Minisode 24 - Regift Carding (Patreon)

Well this has been 2019 for you, generally just a big piece of shit of a year with nothing productive happening. There's only a few more hours left, but we've got just enough time to squeeze in another few micro issues.

Tiny Screws
Migrating Sheets
Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Claymation Christmas Films

Why does everything need to be smaller? We keep making things smaller and smaller to the point of uselessness? And what do we get with smaller things? Smaller fasteners to make everything attach together and now we've got tiny screwdrivers, and how do we make that? Even smaller machines! It's a scam to make us into tiny people.

You make the bed, you lay the blankets all out, they all line up. Then you wake up and the blankets and sheets are a mess. They've migrated to other beds, there are sheets you didn't even know you owned on your bed. What is happening? I think it can be only one thing. Spooky ghosts.

You know what is worse than ugly christmas sweaters? Your asshole co-host doing your material because he gets so worked up so quickly. Fuck that guy.

Keep on recreating boomer's childhoods. I literally cannot wait for them all to be dead, but we'll still be watching these dumb movies because now it's our childhood too. I'm contemplating what is worse, the new disney and lifetime garbage, or the boomer claymation. It's a real tossup.

Thank you for supporting the show this December and all of 2019. I hope you're ready for 4 more years, because Tim certainly is!