Captain Laress [art] GIF short comics theme (Patreon)

THE PIRATES OF CANNIBAL ISLAND

by Yagov Sangria

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Warning! This is a fictional fable, it did never took place, all coincidences are accidental. We do not promote violence, but we tell scary stories like a fairy tale to get a little scared while being completely safe. Treat this art like a movie.

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The pirates had boarded the HMS Blech and had dragged Captain Laress to the deck. He ordered his men and officers to fight the grungy invaders, but they pretended not to hear him.

"Mutiny! Mutiny! When I get back to England, I'll have my relatives in Parliament draw-and-quarter you! You'll also get hanged, revived, and hanged again," the blubbery, pompous man continued to scream out as the pirate crew brought him to their own ship, along with many valuables. They chuckled, calling him "Captain Lard Ass" the entire time. His own men would use the same name when they knew they couldn't be overheard.

Captain Jack Spearz laughed at the naked obese prisoner as he stumbled on the pirates' ship.

Take him to the hold and lock him up. Feed him gruel until we get back to our island."

The crews of both ships laughed at the imperiled hog and happily waved to each other as the pirates sailed off.

Poor Lard Ass. He was dragged up onto the deck and laid across barrels of ale as the pirates raped him, often slapping his immense ass with planks of wood broken off from shipping crates. His testicles, which were large and fully were quite the dangling target when viewed from behind and when the plump ass stretched as the man was bent over on his stomach with his wrists tied to the main mast.

The swashbuckler captain knew the way to their personal island and soon enough, the ship sailed into the hidden bay. The stolen booty from their voyage was unloaded first onto land and put away and the men drank the commandeered ale as they partied and fucked through the night around their fires.

Finally, Spearz got the men together to discuss what they were going to do with Lard Ass. All of the men were involved, since none of the crew were more important than the others. There were no officers, and Spearz was the "captain" only because he had navigation abilities.

"We could hold him for ransom like we do other men we've captured."

"After we raped them," a still inebriated sailor cackled.

"Too dangerous," Spearz chimed in. "He has relatives in Parliament, although I know they detest him, too."

"Well," the most muscled member interjected, "although we have brought livestock here and released them to propagate and then hunt them, that requires a lot of time and work and we are exhausted. Besides the now wild pigs and sheep have gotten a bit gamey in their flavor. I'll bet the boar we have in the hold won't have a gamey flavor. But he has lived a pampered and inactive life, so I'll bet his flesh is sweet and tender."

"Are you really suggesting that we cook and eat him?" Spearz had jerked up in surprise. "Tha—that's cannibalism!"

"Well, it's nice to put a name to our dining pleasures, but meat is meat," another man grinned as most of the crew nodded their heads in agreement.

Captain Jack Spearz didn't need much convincing, since he had jerked off several times while on board to this very idea.

"Hmmm. We have been pirating for so long that maybe we should develop new job skills and branch out into diverse careers," his sinister grin caused the buccaneers to cheer. 

It took several of the murderous brigands to haul the terrified obese man from the ship to the dangerous group of men on the island. He saw the menacing look in their eyes and fell to his knees. It took several men to lift him to his feet.

"Please don't hurt me anymore. My relatives are wealthy and influential men who will pay vast sums of gold to get me back."

"Like hell they will," Spearz growled. Do you think we are fools? They could easily entrap us by sending several of the king's ships and crews to trace us as they'll make every effort to get their gold back. 

"No, you are of more value here for our gastronomic pleasures."

Lard Ass gasped as he understood perfectly well what their plan was. He was dragged to the sea, no easy task dragging a struggling man of his weight. He was washed, hauled back and massaged with the most expensive of the cooking oils they had stolen from a previous foray.

There had been discussions among the men as to how to cook their prized meat. Spitting him—alive or dead—wasn't feasible. The first was discarded as improbable because too many internal organs would get damaged and cause death too quickly, and even if he were gutted and then spitted he would still be too heavy for any pole to support him; it would bend in the middle or even break. Butchering him into smaller chunks of meat and then cooking those separately was discussed, but the men thought that it was too boring. They had done that with the pigs, goats and sheep they butchered on this island.

"I have an idea!" a slightly plump pirate chimed in. "We are on an island with soft earth and sand. Why not have a luau? We could keep his head out of the ground and watch his face contort as he bakes."

The men couldn't hurry fast enough to dig the trench, fill it with glowing coals and hot stones, lay large banana leaves as a preventative layer to the meat getting scorched, bind their dinner and roll him into the pit. More leaves, hot stones, coals and dirt were spread atop the hapless prisoner. Since the pit wasn't deep, the entire appearance was of a long hill with Lard Ass's head facing up.

The crew had gallons of ale as they enjoyed the round cheeks puffing air and the grimaces on the round face. He screamed his agony and cursed the men. Of course, it didn't do him any good.

When they dug him out, the sweet, heady aroma of his cooked flesh caused the men to swoon and their stomachs to grumble. They kept him on a layer of leaves since he was still too heavy and too delicate to move, as his flesh kept falling apart into delicious, moist chunks.

Indeed, this was the most delicious meal they had ever eating and, surprisingly, consumed all of it. Grease dribbled down their chins and onto their chests until the scooped it back to their mouths.

Not all was cooked, however or edible. Much of the fat was still on the meat, so Spearz suggested that they cut it off, put it on sticks and hold it over an open fire until it turned brown and crispy. This was an excellent post dinner activity as the men were lethargic from having eaten so much and just leaned back cooking up their sweet dessert.