Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 19 (Patreon)

“Knock knock,” Rebecca called out lightly as she came into Jamie’s room. Jamie was at his activity table, still looking at a nearly blank piece of paper. Jamie turned and saw she was holding a bottle and cloth. “I thought you might be hungry.”

Jamie was hungry. He used to eat like a horse, and though he figured eventually age would catch up with him and he’d start putting on serious weight, it hadn’t, at least not yet. Today, though hungry to the point of pain, Jamie didn’t care. He cared more about why he couldn’t figure out what to write in this letter, and he felt guilty for it. He knew Cheryl was waiting to hear from him, and he felt guilty for keeping her waiting. He’d have been content to stare at the page until an idea came.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“No, I’m not doing anything. And I am kinda hungry.” He got up from his table.

“Sorry dinner is kind of late tonight. Amanda told me you were writing a letter, and I thought you’d come find me when you were hungry.” Jamie nodded. “Is it okay if I feed you?”

When have you not since I got here, he wanted to ask.

“C’mere.” She sat down in the rocking chair and held out her arms. Jamie crossed the room with his shoulders down. That he showed his unhappiness physically was relatively new to Jamie. How he grew up, you didn’t show unhappiness, not if you didn’t want to be bullied. You couldn’t show happiness around the wrong people either. You could show indifference and anger, and you could show disdain, but unhappiness around all but the most trusted was an open invitation to whomever wished to be cruel. It was only after a year of being on his own that he felt able to show happiness, and never exuberantly, around others.

Rebecca scooped him up and gently laid him across her lap, resting him in the crook of her right arm. She tucked the cloth under his chin and smiled down at him, holding the nipple to his lips. He took it and closed his eyes while Rebecca gently rocked.

“I’m sorry,” she said. Jamie opened his eyes but didn’t stop drinking his dinner. “I should have stopped that woman from doing what she did. You stood up for yourself because I didn’t. Do you forgive me?”

Jamie was surprised. He doubted she came to this realization on her own and knew this likely wouldn’t be happening without Amanda. Jamie was a forgiving person, a tolerant spirit, and it was his nature to be generous, to assume good intentions. Becky didn’t strike him as unkind, just the very opposite. And for these reasons, and because he needed to make this arrangement work, he nodded his head with the bottle still in his mouth.

“Thank you. I want to do better for you.” Her voice was soft like it had been his first day there, less excited. “I think I understand most of why you’re here. That was why I wanted you to be with us, because I think we can help you be happy.” The bottle was empty, and she took it from his lips and wiped his chin. Jamie just listened. The rocking motion and the hour were making him feel sleepy.

“I need your help though. Will you help me?” Jamie nodded again. “What I need you to do is let me take care of you.” Jamie’s expression didn’t change, but something behind his eyes told her he was thinking, and she couldn’t figure out what. Was it dismissiveness, or was he opening up?

“I know you’ve worked hard all your life to take care of yourself, and I’ll never understand how hard. I know how hard it must be to let go of all that. It means you have to trust me, and you only just met me. I went a little too fast. I’ll try again, and if you try to trust me, I’ll help you find the sunshine I know is inside you. Let me show my love for you, and I promise I will earn your trust, and you’ll know I’ll always be there for you.

“And then when you are afraid, I will be brave for you. And when you’re sad, I’ll share your sadness. And when you’re happy, we’ll be so very happy together. Will you let me earn your trust, and try your best to trust me as we go?”

Gone was the insipid smile that Becky had worn for three days. Jamie had never doubted her sincerity, only her judgment. Jamie had come here to escape there. But that alone wouldn’t help him make a life worth living here. He knew that.

“I’ll try my best,” he replied. Becky patted his shoulder and smiled, not with condescension but compassion. Jamie could feel the difference. He knew it would be hard. Trust wasn’t easily in him. It took extraordinary souls to bring it out in him, like Cheryl, and perhaps Amanda, too. Knowing this about himself, he added, “Will you help me to try when I forget?”

“Of course I will, sweetheart.” She lifted him to wrap both arms around him, and they shared their first genuine hug.

When they let one another go, she stood him on her lap. “I have an arrival party planned for you. It was going to be a surprise. That wasn’t right of me. Do you want a party?”

Jamie didn’t like being the center of attention. It was much easier and safer not to be. But what had he just promised? “How many people?”

“How about just a few very close people? Would that be okay?”

“Yes, I’ll try.”

“Okay. It’s almost your bedtime. I have something special for you.”

Carrying him to his crib, she sat him down on the edge. “Arms up.” She slid his shirt off and gently pushed him backward before pulling his pants off. It wasn’t easy for him to be like this in front of her. He no longer blushed, but he still didn’t want to look at her face while he was exposed. “Lay down on your tummy for me.” Her voice was just above a whisper.

Putting his clothes in the hamper, she went back to the door and turned off the lights, leaving only the sliver of evening sun through his curtains illuminating the room. Once again, his mattress felt so good, and the warm formula in his belly, and the new hope that things might turn out alright. Becky walked back toward the changing table, and Jamie rested his head on his folded arms with his eyes closed. He unexpectedly felt something soft against his lips, and opening his eyes and turning his head down to see it, he saw it was a pacifier. This isn’t any different than she’s been treating me, he thought. She didn’t force it.

“Trust me,” she said. And Jamie kept his promise to try and let her place it in his mouth. “Just put your head back down.” He did, and Becky poured little’s lotion into her hands and rubbed them together to warm it. Starting at his feet, she massaged the lotion into his already soft skin, kneading the muscles softly but firm enough to find and release the knots, working her way up his calves and thighs, digging into the big muscles so though it hurt, it was a good pain, and Jamie moaned low behind his pacifier, letting her hands take away the tension.

She reached his diaper, gently unfastened the tabs, and pulled it back, exposing his bottom. Her hands dug into his upper thighs and across his rear, and it felt so good Jamie didn’t care he was nude or what he was wearing or that it was wet. She was gentle with his hips and hard on his lower back, running her hands up and down his spine and along either side, then from right to left and left to right all the way up to his shoulders, pulling the fibers loose, turning his skin warm, and eliciting an electric pleasure that ran the length of him. She turned her attention to his shoulders and neck, then his scalp, and Jamie stretched out his arms as if to say, these next, and her hands worked their way down until they reached his. She lifted first his left hand, and holding it in one of her own, the thumb of her other pressed deep into his palm so that his fingers curled, and she gently worked her way down those next, then laid his hand at his side and switched to his right hand.

Jamie’s breathing slowed into a long rhythm. Sitting down on the edge of the crib, Becky ran her fingertips lightly across his back, occasionally letting her nails drag across his skin just so, and Jamie sighed once more, and Becky soothed him with her fingers until he was deep asleep.

Turning him over gently, she replaced his diaper with a fresh one. She moved to the rocking chair and just watched him sleep.

“How’d it go,” Amanda whispered as she tiptoed into the room.

Looking behind her, Becky reached out her hand for Amanda to take into hers. “I think it went really well.”

“You got him to take a pacifier?”

“Mhmm.”

“He looks so peaceful.”