Nanowrimo 2020 Day 14 - Word Count and Favorite Bit (Patreon)

Today I added 2194 words to Match.God, bringing my current total word count to 31,245!

And so, Hannah nervously pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts. She hesitated, her thumb hovering over her mother’s contact information before she finally tapped it. She chewed her lip nervously as the line rang, pacing the upstairs hallway.

Finally, someone answered. “Hello?”

“Mom?” Hannah asked cautiously. “It’s Hannah.”

“Hannah! Thank goodness!” Hannah’s heart ached at the relief in her mother’s voice on the other end of the line. “I was getting so worried about you! I thought about calling you so many times but I just never managed to. I’m so sorry, I’m a terrible mother.”

“Don’t you dare say that,” Hannah said, sharper than intended. “You’re amazing! At least you thought about it. I just totally forgot to even consider it.”

Her mother laughed, sounding happier than she had in months. “Oh, sweetie, I don’t mind. Things have been crazy for you. You are doing alright, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I’m doing fine. Death is…surprisingly accommodating. And gentle. And oh my god, mom. He’s so awkward!”

“You two sound like peas in a pod,” her mother said. “I’m glad to hear he’s treating you well. He…has been treating well, right?”

Hannah smiled softly, touched by her mother’s concern. “Yes. He’s been treating me very well. He won’t even so much as hold my hand without asking first. Everything is at my pace.”

She shook her head. “But enough about me, how are you doing?”

There was a heavy pause before her mother spoke again. “Your father and I have separated. That’s why I haven’t been able to call you.”

Hannah’s heart stopped. She couldn’t believe it. Even with all the shit that Grandmother had thrown their way in all these years, Hannah never imagined her mother and father separating.

“Are you safe?”

“Hannah?”

“Are you safe?” she repeated, more forcefully this time. “She didn’t hit you, did she? Did dad hit you? Are you okay?”

“Hannah, I’m fine,” her mother insisted. “They didn’t even put up much of a fight. It was almost like your father expected it at this point. I suppose it has been a long time coming. I just…I couldn’t leave you alone in that house.”

“I would have come with you,” Hannah said sincerely. “God, mom, why didn’t we just leave?”

Her mother chuckled wryly. “Who knows at this point? Maybe I just kept hoping he’d open his eyes and see what she was doing to us. Maybe I just knew it’d be so hard for us to make it own our own. I don’t know, Hannah. There’re no good answers.”

Hannah didn’t want to agree, but she had to. There were no good answers to that question. Hannah knew the only reason she stayed as long as she did was because of money, as heartless as that seemed. God, if she had known her mother wanted to leave too, she would have jumped at the chance.

“I’m glad you got out of there,” Hannah said, leaning against the wall. “I was worried she’d pile all her shit on you since she didn’t have me to use as a punching bag, too.”

“She tried to,” her mother said. “But without you there, I just couldn’t convince myself there was anything in the house worth staying for.”

“Are you and dad going to get a divorce?” Hannah asked, feeling ten years younger and infinitely smaller.

“I don’t know at this point,” her mother admitted. “Maybe he’ll see why you and I wanted out so much after he’s all that woman has to hurl abuse at for a few weeks. I don’t know if him just understanding that will be enough, though.”

“He never stood up for us,” Hannah said, tasting bitterness in her words. “He saw everything, heard every word, and never stood up for us. He understands plenty.”

“Don’t say that, Hannah,” her mother said, sounding like she was ready to plead with her. “Your father is a good man.”

“Is he?” Hannah asked.

“Hannah!”

“Mom, I can’t remember a time where he gave enough of a shit about me to make sure someone didn’t fucking hit me! I can’t remember a time in the last ten years where he actually hugged me, or was happy for me! I don’t even think he knows anything about me! How good of a man could he possibly be?!”

Death appeared at the bottom of the stairs, eyes wide with fright. Hannah hadn’t realized she was shouting. She stared at Death, holding her phone away from her ear. She took deep, heaving breaths as she tried not to outright sob.

“Hannah?” Her mother’s voice sounded distant.

Hannah swallowed around the lump in her throat. “Call me back when you stop defending that piece of shit. We both know he’s just as guilty as that bitch is.”

She ended the call, moving to chuck her phone down the hall. Death stopped her though, grabbing her arm with a gentle firmness that should not have been able to stop the forceful motion of her arm but somehow did anyway. Hannah was outright sobbing now as Death pulled her close, cocooning her in his arms.

“It’s alright,” Death whispered. “Cry as much as you want.”

“I d-don’t understand,” Hannah gasped out between chest-rattling sobs. “Why c-can’t she see how much he’s hurt her?”

Death’s thoughtful silence was heavy in the air, far more so than it usually was. When he spoke, he murmured it into her hair, as if hoping she wouldn’t so much hear his words and feel their intent.

“Humans are wonderful creatures,” he said. “You always want to believe the best of those you care about. Your mother loves your father, and does not wish to admit that her love could have been misplaced. Be gentle with her, Ha-yun, just as you should be gentle with yourself. You have both been through great pain. It would be a shame if you only end up drowning each other in your attempts to survive the sinking ship.”

Hannah’s brows furrowed in confusion at his words. Gentle with herself? Why would she need to be gentle with herself? That didn’t make any sense. She shook her head, deciding to burry her face in Death’s shoulders and just cry. Crying would at least give her some kind of catharsis. Those other thoughts could be bottled up and shoved away, because she couldn’t handle any more heartache today.