as he felt a smile stretch across his face, “Now, I relax!”

With a burst of speed, he sprinted forward, pushing his gangly frame ahead as he dove into the water ahead. He slipped beneath the waves, feeling a rush of adrenaline in his veins as his body slowly remembered how to swim. With a whoop of joy, he broke out of the water's surface and swam and shook his head to get the water off his eyes and hair.

Giddy with excitement, he swam to his heart content, enjoying this new found freedom he gained. This was what he was missing for all these years, something to shake up the routine that had come to dominate his life. For the first time in what felt like forever, he felt happy and he wouldn’t trade the world for this moment.

He darted through the warm tropical waters even as he felt his lungs burn and his limbs ache. He headed straight for the deeper waters, heading towards the coral reefs in the deeper part of the bay. He simply could not help himself now that he had been reunited with the sea though he might have been a bit too enthusiastic about it.

In his haste to get back to the water, he had forgotten the one rule that swimmers or anyone actively exercising should abide too; limber up or face the consequence. He would soon curse himself as he felt his muscle twist with pain spreading up to his thighs and ass, “Oh fuck,”

His rotten luck had him cramping up just after he dove down deep and now, he was one leg short to paddle up. Desperately he tried to get up, wincing as he moved his legs while pushing with his arm but he could not rise fast enough. What’s worse is that he noticed he hadn’t moved at all with the light dimming even as he swam harder and pushed his body to the limit.

Still, it would not be enough as he realized he was getting dragged into the watery depth. As he looked down, he saw just why. The sandy grooved path that stretched all the way down to abrupt change in depth, the water churning as he got ever deeper, the abyss staring back at him as it reeled him ever deeper.

“Riptide,” he thought out and that singular thought made his heart seize in fear. He had been caught in the grasp of the terrible current which can over even the most seasoned of swimmers. Panicking, he tried to fight it off, swimming harder despite the pain of his cramped up limbs but it had been ages since he actually last swam.

The currents pull was inescapable, the water rushing around him as his feet slipped against the sandy bottom and hung over the void. He felt his last hope slip by his toes as he was suddenly pulled down, dragged into the depths. So fast did he sink that he felt his chest caving in, forcing out what little air was left out. He let out a scream as he was tossed about in the currents, the darkness all encompassing as his consciousness started to fade.

The weight upon his body was immense, ever mounting as he descended deeper with the light rapidly fading away into the inky abyss. Water filled his lungs as he let out a strangled gasp, his lungs seeking out precious air when there was none. He could feel his body stretching and bending, his head feeling like it was about to explode until suddenly, he found release.

Breaking through the water, he coughed, the water forced out of his lungs as he started falling instead, his voice echoing in the portal he found himself in. He screamed, his eyes beholding terrors he could not describe as he slipped through the space between space, his body forced into ever eldritch shapes, warped and broken into countless ways that he wished to go back to the cold embrace of the ocean instead just so he could escape this madness.

It felt almost like an eternity and a second, his mind stretched and squeezed, contradictions becoming facts as reality broke down before he passed through and out into a starry void where he’d come face to face with the gaping, swirling maw of darkness; a black hole. He screamed and screamed, shielding his eyes as he approached the darkness only for it to never come.

He paused, his heart hammering away inside his chest while blood rushed through his ears, as he tried to access his situation. Slowly, he took a peek only for the spinning sphere of perfect darkness to remain.

He felt his heart leap up to his through as he flinched but as the seconds passed by, he had to open his eyes. Forcing them open, he realized that he stopped falling and hovered over the sphere. Only now did notice how close it was that he could touch and so small that it would be more akin to a large old fashioned globe one would find in some library, nothing like the stellar behemoths he watched from some documentary on his phone.

“H-how… am I floating?” He called out as he stretched out and noticed that he floated above this globe like he was free falling. Slowly he flailed his green limbs about, trying to swim away or just get anywhere not close to the hole of death only to touch its smooth surface. He screamed once more as he felt it stick to his hands and he feared for the worst yet it felt more like his limbs were attached to magnets, powerful magnets but nothing so crazy as for something to tear him apart and spaghettify him in the process.

“Huh… not so black holely of you,” He called out to the thing that he found… fuzzy. It was hard to describe and equally weird how he can pull himself on it and stand on its surface and that wasn’t even touching the matter of his green appendages.

