FAILED-PROJECT FRIDAY: An ill-fated all-ages comic pitch from 2007, part 2! (Patreon)

[Here's a link to part 1 of this two-part post, folks.]

So! A few years after 2005's miniseries Iron Man: Hypervelocity, I was given an opportunity to pitch for a four-issue arc of Marvel's all-ages title Iron Man Adventures. As was usual then and now for my sporadic brushes with the mainstream, nothing came of the proposal; alas, I no longer recall which writer actually wound up with the gig. (Fred Van Lente, maybe?)

Note #1: I'm not sure if the pitch required the clarifying "moral" riffs after each story idea, or if I was adding those bits as an "all-ages" affectation.

Note #2: I attached the Hypervelocity issue #1 cover rough above as a generic image to accompany this text piece, though I should probably clarify that the pitch that follows would obviously have used more conventional Iron Man armor designs (and, well, would definitely not have featured a sadistic, potty-mouthed, tatted 'n' pierced upload like Hypervelocity's virtual villainess "Absynthe," as seen at upper right).

IRON MAN ADVENTURES

A four-issue proposal by Adam Warren

Okay. The concept, here, is WAY-over-the-top action with a strong high-tech flavor (but avoiding use of my beloved technojargon, which seems to confuse some older comics readers even more than the young). Much as I loved Iron Man as a kid, I still thought the book was way too stodgy, stilted, and stinting with the action... You can’t have too many wild action setpieces or too many crazy ideas in an Iron Man book, IMHO, even one for a younger audience.

Given my distrust of most American artists’ abilities to depict action sequences, I’d probably want to do prelims or layouts for the book (but NOT like the ultratight IRON MAN: HYPERVELOCITY layouts, needless to say). While keeping the storytelling clear and legible as possible, I’d still like to see some high energy and heavy-duty dynamism in the visuals; the artwork on all too many “adventure-style” books seems blah and wishy-washy, alas. There’s nothin’ blah about how, say, the great Bruce Timm does his comics work... but too many of his imitators lose out on his work’s crazed energy.

Next up are the four issues’ synopses (UPDATE: Or, here, issues #3 and #4)... gotta say that #4’s prolly the weakest, and most likely to be changed. Well, lemme know what you think.

ISSUE #3

Tony Stark and his assistant Pepper, along with a host of dignitaries, business types and scientists, travel to a research facility to attend a demonstration of a Radical New Power Source, Which Could Solve All of Mankind’s Energy Needs, Etc. However, the Formerly Disgruntled Scientist (“Bitter about my lack of recognition? Of course not, Tony!”) who’s demonstrating the supposed new technology turns out to still be Still Disgruntled As Heck... To get revenge on all the Fools Who Doubted Him, the Scientist has instead created the fearsome, electrified energy beastie “Zzzax,” which he unleashes (from the Power Source’s fake “reactor”) upon the assembled crowd of Doubting Fools.

The bestial, only semi-sentient Zzzax rampages electrically amongst the fleeing masses; a surreal touch is added by the fact that it partially absorbs the personalities of its victims (as it feeds on the human brain’s electrical patterns), including the hapless Disgruntled Scientist and  Pepper... So poor ol’ Zzzax winds up flailing wildly around the research facility as the now-literal “voices in its head” scream and argue and babble for control. In the confusion, Tony summons the Iron Man armor (via his trusty cell phone, natch), climbs into the suit and blazes into action against the electrical beastie. Fun stuff: in addition to its usual zapping and flying tricks, Zzzax evades IM by constantly leaping into the facility’s electrical system and instantly reforming itself elsewhere in the building (say, emerging from a light socket behind IM). Tony has to hastily destroy all the outgoing electrical lines just to keep it trapped within the facility...

An attempt to absorb Zzzax’s energy into the armor’s power supply fails dramatically, leaving Iron Man badly damaged. To finish off the beastie, Tony winds up having to appeal to the trapped personalities of Disgruntled Scientist and Pepper, squabbling within Zzzax’s electrified matrix... They cooperate (with some difficulty) to cage Zzzax within the only thing that can contain it: the fake “reactor” that initially housed it.

Moral: Importance of working together? Tony should’ve been nicer to the Disgruntled Scientist in the first place? Tony said something dismissive to Pepper, who Shows Him and helps save the Day? It’s not All About You, Selfish Disgruntled Scientist  Guy?

ISSUE #4

The shadowy Ghost, a stealth-cybersuited and politically radical saboteur of high technology in general, sets his sights on Stark Industries, on a night where Tony Stark, Pepper and other employees (James Rhodes, perhaps?) are working late to prepare a delivery of an exotic prototype... Namely, a truly gigantic, armored “hovertank” platform, designed to serve as a mobile base for long-range missile fire, like a land or sea-surface equivalent of a ballistic-missile submarine. Peeper is highly dubious about the project, as is Tony himself... but hey, the military wanted to waste their money on the stupid thing, so why not build it? The Ghost phases into the facility, hacks into the Stark Industries’ computers controlling the hovertank, and sends the monster on a disastrous path through the factory and out into the city (suburbs?) and countryside.

Fun stuff: The Ghost fires off a salvo of the hovertank’s missiles, which travel way too fast to Iron Man to catch... So Tony has to jump onto an unfired missile, magnetically adhere his boots to it, and then launch himself after the departing missiles, effectively “rocket-surfing” along as he gets close enough to zap the other missiles with his repulsors. IM rocket-surfs back to the hovertank, slams his board/ missile into its side, and continues the fight. Wackiness ensues as IM and the elusive Ghost duel aboard the hovertank, each seizing control of its systems (and exotic weaponry) only temporarily before losing control to the other in a series of increasingly insane counters and reverses... while the hovertank careens wildly across the landscape, doing spectacular (but not scary or threatening!) damage where possible.

In the end, Iron Man prevails over the Ghost, but is forced to self-destruct the hovertank platform in the process... which is what the Ghost wanted in the first place, of course. Dang it all! But, as we wrap things up, Tony and the others agree that disposing of this lucrative but dubious boondoggle of a project was almost certainly for the best...

Yes, kids, the moral is, don’t bilk the government out of millions and/ or billions for something you don’t believe in, which is a lesson of great relevance for all of us. (Or maybe not.) Well, perhaps I can think of something else...

Wellp, that's it for my ill-fated Iron Man Adventures pitch, dear Patrons. Next month on Failed-Project Friday, I'll likely post something more substantial, such as my luckily rejected Vertigo-line proposal(!), my not-bad Tomb Raider miniseries pitch, or maaaaaybe my way-too-ambitious long-term Iron Man plans, of which the Hypervelocity miniseries would've been only the first of three arcs. Golly!

NEXT TIME ON THIS HERE PATREON: Not sure what's coming up in next Monday's slot, TBH. Could be the final version of the nightmarish double-page spread from The Chaste and the Chained, which I'm frantically grinding away at today in a desperate effort to wrap up the g-d thing during the month of June (technically); or maybe the afterword from Empowered vol.12 I mentioned yesterday, though that's somewhat dependent on me hearing back from someone; or maybe I'll start cranking through regular features like Vintage Con Sketches or Life Drawing or Distressed Damsels. 

Let's find out together, dear Patrons, unless you're cancelling your pledge today; in that case, well, you can check out the upcoming July 3 post in some future month if you ever decide to re-up. I've already noted an unusually large number of cancellations of late—including a few from long-timers, which seems ominous. (Oh, well.)