Esmie the Calamity Chapter 5 (Patreon)

“That was really embarrassing, let’s never do that again,” Lynlyn said with a groan as we hurried out of the city.

“Yeah it was embarrassing…” I nodded. “But it was also too much fun not to do ever again!”

“If you try, I will hold you down and tickle you,” she warned. “I’m almost definitely stronger than you in here.”

“Okay okay, fine,” I pouted, kicking a stone on the road dramatically.

Then an idea formed in my mind… a dastardly plot… If she was tickling me, she’d be touching my squish! I had a surefire way of getting her to put her hands all over my squish, and I was going to put this plan into action when she least expected it. Like… right now!

I leapt at her, wrapping my legs around her from behind, my greedy hands going straight for her long fluffy ears.

“Hey!” she exclaimed in protest, spinning around in an attempt to dislodge the small squishy girl that was I.

She overbalanced and we both dropped into the grass on the side of the road, where she began to wrestle me into submission. Now she had me right where I wanted me!

“You asked for it!” she growled, sending a shiver of anticipation through me.

Her lithe, strong hands went for it, grabbing my waist and working to tickle me. I squirmed and wriggled back automatically, my body trying to get away from the overstimulation that her fingers were giving me. She grumbled in frustration as I almost managed to get away, and then she was sitting on me, her butt pressing down into my hips to keep me there.

Then I was really at her mercy, and she went to town until I was crying, laughing and begging for the sweet release of… oh dear. Her ass had slipped, and was now grinding against a certain part of my new and unfamiliar anatomy in a very squishy manner. Suddenly the tickling took on an entirely new flavour in my mind, echoing and enhancing the sensations surging up from my center.

“L-lyn…lyn…” I gasped, batting feebly at her. I mean, I didn’t want her to stop, but she might not want to make me… uh, yeah.

Completely oblivious to the pleasure mounting within me, she grinned evilly down at me, “What? Do you give up?”

“Your ass!” I squeaked, the high pitched sound turning into a long moan. “If… you don’t stop…”

She flew off me so fast I swear she had wings or something, tottering to her feet and stammering, “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my fucking god! I’m so sorry!”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t having fun,” I laughed breathlessly, poking my tongue out at her.

“What?!” she choked, her eyes boggling.

“It’s so comfy down here,” I said, rather than answering, wriggling around for emphasis. “Don’t you want to come back down?”

“Esmie!” Lynlyn yelled at the sky in protest. “What the fuck is up with you!”

“Fine, fine,” I said with a cheeky little giggle. “I’m getting up. We have things to kill after all right?”

“Huh?” she asked, frowning down at me as I wobbled shakily to my feet.

“Quests?” I prompted, pointing towards the forest.

“Oh! Yes! Definitely quests,” she said, looking down at my simple linen clothed body. “Do you um, need to change?”

“Uh, let me just equip a new set of underwear real quick,” I blushed, opening the menu.

The menu proved to be a challenge, but I was up for anything! I’d find out how to fix this… just a second. I could find it. Was it this? No, that was something else. Oh, was this it? Nope…

“Uh, it’s the button with the silhouette of a person doing a T-pose,” she prompted helpfully.

“Right… I almost had it,” I lied, trying to squash a smile that was trying to ride its way onto my face.

I found the inventory and then promptly realised I had a decision to make. I could just unequip and then requip a new pair of underwear… or, I could flash her. No, bad Esmie, don’t break your friend, she’s a straight girl after all. She had that one boyfriend in year fourteen for a few weeks. I think they even held hands.

Sighing, I did the responsible thing and changed out my underwear, and just that, then nodded to her. “Okay I’m good, let’s get going!”

“You’re a lot of things Esmie, but I don’t think good is one of them,” she laughed, rolling her eyes.

“No, but you made me feel good,” I shot right back with a grin.

“No! No… No!” she growled menacingly. “We’re not talking about this again, just like the squiggle thing.”

“Fine,” I sighed theatrically. “You’re no fun.”

“I am plenty of fun!” she exclaimed in outrage. “But I’m appropriate fun.”

“I want you to appropriate me for some more fun,” I mumbled, too low for her to hear.

“What was that?” she squinted at me suspiciously.

“Nothing.”

We walked in silence for like three whole steps, before I opened my mouth to speak, only for her hand to swing out like a self closing door and bap me lightly on the mouth.

“No talking,” my friend said. “You lost your talking rights.”

“MmmmMMMmmMmmMmmm,” I mumbled through my closed lips.

“Oh my god you are…” she sighed. “Let’s just walk.”

“Yes mistress,” I said with mock sadness.

I actually did shut up after that, which I was honestly a little thankful for because my god the things that were coming out of my mouth were just unreal. I’d always had a thing for quick jokes, I liked making people laugh, no matter who they were. This was… a little different however. I was being a bad panda, in both the naughty sense of the word and the naughty sense of the word. Shit, why were all the synonyms for bad also innuendo?

As the forest approached us, I mean, we approached the forest… or something, I saw with interest that there were several obvious paths in. The road itself cut through the forest, sure, but branching off as soon as it reached the treeline were a series of trodden down dirt tracks. Obviously this was a popular route into the forest to do quests.

