Sweet Assassin (Patreon)

Sweet Assassin - or ‘I am willingly not playing this game correctly.’ (Fateverse, SI)

Ah… the Greek beaches.

Such a lovely place to spend the holidays at. Also, the most unexpected place for a little prank to unfold as I shared some coconut milk cups with someone else. It’s been a month since I woke up on this side of the Nasuverse and, I will be honest, this is perhaps the smartest decision I ever took.

Likewise, my Servant was enjoying the tanning, stoically delighted by the fact it all worked out as intended.

Still, an explanation is needed. My name is John Bukharin, I am what one would define an Average Joe, but also someone that has what many in this world lacked- common sense.

That being said, I would outright commit to the thought or the claim that I managed to get to this point on my own. It all happened when I woke up in Fuyuki, in one of the seedy alleys of the town with… a Servant staring at my sleeping form.

Bored, annoyed that I was giving her such an ‘unpleasant’ frown- I mean, waking up before the sight of a cutie like Stheno was as much of a surprise as it was a concerning view.

I was in the Fateverse- Peace was not an option. Or rather, peace was not an option if you cared for it and if you didn't know how to play the game. She introduced herself as my Servant, Assassin-class, and I introduced myself by name and then dropped in all the truth.

Sounds stupid, especially because of who was getting the info-dump, but I had a plan right as soon as I woke up and I needed my only ticket out of town to be in tune with my mindset about the situation.

I didn’t go through the Nasuverse as a whole, but I gave her the ‘Fate Stay Night’ bit as she confirmed it was Fuyuki, 2004.

It was not an alternative version of the city as there had been a great fire ten years ago and yet the world wasn’t dying by some unknown natural crisis causing endless disasters. So, no Prillya, no Miyuverse and no Apocrypha.

To her part, Stheno listened and… listened. Her boredom vanished, curiosity took hold of her as she absently nodded while thinking on what I had to tell her. At the end of it all, I told her my plan and it was quite simple.

“That’s… all?”

“Yep.”

“What if the war goes bad?”

“Then we will have nothing to worry about as you wouldn’t be within reach. Angry Mangy would need all Servants to pull some stupid stuff plus… plot armor.”

The Assassin frowned. “I am starting to hate that term.”

“Welcome to the world of tropes, Stheno. I hope you will understand that many of those are as outrageous in nature as ‘plot armor’ can get.”

And now the great reveal: what if my plan? Leave Fuyuki by robbing rich people. One thing that I knew from Fate Zero is that Fuyuki was a holiday location for many rich people, so we just tagged along with a small group of businessmen that were captured by Stheno’s charm and… robbed and killed them.

Worry not, these horrible actions were not done without getting some moral reason: some were cheating on their spouses, a couple had creepy porn shit that would make Mr. Hand happy and a couple was actually engaging in some economic schemes that may have to do with the shitstorm coming in 2008.

I felt happy when Stheno’s charm had them convert a large majority of their credit money into a non-traceable card one of the bastards had and… once Stheno was done drinking some of their blood and killed them, we took the first bus trip out of Fuyuki and the first flight out of Tokyo and Japan entirely.

Sounds like a cowardly move? It was not. As much as my meta-knowledge presented me with the means to do something out of this, I knew this world had plenty of means to hold against the worst threat, which was Dark Sakura.

Sure, it was a gamble, but it was the kind of gamble that showed promise a month after we went through with our Greek plan. The world was safe, no repercussions unfolded for Stheno and we were making the best out of our little escape away from any form of conflict.

“So… Do you think we should move now somewhere else?”

Assassin hummed, then tilted her sunglasses to glance at me. “Why?”

“Creepy Wizard Marshal at four o’clock.”

The plum-haired bikini-wearing Assassin frowned, then glanced in the direction I had indicated and… shrugged.

“Is Zelretch going to cause us trouble?”

“He wouldn’t have planned to greet us if that was the case,” I remarked. “He definitely wants to talk with us.”

And it didn’t take long for the old Magus to approach us. He wasn’t wearing his usual outfit, having switched to blue shorts, an Hawaiian shirt and an umbrella hat.

“Well, well, well,” The man started, clapping his hand once. “I didn’t expect this move from you. Bravo.”

“Flattery is nice, but get to the point,” Stheno flatly pushed forth and the non-vampire groaned.

“Look, I don’t wish to make it difficult but… are you two going to cause more trouble  than now?”

“Define trouble,” I replied calmly. “I mean, it’s not like we caused some messes in Fuyuki by skipping the Eroge’s plot.”

“It was a Heaven’s Feel Route,” Zelretch remarked and I shrugged. “Really? You missed on Illya dying for Shirou’s sake. Maybe you could have done something about it.”

“It was a necessary sacrifice. She got a lot of shit for that too,” I pointed out and Stheno nodded in agreement.

“I may not be sold on her story, but if you think that damning us with that role is fine, then I would want to know why you didn’t do anything if you already knew.”

“Kaleidoscope,” Zelretch bluntly replied and I snorted. “It’s true.”

“Yes, and I have our own answer: Meta-knowledge.”

“It’s-”

“Plus, you gave me absurd mana reserves- I bet you also wired up my body to handle more than a few Servants.”

“That’s-”

“And there’s the fact that all in all, the outcome is still positive.”

“That’s not the point,” Zelretch remarked tiredly.

“Is it because you had ships in mind, didn’t you?” Stheno huffed, clearly annoyed by how long the conversation was going. “Are you one of those people that likes that sort of thing? I will have you know I wouldn’t have shared Master with anyone.”

Zelretch opened his mouth and then paused. “You two had sex?”

“It’s more cuddling while she drinks some of my blood,” I answered quietly, sipping from my coconut. It was ‘naked cuddling’, but that didn’t make it any more sexual than that. Not when the girl was so stiff in bed while doing that even though it was her idea. “And that’s private business if it happened.”

“That’s fair…”

…

“Are we done?”

“We are. For now. I will keep an eye on you if you try anything.”

“And I will send you a bomb by mail if you try to hurl us some adventure, you wanker.”

He snorted loudly, but he soon left. I wasn’t sure at that point if he was just going to leave on the spot or enjoy this beach a bit more but… I stretched a bit and turned to look at Stheno, the girl watching the waves.

“Where next?” I asked and she hummed thoughtfully.

Then, she offered a rather glacial smile.

“Marseille sounds nice this side of the year.”

“I see…”

“Also, before we leave, I want you to summon Euryale. You promised.”

“I promised I would have tried. What happens if you get someone else?”

“Then my Master is unlucky and I would be upset about that.”

…

“You know you can be quite the bitch with those high expectations, right?”

“How unpleasant of a term… but I will make sure you get the chance to use that term accordingly in the bedroom if you get her.”

I smiled at that. “You sure are driving a good bargain here, Assassin.”

She looked away, trying to hold back a tiny smirk but I was more concerned about one thing in particular about this plan.

How the hell am I supposed to handle someone like Euryale?

—----d-d-d-d—-----

AN

Stheno told her Master a few interesting things about Euryale. Let’s just say she will not be a tame tsundere on this occasion and holds… a bit of a secret side to herself.

…Hm? Plot? Work in progress~.