I ain't your Servant! 1 (Patreon)

I ain't your Servant! - or ‘When the Master of Chaldea simps for Fanfiction a bit too much’ (FGO, AverageGuySI!Servant)

“Aaannnddd, that’s all for today,” I said as I pulled back from the keyboard, a yawn building up as I spared a quick look at the hour and… frowned. “Meh, I still have some time before bed. Time for… some Genshin, I guess.”

Another lengthy day of writing, another lazy day of me enjoying the fruits of something I loved with a passion, writing stories. It wasn’t the best life, but it was life, and I had nothing to worry about in that regard.

Gaming, eating, cleaning, using the bathroom, then exercising and helping around the house. The schedule was always packed, and I was always on the move due to this. Never stopping writing, never stopping thinking and…

…

Wasn’t I sitting on my chair just now?

One moment that proved to be the case, but then, with just a blink I found myself standing as a circle of light took me away into the unknown. The floor was a light-gray, the walls too, the room was fairly ample, but the one thing that stood out from this sterile location was the presence of other individuals.

Faces I knew but not through personal introduction. Rather, I knew them as-

“I KNEW IT! IT WORKS~!” Fujimaru ‘Gudako’ Ritsuka exclaimed loudly, a giddy smile plastered on her face. “I told you, Mashu. I told you that I would have summoned JBukharin here too!”

Ehhhhh….what?

This is clearly the protagonist of FGO. The female version, but still… What is going on? My first thought was a prank, but nothing that elaborated could ever hope to exist. No, this was the real deal- this was Chaldea and I am… how the hell am I here?

“My apologies, sir. Are you… really a fanfic writer?”

The polite tone surprised me, but I remembered how soft and kind Mash was so it made sense her voice would have been of that tonality. I was just surprised her voice was nowhere close to those for either the original dub or the English one for the FGO movies.

“Y-Yeah?” I replied to Mash- surely this is some sort of joke. There’s no way this is the legit Mashu-Kohai.

“Oh, then… Welcome to Chaldea. You are a… Caster.”

My back straightened a bit, the information hitting me like a whip as I quickly digested it and sprouted a reasonable response about it.

“Wait, I am a… a Servant?!”

“Yes and-”

“OH MY GOSH, IT’S REAL! YOU ARE REAL!!” Gudako’s screeching interjected Mash’s explanation and I was soon yoinked into a bear-hug. “Today is the bestest day of my life!”

“Glad to hear that… Ritsuka.”

As I said that, she tensed up and the orangette gave me a weirdly happy look. “Y-You know about me? Wait, how do you know about me, JBukharin-sensei?!”

“...I have a feeling I am not your dimension’s JBukharin.”

And that was just the beginning of a lot of headaches.

—-------d-d-d-d—-----

I was currently resting on my new bed in my new room.

So, due to circumstances tied to a certain deranged protagonist of FGO, I was currently stuck in this realm with no chance of going back home. I don’t know how she defied Gacha to the extent of summoning me, but Gudako managed to pull me from the reality where Fate is indeed fake despite her target being the ‘me’ version that was from this dimension.

So yeah, I existed before the Incineration happened. And now I wasn’t. But now I was because I got summoned here as a Heroic Spirit. I was not a hero, I wasn’t even a good enough writer to stand among some of the literature models of book-writing!

The stats I had literally mirrored that I was pretty much a human but Servant. My physical stats were crap, some of my skills were good in support but just for a limited amount of time and during specific situations.

So yeah, things were not going great for yours truly, and the fact I had knowledge on the story and had been hurled at the beginning of Part 1 just after Singularity F was wrapped up… I would dare to say I was not in the best spot ever.

But it wasn’t that bad. Chaldea was, after all, a place where people could find solace for the time being. Food was quite ‘unlimited’ from the looks of it, and the building was self-cleaning.