As he stood there atop that globe, he looked down on himself and found that his body and limbs transformed. Gone were the stick thin limbs he once had as he now sported even thinner limbs that felt more like twigs than anything. His body had also taken a far more simpler form with almost no definition. It was concerning, feeling himself, his hands? Paws? Gliding over smooth gooey skin.

For a brief second, he felt dread as he reached down, feeling himself up before he let out a sigh of relief. It was there but it was… inside a slit? It felt like how a tongue would be hidden inside one’s mouth. He chose not to dwell on it any further as he had far more pressing matters at hand, where the hell was he even at?

Sitting down on the black void and running his hand on its surprisingly pleasant surface, he pondered deeply. Looking out to the starry night that surrounded him, it was a far cry from the sunny beaches of the tropics. It was cold but not too cold and it was surprisingly well lit with a huge golden star the size of his new thumb glowing in the distance.

The tiny stars themselves almost looked like they were fireflies in a dark summer night’s sky. In fact, maybe he could reach out. It was a silly thought that he had nothing better to do as he did not know if he could get out of… wherever he was.

Well, wherever he was, he’s certainly safe enough if he just ignores that he may or may not be stranded in some place where there is no food or water. It could be worse however like how he could have just drowned there and then. If not for that little event where he was dragged across time and space, maybe he wouldn’t be around here. “I just wished I still had my pants on,” he said out loud but none would answer him back. He was now all alone, with just his thoughts as company.

With a sigh, he laid down flat on the sphere he landed on. It was a safe little spot, yes but it was as barren as they can get. Don’t get him wrong, the view was amazing. It was as if he was floating in space atop a black hole but that’s about it. He just has his view and the stars behind him. Looking up, his thoughts wandered to the stars above once more. They were so close… maybe, just maybe he could reach them? He had nothing better to do anyways.

Getting up, he reached out, standing on tip toes as he tried to grab a light in the dark. “Just a bit more,” he groaned out as he reached out to the stars above. For a moment, they danced around his hands, flitting through his fingers until he finally caught one. It was weak and feeble yet it was utterly brilliant to look upon, like a gem that he could not quite touch yet he was able to hold.

As he pulled it down and held it in his palm, he could feel a certain warmth in them. Dancing inside his hands, It was as if they were alive. With how crazy things had been, he wouldn’t be surprised if they were. Still, he had his little fun. How it was time for him to free them.

“Go on little guy, sorry to bother you,” He whispered to the object as he let it go only to find the star flying back to him, orbiting his hands lazily. It was fascinating to look at, his heart calming down as a sense of joy filled him. “Well, if you insist… though you’re a little bit lonely so let me fix that!” he whispered as he looked back up to the sky.

Momentarily forgetting about his situation, he let out a giggle as he ran about his globe, grabbing and collecting as many of these stars as he could. So many did he gather that he started to glow, this vast constellation he made circling around his form and even attracting some of the far off stars he could not quite reach.

They came in a dizzying array of colors, each one unique on its own. Some were brighter like the war gem like stars while some were dimmer like the green ones which were more like specks of dust yet they came in the thousand. Unfortunately, he was getting some weird specks as well, more like gnats and mosquitoes with this horrid sound they made. They were even trying to latch on to some of this collection.

“Get away!” he shooed them away, swatting them away, getting a satisfying tiny scream as he fought off the bigger one. “Go on! Git!” he laughed out, watching those lights scram back into the void. There were still those that attached themselves to his ever growing collection but a simple blow, some polishing and rubbing against his chest had them all cleaned up, shining even.

“There, all cleaned up,” He whispered as he let the star go, watching it zoom around like an energetic little comet before it returned back to its previous state. They easily tucker out from the looks of it.

As he sat back down, satisfied that the annoying lights wouldn’t come back, his attention would be called upon by the brightest red star he saw approaching him. “Oh hello,” He called out as he reached out and grabbed a red gem out from the void and held it close to his chest. Unlike all the other stars, it felt like it was a shard instead of a whole, a sliver of its true self yet it was bright enough to rival the bigger white dots that orbit him. “What happened to you?” He whispered, inspecting the little piece.

