BLOG: Balancing parenting boundaries in a new relationship (Patreon)

Sooo I’m reaching out to my Patron Tribe with a question about boundaries when it comes to a new partner and his ideas on my parenting style. I think most single parents hope to introduce a new partner into their life that wants to help take on some of the day to day life lessons our kids needs to learn. Obviously if your child’s other parent is active in their life it’s not a replacement role but more of an enhancement/bonus. I hoped for a partner that could help me with Irie. Be a good example of what a man is, see us in a healthy relationship, teach her, love her, be stern but kind and patient.

I seem to have found someone who wants to take on this role but sometimes I can feel judged or triggered by his opinions or energy when he sees me do something “he wouldn’t do”.

For example, food.

He’s a foodie. He loves fresh fresh food. I’m talking same day groceries,everyday fresh, let’s cook this shit today and go back to the store for the “freshest meats” type of nigga. If your a parent or single parent you KNOW that shit ain’t realistic. Also, my child is the pickiest eater in the world. I’m guilty of often times giving up trying to force her to try shit and just letting her eat her standard chicken, fruit, pasta, bread, pizza and the occasional carrot or veggie homemade popsicle. He has been pretty vocal at his annoyance of her resistance and me not enforcing the rules. He’s right that I’ve been lenient because often times I’m just trying to get through the day between work, school, refereeing them (my daughter loves him but be testing him), and then getting her fed, and put to bed a decent hour. Sometimes it’s Chick Fil A three times a week and I know some of you feel me!

So I started meal prepping (per his thoughtful suggestion) today and string beans was on the menu for her. I knew it was probably going to end in a tantrum. I was right. When she first was served she immediately got upset and started making excuses to get up (bathroom, need pepper, thirsty 🙄) and I let it slide despite my partners clear annoyance. As you can imagine, I have felt someone what judged since her eating habits ect are always up for discussion when he’s around. However, I didn’t care what he thought and told him to please chill with the faces and that I already know what she’s doing and at the end of it all she’s “going to eat these goddamn green beans one way or another”. He shuts up and minds his business. Thank you.

Then the inventible tantrums ensues.

I have dealt with many a tantrum. Hello Terrible threes!

What I have learned is that not feeding into them is the best method. So I ignored her. Told her she wasn’t getting up til she ate two string beans. I sat next to her on my computer working but still encouraging her but also not giving her too much of my attention because that’s what these kids want when they are trippin (at least mine). After 15 minutes of wining and crying while eating parts of her food he then starts to speak up about what I should be doing...INFRONT OF HER.

Now here’s where I need to know your opinion on boundaries.

For me this is a major line crossed. Especially since he takes such a big issue with how she eats and now we’re here and now I’m not doing it right? In so many words he eludes to the fact that I am not helping her and she needs my attention and I’m neglecting her by being on my computer and not feeding in to her tantrum. That I should help her.

Skrrrrrt skrrrrrrrt.

As you can imagine I cut that shit off real quick. Asked him to please exit and not to say another word. I have a big issue with people undermining my parenting. I know that I’m not always right and that maybe I’ve even been wrong in the ways I’ve chosen to reprimand or let shit slide with Irie. However, my thing is....don’t do that infront of her because then it diminishes my authority. In his “defense” she was very upset but I’m tired of this picky food shit and I’ve heard from so many of you that giving them no other option is often times the best thing to do (I know some disagree). I feel like I tote the line of giving in and not giving in and maybe that’s confusing for her (?).

Anyway, how do you define boundaries with your partner who you want to help out on the support system side of parenting BUT also let them know to shut the fuck up about certain shit? My Scorpio stinger came up full fledged and I don’t feel bad. Should I?