[TB] TWILIGHT -- Chapter 12 (Patreon)

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“I want you to check near the ShadowClan border today,” Brackenfur meowed. He was chewing on the bones of his breakfast, a chaffinch that had still been meaty despite the icy cold weather of the past moons. “That old Twoleg nest hasn't been fully investigated, and warriors reported that it had a garden.”

“Of course,” Shadepool agreed. “I can do that.” Her stomach was snarling for a meal, but after being so thoroughly chastised yesterday, she was reluctant to leave the confines of the medicine cat cave. However, the prospect of finding herbs in the old Twoleg garden was far too good an opportunity to ignore, punishment or not.

Brackenfur turned a sharp eye onto Shadepool. “Don't linger by the borders, remember,” he said sternly. “Your escort will tell me.”

Shadepool hunched her shoulders. Frustration prickled her pelt as she felt like a new 'paw again. “Yes, Brackenfur.”

His gaze softened, just a touch. “It's not just because of your punishment, you know - did you notice the ShadowClan warriors at the last Gathering?”

Shadepool tilted her head. “No, I didn't,” she admitted.

“Not surprising, considering,” Brackenfur mused, his tail twitching. “But a few of their warriors boasted new wounds - superficial, largely, but Littlecloud had treated them, and they were quite recent - more recent than the battle on the moorland.

Brackenfur pulled a feather from his breakfast. “I didn't get the chance to ask about it, but something is happening over there, and you know how prickly ShadowClan cats are - we don't need to annoy them, not when WindClan is already breathing down our necks.”

Shadepool blinked in surprise and felt a slight twinge of guilt. Littlecloud and Brackenfur had been close since they were young, and she knew that if he could have, Brackenfur would have aided him without a second thought - but ShadowClan was proud and stubborn. The last Gathering hadn't afforded any cat a chance to socialize, and even if it had, Shadepool couldn't imagine Russetstar approving of Littlecloud babbling ShadowClan secrets to Brackenfur.

“I wish he would come to us if he needed something,” Shadepool lamented. “He knows he can.”

“I know,” Brackenfur sighed, his gaze clouded with worry, “but ShadowClan is ShadowClan, and they have always preferred to settle matters themselves. StarClan willing, it was something like a fox, and it was driven away, but we'd best not take the risk until we know for sure.”

Brackenfur waved a paw at her. “Go on, now. No time to lose! We've no idea how long this thaw will last.”

Shadepool nodded, and, with reluctance, she left Brackenfur in the cave to tend to his daily duties.

She passed the lichen barrier that separated the medicine cats from the rest of camp and hesitated as she looked out at the clearing. The dawn light felt warmer, the ground beneath her paws just slightly softer. Cinderpelt complained of mud as she and her hunting patrol ducked through the thorn tunnel, and Dustpelt looked over the barrier for any weakness, touching noses with his mate as she padded by.

Shadepool couldn't see Tinystar and guessed that he was in his den in the Highledge - a small blessing if he was managing to sleep. She didn't know if she could face him this morning, and when she closed her eyes, she saw his exasperated face. Guilt pressed down on her belly.

I was doing the right thing! she told herself - but, unusually, a quiet voice pointed out, He was so worried about you. You hurt his feelings.

Shadepool buried a whimper in her chest. She really didn't want to think of Brackenfur's words from the night before, or how sharply they seemed to stick. She had never in her life felt that doing the right thing could make her a selfish cat.

She swallowed and felt for Nightfrost - only to quail when she felt nothing at all. The thorns she had woven were tight and strong, and she couldn't even feel a whisper of where her littermate was anymore, not to mention she had no idea how he was feeling. The complete absence of him made her legs quiver.

I've never felt so alone in my life.

“Shadepool,” a voice mewed, “are you alright? You look ill.”

Shadepool exhaled, pulling herself out of her own mind. Sorreltail was standing a pace away, her white coat gleaming from a fresh groom and her head tilted in concern.

“I-I'm fine,” Shadepool insisted. She waved her tail and offered, “Just hungry.”

It wasn't a lie, and it seemed to work. Sorreltail blinked, and her worry fled. She waved her dappled tail and mewed, “Mistyfoot told me I'm helping you out today - whatever you need, I'm yours!” Playfully, she added, “I'll even catch you breakfast!”

Shadepool twitched her whiskers, her pelt prickling. How had Mistyfoot learned of Shadepool's punishment? Nightfrost?

No, it was probably Brackenfur, she reasoned to herself. Nightfrost hadn't even heard of Shadepool's punishment and, with the barrier between them, wouldn't even have a clue of what it was.

“Drew the short stick today, then?” Shadepool guessed blithely. No warrior ever wanted to dirty their paws with medicine cat grunt work.

“I volunteered, actually,” Sorreltail answered, sounding awkward. She flicked an ear, glancing at the cats gathered in the clearing for patrol assignments. “All this extra training is so much - I kind of wanted to do something different.”

