A Pirate's Life For Me (Patreon)
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Shouting filled the air as the Scarecrow came up next to their prey, gang planks and grappling hooks thrown across to keep the hapless sailors from escaping. Dread Pirate Kakashi surveyed the scene with a stoic face. This was a royal ship. Doubtless itâd have a fine hoard of treasure to plunder. His crew was going to be living well for the next month.
âHey, Capân?â
Kakashi looked down at the call of Naruto, one of his best, who looked confused and a bit upset.
âSomething wrong?â Kakashi asked dryly.
âYeah, thereâs no treasure on the ship.â
Kakashiâs brow furrowed in confusion. âNo treasure? Itâs a royal ship! What do you mean thereâs no treasure?â
âThereâs nothing in the hold âcept fancy clothes in a trunk,â Naruto informed him.
Kakashi frowned, his expression hidden by the fabric of his mask. Looked like heâd have to climb aboard himself and see just what was going on.
He made his way across the gangplank, ignoring the rowdy fighting between his crew and the sailors. He made his way towards the captainâs quarters. It was locked from the outside. If Kakashi knew one thing, it was that if a room was locked from the inside, that meant someone was hiding inside. But if it was locked from the outside, that meant someone wanted to keep whatever was inside safe.
He turned to Naruto with a wink. âLooks like the captain wanted to keep the treasure all to himself.â He turned a bit more, calling out into the din. âSasuke! Iâve got a lock for you to pick.â
Sasuke slipped out of the frey, shouts of panic coming from a man in a uniform far fancier than the other sailors. Ah, there was the captain.
âSakura, take care of the captain,â Kakashi called.
âAye, Capân!â Sakura shouted, fist colliding with the captainâs jaw before sheâd even finished acknowledging Kakashiâs order.
Sasuke had the lock picked within a matter of moments, scoffing. âYou need to find me more interesting locks to pick. That was boring.â
âWell, weâll see how boring it was once we open the door,â Kakashi said with a hint of playfulness.
He turned the handle, letting it fall away from his hand as he pushed the door ajar. What he found did not sparkle like gold, nor glitter like jewels. What he found was draped in wine-colored silks and glared at him with garnet-colored eyes. What he found stood protectively over a cowering sailor with a scar across his nose. What he found threw a half-empty wine bottle at him, which is deftly dodged, letting it shatter behind him.
âThatâs not treasure!â Naruto complained. âItâs just some lady!â
Kakashi took in the long, brown hair and all the feathers that adorned it. âThatâs not just some lady, Naruto. Thatâs Prince Obitoâs new fiancee.â
âI have a name!â She spat, scowling at Kakashi.
âAye, I know,â he said mildly. âKarasuno Kourubi, princess of Tori no Kuni. The latest in Obitoâs long line of hostage brides.â
âIf you know that, then you know Iâd rather not be in this predicament,â Kourubi said, anger dropping to a simmer. âIf you wouldnât mind killing me, thatâd be fantastic.â
âDonât!â The captain shouted at Kourubi from beneath Sakuraâs grapple. âAny mark on you means the King and Prince will have both our heads!â
The princess didnât acknowledge the captain, her steady, garnet gaze on Kakashi.
âNow now, thereâs a dearth of perfect breasts in the world,â Kakashi said, leering at Kourubi. âItâd be a shame to ruin yours.â
Kourubi didnât take the bait, simply shrugging. âThen how about you pass me a dagger and Iâll slit my own throat.â
Kakashi eyed her, contemplatively. Heâd heard the women of Tori no Kuni cherished their freedom, but to prefer dying to living in restrictive luxury...heâd never seen a princess quite like her. And heâd seen many hostage brides pass through the gates of Sharingan no Kuni.
Granted, heâd seen just as many coffins come out of King Madaraâs court as heâd seen princesses go in. Perhaps this princess simply wished to expedite her fate.
âHow about we do this, instead,â Kakashi offered, letting himself smile. âWe know that thereâs something in Tori no Kuni that Prince Obito -- or, more likely, his uncle the king -- wants. And heâs going to use the marriage with you to get it. Do I got that right?â
Kourubi simply nodded, eyes trained on the blade at Kakashiâs hip.
âWell, itâs not really your fault if you get kidnapped and...ravished by pirates, right? And no fancy man like Prince Obito is going to want a ruined bride, is he?â
Kourubiâs eyes narrowed. âWhere are you going with this, Dread Pirate Hatake Kakashi?â
âAh! So you know who I am! Excellent, that makes things easier,â Kakashi said flippantly. âWhat Iâm saying is, if I kidnap you...Prince Obito wonât have any desire to get you back once you somehow escape and make your way back to Tori no Kuni.â
âYouâd...youâd do that for me?â Kourubi looked like she didnât quite believe it. Kakashi really couldnât blame her. He was a pirate after all, they werenât always known for keeping their word. But dammit if Kakashi didnât want to help her, especially if it meant pissing Obito off.
âWell, to be fair, you are the only treasure on this ship,â Kakashi said. âItâd be a shame if I walked away from here with nothing to show for it.â
Kourubi nodded. âFine. But he comes with me.â
She pointed to the sailor behind her. Kakashi eyed him curiously.
âWhoâs the cabin boy?â he asked.
âHeâs a navigator,â Kourubi corrected. âAnd heâs the only decent man on this ship. He was put in here to guard me, so if you kidnap me and leave him behind, heâs bound to be punished. And I wonât allow that.â
The man looked at the princess with something akin to awe. Kakashi smirked at how obviously the little navigator was in love with the princess. Poor man.
âSure. Iâll even ravish him, if youâd like.â
The navigator yelped indignantly. Kourubi just smirked.
âNow that would be an interesting show.â
âYour Highness!â the navigator protested, face flushing a brilliant red.
âCalm yourself, Iruka,â the princess said. âHe wonât be ravishing either of us until he woos us properly.â
âAre you certain of that?â Kakashi teased as the princess marched forward, practically dragging the navigator behind her.
âAbsolutely,â she assured him confidently.
âYou wonât get away with this so easily,â the royal captain shouted. âIâll report to Prince Obito! Heâll know you ran away! Heâll know you wonât actually have been soiled!â
âWill he now?â Kourubi said coldly, eyes burning with a barely-contained rage. She reached for Kakashiâs belt, drawing his dagger.
Before anyone could stop her, Kourubi took the dagger and sliced at her own jaw, cutting across it deep enough to leave a scar.
âAsk the prince tyrant how spoiled he likes his goods.â
Kakashi reached up, taking her hand gently in his own, removing the dagger from her grip. âCome now, princess. Thereâs no need to mar your pretty face any more than necessary. Sakura. Do what you can for her wound.â
âAye, Capân.â
âWeâre shoving off!â Kakashi shouted to his crew. âGrab what you can and lets get the fuck out of here.â
He quickly walked across the gangplank, turning back to help Princess Kourubi down.
âThank you,â she murmured. âIf it werenât for you, I might have taken my own life on my wedding night. Iâll make sure youâre richly rewarded when we return to Tori no Kuni.â
Kakashi smirked roguishly at her, though she couldnât see it through his mask. âAre you sure you canât reward me before then?â
Kourubi flashed him a smirk of her own. âLike I said, Captain, I expect us to be wooed.â
âUs?â Kakashi echoed.
Kourubi reached back, linking arms with Iruka the Navigator, whose face only got redder. âLetâs just say I might already be a bit soiled.â
Kakashi laughed. âOh, Your Highness, I have a feeling weâll get along just fine.â