The gem sputtered, gasping like it was out of breath before it looked up and let out the tiniest shriek of terror. “Hey! Hey! I’m not going to hurt you little one,” He assured the small dot, “Awfully animated are you huh?” he noted as it tried to fly out of his grasp but all it was able to do was get off his palm for a few inches before landing back down.

“Well you’re not going anywhere with that gas tank,” He told the speck that kept on squeaking and bouncing about his palm and refusing to stay still. Eventually however, it would tire out, slumping atop his palm in the most adorable of ways. “Easy there, why the rush?” he asked as he picked it up and set it atop his shoulder.

“Here, let me set you there so you can rest ok?“ He told the shard who squeaked out once again. Now that it sat so close to him, he could actually feel its tone; It was tired and afraid? “Why are you afraid little one? There’s nothing here but you, me and the stars above,” He asked as he motioned at the sky above which was filled with so many red stars.

Reaching out for these stars, he paused as he felt something slimy and cold. Groping about, he felt the starry sky above him shift, his palm feeling countless tendrils moving beneath it as the red dots moved and stared at him. “These aren’t stars,” he whispered as he pulled back as the starry sky rumbled, the sound echoing in his chest as the angry buzzing echoed above and around him.

He froze, slowly backing away as the colors of the sky shifted to an iridescent kaleidoscope yet those terrible red eyes remained revealing the shapes hidden from his view. Those countless tiny dots glared down at him, their maws salivating as they came in their multitude. This shapeless hoard his nonexistent hair stood up as they starred off each other, no daring to make a move.

“ROAR!” the shapeless mass screeched out and all of them screamed.

“Those are not stars!” He screamed, the red one screamed, and his constellations screamed as the creatures from the void lunged at them.

Grabbing his tiny companions, he leaped to the side. His heart leapt up to his throat as felt them graze his feet just before these crashed into the dark surface of his fuzzy island. He watched in horror as they started to scream as bits and pieces were torn off from the greater whole. He could see those caught in his seat clinging to the others, dragging the beast even as it crawled towards him, not even bothered as great chunks were torn from it for they were countless.

Not waiting for the swarm to recover and free themselves, he bolted off, running where his tiny little feet could take him. He ran across to the other end of the globe before leaping off into the void, trusting his chances there than duking it out with them.

He screamed as he soared across the starry sky, desperately holding on to his tiny companions before he crashed into a soft, ground like surface. He let out a grunt as it knocked the air out of him while he laid there in the shifting “ground,”. Staring down, he’d find a cracked surface that buckled and shone under his weight, swirling and churning in an array of mesmerizing color as it spiraled into this tiny hole at the center that was simply too big for him to fit through.

The mass shrieked out which had him leaping in surprise. With his heart racing, he turned to find the creature swimming through the vast distance he had left.

Turning back, he jumped up and down, screaming out in panic as the creature darted straight at him, “Come on! Let me in! Let me in-!” before the hole suddenly gave way beneath him, stretching out as he fell through.

He let out a cry of terror as he fell once more, his form plunging from the starry sky to another realm, a strange new place where nothing made sense. Thumbling across the air, he reached out for his stars, pulling them into his chest to protect them before he crashed hard down on a crystalline sand castle before rolling off to a small hedge maze.

“Mother fucker!” he screamed out, feeling the shards stung him before he stared down and found the same light that he had swatted away, the blue screeching ones staring back at him. With a battle cry, they leapt at him and his stars, forcing him back up as he batted away at them while making a run for it, barreling straight to the maze’s glass like walls, shielding his eyes as shards went flying everywhere.

“Fucking damn it all!” He cursed his rotten luck as a dog-sized calamari forced its way out of the pile that was once a castle before it let out a scream of anger.

“Sorry! I’ll pay you later! Watch out for the swarm though!” he called out, warning the creature who paused before turning to where he slipped out of, the same hole which the creatures from the void were trying to force their way in.

The swarm called out and he watched the tiny calamari turn and let out a shriek of anger. As much as he wanted to help the guy, he did not want to be violated by the tentacles of the monsters after him.

He shrieked as he felt the ground beneath him rumble, making him trip and spilling his tiny stars down on the ground. Looking behind, he could see a great many lights streaking through the psychedelic light as the brave calamari battled the beast, latching on it and blasting away. Taking advantage of the momentary distraction, he gathered his babies, frantically gathering as much as he could. He could have dropped them at any time but he could not live with himself letting these precious beings fall prey to the monstrosity.

