A Confused Ork's WAAAGH 1 (Patreon)

A Confused Ork's WAAAGH - or ‘Ork iz not Lood, Dose Orcz ar feek onez!’ (40k x Taimaninverse/Lilith-soft)

There are many occasions where reality is warped to allow anomalies to unfold within the Multiverse.

Sometimes the changes are positive, sometimes they are negative. On this occasion, however, it’s quite difficult to assert the current degree of fuckery the ‘Lilith-Softverse’ was soon to experience.

In a distant dimension where Mankind stands together under the Emperor, the galaxy is contended by various species. The one known for its brutality, perplexing biology, and overall stupidity was… the ‘Orkz’!

Not much is known about these creatures beyond their eagerness to destroy, pillage and conquer. Well, there are Gods that represent the Vicious and the Brutal, but also the Brutal and the Vicious.

Odd creatures, but not of the kind many smart entities would consider as ‘easy targets’. The legendary WAAGHs, planetary crusades warranted by War Chiefs and other leaders to destroy empires, were part of the infamous culture that terrorized the Milky Way.

Yet, in a world where technological miracles can easily conjure circumstances which may connect with a multiverse as wide and spread and… well, tattered as the so-called ‘Lilith-Softverse’.

In a peculiar circumstances where Mankind unleashed a powerful retaliatory campaign against these monsters, ‘suicidal’ strikes started to manifest in an embittered resistance engaged by the Orks.

One of those occasions would see a lone Ork trying and  failing to fend off a group of attackers, his body hurting and aching, but his ferocious soul unwilling to bend to the attackers.

The Big Bomm bomb was quickly set off as he perished, a crazed grin on his face as he saw the pesky ‘softskins’ getting hit by the powerful blast. Many perished and yet something bizarre unfolded.

The Ork felt his grin last through the blast, his delight turned in confusion as he felt suddenly shot into the nothingness. His body screamed, but nothing came out of his open mouth. Panic, dread, horror, and then… nothingness.

At de beginnin’ dere was… dark-dark!

But den, dere was sumthin’ like… Kaddy!

—----d-d-d-d

Shinganji Kaede huffed loudly as she calmly strolled through the borders of her clan’s land.

Once again, she was trying to calm down after another hideous spat with her father. The leader of the clan meant well, but he was so stubborn at times. How could he not see that the centuries-old idea of ‘exterminating all demons’ will never get him or the rest of the village anywhere?

As the heiress of the clan, Kaede knew her positions mattered a lot, but while many were willing to listen to what she had learned from her tentative approaches with the Dark World, her father was outright opposed to any changes.

He tried to ‘reason’ with her that he had plenty of experiences with demons to know diplomacy was impossible, yet when questioned about his attempts to it, his ‘experience’ seemed to fall short in providing responses.

Nonetheless, these heated debates hardly got them anywhere with their respective views of the world. While her father would go back to his poetry to ‘find the peace of mind his foolish daughter stole from him’, Kaede would happily stroll on her own within the clan’s fief.

The Shinganji were rich and resourceful within Gosha- not at the same level as the Fuuma Clan, the leading Taimanin group within the village, but still strong enough to warrant prestige and legitimacy within their actions.

Her Wind Arts was flawless, her Mind Arts was even more refined to the point of her being able to teach her blind niece, little Azusa-chan, in how to use this Shinganji-only ability.

Yet, Kaede couldn’t find her own peace today as she huffed and puffed while trying to find something new to distract herself with. While she wasn’t exactly expecting something truly new for her to catch with her eyes, Kaede blinked in surprise as she saw a greenish figure hanging down one of the many Sakura trees.

As pink leaves fluttered about, the muscular and humongous frame that reminded her of an orc hovered the ground as his left leg got stuck through some of the thicker branches of the tree.

The biggest surprise was the fact the orc-like creature was… Well, he wasn’t wearing any clothes. Normally this would be quite unpleasant as his privates should hang out too but…

Kaede snorted in amusement. “H-He is as flat as a Ken’s doll!”

There were no genitals present by his groin, an oddity considering the fact that orcs she fought had that sort of attribute and she was sure this was quite the anomaly. Then again, this may as well not be an Orc since the cleansing fields protecting the territory should purge any form of demonic presence.

It didn’t seem to do much to the peculiar intruder. In fact, he seemed to be sleeping quite soundly and… yeah, this wouldn’t do. Carefully aiming a wind shard to the base of the branches keeping him put, Kaede proceeded to bring the orc-like creature down.

A snap and soon the bulky fellow slammed onto the ground. He woke up in a panic, stunned and horrified but… then pausing. At her. His eyes were quite intelligent and akin to humans. Not blood red or any other solid colors like for other orcs. He was muscular and not fat, yet the muscles were not too jacked for his own frame.

“Who iz you?” He asked suddenly in a broken accent. The attempt to communicate briefly caught the girl off-guard. He didn’t attack her as she had expected, rather he was… trying to rationalize what was going on?

“My name is Shinganji Kaede. But you can call me Kaede, Mister…”

He blinked innocently, appearing quite confused. “Wat?”

“Your name, what is it?” The girl pushed and the orc-like fellow blinked.

“Oh, name. My name iz…” He paused, then frowned and then he gave a big smile. “I dunno!”

Kaede almost facefaulted at hearing this and with such an innocent face.

“...Can I give you a name?”

“Ye’!”

She hummed thoughtfully. What good name could she give this curious orcish entity?

…

“Cheri,” She mumbled in accented English as the thought of his peculiar circumstance with the Sakura tree before switching to normal Japanese. “What about Cheri?”

He blinked, then tilted his head left and right back and forth before ultimately nodding just less than a minute later. “Cheri iz gud. Dank you, Kaddy!”

She offered a delighted smile, ignoring the unusual . “Well, nice to meet you, Cheri. Do you… know how you got here?”

Considering that the man didn’t even remember his name, Kaede had good reasons to doubt he was aware of this big piece of information. And as Cheri shook his head, Kaede was pondering on her next actions… before realizing she had the biggest opportunity to make her father see the truth.

“Say, Cheri. Do you want to live with me as my bodyguard?”

Cheri blinked, then hummed loudly and… “Can I hurt bad people?”

Despite the fact she could perceive the potential ramifications of the brutal violence kind…

“Oh sure, why not~?”

Kaede was willing to give this situation a shot. After all, how bad can it be to have such a silly and yet strong-looking bodyguard?

—-----d-d-d-d—----

AN

To those that are quite unaware of this bit of canon, Kaede is Kurenai and Felicia’s mother, thus Edwin Black’s first known wife. And the timeline is RPGx.