Shadepool dipped her chin in understanding. Every cat was no doubt filled with anxiety about the looming threat of WindClan; it was no surprise that someone might want to take a break from the patrols and drills. It would be worth a quiet walk through the territory to put a mind at ease.

A look at Sorreltail made it clear something else was on the older she-cat's mind, and Shadepool wondered what it was. She followed her Clanmate's gaze to the crowd and spotted Sun amongst the warriors waiting for their duties.

As if sensing that she was being looked at, Sun turned her head over her shoulder and grinned at Sorreltail, whose expression shifted to worry, which Shadepool had not expected.

Not for the first time, Shadepool wished she understood her Clanmates as well as she had understood Nightfrost.

“We should go, then,” Shadepool decided. It would be best to put Sorreltail's mind elsewhere as soon as possible. “No time to lose, and I'm starving!”

———————————————————

The two she-cats headed out into the forest side by side. Quickly, Sorreltail caught sight of a squirrel and, with a mighty leap, pulled it down from a tree trunk. After her killing bite and prayer to StarClan, she turned to Shadepool, offering the fresh-kill with a nudge of her muzzle.

Shadepool was about to take it, but deep in her ear fur, she heard another rustle. Bunching her hindquarters, she bounded forward and planted her paws upon a shrew that had been snuffling in the wet mulch. She killed it quickly and lifted her head to a surprised Sorreltail.

“I keep forgetting that you went on that journey,” Sorreltail admitted. “It's so weird!”

Shadepool purred in amusement and tossed her shrew at Sorreltail. It landed with a plop beside her Clanmate's squirrel, and Shadepool pulled herself out of the undergrowth to regroup around their meal, shaking her pelt of dampness.

“Medicine cats can hunt,” Shadepool reminded her. “There's no rule forbidding that!”

“I guess,” Sorreltail agreed. She took a bite of the squirrel and remarked, “This thaw has the prey going wild! Newleaf might really be right around the corner.”

“I hope so,” Shadepool breathed. “I'm so tired of snow!”

“Me, too!”

The two she-cats ate as the sun rose, listening to the chatter of birdsong and feeling the warmth on their pelts as they quickly washed. Sorreltail was right, Shadepool reflected - the forest's creatures seemed to think that newleaf was right around the corner, and they might just be right. The surest way to know, though, would be by the plants.

So, after burying their prey, they headed deeper into their territory. Shadepool searched each spot she and Brackenfur had pinned down as a possible location for herbs - largely, she found nothing, as the snow was still burying most of the plants, but here and there she was able to see evidence of new growth, and, with Sorreltail's help, was able to clear the new plants a space to flourish.

As they worked, Shadepool kept a running tally of the plants she'd found - juniper near the birch by the hollow, a big dock plant between two beeches, a blackberry vine, some borage that needs trimming, burdock and coltsfoot and comfrey and mallow and...

They wound their way down to the lake and then up again, heading for the training glade. Shadepool knew that Brackenfur would be happy to hear that just about everything she had found was alive and healthy, ready for newleaf - but the Twoleg nest might hold some important plants they were still missing.

“I don't know how you can keep all this in your head,” Sorreltail sighed. “I can barely remember the difference between some trees!”

Shadepool felt a prickle of pride. “It gets easier the longer you do it,” she said. “Just like anything else.”

The two reached the glade, a small treeless spot reminiscent of the old hollow in the forest where ThunderClan cats had trained for generations. It's flat ground would be soft and grassy come newleaf, with lots of shade, some rocks and trees for climbing practice, and plenty of space to maneuver.

There were cats there already, watched over by Mistyfoot's sharp blue gaze. It looked like a mock battle, with cats huddled on each side and a stick in the middle. Shadepool tilted her head, spotting her brother among the fighters.

“Yeah, well, I'd rather remember that,” Sorreltail decided, nodding at the other warriors. “This is something that I understand!”

At Mistyfoot's yowl, the two sides surged forward, each trying to claim the stick. There were some minor skirmishes, and it was over quickly, but it looked like Nightfrost's team had won, and he presented the stick to Mistyfoot proudly, a gleam in his eye.

Shadepool stepped away, pelt prickling uncomfortably. “We should keep going,” she muttered. “Daylight's burning.”

Sorreltail mumbled, “Right...”

They began heading for the Twoleg den, the mood quiet and somewhat sour. Shadepool did bother identifying what plants she could, but at the moment, she wasn't letting them stick in her mind. She felt the thorns there, pricking at her, and she wanted nothing more than for them to stop. It was like an itch that she couldn't scratch.

“It's so weird that you two aren't getting along,” Sorreltail said, drawing up to Shadepool's shoulder. “You were always so close. What happened? Did Nightfrost do something?”

Shadepool grimaced. How could she possibly explain to Sorreltail? There was no way, not without revealing Crowflight's involvement. If there were one thing she would protect with all her heart, it was their relationship - it was all she had in this prickly, thorny world she lived in now.

