World's Funnest: Rejected Vertigo Sequence (Patreon)

BACKGROUND: When WORLD'S FUNNEST was being written (and was referred to as "Last Imp Standing", the title of the actual story), I had several ideas for sequences that never made it into the final comic. One was a multimedia sequence that would be done as fumetti, using photographs instead of illustration. The gag would be to integrate/show the DC "media" universe, seeing if we could get the rights to use images from the 1966 Batman series, the Superman movies, the 70's Wonder Woman series, the Shazam Saturday morning show, etc. Basically create a dimension or universe where the live-action DC film adaptations co-existed. I knew this was a very, very long shot, but threw it into the pitch anyway. For all the reasons you might imagine, this never got past the "are you kidding?" stage.   

Another sequence that was shot down came as a complete surprise, though. Frustratingly, a planned Vertigo sequence was shot down by the powers-that-be. Basically, we weren't allowed to use DC Comic's Vertigo characters because of the fear that little kids looking for a squeaky-clean Superman fix would buy this expensive, nostalgia-fueled, under-ordered and barely-promoted one-shot, read two pages featuring the Vertigo characters sitting around and talking (which was the joke: it's a Vertigo comic so nothing happens, ha ha), and then these zombified, indoctrinated Village of the Damned tykes would run out to buy "mature comics" in droves (despite shop owners not being able to sell them to these kids, in theory), and this would lead to a rise in juvenile delinquency, angry letters from parents, lawsuits, urban riots, family separations, Fredric Wertham rising from the grave, blah-di-blah-di-blah. 

Okay, exaggerating just a bit (ha ha), but man, what a non-issue. Especially considering everything going on in comics by that time. We insisted there would be no foul language, nothing overtly "mature", we'd take out the beer drinking and the pub location if either was a big problem. We had the blessing and approval of Karen Berger, editor in chief of the Vertigo line. To no avail. 

I was told by someone that there was a "separation of church and state" with the Vertigo characters, despite those characters all being from the silver and bronze age and this being a special all-star Elseworlds humor one-shot that only adult fans would be buying. Anyway, the book didn't make a blip and nothing would have happened. If things worked out, we'd have had Steve Dillon in the credits, and we wouldn't have been missing  characters like Swamp Thing, Death, Sandman, Constantine, The (modern) Doom Patrol, etc. Characters that were conspicuous in not being included. The book was supposed to have "everything" in it and it just seemed nutty to cut an entire imprint that was made up of DC characters, some of who were decades old. 

Was it a big deal? At  the time, it felt like it was, to me, if no one else. It stung. In the long run, no, nah, not really. No one likes to be told "no", of course. But it just felt unnecessary.  

Anyway, here's the (very) rough script I had done before I was told the Vertigo pages were eighty-sixed. Was it a great loss to the book or to comedy or comics? Pfft. Hardly. The gag was that Vertigo was wordy, Britishy, and kind of boring (ha ha, nothing against Vertigo fans or creators, World's Funnest was a goof and not every "era" had a super-solid hook). Not exactly high satire, I wouldn't make the argument for that. 

LIS - VERTIGO SEQUENCE   

(Artist: Steve Dillon?)

2 PAGES??

Takes place directly after/is the second part of the "Modern Age" sequence.

Constantine smokes a cigarette, drinking a pint outside a smashed up bar with other Vertigo characters, all watching the Modern Age superheroes get trashed by Bat-Mite in the distance. Panicked crowd runs past them in the streets.

C- Bloody hell/strewth/some British crap. Who'da thought it would all end like this, eh?

(Two wee fairies kicking the living crap out of the long underwear set -- and it won't end there, I'm afraid, Not until we're all done for.(death - small/bg) I would --

C - Strewth. Strikes me as both a bang and a whimper, don't you think?

PANEL

Swamp Thing forms from a crack in the sidewalk. Reacting.

C is brought another pint by someone.

C - Cheers, mate.

PANEL

Reactions from cast to something off screen

ST: - Eww

- ick

- Ah, look at that, ah, the poor devil.

PANEL

What happened, I missed it.

Ahh, it was the Spectre...the balding leprechaun pantsed him and then ran the (empire state building -- daily planet?) through his midsection. Bloody shame, not very/not at all (what's the word - not a classy thing to have happen).

PANEL

Asks Death if she shouldn't be somewhere else, looks like she's got her work cut out for her tonight.

C: Shouldn'y you be getting to work? Looks like a full schedule for you, luv.

DEATH: No point, really/what's the point. This is bigger than you think, beyond this realm/ whatever. All reality is doomed, even non-reality is doomed.

DEATH: Even Death is doomed. Might as well sit here and watch the fireworks.

C - Well, there's a real death sentence if I ever heard one.

DEATH: It's the apocalypse, spare us the lousy puns.

PANEL

Someone: Hey -- How about a song, everyone?

PANEL

Constantine starts - "We'll meet again..."

Everyone joins in with: "don't know where"

PANEL

Universe is destroyed

CAPTION:  "...don't know when -- "