Superman TAS: The Best Man of Steel (Unused Plot #3) (Patreon)

BACKGROUND: I can't say for certain if we pitched this plot to the STAS producers for a potential episode, but I'm pretty sure we did. Since none of our plots were ever considered -- hell, they  were barely even acknowledged -- it's hard to remember the details this many years after the fact. I do know from notes that we pitched this to editor Joey Cavalieri (World's Funnest, Bizarro World, Bizarro Comics etc) but it didn't get anywhere past the pitch process. I think thiswould have been fun.

I do know that the Lobo/Maxima bit was described to at least one producer on the show, because they apologized to us when the idea was used as a gag ending for an episode of the series. I haven't seen it and am going on memory, but apparently Lobo shows up as a guest star cameo, the  "other man" suitor at the end a Maxima story. We weren't on staff, so our ideas weren't up for grabs as such, so  that burned a little. Especially when the apology didn't include something tangible. As it was a friend involved, we let it slide. Also, we were hoping to get more work so of course we didn't raise a stink. Still, a little irritating. Our original ideas weren't seen as any good, but they end up using one without acknowledging it until it was pointed out. Minor situation, but not something that happened anywhere else, so it stayed with me. That, and being offered the Creeper episode of BTAS, and then getting ghosted on it and seeing it done by others, instead. Show biz.

Regarding the pitch: I never liked Lobo as a character, always thought he was a watered-down 2000 AD or Heavy metal character, supposedly a cosmic badass but saddled with terrible jokes, pathetically fake foul language, and  too many pulled punches. A white bread DC writer's idea of anarchy, which only came off as "pushing the envelope" within the confines of the Comics Code. Maxima was a character I didn't know much about, all the information we had on her came from the series bible. While neither character does much for me, they do make for a good pair of goofs for a screwball comedy, with a lot of violence and mayhem. At least that was the idea.

It's interesting and rather surprising that Superman has a pretty weak rogues gallery for such a major, ongoing piece of IP. A few goofs with the patented  DC "targeted to the hero" ability (Metallo, Titano and other Kryptonite cases), a bunch of mad science types and tinkerers (Luthor, Brainiac, Prankster, Toyman), and in more modern times, physical brutes (Doomsday, Mongul, Maxima and these days, an increasingly violent Bizarro) who can rip Superman's cape and bloody him up and raise the stakes to diminishing returns, WWE-style. And then there's Mxy, who is annoying, and Terra-Man, who is fucking Terrible, Man, and I know there's Silver Banshee and some other characters out there. That's a pretty shallow bench after eight decades or whatever it's been, so, it was a smart move to position Apokolips as the evil spine of the DCAU and DCU.

Anyway, here's a goofy comic book plot, hope it is of interest. Maybe it was made into a cartoon on Earth HOF.

THE BEST MAN OF STEEL

CHARACTERS

Superman

Lobo

Maxima

PROPOSAL

The SCU and Superman assemble in Centennial Park as an gigantic spacecraft descends towards the grand lawn in cliched "The Day The Earth Stood Still" fashion. The intentions of the craft and it's occupants are unknown, as attempts to communicate with them have met with silence. The ship lands, it's landing ramp extends, and everyone is tensed for possible action. But to everyone's surprise a lone, old and frail alien in ornate dress hobbles down the ship's ramp, approaches Superman -- and hands him an invitation to the imminent wedding of the millennium -- the union of LOBO and MAXIMA! The steward re-enters the imperial ship, which then takes off, leaving a dumbfounded Superman and a confused Maggie Sawyer and company. Superman  re-reads the card, wondering if this is some elaborate gag, when suddenly he's slapped viciously on the back -- by the Main Man himself! After wiping his hand off on Superman, Lobo informs Superman that he's been hand-picked as the Main Man's best man, and they'd better get a move on if they want to meet the big little woman-to-be and her folks before heading to the bachelor party.

Superman protests -- but Lobo good-naturedly threatens to waste half of Metropolis if he doesn't accept the honor. To avoid needless conflict Superman decides to see the situation through, especially as he's intrigued by the supposed wedding of Lobo to a member of intergalactic royalty (JOEY -- we'll need to check on whether or not Maxima is a princess in the WB show -- she was of royal descent in the treatment we saw for her episode, but we haven't seen the actual episode yet. So if she's not actually a princess, then we just remove the royalty angle and establish some snotty high-class background for her and revise some details).

Superman accompanies Lobo to Maxima's world for the wedding rehearsal, where they meet Maxima and her parents (who to Superman's surprise actually seem pleased with the impending marriage). Lobo has other things to deal with, so he makes Superman stand in for him during the rehearsal while he fires (and violently ejects) the wedding orchestra and caterers before leaving. During the awkward proceedings, Superman tries to dissuade Maxima from marrying Lobo -- he's sure that Lobo's motives are financial, political and perhaps homicidal rather than romantic, but she takes his warnings as signs of his jealousy. When he tries to warn Maxima (and tells her about Lobo's seedy and murderous past and character) she mistakes his concern it for mad jealousy, further complicating the proceedings. Before heading to the bachelor party, Lobo fires Maxima's wedding orchestra (actually, he dismisses them in a much more physical manner) and calls on a bar band he wants to have take their place. The band owes him a favor, he didn't kill them once when they screwed up a request of his. Just the drummer. And who cares about drummers, anyway?

Lobo returns, and they leave for his impromptu bachelor party, where Superman suffers through alien exotic dancers, slob biker aliens and thugs, and nothing edible in sight. He tries to get the inebriated Lobo (obviously he can't be a "drunk" because of this being a kiddie book) to admit that the wedding is a con and a sham, but Lobo won't answer. Instead he instigates a bar brawl, which Superman is dragged into in true Hollywood style. After mopping up, Lobo realizes they've got to leave for the wedding, and he yanks a bouncer's nosering out as a wedding ring before hopping on his bike.

The wedding, of course, is a disaster. Superman cannot get Maxima to see reason, she wants Superman to admit his obvious ardor for her, and Lobo is acting as if he's at a hockey game where they're out of beer. Outside the palace the citizenry are threatening a riot if the wedding takes place, security is tight in the hall, and most of the guests are terrified. The ceremony begins, but Superman objects during the pronouncements, which almost leads to a fight between him and Lobo. The fight doesn't take place however, as several of Maxima's fervent ex-suitors attack Lobo. Which is when the replacement band reveals themselves to be criminals out for revenge on Lobo. And when members of the royal palace spring their coup attempt on Maxima and her parents!

All heck breaks loose as Superman, Lobo and Maxima fend off their various attackers in a wild fight, after which we learn that Maxima agreed to marry “the Lobo” ("a repulsive and filthy commoner") in order to drive Superman insanely jealous to the point where he'd reveal his feelings for her. Maxima's parents reveal that they only went along with the wedding in an attempt to flush out the coup attempt. And Lobo admits he was going to use the marriage to take over their planet and "do crazy stuff with it that would cause a lot of damage to the galaxy".

Maxima wants Superman to marry her, which her parents approve of right before they order Lobo to remove himself from the planet under threat of death. Superman makes good his escape, along with Lobo, who leaves peacefully, amazingly enough. It seems Lobo's plan backfired, because he actually fell hard for Maxima after seeing her in action during the melee.  Superman, sensing a triangle he wants no part of, leaves the heartbroken alien to his thoughts...which happen to be about taking his anger out on the closest moon full of goons.