Split (Patreon)

Here is a story that I wrote and sent through to some friends for comment.  Erin thought it was too short, and it is true that I wanted the switch to be more gradual.  Bu is the old story - the love interest turns up and everything accelerates.  Bron said that she needed to re-read it to understand what had just happened, so I suppose it should stay short.  Do any of my silent patrons have a view on this?