Helluva Accountable 1 (Patreon)

Helluva Accountable - (Helluva Boss, Human!SI)

Sometimes, punishment comes to those that are quite unlucky. Or that are unable to spot a bad deal from a good one. Other times, said punishment is unavoidable and it’s just karmic bullshit behind it all.

I would say my situation was driven through by a deep sense of both and yet not fully with either. I am what many would call an ‘accountant’- I keep funds and money under check, make sure that my boss doesn’t burn cash into any of his horse-related stuff, and that the rest of the team was paid reasonably within the stipulations of their contracts.

I had a crappy flat, but I wouldn’t say I hated my life- I just detested my job and I could do nothing about it since it was the only thing keeping me alive and well.

“And what about… you are also a human?!”

And there were times where this circumstance of my unique ‘mortality’ came into question if some clients were to find out I existed within this group of murderous entities.

“Yeah, so?”

It doesn’t help when said client was a child who had been put through the Tik-Tok therapy for several years of his existence. And that was getting the chance to roast everyone as we were trying to think if he was a target or not.

Oh right, I forgot to mention. I am the accountant of a hitman group and we were located in Hell. The unique element within our business was that our boss had fucked into royalty, got to ‘steal’ (actually ‘borrow’ fits better with the bootycall price he had to pay on a monthly basis) a book that allowed Hell denizens to cross into the human world.

Likewise, as I was proof of it and the same could be extended to the brat, humans could pass through.

The difference between the brat and I was quite simple: I could be put to work at an unfairly cheap but still modest salary, while the brat was just losing any sympathy from the rest of the table as he sassed left and right.

Still, once he was done targeting most of those there, I was the last element he had to ‘attack’ to express dominance. Sadly for the brat and his fatherless behavior, I was not the kind of guy that was unprepared to this sort of dogshit attitude.

“Man, it sure sucks that some nerd has to literally slave in a work in hell.”

I snorted, eyes unflinching from the screen of my laptop as I was just doing my work at the time. I just paused to open another window to check a ‘quick thing’ since I had seen a peculiar detail on the target’s file. And I was able to confirm that it was indeed a thing as a devious grin formed by my face.

“Definitely. But I bet it sucks more if your mother thinks so little of you by including ‘creampie shots’ in her OnlyFans.”

The boy opened his mouth, then paused and finally his face paled. “S-She doesn’t!”

I turned the screen, the rest of my colleagues all rushed to check it and I saw a few taking pictures.

Blitzo, the boss, was chuckling at the sight of the brat’s bitchy mother having a relatively high amount of ‘dickery’ going in the background of her pictures; Moxxie, the gun specialist, was shaking his head and hiding his face with his hands as an amused smile crept on his face while his wife and our melee specialist, Millie, was nodding at the pictures while mouthing a ‘nice’. Lastly was Loona and I could tell that, despite her attempt to appear bored, she had found someone to hate-fap after today’s job.

“S-Stop it,” The child screeched. “You have no- no right to do this shit. I will- I will-”

Before he could finish his little tantrum, Loona perked up as a noise came from her phone and she smiled. “He’s the target.”

“So, there’s truly a God!” Blitzo preached, retrieving his gun and taking a rapid headshot.

The kid died, his body was disposed of as the client demanded, and everyone was happy…

Well, everyone as in the Imps and Hellhound.

To me, this was another day at the job and, knowing of the usual sass I would get from my boss regarding me having a ‘fake girlfriend’, I was quick to leave once my shift was over.

I had been looking forward to getting back to the flat as I had a real girlfriend and, best of all, she was supposedly going to get there for a loving lunch and dinner spent together. It’s been three months since I had been there in Hell, two since I got in a relationship, and now-

I opened the door of my flat, pausing as I saw that there was a trail of womanly clothes littering the ground and leading me to the bedroom where I heard some soft moans and low growling coming from it.

Once I peeked inside, I felt a smile creep on my face as I got to see my girlfriend being already there and getting ready for what we had planned to do after a full week of hard-work.

I knocked at the door, the pink-skinned beauty turning to glance at me, lilac-colored hair fluttering with a glow that made me twitch- but not as much as her gorgeous exposed body did.

