Mary and Daphne Easter Special (Patreon)

Mary and I haven’t exactly gotten along today, and that’s never what you want on Easter. The problem is that I am indisputably right, and I wish Mary would stop disputing me. It began between the shower and zoom church, when Mary got an Easter “outfit” ready for me.

“Mary, I’d rather not,” I said very politely. I’m very polite, in case you haven’t noticed (and shame on you because I’m told I’m very noticeable in a look-at-that-dork way).

“O, c’mon. It has a bunny on it. Just lay down.”

“I just wanna wear regular clothes today.”

“But I got it just for you to wear on Easter,” she claimed. Dubiously claim, I might add, because I’d worn one of those diapers before. “You’re gonna hurt my feelings if you don’t wear it.”

“See,” I countered, “that’s just one of those things you say to make me eager to please.” As if I’m not already the eager to please type.

“That could be, Daffy, but do you really wanna risk it?”

So I ended up wearing a bunny diaper all day (and no, it’s not made outta real bunnies, ya buncha smartasses who don’t even smartass as good as me), and it was a pretty good day up until our current drama. I got caught doing something I shouldn’t have been doing, and Mary for some reason got very dramatic about it.

“I won’t do this, Daphne. I won’t stand around here and watch it happen. I can’t do it again.”

“I only had two!”

“That’s how it starts, Daphne. That’s always how it starts.”

“This is so not worth issuing ultimatums over, Mary. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal. I love you too much to just watch you get all hyper and get in trouble and then spend all evening with a tummy ache.”

“Well, that was my last one.”

“Do not lie to me, Daphne Ann. Do not lie. I want them all. Every last peanut butter egg, or so help me I will make you eat each one while I bathbrush your butt to oblivion.”

“Urgh!” I started to walk away.

“Where are you going?”

“To get the list.”

“What list?”
 “Of where I hid them.”

“You made a list of where you hid them? You got so many you had to make a list?”

“Ya can’t put all your eggs in one basket, Mary.” Geez – everybody knows that.