Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 13 (Patreon)

When morning arrived, Jamie woke up in pain. Not having consciously relieved himself since he awoke the first time yesterday, he was over-full and needed relief. He considered his options.

He could call out to one of them and ask to use the bathroom. It might take them a while to hear him, though, and if they did, their reaction yesterday left little doubt they’d only look at him in confusion when he asked to use the toilet.

He could climb out of the crib, but he doubted how well he could in his condition, and having gone over the railing, he’d be twelve feet from the floor. And having gotten to the floor, assuming he didn’t hurt himself, he’d need to sneak out of his room, to the bathroom and back. He hadn’t even seen the bathroom yet; he could just as easily walk into one of their bedrooms. And then he’d have no way to get back into his crib, and he didn’t know how they’d react if they found him out of it. Strap him in? Put a canopy on top? Punish him?

Or take the diaper off and pee … somewhere. In his crib, but he did have to sleep there. It would clean up, but he knew there was never really getting urine out of a mattress. He could pee through the bars. Somehow that struck him as an even worse idea. At last an acceptable solution came to him.

Getting to his knees, Jamie untaped his diaper, laid it out in front of him, and peed into it like a urinal. A lot. Much relieved, he moved the diaper to the far corner of the crib, not wanting to put it back on. Jamie knew this was more like half a plan, but he liked that half. Shrugging, he got back under his covers and waited.

He began to drift off again when he heard Rebecca whispering, “Wake up. It’s a new day.” He opened his eyes to find her looking down at him. How can something so big make so little noise, he wondered.

“Good morning, Rebecca,” he greeted her.

“Did you sleep well? I hope so after the hard day you had. How about some breakfast,” she said as she pulled back his covers. It didn’t happen quickly enough for Jamie to not be afraid of her reaction, but she didn’t look angry, more surprised and confused, and then she laughed. “Where did your diapee go?”

By the way she was looking around in the blankets, it was clear she wasn’t expecting an answer. She found it, grabbed it, and rolled it up in one motion. “Did someone take off his diapee? Was that someone you? Did you take off your diapee?” It made Jamie want to smile a little, which he assured himself was only because of how ridiculous the entire situation was. He didn’t know what to say. Answering was superfluous, as the answer was obvious.

“That’s my fault,” she said, picking him up and lifting him over the rail, “I should have gotten up earlier to change you. You were probably uncomfortable sitting in that so long.” From the crib directly to the changing table.

“Actually,” Jamie said, “I took it off and then peed in it.”

“Uh-huh …”

Once more he felt like he was breaking the third wall, looking at an audience that wasn’t there as if to ask, can you believe this person? Jamie had no idea how to respond to her non-response. It was as though she had a mental block and couldn’t wrap her head around the idea he didn’t need diapers.

“We got the whole day to ourselves, just the three of us,” Rebecca went on as she got Jamie into a new diaper. Jamie kept his arms folded over his chest and looked away, less embarrassed than fed up. He recalled that elegant phrase he had heard so often in his career, that phrase that so perfectly encapsulated so very, very much about life on his home planet, this planet, and, he assumed with perfect confidence, every planet: This is some bullshit!

And it was, and Jamie could do nothing about it, for the moment. Shortly thereafter he was dressed and being carried out of the room, not paying much attention to Rebecca but thinking more on bullshit and its many iterations and permutations, when he was taken out of his philosophical musings when he heard, “You haven’t pooped since you got here. If you don’t go soon, we’re gonna have to do something about that.”

“That wasn’t too much food this time, right,” Rebecca asked Jamie after breakfast in the kitchen as she wiped his mouth for him.

“No, that was just right.” What is that stuff and why does it taste so good, he wondered.

“Good morning,” Amanda announced cheerily as she came into the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Rebecca replied. “You’ll never guess what I found this morning. A naked little.”

Giants live here, Jamie thought, so where’s a giant hole I can jump into?

“Oh yeah? What’s the plan for today,” Amanda asked as she made herself a bowl of cereal.

“Nothing, really. Just another day to adapt and adjust, for all of us. What do you want to do, Jamie?”

“Um … can I take a shower?”

“That was on my list. Let’s go do that right now,” Rebecca said.

“Can I walk?”

“O. Sure,” Rebecca said. She sounded disappointed as she lowered him gently to the ground. She held him under his arms, slowly letting himself take his own weight, her hands lingering to make sure he could.

Jamie was patient about it, and when he was on his own, he feet, rolled his hips a bit to see how they felt. The right one was sore, a little less so than yesterday, but it held him up just fine. He followed Rebecca out of the room and down the hall taking two steps for every one of hers. She turned into the room across from his, the bathroom, and Jamie surveyed it.

