Mary and Daphne #97 (Patreon)

Mary and I haven’t exactly gotten along today, and that’s never what you want on Easter. The problem is that I am indisputably right, and I wish Mary would stop disputing me. It began between the shower and zoom church, when Mary got an Easter “outfit” ready for me.

“Mary, I’d rather not,” I said very politely. I’m very polite, in case you haven’t noticed (and shame on you because I’m told I’m very noticeable in a look-at-that-dork way).

“O, c’mon. It has a bunny on it. Just lay down.”

“I just wanna wear regular clothes today.”

“But I got it just for you to wear on Easter,” she claimed. Dubiously claimed, I might add, because I’d worn one of those diapers before. “You’re gonna hurt my feelings if you don’t wear it.”

“See,” I countered, “that’s just one of those things you say to make me eager to please.” As if I’m not already the eager-to-please type.

“That could be, Daffy, but do you really wanna risk it?”

So I ended up wearing a bunny diaper all day (and no, it’s not made outta real bunnies, ya buncha smartasses who don’t even smartass as good as me), and it was a pretty good day up until our current drama. I got caught doing something I shouldn’t have been doing, and Mary for some reason got very dramatic about it.

“I won’t do this, Daphne. I won’t stand around here and watch it happen. I can’t do it again.”

“I only had two!”

“That’s how it starts, Daphne. That’s always how it starts.”

“This is so not worth issuing ultimatums over, Mary. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal. I love you too much to just watch you get all hyper and get in trouble and then spend all evening with a tummy ache.”

“Well, that was my last one.”

“Do not lie to me, Daphne Ann. Do. Not Lie. I want them all. Every last peanut butter egg, or so help me I will make you eat each one while I bathbrush your butt to oblivion.”

“Urgh!” I started to walk away.

“Where are you going?”

“To get the list.”

“What list?”

“Of where I hid them.”

“You made a list of where you hid them? You got so many you had to make a list?”

“Ya can’t put all your eggs in one basket, Mary.” Geez – everybody knows that.