“Is it because of Mistyfoot?” Sorreltail edged.

Shadepool froze and stared at her Clanmate.

Her expression must've been shocking, as Sorreltail took a step back and insisted, “W-We don't have to talk about it! Sorry!”

Instantly, Shadepool somehow felt worse. She shook her head and said, “It's alright, Sorreltail. Sorry.” Feeling like she was about to throw up her shrew, she admitted, “It... It is about Mistyfoot.” She frowned. “Kind of.”

“Do you... not like Mistyfoot?” Sorreltail sounded confused. “I thought you three were friends after that journey.”

“I don't not like Mistyfoot,” Shadepool corrected quickly. “I just-” She stumbled over her words, unsure. She stared at Sorreltail, knowing that her Clanmate was judging her right now but unaware how, and that was threatening to spiral her mind into oblivion.

Sorreltail tilted her head. “You... You don't like that she's taking Nightfrost away from you. Is that it?”

Shadepool felt the shrew in her throat again, stuck tight. She could only nod.

“Oh, Shade,” Sorreltail murmured. “That's okay.” She came forward and licked Shadepool around the ear, and in the face of her sympathy, Shadepool went rigid.

“Is it?” Shadepool managed. “He likes her so much, and yet the thought...”

“You're both not kits anymore,” Sorreltail pointed out. “Trust me, it's weird watching your littermates go off and do things you wouldn't or can't - especially after spending so much time together. But just because you two are growing up doesn't mean you're growing apart. You can live your own lives and still be friends.”

Shadepool stared helplessly at the older she-cat. There was so much that Sorreltail didn't understand about the whole situation, but her words felt good to hear, and Shadepool found she could sense the empathy in them. Sorreltail was trying, and Shadepool, tired of fighting, decided to let it in, let it warm her heart.

“He still loves you,” Sorreltail promised, “but he can love her too, you know? You both want what's best for each other.”

“W-We do.” Shadepool's breath hitched. “I-I know,” she whispered. She blinked up at Sorreltail and asked, “How...?”

Sorreltail shrugged. “I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. That's all.”

“Sun?” Shadepool guessed.

Sorreltail twisted her tail. “Yeah,” she admitted. “I love Sun, I know that - but lately when I look at her, I just wonder...”

Shadepool leaned in, her pelt tingling. “Wonder what?” There had been clues, sure, but love? How had she missed this?

I really have been so inwardly focused, haven't I?

Sorreltail heaved a sigh. “I just wonder if she did the right thing, y'know? Leaving her Tribe, I mean. With everything going on with WindClan, I don't want her to get hurt - Sootfur and Rainwhisker think I'm being mouse-brained, but I can't help but wonder if she has any idea what she's gotten herself into with us.”

“I see,” Shadepool mumbled. The thorns itched at her mind, and once again Shadepool wished she could reach out and truly understand her Clanmate - but there was no way to do that, and her Clanmates certainly didn't possess such powers and made do.

“I don't want to tell her to go back to the mountains,” Sorreltail went on. Her tail curled. “But I just wonder if she's only here for me.”

“I doubt that,” Shadepool assured. She put a paw atop Sorreltail's, and mewed, “I did know Sun a little before you met her - she was always asking the others about Clan life, always wanting to know what else was out there.”

Sorreltail's eyes lit up, and Shadepool couldn't help it: “Sun might've joined any of the Clans, but she picked ThunderClan, and I think that might've been because she liked the cats in it and thought that they could be her new Tribe. I think Sun knows what she's done, Sorreltail, and she knows why she's done it. You two aren't kits anymore, either.”

Sorreltail's eyes shimmered, and she sniffled. “Don't flip my words like that!” she complained good-naturedly. “It's not fair!”

Shadepool purred. “Love isn't always fair,” she decided, feeling something settle in her stomach. The thorns unclenched, just a little. “But you love Sun, and Nightfrost loves Mistyfoot, and... And we're just both going to have to accept that!”

Sorreltail heaved another sigh, and it looked like something had lifted from the young warrior's shoulders. She licked a paw and drew it over her ear to clear the air.

“Thanks, Shadepool,” she mewed. “Y'know, for a medicine cat, you know a surprising amount about love.”

Shadepool gave her a thin smile, feeling a slight sting from her words, one that Sorreltail definitely didn't intend. She got to her paws and, as briskly as she could, insisted, “We need to keep going. Brackenfur will rake my ears if he finds out we've been gossiping all day.”

Sorreltail nodded in agreement and led the way, pushing through the dripping undergrowth toward the Twoleg nest. Shadepool followed a pace behind, not wanting Sorreltail to see that her tail was low.

I have to accept it, she thought firmly. Nightfrost loves Mistyfoot, and that's okay.

Bitterness crept into her mouth like bile.

I just wish it were so okay for Crowflight and I to be together.