That and the fact that I wasn’t exactly expected to be dealing with on-field affairs. Unless there was a reason or a means for me to be there with good protection. When Davinci-chan said this to me, I was very confused as it felt ominous. So, I cut through the bullshit and asked her what she was planning to do.

The ‘fellow Caster’ merely told me she had a surprise in mind as she handled keeping Gudako away from stalking me or something. Mash was helpful in that regard too.

Still, a few hours into me trying to rationalize what the fuck happened and the fuck that was going to happen, I saw the room’s terminal come to life on its own.

“John? Can you hear me?”

I sighed. “I sure can, Davinci. What do you want?”

“I have a surprise waiting in the summoning array. Do get there quickly!”

It’s not like I have much to do anyway before breakfast.

Sighing again, I pulled myself out of bed and wandered on my own to the location. I had a special digital watch that Davinci had crafted with some special features such as a map system for both Chaldea and the Singularities we were meant to visit.

And as I reached my destination, I found the array was charged up despite Davinci had told Gudako that she couldn’t summon other Servants for the time being. After all, the orangette had summoned Romulus and Herakles before me, so that made it three summons for today- and good ones if used accordingly early on in the story.

“So… what’s the surprise?”

“One last ‘Gacha’ chance,” Davinci confirmed what I had been assuming out of this available opportunity. “One meant for you.”

“I thought you said that I couldn’t become a Master-”

“Not as extensively as Gudako-chan. No, you can technically summon Servants, but you can only have Seven.”

That’s… an interesting logic.

“So, I get to try and get someone now?”

“Now that Gudako-chan is busy, yes. So… get it started~!”

I raised my hand towards the array, remembering what Gudako did with this as I poured a slight portion of my new ‘energy’ as my Servant body was made of that. I saw the particles flutter into the machine and I saw the very familiar Gacha System activate as three blue circles manifested.

So, I was getting a Servant for sure… but nothing had prepared me for which one was supposed to come through.

The circles suddenly turned gold, then I saw a rainbow flash through the circle and… and the result left me stomped as this was not a possible outcome. It shouldn’t be one for sure.

After all, as I was greeted by a young-looking girl with silver hair, yellow eyes, and dark-blue armor with sword-like extensions by her knuckles, only a name could come to mind.

“Servant Lancer. Fairy Knight Lancelot has come in answer to your summons,” The 5-Star Lancer greeted, eyes aimed at me. “And it seems we… we have a fate together? But what kind? I wonder, what kind of Master are you?”

“A confused one, Melusine. A very confused one.”

She tilted her head to the side as I studied my ‘single’ Command Seal.

“Oh my, I don’t seem to find any data on a ‘Fairy Knight Lancelot’. Are you aware of who this one is?”

“I do,” I mumbled, kneeling down as Melusine approached. “So, I know you may not like it, but I may have to order you in battle. Not as a superior but as a tactician considering we are going through the quest of screwing with some deranged folks getting their hands on the Grail. While I can’t give you a true answer on what you can become, I can keep you some company if you so need.”

Surprise flashed in her eyes and then… she suddenly pulled me in a hug.

“I will- I will take this as your oath then, Master!”

That’s… a rather strong reaction. Stronger than I had expected. But I still hugged Melusine back.

Maybe this will not be as bad as I-

CLICK!

We both froze and I growled. “Davinci!”

“You can’t stop me from immortalizing beauty! Now go and have fun with your new friend~!”

“Master, permission to murder.”

“I am afraid that’s not going to happen since she is important for Chaldea. But I shall introduce you to pranking to ‘demoralize your foe’.”

Melusine nodded solemnly.

I guess it will be bad, but I am not alone in this shitstorm.

—---------d-d-d-d—-------

AN

Ah yes, nothing can stop the Average Writer Bukharin from getting his own squad of headpattable individuals. Sadly for him, his own ‘Headpat EX’ Skill may end up becoming his undoing. Especially with the kind of girls he is summoning.