New wip (Patreon)

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This might be a bit dark and rambly but I have been feeling extremely dissociated lately and creating helps me a lot.

I tend to always draw happy and colorful drawings because colors make me happy, however, darkness (whether that means listening to Black Metal, learning about the dark side of History, watching and reading horror content, etc…) makes me feel safe in a weird way.

I have always felt like my art, however, would always have to be happy and colorful because that’s what I want people to think my mind is like now. I don’t like people thinking my mind can be so dark. But I decided to try to start releasing my dark side too because maybe I will create something that will mean something to someone else and make them feel less alone. Art is about showing your emotions through skill and dedication so I shouldn’t only share my happy emotions.

I have struggled a lot with PTSD, self-harm, self-hatred and other mental conditions on top of my physical condition for years. I won’t go into too much detail but, when I was a teen, some very evil people in the past hurt me a lot and I would hurt myself when I got home as a way to cope.

I am proud to announce that I will, in 15 days, be 1000 days clean of cutting. This is a huge deal for me since it used to be my only way of quieting my mind when I all I wanted was to end it all. I have since learned new coping mechanisms and creating is one of them. Unfortunately, so is buying everything I like but oh well.

With all this what I mean to say is, firstly, thank you so much for your support and respect. I am so lucky to have such amazing people supporting my work. And, secondly, I want to start creating some darker content too. I wrote a song about how I feel when my dissociation is hitting the hardest and this drawing is meant to represent that. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t intend to just start covering myself in fake blood and scream into a microphone. I will always want to bring out the beauty in darkness.

Thank you so much 🖤 I hope you will also like to support that side of me 🥰

TLDR: I will/ want to create more dark content because I want to share that side of my mind. I will still create my happy colorful things but with some darkness in the mix.