As he gathered the last few pieces, wiping them clean off the parasites that clung to them, he felt something nudging him, squeaking at him to get his attention. “A little busy here Red! Maybe a bit later!” he replied as he pulled the last pieces of the ever shifting ground.

He then heard an annoyed shriek from the tiny guy as they slammed to his cheeks and forced him to look behind and he felt his stomach drop at the sight. “Ohhh...,” he whispered as he saw the squid clamber atop the writhing mass, wrangling the creature with some form of lasso. The brave calamari had won and claimed its mount.

As their eyes, he saw utter hatred in those beady eyes. Raising his hands appeasingly as he slowly backed away, he called out, “Now there little body, let’s think for a second here. No need to be angry about your castle and your maze.”

“I’ll fix it! See!” He said appeasingly as he grabbed a shattered piece and shakily stuck it to the broken wall. Jamming it in, he smiled nervously as pointed at his shoddy work, “There, one break at a time,” but his hopes would come crashing down as he heard glass cracking around him.

Turning to the glass, he saw the piece he had stuck back into place creating a spider web of cracks spread to the crystalline walls. “Shit fuck nooo!” He shrieked out as he tried to hold the walls, hoping it wouldn’t crack any further but it was far too late. As he squeezed down, the whole maze, every last inch of the twisting walls and alleys shattered and came crashing down.

He cringed as the squid's shoulder sagged as it looked around. Guilt bubbles up his chest but he did not like how the squid’s color rapidly shifted from going pale white to beet red. Chuckling nervously, he told the poor creature? “I’m sure you can make a new one… right?”

The squid let out an inarticulate shriek of rage before it lashed out, pointing a tentacle at him as a bolt of light lanced out at him. He barely had any time to react as he turned around, shielding his little stars, before the light struck his side. He let out a laugh as he squirmed under the strike which was soon followed by more.

He laughed out loud as the squid kept striking him, seemingly intent on tickling him to death. “Shtap! I’m going to pee!” He giggled out, covering his sides as the squid looked at him before staring back at its tentacles. It struck him again and again, making his sides hurt as laughed. He was tearing up as he was brought to his knees.

Finally it stopped, letting him take lungs full of air as he laid on the ground. “Oh thank fuck,“ He panted out in relief. He was finally released from his torment but the creature was not satisfied as it let out a shriek. His laughter would turn to a cry of horror as the calamari snapped its lead and had its new mount barreling straight at him.

Scrambling to his feet, he tried to dodge but all it did was line him up for the creature's charge. He let out a cry of discomfort as the creature slammed into him, launching him into the distance. His screams trailed across the crystalline environment before slamming straight into a hard surface.

He cursed as he felt the barrier break before he found himself tumbling onto a fiery hell. Tumbling on the ground, he groaned as he came to a stop. Thankfully, his little lights kept on him throughout all the craziness that had happened. “Oh fuck, please tell me it’s over,” He moaned out to Red as it floated above him, pushing at him to move.

He would soon be answered as he heard the cries of tiny little lights marching across the blasted landscape. Getting up again, he shouted as he stomped on the light, “Shit! Fuck! Why does it have to be fire ants!” Despite the many stains he made across the floor, they would keep on coming, climbing up to his legs and stinging him repeatedly.

Shakingly them desperately, he could barely react when a large brass tin man came barreling at him, knocking him off his feet and sending him flying once more into the wall. This time, he would burst into a little play castle where he’d find a little elven girl with concerningly sparse clothes playing with lights as if they were toys.

Cushioned by the many cushions in the castle, he would sigh out in relief. The blow had knocked the ants. As much of a relief it was to be somewhere normal, The girl on the other hand did not take too kindly to his presence. With a shriek, she launched herself at him and slapped him with her tiny little paws. While a bit roughed up, he wasn’t so defenseless as to let her slap him. Forcing himself to stand up, he held out a hand to block her.

“Ow! No! Bad girl!” he scolded her as he deflected her strikes, looking at her sternly while standing his ground. This only seemed to infuriate her even more as she got a whole lot more pink than she was already. With a sigh, he sidestepped her before grabbing her the scruff of her collar, holding her up as she failed around, babbling in her incomprehensible language.