The trees themselves reminded me of the tree farms down near lake Taupo, mostly a tall species of pine, but there were all sorts of other trees lower to the ground that contested canopy real estate for sunlight. I saw one that reminded me of conifers, and another that looked like a birch tree with oaken leaves and bark. The underbrush was mostly your stereotypical bushes, nothing to see there.

“Where are the... um,” I asked, pausing to look at my quest logs for the name of the thingies we were meant to be tracking down. “Zraggs?”

“This way,” Lynlyn said, pointing into the forest. “You should be able to get a sense for it if you concentrate on wanting to find the quest objective.”

I did as she said, and nodded when I felt the gentle tugging. “Yeah I feel it!”

“Sweet, let’s go then!” she grinned, leading the way down one of the dirt paths.

The forest got dark very quickly as we entered it, like it was permanently twilight between the now much more sinister feeling trees. The ground was littered with pine needles and other forest debris, but unlike the tree farms I’d likened it to a few moments before, there was no ordered divisions between the trees. They were everywhere, haphazardly placed like whoever had planted the forest had been very drunk at the time.

There was also a lot more underbrush than those forests, and we frequently found ourselves pushing our way through to follow the rapidly fading path. I felt a little scared to be honest, the forest had seemed so inviting when we were outside, and I’d imagined something like the grove I’d spawned in.

“Lynlyn,” I whispered, as though I had to respect the silence of the woods. “This place creeps me out.”

My companion turned back and raised a teasing eyebrow at me, “Is little Esmie scared?”

“I’m not little,” I said automatically, then stopped and giggled when I realised that yeah, I was little… and I liked being little?

Girls were allowed to be little! They were allowed to be small and cute and all that stuff, and right now, I was Esmie, who was almost definitely a girl!

“Nevermind!” I smiled. “I’m little! I’m Esmie, the little red panda girl!”

Lynlyn blinked at me in surprise and confusion, her eyebrows raising as she inspected me. She seemed to be searching my face for something, and I tilted my head down to get away from the awkward eye contact. My ears didn’t appreciate it either, the twin triangles of fluff on my head twitching, even as my tail twitched in agitation.

“Stop looking at me like that! It’s weird!” I grumbled, but the noise that came out was far from intimidating.

“Sorry, it’s just odd. The way you’ve taken to being Esmie like you were born to it,” she said thoughtfully.

“Well I wasn’t,” I sighed, looking back up at her. I felt whatever silly fog of happiness that had held sway since I spawned dissipate and my normal, boring old self returned with a vengeance. “Look, Lynna… I’m just enjoying it alright? I like this, it’s fun and silly and way different from real life, which sucks big time.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, moving closer, a look of concern in her eyes. “What’s been going on?”

She was close now, but I wasn’t feeling particularly mischievous anymore. It was fun to be Esmie when I could just forget everything… but when she was overanalysing me, it crumbled.

“My parents all but kicked me out a few months ago, and I’ve been living alone since then. No contact with anyone, just games and shows…” I said sadly.

“Awwhh... D… Esmie…” she murmured, her brows furrowing in sympathy as she stepped forward.

I didn’t want her to hug me right now. We used to be that close, her and I, but not anymore. Even nine months later we had drifted down different paths, become different from the people we’d been in high school. Then there was the part where she’d stopped returning my messages and calls...

“No Lynna! Even you stopped talking to me!” I cried feeling sadness take hold, and I pushed away and stumbled backwards across the forest floor.

She stared at me in surprise, her big ears drooping sadly as she tried to get words out, but nothing was forthcoming.

I took a long shuddering, calming breath, pinched my arm until it hurt, then plastered a smile back on my face.

With false cheer I hoped would turn into real happiness, I told her, “So in here, I’m Esmie, and I’m not sad, and I’m just me, just Esmie the red panda bunny girl!”

Gulping, she nodded, a small smile struggling into place on her lips. “Right, Esmie the cute Panda Bunny girl.”

“Red Panda Bunny Girl,” I grinned, nudging her with an elbow as I walked past. “Get it right!”

“Right, Red Panda,” Lynlyn laughed, grabbing me despite my earlier protests. “Now let me hug Esmie the Red Panda Bunny Girl, I want to hug you.”

“Oh!” I blurted as she pulled me in from behind and held me there. My chest felt funny! Why did my chest feel funny! It felt all tight, light and bright, all at the same time!

The hug didn’t take long, but it was enough for my chest to graduate into feeling full on strange, not just funny. Then she released me, and I wobbled forward out of her reach and turned around to glare at her suspiciously.

“What?” she asked, a single smug eyebrow arching playfully. “You wanted me to roll around in the grass with you earlier, what’s wrong with a simple hug?”

I didn’t answer right away, just glaring at her instead. She wasn’t wrong, damn it. My past self was sabotaging me! Damn it past Esmie! I’ll get back at you!

“Fine,” I sighed, but any further words I might have said were cut off by a noise from further into the woods.

The most terrifying, bone curdling howl of animal rage I’d ever heard had just ripped through the forest ahead of us, and suddenly I wanted Lynlyn’s protective arms around me again. What on earth had just made that noise? Judging by the way another one tore through the quiet of the woods just a few moments later, I figured that we were about to find out.