BLOG: Irie caught me crying (Patreon)

The Taurus to my Scorpio. Irie and I are exactly 6 months apart. I guess they call that fate. My opposite and perfect puzzle piece. The other day I was crying in the kitchen. I was trying to hold it together because I knew she was in the other room...but she felt me. She came in and I quickly wiped away my tears but they wouldn’t stop flowing. She asked me what was wrong and I said “I have allergies”. She knew I wasn’t telling the truth. Adults are always told to not cry in front of children. Don’t scare them with the realities of the world or your vulnerability. I looked down at her face and a mountains of tears welled up and streamed down my face and so I told her the truth. I told her that I was sad. That sometimes people will disappoint you and things won’t work out how you thought they would no matter how hard you try. That sometimes that makes me sad. She gave me a big hug and said “I don’t want you to be sad anymore”. I knew right then this was an opportunity for me to show her that you can decide how to feel. So I said “let’s shake it off cuz I don’t want to be sad anymore, and I want to have great day”. So we did a “shake it off” dance in the kitchen put some music on and she helped me make her breakfast and pack up the last of our GMBC merch orders. At one point she looked at me and said “mama you have the most beautiful smile, do you know that? “. My little human was trying to make me feel better. I almost cried again, but this time tears of joy. The rest of our morning was filled with lots of hugs, kisses, and helpful gestures from my little healer.

On our drive to school she asked me if I was happy now. I told her I was and thanked her for making sure I was okay and brightening my day. I told her that we control our mood and I chose to shake it off and whenever she gets upset or sad I want her to remember today. She smiled and said “I love you mama, your the best mama in the whole world” 😭😭😭😭😭 How do I deserve this child! God knew that I was going to need her. God knew the union with her father wasn’t going to work but that he was leaving me with a gift to remind me that everything happens for a reason.

I almost resisted the chance to be honest with Irie because of what society has told me is appropriate for a child to see. We need to give our children the chance to see real shit so that when life kicks them in the ass it isn’t a shock. So they’ve seen first hand, in a healthy way, how you pull yourself out sadness and feeling bad for yourself. Of course I spared her the details of my tears (Baby daddy drama) but showed her my vulnerability as a human and parent.

Moral of the story:

 Don’t lie to your kids. Let them be there for you. They need practice. They deserve to know and need to know that not everything works out. That parents are human and that sometimes balancing life and relationships can have it's ups and downs.