“Who taught you to hit people, jeez. Where are your parents anyways? I kinda need help,” He asked her but all he got was the scowl of a furious little girl. He leaned away, cringing as she blew a wet raspberry at him. “And has anyone told you how rude you are?”

Looking around frantically with the girl and lights in hand, he wandered around and found that this lone singular room and its listless light was all this castle had. All the rest of the rooms were tiny little glove boxes to store toys it seems.

As he searched for a way out, and a place to set this girl down, Red would unexpectedly fly through the hole he made. “Oh thank goodness you’re ok!” he sighed out before letting out a cry of surprise as the girl made a lunge for Red.

“No! Bad! Bad!” He shouted as he set her down. Thankfully, she just stood there, crossing her arms with a look demanding for an explanation, “You don’t just eat something like that! What if Red was poisonous or tasted bad!” Red would cry out in protest.

The girl flinched, cowering from him as her eyes water. He cringed as he heard her whimper and sniffle, his heart breaking at the sight. With a sigh, he reached out and stroked her hair, trying to calm the little girl down, “There there, I didn’t mean to shout. I didn’t want you to eat my friend, that’s all,” He explained.

Looking up at him hesitantly, the girl shied away from him but a smile had her latching on to him. “You seem all alone. Let’s go find your parents ok?” He told her before he seized up as he heard the roar of the tin man, the calamari and the creature from the void echoing from the hole. “Ah crap,”

Pulling at the girl who stubbornly refused to let go, he told frantically, “Umm, kid, you can let go now! We’ll walk faster if you’re not hugging me!” He tried to pull away but the stubborn kid clung on, digging her heels on the ground, “Kid? I’d really appreciate it if you let go!” he told him but the mischievous smile that stretched across his face sent alarm bells ringing in his mind.

With so much of a warning, the girl punched him right between the legs which had him seeing stars, “Right at the Gonads!” he squealed out as he bent over, just in time for the angry trio to barrel right at him.

For the third time, he went flying, crashing through the walls once again. Bursting through the new scenery, he beheld a great slug and a caged up fairy before he crashed right against the cage before slamming right at the slug. With his head stuck inside the cage with the roughed up fairy, he dashed the head of the creature, before landing roughly on the ground of the swamp.

As he laid there, clutching his lights against his chest, he pondered if he should just stay there. The place smelled horrid, like one of those truck stop toilets. The smells got even more horrible as the slug he slammed into started leaking some foul liquid while it laid there, twitching. The only saving grace from it all was just how comfortable the ground was.

Beat up and defeated, he was about to throw in the towel and give up when he saw a tiny clown-like creature beckoning him over. He looked at it in confusion, wondering what it wanted when it spoke up, “Here!”

Feeling some strength return to him, he crawled forward, dragging himself to the creature. “Oh thank god, someone who I can talk to!” He called out, nearly crying in relief as the clown nodded. “You have to help me! There’s three insane midgets and a rabid dog chasing after me,” He begged him, clutching the creature's legs.

Laughing at him, the creature would reach into its pocket before throwing sand at his eyes. “Fuck!“ He cursed out, closing his eyes, feeling his whole body lurch while he tried to get the sand off his eyes, a fact made all the harder with the fairy’s cage stuck to his head. As he got the stinging dust off his eyes and opened his eyes, he found himself in a whole new place; a tunnel just big enough to fit several of himself comfortably.

He looked around with bleary eyes, straining his ears for the stupid clown or the creatures chasing after him but he would find peace. Slumping down, the chase was finally over. He must have looked so pitiful there that the fairy inside the cage stumbled over to him and gave him a pat on the head, “Thank you.”

Finally away from danger, he felt some of the adrenaline fading away as the land of sleep called to him. Yawning, he told the fairy, “I’ll free you later… let me just sleep,” With those words, he felt his eyes shut close and he slipped into a deep slumber. He had enough excitement for today, he’s going to let future him handle this.

A/N:

Someone commissioned me to do this and I couldn't say no cause it was just too funny.  Here, have an Old One OC-insert. As for what our little frog like friend looks like, picture kermit. Yup, Kermit the Old One. Bow before this mighty shit post.