Thank you. (Patreon)

So I finally reached out to a psychologist to get some help for my mental health and get an official diagnosis/evaluation ! : ) 

It's been a long time of me trying to start the process of getting help for my mental health issues, but I'd tend to not follow through with things... I'd become scared, anxious, and even embarrassed talking to people on the phone about it. 

(I did not follow through)

I'd flip between finding a therapist and finding a psychologist/psychiatrist for an evaluation. It was overwhelming. A lot of phone calls, long drives to clinics in other cities, and paperwork filling, all for it to typically end in a dead-end.... It's difficult to get quicker and proper support when you're broke... My success rate was not very high!!!!

The first time I tried getting an evaluation was years ago. It took a lot for me to tell the person on the phone signing me up that I was signing up to get an evaluation for what I believed I had. I had put in a lot of research and had help from friends looking for these clinics and seeing if they could help... so I had hope!!!!! But when it was time..... I found out they didn't do evaluations.

Come to find out the price tag to these referrals I felt hopeless again.... I did cry.. a lot... for a long time. Even when I got the courage some months ago to try again, they said the wait time to see their only psychiatrist would be a year or more. I was devastated and didn't follow through again. Because of my mental health and possible mental illnesses, I couldn't focus on anything, I slept all the time, I wallowed in my loneliness, I didn't believe in myself or imagine a brighter future, I was scared of everything and everyone, and worst of all.... My passion for art started to chip away. 

In the end.... that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Art has always been my biggest love, the reason for me to keep going, what gives me the most confidence, my "smoke break" when I'm stressed out. Feeling my mental health slowly taking that away from me was the most terrifying thing of all. 

And because of YOU, the person reading this, I was finally able to feel more sure and have courage again in my latest attempt. I called 2 weeks ago while parked in my car and got in touch with a psychologist and finished my two appointments recently. 

Sometimes I wonder if I express enough how grateful I am for your support. 

I get emotional often thinking that so many people support me so much. I've cried about it and am crying as I type this. I really owe it all to you, the fact that I can afford to do something I cried for many years thinking will forever be unattainable. 

Mental health help IS a luxury for us who are not wealthy enough, and I hate that it is because wow I cannot stress enough how surreal it feels to actually be able to get the support I needed. It was hard! It was so much work! And it was and will continue to be a long journey! I keep wondering if this is a dream! But it's really important to get help... especially in these dark times. This means a lot to me.

Thank you thank you thank you

and thank you again if you got this far lol!! I feel a little embarrassed talking about all this, but I don't regret it because I really want to express my gratitude to you. 

I hope you guys had an excellent month! Remember, valentine's day isn't just for lovers, its for everyone you love... friends, family members, pets <3 So don't feel lonely, we can be single together <3 <3 <3