Her curves were just enough to be juicy and attractive, her frame was glistening with sweat as she looked to have been revving up her engine for a while and soon I saw her alluring gaze.

“Hello honey~”

Verosika Mayday, one of the most famous pop stars on Earth and in Hell, was my girlfriend and she looked absolutely stunning. We first met by chance as we were both going for the coffee machine.

We had a bit of a ‘quarrel’ on which coffee brand was good, and as we were chatting quite heatedly, it kind of led to her asking me out for a date. Suddenly and yet not as raunchy as I had predicted her to be in a more private place.

Putting on a disguise to avoid attention, I had the chance to pretty much have a genuinely nice interaction with her. She was ‘impressed’ since I was one of the few humans that could match her charm (to some extent) and we ended up spending a few weeks of this romantic dating before we moved things to the bed.

So yes, my job was crappy but my current love life was grand.

I would say I could be compared to Jerry from Parks and Recreation due to this circumstance, but I wasn’t as hated in the workplace as the guy.

“Babe, I didn’t think you would come home so early.”

“I wanted to surprise you. And I think I got ya just right,” She said, licking her lips as I approached. She soon had a hand reaching for the tent I was pitching by my pants and she giggled at the prelude of a good plowing. “And what is this~? Is this a gift, or are you happy to see me~?”

I chuckled but… I surprised her by retrieving a small gift box from my satchel before setting it away.

“Yes to both.”

Her eyes were soon fixed on the box as I gave it to her. Soon it was unpacked and… she stared at the small potion and its label. Her eyes widened and she let out half-a-squeak.

“N-No way.”

“Yup.”

A giddy smile manifested as she retrieved the potion, removed the tap and carefully let some droplets fall on top of her old tattoo, the one she had tried to ‘erase’ ages ago but that couldn’t.

It was one of those classic ‘heart for <Insert Lover name>’ that had backfired horribly. And through some careful browsing, I stumbled on this specific potion. Her face melted in delight as the tattoo could be peeled off and… she reacted with affection. As a Succubus should, that is.

Without pause, she pulled my pants and underwear down and swallowed my erection. I tensed up at the sudden oral, but I smiled nonetheless as she started to slurp and lick all around the length.

“Fuck… you’re hot.”

Her eyes smugly said ‘you know it~’, but I didn’t let her get all the fun. Removing my shirt, I was soon shifting in the bed and planting myself between her sights.

Her body shuddered as I showed the same kind of dedication in lapping at her slit, thumb reaching to stimulate her pink bean while I enjoyed the tasty juices she was soon releasing at the growing arousal.

Foreplay was brief as we both were pent up by a week-long pause in any sexual interaction. We were both primed to do it and to not have any mercy in it.

Doggy style, pile driver, reverse congress, cowgirl- the list went on and on as our date proved to be as depraved as the bed fun as we didn’t stop fucking through the next six hours.

Most of the food I prepared had to just be reheated, thus making it feasible for her to just latch onto my waist, get herself cozy as she kept being my cocksleeve as I had our meals prepared, and then enjoy that by the bed.

Lunch and dinner like this, making it somewhat more intense compared to usual. I lost count of the creampies, I lost count of the fact that we started to get more kiss-intensive as we briefly went in the bathroom to ‘wash out teeth to add more steam in bed’.

Verosika wanted her smooches, and I wasn’t denying that as we were even more united in bed than mere hours earlier. As night came and we were done with dinner, I could tell that we were both too spent to go any further.

Well, Verosika looked like she could go for another round, but that she was sated the way these hours had been and, as we cuddled up in bed, we both had a nice lengthy cuddle-sleep session together.

A rare occasion, and one that reaffirmed our commitment to each other. While I may have some reservations on my job in this hellhole, I sure had nothing to complain about my love life.

I really didn’t know how that was soon going to change into… something crazier.

—-------d-d-d-d—------

AN

And here is another attempt at a HB story. I think this one will be continued since I can promise you a few extra expansions compared to the canon plot. What I will say is that 1) John and Verosika’s relationship will soon be strained by some circumstances; 2) Stolas may have a lot more issues with his family that Via will slowly learn about; 3) Moments of Wholesome understanding are manifested!

Plus more smut! Always more smut~.