The top of the sink was out of reach; he’d need a stepstool to get to it. Even if he was allowed to use the toilet, he’d need something to stand on for that, too, and he realized with some unease, if he were to sit on it, he’d probably fall right in. He’d need a special seat. He’d be able to hoist himself into the tub, but that could prove risky when wet. He’d need both hands to turn the knobs, and the shower wand was well out of reach.

Rebecca opened the cabinet under the sink and took out a stool, which relieved Jamie until she sat down on it and began to undress him. It wasn’t for climbing. Only wearing two garments, he was quickly nude again.

“Uh, thanks.”

Setting his pajamas on the vanity and his unused diaper in the wastebasket, Rebecca pivoted back and turned on the tap.

“Um, I think I can take it from here.”

“Oh no, you don’t,” Rebecca responded, once more like this was a game. “I know how little boys are. As soon as I leave, you’ll make a horrible, no good mess for me to clean up. Besides, you’re too little to do this yourself. What if you miss a bunch of spots? Besides, water is dangerous for littles on their own. It would be downright neglectful of me to leave you in the tub unsupervised.” Sounded like a game, but also sounded sincere, as if she really believed these things and the playful lilt in her voice was merely meant to soften the bad news.

The list of things that were not bullshit continued to get shorter. Still, Jamie thought, a bath would feel good. And considering it wasn’t as though she hadn’t seen and touched every part of him already, it wasn’t all that embarrassing.

Checking the temperature and feeling it was fine, she lifted Jamie into the bathtub, four times the size of any he had ever seen. Jamie had always liked taking baths. He could hardly complain. The hot water sapped the stress from his muscles and eased the stiffness all over. Focusing on how good it felt and not that he was being watched, he ducked his head under the faucet, came back up and pushed his hair back, and laid back against the rear of the tub. This was the best he had felt forty-one days.

Amanda came in and snapped a few ‘first bath’ pics, and Jamie didn’t care.

Rebecca rested her chin in her hand and her elbow on her knee. “You like water, huh?”

Jamie smiled with his eyes still closed. “Yes. I always have.”

“We’ll get you some bath toys then,” she said as she soaped a sponge. When it touched his chest, Jamie let out a happy moan. What incredible feelings, the water and the sensation of that soapy sponge being rubbed up and down his torso, then his arms, and then his neck. He lifted each leg when asked and from his feet, which tickled, to the very tops of his thighs, the soft but rough sponge cleaned every part of him. Forgetting where he was and with whom, he opened his legs without meaning to, and every part of him there was cleaned too. He sat up, and the same thing was done to his back and rear. Then her hands were rubbing the tension from his scalp, working a sweetly scented shampoo into a lather before he felt a cascade of water being poured over his head. The slick of the soap, the gentle abrasive of the sponge, and her heavy hands made it a massage worth remembering. He hadn’t even opened his eyes since reclining against the back of the tub.

Amanda left again after she got a soapy hair photo.

“All clean.”

Jamie just smiled in response, up to his chin in the water, and felt he could fall asleep. He stayed like that for ten minutes while Rebecca felt warm inside for her contented little boy. She waited until the water started to get cold and pulled the plug, and Jamie opened his eyes again back to his new reality.

When the water was only an inch deep, she helped Jamie to his feet and wrapped him in the largest, fluffiest towel he’d ever had around his body before carrying him back to his room, grabbing his pajamas on the way.

“Wait,” he said as he passed the mirror, “I wanna look.” Rebecca stopped, looked down at him and then the mirror, then placed him on his feet on the vanity, keeping her hands on him to make sure he didn’t fall off.

There was no sign of a beard or even peach fuzz. Not a single grey in his hair, which he swore was a lighter shade of blond than it had been. He opened his mouth and smiled; his teeth were whiter and perfectly straight.

“Can you, uh, take the towel down?”

Sensing that this was an important moment, Rebecca didn’t say anything, just drew the towel down to his waist. There was no hair on his body, except the faintest on his forearms, felt more than seen. He looked slim, not only across his belly but in his chest and legs, too. He flexed his arms, picked up each foot and rolled his ankles and knees and elbows and neck. Nothing cracked or hurt or felt stiff or limited in its range of motion.

“Wow,” he whispered. He was the same height and the same build as before, but he looked ten years younger and – even better – felt as though fifteen years were gone.

“Wadduya think,” Rebecca asked after giving him a chance to take it in.

He looked up at her and smiled. “Haven’t felt this good in years.”

Back in his room, he was redressed, still not participating in his diapering. Placing her hand gently on his belly, Rebecca lightly prodded him here and there, and rubbed her hand in circles. “Does that hurt?”

“No … Well, a little.”

“You’ll feel better when you finally manage to pass something.” And Jamie knew she was right about that, and he both hoped and dreaded that it would happen relatively soon. She held out her hands, he took them, and she helped him to sit up.

“Rebecca, I have some more questions. May we go talk some more?”